Chapter 28: Slowly Healing
Belvedere Villa, Prosecco, Trieste, Italy
May 28, 1986
Sirius Black smiled as he watched the two boys splash each other in the shallow beach waters of the Adriatic Sea. It was after dinner last night when Arcturus Black had arrived with Leo and Harry in tow. He had surprised Sirius with his visit and had informed him that he thought Sirius might be up for keeping the two boys for the weekend. Sirius was elated. He had feared that he might never get to spend real quality time with his son and his godson.
He ached a little watching the two of them. So much time had been lost. He had spent too long in Azkaban and they had been growing. He had known that while housed in that horrible place, but now the reality was truly staring him in the face. Leonis was six years of age and Harry would be turning six in July.
He could not stop thinking of Regulus as he watched Leonis. His son had Reggie's mannerisms. He had admitted to Sirius that he was a magical sensitive, that it had been confirmed by healers. Though the boy shared some of his looks and some of Olivia's, he really looked more like Regulus. Harry resembled James to such a degree that it was heartbreaking for Sirius. Those bits of him that didn't look like James, looked like Lily and it doubly broke his heart.
He was still mourning for his friends, the healers told him that he would always mourn them but that he had not properly mourned them during his time in Azkaban. Now he was free to mourn them and he was. Some nights he awoke in tears and he would scream and rail against the night, against the unfairness of having lost so much. He was not just mourning James and Lily, there was Regulus to mourn as well and he still wanted revenge. It burned in him. He needed revenge for Reggie and revenge for James.
What he needed right now though was in front of him. His two boys playing in the surf. Their happy laughter was an unexpected balm for his soul that he welcomed. He didn't deserve it, this happiness, this soothing calm, and swelling of love in his chest that he felt when the two boys laughed or when one of them smiled at him. He didn't deserve it, but he had rarely let himself care about such things. He was a selfish creature and there was no hiding it any longer.
He couldn't have Regulus back and he couldn't have James back. He had never really deserved them in the first place. He didn't deserve the love that these two boys were beginning to give him, but he would spend the rest of his life trying to be deserving of it.
'Please let my efforts be enough,' Sirius thought as he slowly sat himself down in a garden chair to watch the boys.
Harry had been a chatter box thus far. He had been all too happy to tell Sirius tales of his life with his aunt Petunia, his uncle Marius, and his cousin Dudley. Sirius still had not pieced together just how Lily's Muggle sibling had managed to find herself divorced from Vernon Dursley and married to his own Great-Uncle Marius Black. He would have to eventually corner Petunia and convince her to tell him the story. Whatever had motivated Petunia to divorce Vernon in favor of Marius, Sirius had to admit that he was happy for it. He remembered Vernon Dursley as an angry man who could not take a joke. He had sneered at anyone magical. He had feared for Harry to grow up in such a home. The guards at Azkaban had been all too happy to tell him that Harry had ended up with Petunia, but they had never bothered to mention her divorce from the magic hating Muggle.
Harry's relationship with Petunia's son fascinated him. He had thought that Dudley would come to envy Harry for being magical, but Harry and Leo had laughed at him when he had tried to gently express his concerns.
"Dudley had his first bout of accidental magic when we were four," Leonis had informed him while Harry continued to giggle.
Sirius had been unable to understand why it was so funny until Leo had gone on to explain, while fighting giggles himself, that Dudley's first bout of accidental magic had been making a slice of apple pie fly off the plate and into the face of Grandma Irma."
Sirius had been unable to stop the laughter then. Irma Black nee Crabbe was his maternal Grandmother and she was a generally disagreeable woman. Long ago he and Regulus used to speculate that their own mother was so strange and hurtful due to Irma's influence.
"She wanted to punish Dudley," Harry had said once his laughter had sobered some. "She was really quite furious. Auntie Walburga was angry too. But Aunt Petunia would not hear of harm coming to Dudley for what was an accident, and Lord Black agreed with her."
Leonis had smiled then. "Grandpa Arcturus was very pleased that Dudley proved to be a Wizard. He sat Dudley down beside him for the rest of dinner and he gave him extra sweets."
Harry had laughed again then. "Dudley told me later that all of the sweets had an apple filling."
Harry had gone on to tell him about how Dudley and he were in the same classes at the Muggle School that they attended. Sirius honestly, didn't understand why Harry and Dudley were being forced to attend a Muggle School when they were Wizards but apparently Petunia had insisted and Marius had agreed with the idea. Apparently, Marius felt that Dudley and Harry would benefit from both a Muggle and a Wizarding Education. Sirius didn't understand why, but he could admit that there was much he didn't know about the Muggle World. Perhaps with this dual education Harry and Dudley would be able to move seamlessly in both worlds.
Harry had also spoken a great deal about a girl whom he had befriended at his Muggle School. The interesting part was that the girl, who if Harry could be believed was the smartest in the class, was a Witch. The curious part was that the girl did not know it. Her parents seemed to be Muggles so she was a Muggle-born. Her name was Hermione Granger and she was Harry's best friend next to Leonis and Draco.
That Draco Malfoy was one of Harry Potter's best friends still had the power to make Sirius chuckle. James was surely rolling over in his grave at the very thought of his only son being friends with the only son of Lucius Malfoy. Yet, Sirius approved of Draco. He remembered the kindness the boy had shown him at his trial and release. Both Leonis and Draco had curled around him to sleep that first night he was out of Azkaban. Both boys had been fiercely protective of him. Draco had reminded him of 'Cissa in those moments and how she used to mother him and Reggie when they were sick or hurt. Perhaps because Draco was more like 'Cissa James would rest in peace over his son's friendship. 'Cissa was the only one of their female cousins that James could ever stand for any length of time anyway.
Sirius had once accused James of having a crush on Narcissa. James had blushed and stammered insults to Sirius' intelligence. They had met Lily later that same month and James was utterly smitten with her from that moment forward. Sirius knew all about the legend that the Potter's always had a soulmate and usually found that soulmate while they were still young. He had seen it firsthand with James and Lily. Ever since Harry had told him about his friend, Hermione Granger, Sirius could not help but wonder if the girl was Harry's soulmate. Only time would tell. Harry was far too young for any signs to be obvious yet as to who his soulmate was. James had been eleven, with the magical maturity of a twelve-year-old when he met Lily. Harry was five years of age and he was not sure how to rank Harry's magic. Could a child that young have a magical ranking of any kind? He doubted it.
"Master Leonis, you must be coming in now," the voice of Leo's personal House-Elf, Kryn, startled Sirius out of his reverie.
He watched in amusement as Leonis looked to Kryn with a little pout forming on his lips, but to his surprise the boy did not attempt to mutiny. He slowly trudged away from the water through wet sand. Harry smiled at Leonis and began to follow. He watched as Harry caught up to Leo and said something to soft for him to hear. Whatever the green-eyed boy had said it had caused a small smile to curve the lips of the gray-eyed Leonis. That was something that Sirius had noticed about his son. His child's smile was usually a small tentative smile instead of one of the big grins that Sirius usually displayed. Even Olivia had smiled without reservation, but not Leonis. He wondered why his son's smiles were so reserved. He was sure that Cassiopeia was not abusing Leonis. Was it because the boy was magically sensitive? Hadn't Reggie been the same? Sirius was one of the few that could make Reggie smile brightly and without reservation, well he had been.
'Don't think on it,' he told himself. He was not trying to absolve his guilt over how he treated Regulus, not anymore. He was instead trying to come to terms with it. He needed to learn to forgive himself for what he had done in the folly of his youth and learn from it so he did not repeat the mistakes.
He watched as Dobby and Kryn used towels to dry off their charges. They could have snapped their fingers and boys would have been dry. This was something he knew from his childhood of Kreacher tending to him and Regulus. Yet Dobby and Kryn did not do so. Instead they were drying the boy's off carefully. It was affection, Sirius realized. The two Elves loved their young Masters, truly loved them, and so they took extra special care with them. Perhaps it was also due to a need of physical contact on part of the Elf with his Wizard. Did it rejuvenate the bond while the boys were too young to manage their power themselves? Perhaps. There was so much that Sirius didn't know. Regulus would have known. The thought saddened him. Regulus had been fascinated by all sorts of creatures and that had included their House-Elf. Kreacher was more Regulus's than he was their mothers by the time Sirius was thirteen.
He frowned then in thought. 'More Regulus's than mother's, could that be true? Was that why Kreacher was able to tell me a little bit about Regulus's death despite mother's desire that I know nothing?' Not for the first time he was grateful that Walburga Black was dead. He did not wish to speak to the harridan ever again.
Once he would have said that he never wanted to speak to anyone from the Black family ever again. Now, his perceptions were changing. He was still wary of his family. The rift between himself and the rest of the family was too great for him to just comfortably trust them. Never-the-less, it was his family that had pushed for his trial in the end and not the people that Sirius had put his faith in to see him safe.
Dumbledore had thought him guilty. It hurt, but Sirius could forgive the man for that. Dumbledore was not an all-knowing being. He was a Wizard, a powerful one, but not an all-knowing one. He had flaws like other Wizards. He could easily forgive Albus Dumbledore for not realizing the truth until it was shoved into his face. His trouble with his feelings toward Dumbledore now stemmed rather from his lack of a trial. Albus Dumbledore was the Chief of the Wizengamot. He knew that Sirius had not had a trial, had not been given his day in court. Dumbledore had let him waste away in Azkaban, and the fact that Sirius could not escape was that if his family had not pushed for their trial against the Department of Law then Sirius would still be rotting in Azkaban without that trial. The Chief of the Wizengamot would have been too happy to leave him there because he had believed that Sirius had done what he was accused of.
Sirius could not get over it, would never get over it. Dumbledore had often spoken of justice during Order meetings. What justice was there in not letting a man have a trial? Oh, he knew that it was not only Dumbledore who had let him down, but Dumbledore was different than Bartimius Crouch and the others. Bartimius Crouch had never set himself up as a fatherly or grandfatherly figure who always insisted on the right thing being done. Had Albus tried to get him a trial at all? He doubted it. The trial would have happened if Dumbledore had pushed for one.
He owed his freedom to a child's birthday wish. His grandmother, Melania, had told him of how Arcturus had asked Leonis what he wanted for his birthday and of how the child had declared that he wanted Sirius. Then had begun a war council, as Melania had called it, between Arcturus, Pollux, Marius, Malcolm and Olivia to determine how to get him out of Azkaban. That Lord and Lady Macmillan had a hand in the planning to see him released from Azkaban left him feeling uncomfortable.
He still loved Olivia.
The Dementors had stolen memories from him, fed upon him and stolen from him. He was somewhat grateful that they had stolen many of his memories of Olivia. He could not have her, he had known that before he had ever been incarcerated in Azkaban. Now, too many years had passed and that was good. It would keep him from being stupid, from doing something stupid. She was the mother of his son, he needed to attempt a good relationship with her and with Malcolm because that is what would be best for Leonis. He didn't want to see sadness in his son's gray eyes.
He had let Olivia go. He had pushed her away a long time ago, but he had never really let her go. Now, he paused and watched as Leonis and Harry began to make their way up the stone steps of the Villa to join him on the patio overlooking the sea. He watched Leonis speaking softly with Harry and how it made Harry laugh. Leonis looked pleased with himself when Harry laughed at his little joke. Sirius nodded once, decisive. 'You have to let her go because if you don't you will ruin everything,' he thought as he gazed upon his son and his god-son.
"Did you two enjoy yourselves?" Sirius asked as the two boys joined him.
Harry gave him a hug and smiled up at him. "Yeah, it was a lot of fun. I've never been to Italy before. Uncle Marius took us, well Dudley, and I to France before though. He does a lot of business for the family in France."
Sirius smiled at him. "I bet he does. Even Lord Black remains in France due to it being easier for him to deal with the family businesses."
"It's also his preference to remain removed from the politics of Wizarding Britain," Leonis admitted to Sirius. "It's why he leaves Grandpapa Pollux as his representative in the Wizengamot. Lord Black only shows up for the truly important events and votes."
Sirius chuckled. "I see he's started you early on politics."
Leonis winced. "Yes," he said softly. "I'm not very fond of politics."
"You and Draco are far better than I am at it," Harry said both encouraging Leonis and showing his own distaste for politics.
"Ah, well Draco is otherworldly," Leonis said with a laugh. "He and his cousin Aleksei both. They easily absorb what they learn."
Harry nodded. "Yeah, but Draco is sometimes brilliant in how he uses what he learns," Harry admitted with a bit of awe. "Like that time, he managed to use that combination of charm and political acumen to get us out of trouble when we were caught out of the playroom during the meeting of the Crones Council."
Sirius frowned at that. "Crones Council? What were you doing near the Crones?"
Leonis blinked in confusion for a moment and then seemed to realize that Sirius would not know about how active their family was in the Council of Crones. "Oh, well the meetings are hosted by a different lady each time the council meets," Leonis began.
"Aunt Cassie says that way it insures that no one lady can pretend to hold power over the others on the council," Harry explained.
Leonis nodded his agreement. "Yes, right. Well it was Aunt Cassiopeia's turn to be hostess. She's on the Crones Council, in the Maiden Group to be specific since she has never married nor had a child of her own. Cousin Callidora is also on the Council, she serves in the Crones group. Mother, Aunt Evelyn, and cousin Narcissa are also on the Council. They serve in the Mother's group."
Sirius fought hard against the urge to swear. His son was related to five of the thirteen women of the Crones Council. The Crones Council basically ruled over society. Their opinions were held in high regard and their likes and dislikes were carefully noted by shop keepers to determine what goods they should sell and what they should not. Women like Narcissa Malfoy, Evelyn Greengrass, and Olivia Macmillan were trend-setters. The society columns of magazines would be reporting on what shops they frequented, what goods they bought, what salons they frequented and where they chose to eat. Photos of the women at society galas would be spreads in the magazines showing off the beautiful gowns that they wore and the jewelry they chose to wear.
His son was already going to have a hard time since he was the Heir Black. That so many of their female relatives were part of the Crones Council had the potential to make life that much harder on his boy, on both boys. Harry would not escape unfazed either. He was already the Lord Potter, the last of his house. Sirius frowned at the thought. Who was acting as Harry's Regent in the Wizarding World? He felt shame sweep through him that it had only now occurred to him to wonder about Harry's well-being in this capacity. Petunia was perfectly capable of handling Harry's estate in the Muggle World but she was not capable in the Wizarding World. Who stood for House Potter on the Wizengamot?
He didn't realize that he had asked the question aloud until Harry answered, "Uncle Pollux does."
Sirius blinked a moment and thought about that. His maternal grandfather was not a man he would want as an enemy. He had already proven his worth to Sirius by the way he had blatantly insulted the Wizengamot while they were awaiting the Veritaserum at Sirius' own trial. He knew that Pollux could handle the position of Magical Regent for the House of Potter, but did he vote the way that the Potter's would prefer? He doubted it. Pollux had rarely paid any attention to James, although he had enjoyed political debates with Charlus Potter.
He could practically imagine some of the more conservative pro-light families gnashing their teeth in frustration that the Black family had gained the Regency over the Potter family. Charlus had always voted his conscience and had not let political affiliations of Light, Gray, or Black define him. Sirius had once thought that was foolish of Charlus. He had once thought that Charlus should vote pro-light, always pro-light. James had once agreed with him but then Charlus had died and James had not been willing to give up his job as Auror to take up his seat in the Wizengamot. Instead he had allowed Dumbledore to vote as the Proxy of the Potter Family. Sirius could only imagine how upset Dumbledore must have been when Petunia had stripped him of the Potter vote in favor of giving it to her new brother-in-law.
"We should get inside and change for dinner," Sirius said to the boys. "I know for a fact that Magda made chocolate cake to serve as a desert with dinner."
At this two sets of eyes lit up in delight. Sirius chuckled. Cake was a universal delight to all boys who had the blood of the Black family flowing in their veins. He watched as the boys scrambled into the house and he followed more sedately behind them.
When he entered his own bed chamber he noticed that a pair of comfortable clothes had been laid out for him for dinner wear. It was not very fancy, but still respectable for dinning in polite company. "Thank you, Tavy," he said when he noticed the House-Elf that his Grandfather had assigned to act as his personal Elf was still in the room finishing up another self-appointed task. Sirius was used to living alone and doing for himself from before his time in Azkaban. Due to that he had not actually given Tavy any orders. Instead he let the Elf do as he pleased.
Tavy looked at him with large blue eyes and smiled. "Tavy is happy to serve Master Sirius," he said. "I know you are still regaining strength. Tavy laid out comfortable clothes that would not aggravate Master to wear."
Sirius took his time to peruse the clothing and he smiled. A simple button up shirt made of soft silk and a pair of comfortable black cotton breeches that would not cling to him as he moved. "Thank you, Tavy, you chose well," he praised the House-Elf.
Sirius waited for Tavy to exit the room before he began to change out of his clothing and into his dinning attire. He looked in the mirror when he was done and felt pleased with himself. He was not as strong as he had been when he had entered Azkaban Prison, but he was getting better. He was perfectly healthy for a man of his weight and he had been putting on more weight under the steady care of his healers and house-keeper. Magda was a treasure. The Bulgarian born cook seemed to make it her personal mission to fatten him up.
He ran a comb through his hair and stared at his reflection in the mirror. His face was no longer sunken in, he no longer looked like a victim of inhuman crimes. Still it was there in his eyes, his blue eyes still held suffering and pain that few had ever had to endure. He was older, felt older, and it was there in his eyes. In his eyes, he looked far older than he was.
He had been saved due to a child's wish. The speed in which that 'War Council' had taken place though was startling. If his grandmother was to be believed they had begun to debate and plot right, then and there how to get him out of prison. Had they been preparing to somehow get him a trial even before Leonis made his wish aloud? The speed of which they made things happen suggested to Sirius that he was on the right track. If that was the case, then this was about more than a child's wish.
What did the Black Family want with him?
I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas, Happy New Years, and were safe and happy during the holiday season. As we can see, Sirius is healing from his time in Azkaban but it is still an ongoing process. In the next chapter we shall meet Hermione Granger! I hope everyone will enjoy it.
