Sakura gathered all her things into one backpack in less than 5 minutes. All she had worth taking home were her weapons, a shirt and some flowers she gathered for baths. That was all she owned and could be taken back home. She walked out with her backpack and trash and started taking down her tent. Nobody told them how the war ended but she later heard from Kakashi that they won an important fight south from their camp and managed to reach Sunagakure. The team was lead by no other than Yondaime himself. He gathered all the shinobi with experience, Inoichi, Fugaku, Choza, and other older clan leaders and together with some capable younger shinobi, they managed to reach the Sand village in one week. Nobody from their camp was told about that great plan, meaning none of the less important shinobi, like her, but Sakura was somehow not surprised to hear that the Kage moved his ass away from the village and did something. But then again, they fought for months and that kage managed to outsmart them in a week.
Upset is not really the right word to describe how she feels. If they would've done that from the beginning now she wouldn't have been a wretch of a shinobi. She got her ass kicked for months and on top of that the village taught her what mistakes are about and after all of that they just fucking came and won in a week. She never learned why the damn thing started in the first place and probably never will and now she is to learn that everything was for nothing. Just a hand of strong shonobi lead by the kage was enough to do what they couldn't. They had on their side powerful shinobi and it was still no match for the veterans. She feels cheated in many ways but nobody really cares for that.
With the tent down, Sakura took her wretched shirt, small soap and the leftovers she gathered for hungry days and walked to the trash bin. They won the war and she still has nothing. She cannot even feel victory. Probably very few can feel that taste as everyone is tired and left with no more fighting spirit.
With the things disposed of, Sakura went to the medical tent where she found Ino and Hinata already packing things up. She walked in silence inside and gathered all the files on an empty table. She was ordered to make sure all the files are in order and updated before she sends them back. It is an overhead to check for everything and she hates doing it on her own but those files are confidential and only doctors can have access to them. She has a list of all the shinobi in the camp and checking them one by one she will hopefully finish in the next 3 hours.
But it took her more than expected and she found herself left alone and with no tent above her head. In the evening, Sakura, watched by two shinobi, managed to finish checking everything up and completed all files. It took her 7 hours to finish and as soon as she did, the men took the files and left for Konoha. They didn't even thank her and didn't even wait for her to tell them she is done. The moment she stood, the approached the table and gathered everything.
She walked towards the campfire, watching everyone gathered there with drinks and some food. This relatively silent gathering is their celebration. People are just chatting and drinking, no music on the background and nobody dancing. Just talking.
Sakura nodded to herself that she doesn't want to be part of that so she went for a one last walk through the forest. She will surprisingly miss this forest, the scent and the green. She will also miss her baths here which were so pleasant and relaxing. And, she will miss the few meetings she had with Shisui here.
She sat on the shore and took off her sandals to relax her feet inside the river one last time. This place was her oasis and it is a shame she will not get to come here in the future. As far as she is concerned, she will focus on her career as a medic and give a break to her kunoichi side. For a while at least.
She feels empty. Everything feels like it was for nothing and victory has no taste at all. She never expected it to end like this; she really believed victory will feel like heaven but she was wrong. This war took away her chance to experience a normal life and although she still has time, she cannot enjoy life anymore. This life was just too cruel to her and she lost everything she ever was. The strength she gathered has no meaning anymore because there is no more war. Sakura stared at her reflection with emotionless eyes. Damn, she became less than human for nothing and now, now that that she finally goes home, she has nothing left. There is no more youth left in her to enjoy a cup of tee with friends.
"Don't look like that," Shisui said as he approached her. He can understand what is bothering her and although it is not his style to care, he kind of feels the same way as her. "Let's go home," he said and released her backpack next to her.
Sakura silently nodded and got up like an obedient girl. She stepped inside her shoes and grabbed her backpack, ready to head back to Konoha. She didn't question how he find her stuff; she herself forgot where she left her backpack. "Alone?" she asked as they started walking.
"We do not have orders to come together or be in the village tonight so it doesn't matter." He raised her chin and leaned in for a fast kiss. Their lips touched only for a few seconds and it was a soft kiss but it was enough to lift some doubts from their hearts.
What does the kiss mean? Sakura has no idea and she has problems reading his actions but she enjoyed the moment. His taste and scent were enough to motivate her to follow him back to the village. She would like to know more about him and spend more time together but she cannot be selfish. She will only take what he is willing to give. Even if that is crushing her a little.
"Got any plans for when we are back?" she asked from behind him.
Shisui licked his lips as he thought of an answer. The only plans he ever made were for missions. Other than that he never bothered to make plans for himself. He did whatever he was asked and he often trained with Itachi. His life before the war was dull and lacked a lot. He can say that his life got a lot better after he met Sakura and he finally has a reason to do stuff. Not that he would admit it out loud. Shisui didn't know the desire to wake up and sought after one person. He never knew that he could think so much of something other than his clan or village. Sakura was the first person to give meaning to the cherry blossoms and to the color green. He enjoys life at a different level now.
"No," he honesty replied with a heavy heart. Back in the village he will no longer have the freedom to taste the cherry blossom behind him. Shisui stopped and turned to face her. Sakura was checking their surroundings but calmly fixed her attention on him. Once back, they won't be able to be as they were in the camp. People will start noticing and they will not like it at all. "Nobody can know about us," he said and took a step closer to her. "You know this, right?"
Sakura knew it very well. She didn't think of it but she was aware that they wouldn't be meeting as they used to. Once back, they will have different responsibilities and schedules. "I won't talk about it," she nodded to him.
"Never tell your parents," he ordered on a stern voice. Imagine if her parents knew what he did with her. The last thing he wants is to go to prison for molesting her. Even if he knows she is not an innocent child, there are laws protecting her.
Her family would be disappointed and scared if they knew. Disappointed because she had no dignity and kneed before an older man to suck him and scared because they wouldn't know how to protect her. How can simple people protect her from a powerful clan that can erase anything in no time? It is funny how Shisui still doesn't understand that he is untouchable unless someone really wants to believe her and make things right. But she doesn't long for protection but for a rough man to keep her alive. As far as she is concerned, Shisui has no faults. "Is that all?" She snorted and attempted to walk past him.
Shisui grabbed her elbow and stopped her from leaving. "This is a serious matter."
"Yes, I know but we can drop it because I won't talk about it," she answered, irritation clear in her voice. She is not a child to brag about what she did. It is not even something she wants people to know.
Shisui nodded and released her arm. They walked again in silence, Sakura feeling her chest heavy. There could be many things that bother her. One of them is her uncertain relationship with Shisui. Another one is the fact that she will shortly see her parents again and she has no idea how to act. And finally, the mystery around this war is unsettling her.
"What was the point of this war?" she asked assuming that Shisui knows.
"I have no idea," he answered right away.
"Do you think Yondaime started it?" she insisted.
Shisui stopped again and turned to face her. "How about you use that mouth on something else?" he hissed and pined her to a tree. He hungrily captured her lips in a deep kiss.
He feels many things and among them, frustration is most predominant. They informed him about Yondaime's plan to infiltrate with a few selected ones in Suna no Kuni and he patiently waited for everything to end. He just didn't know the end would feel so unsatisfying. The thought of going home was nice but now he understands how much freedom he will lose.
Sakura watched the door with a pit in her stomach. She has been standing in front of it for the last five minutes, trying to imagine the meeting with her family. They travelled all night, maybe took a break for some sexual release, and once they found themselves inside Konohagakure, Shisui told her to take care and left her to find her way to her parents. Barely 7 in the morning, the village was quiet and the streets were almost empty. She met nobody she knew and when she stepped in front of the door, she froze there completely lost. All she ever wanted was to be back home and now that she is there, she cannot find the courage to step inside.
She heard sounds coming from behind the door, a chair being pulled, a plate being set on the table, sounds she hasn't heard since last year. She was not gone for more than 9 months and yet she feels like it has been forever. Her vocabulary feels extremely thin and she doesn't know how to start the conversation. Another chair was heard and she knew both her parents were up and taking breakfast. She smiled realizing that two chairs mean two parents alive.
With great care not to make a sound, Sakura reached the handle and pushed it down. She stepped inside with ease, almost alarmed to realize how anyone could've walked inside and hurt her parents. Sakura made sure to arrange her shoes and as she got up she couldn't help but feel trapped, or better said, it felt like the cell she was kept in for 10 days. The hall is narrow and dark and the light at the end of it remembers her of prison. Sakura took in a deep breath, trying her best to calm down her heart and convince herself that this is nothing but her imagination. Their house was always small and crowded but it felt perfect before war. Now she has to get used to it once more.
The kunoichi clenched tight her fists and took small steps towards their living room. That is right, if this were a cell she wouldn't freely move around without someone trying to stop her. Her parents never touched her when she was naughty so she can trust them. The village on the other hand, did nothing but beat and burry her alive. She might feel trapped but she is safe.
Her parents were chatting about the weather while enjoying some homemade breakfast: rice, miso and fish. Her stomach knotted at the sight of food, and on top of that well-cooked food. She scanned her mother, noticing how tired her face was and how old she became in just a few months. Her mother must be really worried about her and probably cannot relax at all. Her father is sitting with his back at her but she can tell from the white hair that he grew older too, probably stressed as well.
The smell of food finally reached her and she couldn't help the sudden sound made by her stomach. That made Mebuki look up and notice her daughter standing next to the door with wretched clothes and messy hair. She froze, scared she might be seeing a ghost.
"T-tadaima…" Sakura greeted feeling embarrassed when her eyes met her mother's.
"Sakura…" her father whispered as he turned to see her.
Hearing her husband's voice, she knew that her daughter was not an illusion but the real thing. "Welcome back!" Mebuki painfully cried and jumped towards her daughter, pushing the chair down and stumbling on the table in process. The moment her hands locked over Sakura's back she felt like a rock was lifted from her heart. Her daughter is real and alive.
Sakura's cheeks grew slightly pink and she couldn't help but lean in the embrace. She pressed her forehead over her mother's and closed her eyes. She can feel Mebuki's heart beating fast. Sakura had many nightmares in which she lost her parents but that heart beat tells her her mother is in good health.
Sakura portrayed a ghost of a smile to her family and stood still as Mabuki hugged her. She doesn't know how to react and she is scared of touching her mother with her bloody, dirty, sinful hands. She just buried her nose into her mother's hair, taking in the smell of a living creature. Mebuki smells nice, clean while she is practically a corpse. Her father wrapped his hands around both of them and they cried feeling blessed to have their child back home. Sakura was moved but she couldn't cry. Her tears have long drained and regardless of how happy she is, she cannot show it. She couldn't cry even when they whipped her back until it broke. But she likes hearing their cries, their voices which reach her heart and calms it down. It is nice but she doesn't know how to react.
When they calmed down, Mebuki motion to Sakura to have a seat and eat with them. "I would much rather take a bath," Sakura replied staring ahead at the table, at the warm and generous amount of food. It's been ages since she last saw so much food on a table and somehow she doesn't find it appealing. She feels sick at the stomach from the amazing smell of well-cooked food. She needs out of there.
"I will prepare the water," Mebuki announced and walked ahead to the bathroom.
Sakura nodded to her father and turned to follow Mebuki. She left the backpack next to the door and took small steps towards the bathroom. The door was wide open, Mebuki making sure the tub was clean before letting water fill it. Sakura felt amused at her mother's great care but refrained from telling what types of bath she took these days. She just watched as Mebuki prepared everything with great care. Such a royal treatment for a dirty rat like her.
"I made a nice mint bath salts," Mebuki announced reaching the bottle. She removed the lid and took in a deep breath of the scent. Sakura shook her head refusing to smell it when Mebuki motion her to approached. She just watched her mother from the doorstep.
She feels out of place and she hates everything about her home. She hates the roof, the space, the light and she hates the safety she feels. All she ever wanted was to be back home with her parents but now she is too wild to fit back in. The warmest water she knows is the one from tea. Other than that her baths were ice cold and in plain sight. The privacy feels terribly wrong.
"I will get out if you want," Mebuki said on a trembling voice, secretly hoping Sakura wouldn't push her away.
Sakura didn't mind her mother's presence there so she undressed without shame. She basically ripped the clothes from her body and tossed them behind her. What is shame? The kunoichi walked next to her mother and stared at the crowded bathtub and at the floating mint. Disgust would be the best word to describe the feeling knotting inside her neck. Feeling her mother's stares, she stepped inside the hot water, feeling her skin sting from the sudden heat. That was it, the pain she needed to feel to make everything feel right. She sat and her mother wasted no time before she grabbed a sponge and started rubbing her daughter's dirty arms. The water became dark.
Shisui had no idea what to expect when he walked inside his house. The lights were on. The smell of the house felt comforting. He knew that instance that he hated being there and he couldn't stand to be home but he left his backpack at the entrance and walked towards the kitchen, where he could feel his mother moving. He walked on the porch with slow steps and took his time to notice how the yard changed. The floor felt nice beneath his dirty feet as he walked and he suddenly got the feeling that he was unbearably filthy. When he finally reached the living room, he couldn't help but notice the hot meal resting on the low table. He was more than ready to walk in when he heard footsteps. His mother walked out of the kitchen and looked at him with warm eyes. "Welcome back," she whispered. She scanned her son from top to toe to make sure he was in one piece.
"I'm home," he replied right away and forgot about the food. He also scanned her, making sure she was healthy.
"Oh, come here," she whispered reaching him with her hands. They never hugged and his parents were not the kind to show too much but this time his mother's eyes seemed unexpectedly warm. The moment she opened her arms and stepped towards him he forgot about the food and hugged her with a strong grip. It was their first hug since ages.
Sakura stared at her clean reflection. It has been months since she took such a relaxing and welcoming bath. Her skin is shinny and creamy – almost unrecognizable.
"Are you sure?" her mother asked combing her long locks.
"Yeah, cut as much as you can," Sakura replied not caring about her hair.
Mebuki was unsure if she should really cut the long and beautiful hair but she decided to trust her daughter so she cut as much as her heart allowed.
When her first locks landed on the ground, Sakura felt a burden lifting from her shoulders. She used to love her hair, mainly because she loved Sasuke and she heard rumors of his preferences. When she left for war, her hair was barely touching her back but it was shiny and pretty. She hoped Sasuke will notice and compliment it but he never cared for her hair or existence. After war taught her the harsh reality of what being a shinobi is, she forgot why she was growing it. Sasuke became a man she didn't want to be involved with and she wasn't interested in impressing Shisui with her looks. Although, she did appreciate his interest in her. It is a pity how it never evolved to more.
Her mother rested a clean plate in front of Sakura and invited her to dig in. Sakura was lost with the diversity of food so she chose the only thing she still recognized: the rice. She had a taste and she nearly gave in to the sudden flavor of well-cooked rice. Her mother is the best chef she knows and having the chance to eat her cooking again feels unreal. Sakura had another teste and by that moment she felt herself warming up on the inside. She stuffed her mouth with the rice and chewed as fast as she could, afraid she might lose the chance to eat more if she wasted time.
Her mother grabbed her hand to stop her from forcing herself. "You have time," she said on a trembling voice and tears surfacing again.
The feeling of her mother's hand melted the remaining ice around her heart. Sakura swallowed the rice and set the bowl down while looking at her mother. "I'm…sorry…" she whispered as her eyes wet. Sakura covered her mouth and suddenly felt dirty. She doesn't deserve to eat something so heavenly when she is a disgusting woman. Her mouth is filthy and she did things with it that make her unworthy of such a treat. After months of being cold like a stone she broke to pieces and started crying out loud. What has she done, she asked herself with regret. Only yesterday she was on her knees sucking a man and now she acts as if she is their well raised daughter when in fact she is a whore of a woman. And for what?
Mebuki broke again and jumped to hug Sakura. She pulled her daughter's head to her chest and buried her painful cries. Mebuki will take in all the pain if that helped Sakura.
"I am proud of everyone," Yondaime said looking at his faithful shinobi. They have been through hell but they remained faithful to the village and that means a lot. "We won this war because our fire spirit was stronger. Thank you," he finished and bowed his head to all the tired shinobi.
Sakura watched emotionless as she stood with her Academy friends in the last rows on top of the Hokage Tower. She cannot be impressed by the gesture. A man who doesn't bother to explain why war started and who doesn't even care to inform everyone how it will end does not deserve her faith. He is lucky he is Naruto's father cause otherwise she would've doubted him of being a traitor.
"Want to go out for a coffee?" Ino asked from behind with a big grin.
Sakura silently shook her head and when Yondaime stepped down she was out of the crowd and went home. She took her time, walking down the street and scanning the carefree people. People enjoy their lives as they always did and none of them seem to have been affected by the war. They probably never stepped outside the safety of the village and they never saw what humans are capable of doing. Part of her is glad she is not as oblivious as them but the other part of her resents their naivety. She didn't have a choice as they did. From the very beginning she was ordered to pack a few things and get her ass on the battlefield.
The bed is comfortable, soft and clean and very different from the rug she slept on in the camp. The sheets have a nice smell that tingles her nostrils. Sakura fell asleep quite fast, her mother next to her holding her hand. Sakura was surprised herself how docile she was and how easily she caved in to her mother's request and allowed her to sleep together. The nice scent, her mother's touch and the comfort of the bed helped her fall asleep quite fast. She drifted away within minutes after the lights were out and she slept peacefully for two hours, until a sound made her brows knit and wrinkles appeared on her forehead. She partially opened her eyes and looked at the blanket. No more sound being made and no movement in the room, she closed her eyes once more and blamed a bad dream that woke her up. Bad dreams are normal for her and they don't scare her anymore.
But the sound came back and this time it was loud and clear. Sakura jumped on her rear and stared at the end of the bed, fingers clenching the blanket. She can stand death and pain and nightmares but she cannot stand that sound. The sound made by lashes upon touching the skin. She bit her lower lip hearing the sound again and she nearly hit the mattress if it weren't for her mother's sudden leg jerk. Sakura held in the desire to release her anger and tried to focus on her hearing. This isn't real. Not anymore.
Although she is there with her family she feels lonely and unsatisfied. Her mother cannot help her but Shisui could. She wants to see him. Her heart longs for him. Sakura covered her face with her palms. She cannot stand this life anymore.
Sakura sat in a swing and looked towards the screaming children. It was the loudest place she could find and she liked the agitation and screams. It felt like war. Sakura didn't think she will have such a hard time accommodating back home. She really believed that once she stepped inside the village she will act normal and go back to her job as a medic but it didn't happen. It's been three days since she returned and everything about the village feels unnatural. People are calm and enjoy their lives as they always did and this is infuriating. She was a corps for months for these people and they have no idea what it is like to be hungry and beaten up day after day. Her shoulders stiffened as she looked at the carefree mothers who were laughing and talking. She would love to jump at their necks and show them what it is like to have no right to feel or even have a child. War didn't kill only shinobi but many unborn children.
A heavy hand rested on her shoulder and she blinked surprised at the sudden feeling. Sakura gaped as she realized how strong her killing intent was and looked over her shoulder at the person disturbing her.
"Calm down," Shisui commanded smelling her anger.
Sakura bit her lower lip finding comfort in his steady hand. The darkness of his eyes calms her down and makes her muscles relax. Sakura swallowed harshly looking at the man who ruined her forever.
Shisui examined Sakura as she stood up and turned to face him. He hasn't seen her since they came back but he had many reports to write and there were many meetings he had to attend to. Before he realized it, three days had passed without even thinking of her. Even now, he approached her only because he happened to walk by the park on his way home. He scanned her from top to toe trying to figure out if she was fine. She wears a short, plain, white dress which hugs her curves. It is very strange for him to see her wearing something other than her shinobi outfit. But what really bothers him is how her new looks point out her real age: barely 17. He feels sick at the stomach realizing that such a young girl kneeled down and sucked him while he pushed her head down to take in more of him. He never bothered to care about her age but now he feels like some morals come back to him.
"I want you," she whispered with a trembling voice.
"Come," he said and motioned her to move.
He always knew that he took advantage of her but he felt like it was fine. The excuse was always the same: war was much worse than what he was doing to her. He could defend himself saying that Sakura never revealed her age but he knew she was in the same team as Sasuke and figuring out her age wouldn't have been impossible, or hard. He just didn't want to.
"How is it at home?" he heard her asking from behind. Her voice doesn't reflect confidence anymore.
"Fine." Finding the place quiet enough and away from people's view, he turned and faced her. He noticed her glassy eyes right away. She looks at him as if waiting for him to do something and put her out of her misery. Shisui didn't expect her to have such a hard time fitting back in. He was used to long and difficult missions so when he arrived home he didn't feel much. But then again, he was so busy that he didn't even get to have a good rest. "Don't look at me like that," he hissed.
Sakura bit her lower lip as she looked away. She knows he doesn't like weak people and she wants to be strong and confident but she has no more strength to ignore her feelings. She is tired all the time and although she had plenty of rest, she finds it really tiresome to act normal with her parents. Even being with her friends is difficult so she has been refusing to meet them.
She doesn't want to commit the same mistake she did with Sasuke but he is the only one she can still speak with without getting sick.
Shisui noticed her eyelashes getting wet and he was about to tell her something when Sakura opened her arms and locked them behind his back. He froze in her grip and her sobs sealed his lips. Shisui forgot the harsh words he had ready for her and just stood there as she vented her frustration. Sakura never cried before him and she never showed a sign of weakness so having her pressed over his chest as she pours out her feelings is troubling him. He never comforted anyone, and he ignored those who needed a shoulder to cry on. She is becoming troublesome.
I appreciate honest reviews so please write your thoughts about the story so far or about this chapter. Reviews motivate me and I like reading them whenever I find it hard to write ^^
