Shikamaru is a strategist and many things went through him mind as he thought how to face Uchiha Shisui. He could pretend nothing happened since he has no obligations to explain himself but he has a feeling that he will ask Sakura and she won't be able to hide it. He could also come up with some sort of lie and hope that the man will believe them. The problem is he doesn't know what kind of subject would do. This is so troublesome. He shouldn't have told Sakura about this – that is classified information! On the other hand, she is a smart woman and she would've guessed anyway. Women...no, this woman is troublesome.
Heat warmed Sakura's cheeks as she felt Shisui's long stare. Before she wouldn't have been so obvious about her feelings but she cannot be emotionless anymore. And she decided she will accept this change and embrace her new self. She briefly looked at the man then forced her sight away from him. Shisui cannot possibly know what she feels or what Shikamaru just told her so she must be strong before him. If Shikamaru is right then she cannot let Shisui know that the village is aware of the coup d'etat. On the other hand, she doesn't want anything to happen to Shisui so maybe stopping it before it starts is even better. But on second thoughts she thinks it is too risky now to bring up the subject since they haven't met in a while and she has yet to confirm his feelings. Maybe he moved on and he is no longer interested in her. After all, all they did was sex with no strings attached.
"I get it," she suddenly said surprising Shikamaru. "This is a mission like any other so I will not fail." She looked at Shikamaru with a straight face after which she turned on her heels and proceeded to leave the room.
Sakura hurried towards her room and away from the two men. She has trusting issues regarding both of them. Once, she cannot trust Shikamaru because everything is a speculation. Second, she cannot face Shisui because she knows something this big. Stupid Shikamaru, he shouldn't have told her about the coup d'etat. How can she face Shisui at this point? They haven't met in a while and now that he finally shows up she is forced to look the other way. But the brief glance she took was enough to tell her that he is fine and healthy. That should do for now and when she gets her mind straight she will look for him and have a chat with him.
The hall feels endless. The more she walks the further her room seems to be. She knew that a heavy heart will make everything seem harder but not to the point she feels restless. She stopped halfway through and looked over her shoulder to check if it is only her imagination or she really hadn't moved at all. But she didn't find the hall behind her but a broad chest which blocked her view. Secretly, she hoped he would follow her despite knowing she shouldn't talk with him.
"Isn't this nostalgic," she tried to act cool. Her chest is warming up as she looks at his face. It has been so long since the last time she saw him but he looks fine, rested. "But not tonight." He doesn't have the face of a traitor. Shisui always moved for the sake of the village so how can anyone suspect him? He didn't let her run away and delivered her to Koharu without second thoughts. This man couldn't possibly become her enemy. Her chest hurts at the thought that she might have to fight him. "I have a mission to think about."
Shisui didn't say a word, he just watched her speak with a calm voice. That made her suspicious. The rebel in her is too wild to show such calmness. But he said nothing as he scanned her traits. She is beautiful – just as he remembers her. His little forest spirit.
Sakura turned on her heels to continued her walk towards her room. "Say," he started and that made her stop. "Why do you always try so hard?"
That question surprised her and she felt confused as she turned to face him. "What do you mean?"
"We all know you are not the calm type, so why try being something you are not?" Shisui reached her small face and trapped behind her ear a few strands of wild hair. She feels different from before. Her skin and hair are much more smoother than before. If he had to touch her blindfolded, he wouldn't recognize her.
"I was calm even before," she corrected him. "You just forgot." This is how she's always been – always trying to be something that she is not. She pretended to be fine for years so her friends wouldn't know her troubles. She tried her best to be strong, even though she was weak and scared. War made her something was was not but she overcame that. He just doesn't know all she's been through.
Shisui shook his head once, eyes focused on her face. "You always had a big mouth when angry." He knows her...or at least that's what SHE wanted him to believe. An angry Sakura was not a quiet one. He touched her jaw all the way down to her chin, put pressure there then left his hand fall to his thigh. She changed so much – she feels like another person. Her hair is short and much smoother than before – it smells of mint. Her skin is much whiter than before and her eyes have a paler color of green. Her posture is relaxed – her shoulders fall slightly ahead. There is no more weight on her shoulders. The only things that haven't changed are her curves and pale lips. Even her voice is less raspy than before.
Sakura bit her lower lip and turned on her heels. Has she ever won an argument against him? Have they even argued before? Was there more than sex? "Of course it was…" she barely whispered to herself. "I'm tired."
"You're lying."
She is lying but what can she say to him? He is a stranger in her eyes. The Shisui she knew wouldn't be considered a danger to the village. She continued walking to her room, mind filled with thoughts. The Shisui she knew...The man HE wanted people to know was faithful, strong and beautiful. The man she fell in love with wouldn't show his fangs to the village. But as she changed, Shisui is capable of changing too.
Before she knew it, she was already by the door, spacing out as she started at the knob. What is she worrying about? His touch felt as always – he feels like the man she knows and loves. Shikamaru cannot be right.
"Shall I open the door for you?" he asked as he reached the knob, chest pressed over her back.
Without thinking, she rested her palm on top of his hand. "You haven't changed one bit," she commented realizing that he really feels the same as always.
Shisui took a small step back and leaned down to reach her ear. "Why change something that works?"
Ah, she used to feel this frustration at the camp. He was the cool guy who didn't let things reach his heart and who always moved with so much precision that there was no room no mistakes. Contrary, she was the girl who felt too much pain and who stopped carrying about people but who still made mistakes and who still got punishments. That was frustrating because that was the best version of herself – so far at least – and it was still far from good enough. The sound of a whip brought her back to reality and she focused her sight to their hands. Same touch and yet so different. She knows she admires his strength – more like she envies his strength – and that she loves him yet she is confused. Because of what Shikamaru said? Or because Shisui has the strength that she so much desires and she cannot have...the power to not let the world get to her and hurt her.
How would she know to answer his question when she is constantly trying to change and improve herself? Sakura bit her lips frustrated by all her thoughts. She is herself and she already decided to embrace who and what she is so she must not let envy and fear get to her.
"Want to come in?" she asked, voice not betraying her feelings.
"Always…" he whispered in her ear and pressed her chest over the door.
There will never be peace in the shinobi world. If there were peace, she wouldn't be needed anymore and everybody knows that she has no talents other than breaking and smashing things. She wants to work at the hospital but she understands that there is no place for her there – not now at least. All she can do is what she always did – move further and struggle until she wins. She has some victories against the system but at the same time the system broke her back for everything she did. 10 whips which wiped away 10 achievements.
She knew falling in love with Shisui was not an option and she did everything she could to avoid that. It was just some sex – both of them needed the warmth of a body and they used each other. That was all there was...He did nothing special to make her fall for him so why did she? Why...why does she hurt now thinking that they are closer to enemies than to lovers?
His weight over her body brought back the feeling of security. This is it...this is what made her fall for him when everything around her was crumbling to small pieces. She was fine with what she had become and she was fine with the system but deep down she craved for comfort. Comfort she couldn't get from friends because they wouldn't understand. Because they didn't know what she was going through.
"Why…" she quietly asked as she stared at the ceiling. Why would he betray her like that?
Shisui was stripping his shirt when she started the question. He didn't really wait for her to continue it, he just lay down to her exposed chest. Her thoughts matter but they could be more lies she tries to feed herself and to others. Sakura was never really honest with her feelings – regardless if she hurt or was happy. At the camp she never told him she hurt and always put a front. That is the woman he fell in love with: always strong enough to accept whatever may come but never capable of seeing her own strength. The woman...no...the girl he fell for never chased to surprise him. Shame they didn't meet sooner…shame she was not born earlier...shame she was not there to open her eyes and teach him all he knows know. Maybe things would've been different. Maybe he could've stopped his clan if he knew from longer before how people feel. He was oblivious to the village and how it worked and he was oblivious of his clan walking down a destructive path.
He reached deep inside her and took a moment to scan her face. Her cheeks are slightly pink from all the heat, short strands of hair are covering her forehead, lips are red from his biting… Wit her hands above her head, elbows slightly bent, she looks breathtaking beautiful. She is so meek and gives the impression of a weak woman but behind those glassy eyes lies a stormy personality. He never met anyone like her – hands capable of smashing a skull but at the same time gentle and reassuring. Shisui traveled his hands up and down her arms. Maybe on the outside she has changed but on the inside she is just as he remembers her: warm and wet.
"Don't look down on me," she whispered not liking his red eyes.
"I'm not," he answered and leaned for a kiss.
She turned her head to avoid his sealing lips. How do they always end up having sex when she never feels like doing it? "I have worries…" she continued but his sudden thrust made a moan replace her words. "I hate you."
Her words upset him a little but he didn't want to spoil the moment. He answered her with a harder, a little bit painful push inside her. "We both know know," he started but broke his line of thoughts for more thrusts, this time pleasant for both of them, "...that's a lie."
They know but there is never room for confessions.
Sakura covered her chest with a blanket and looked anywhere but at his face. They haven't met in days and everything felt awkward but surprisingly only the sex felt natural. Maybe she is sick and needs help but this doesn't feel normal at all. Do people normally fuck if they have so many insecurities about each other?
Shisui got on his rear and looked around for his shirt. He spotted it on the floor but felt too lazy to get down and dress it. On the other hand, he doesn't want to leave her as of yet. He knows something bothers her but he doesn't feel like asking anything. Even if he wants to take her burden, it is not in his style to ask about such things.
"Shikamaru said…" she started but sealed her lips. What is she doing? She cannot tell him that.
"What?"
She shook her head and hid her face with the blanket. "Have you met with other women?"
"Not recently. What did Nara say?" He won't let her fool him. She can fool herself how much she wants but he won't take her crap.
"He know about us…" she answered with only half of the truth. "I didn't tell him, just as you told me but…"
"That's fine. He is too lazy to make a fuss over it." He will make things right for her so that none of them will have to worry about what other people say but until then there are more pressing matters to worry about.
Shisui stepped down and started dressing. He doesn't have time to waste in bed – people expect him to show up at a meeting. She looked at him from beneath the blanket as he dressed without looking once in her direction. This time she no longer feels safe after they have sex. Who is this man before her? He used to get angry if something threaten to scar his image.
"Am I yours?" she asked as he walked to the door.
Shisui opened the door and told her only one word before he left, "Always."
That will have to do for her for now. He might come for her life one day, but for now she is satisfied with his answer.
They haven't met in such a long time and instead of talking and catching up they spent a few minutes together to fuck after which he left. Well that's fine. At least she didn't need to speak and she kept a secret everything Shikamaru told her.
