Alone in her room, she stared with a blank face at the ceiling. She feels calm after being with Shisui. She tried to avoid him fearing that something bad might happen if they end up alone but nothing of the sort happened. He seemed fine: rested and healthy; there seemed to be no burden on his shoulders. Times like this make her realize how little she truly knows him. There is no way he is fine when something so important is about to happen. His actions towards her not only seal her lips but they also divert her attention from what truly matters – she wants to know him beyond the perfect image he created for everyone. She wants to know what led to his sharingan and she wants to know how he become cold and emotionless. At the same time she is afraid to ask because she does not want to repeat the mistakes she did with Sasuke. And from the way he acts, he clearly does not want her to pry in his private life. Sakura sighed and closed her eyes. How can she be honest with him when he is so hard to approach?
There is no denying that he feels something for her. Otherwise he wouldn't seek her all the time. She won't deny anymore that she is not special to him – he forgives her insolence and he paid her enough attention to understand her a little. Would he like to know her even better? Can she open up and tell him all the things she went though to get where she is now? Despite knowing that he might become her enemy, she suddenly feels a little bit excited thinking that she could have a real talk with him and tell him all the things that she likes, that she dislikes and all her dreams. She cannot imagine such a scene but she feels like it could be possible. All she needs to do is to be a little bit patient and then he will never seem like a stranger. Only a little bit…
"What are you thinking about?" Sakura asked finding Shikamaru's silence unusual.
Shikamaru was staring outside the window at the crowded road. Hands folded over his chest and back pressed over the wall, he was simply staring without thinking of anything. Or at least, that is what he wants to believe but his mind is drowning in thoughts. So many things are bothering him right now that he doesn't even know what to focus on. "Has he asked you anything?" he asked not even hearing Sakura's question.
"Yes, but I distracted him with something else," she answered closing the file she was reading.
"Using sex to distract men is typical to women," he said without even thinking or even remembering who he was talking to.
"Excuse me?" Sakura raised a question eyebrow. That was a very upsetting statement. She didn't use sex to fool Shisui, on the contrary, he used her for sex. But that is not important because her relationship with Shikamaru is not good enough for him to say such things to her.
Shikamaru sighed and closed his eyes. "Forgive me, I was only vexing my frustration." He is not the kind to hurt a friend.
"Well vex it somewhere else, will you?" she growled and got up. She could be nice and understanding but she is angry for everything he told her. Even if it is not Shikamaru's fault that the Uchihas are out of control.
"After Ibiki is done with this prisoner are you going back to the hotel?" he asked understanding her anger.
"I don't know," she answered and went to the basement to see if any healing is needed.
She cannot talk to Shikamaru about the coup d'etat because he has his lips sealed. Hell, she cannot talk to anyone about what bothers her right now. All her worries related to a certain Uchiha are taboo.
The staircase to the basement is crowded, dark and there is a smell of earth she cannot explain. Everything is annoying and brings back memories. Her chest is always heavy whenever she climbs down the stairs. The pressure she feels is almost painful, as if something tries to crack her rib cage and leave her breathless. And if there is no sound she swears she can hear a whip crack somewhere far away from her – far and yet close enough to be heard. And when her back starts warming up, she knows everything is in her mind. But she has no control over it and she cannot think of anything else. The pain...the memory of a betrayal...She is aware the village betrayed her with that act but what can she do? The village is her home and she must work hard so her family does not suffer because of her.
The door closed behind her and she found herself in front of the two-way mirror. A man rests his chest over the table, tears dripping down his cheeks. He looks healthy, no visible wounds. The true purpose of her mission was obvious only after she arrived there. She has to be there to heal Ibiki's prisoners. People might say it is cruel but this is necessary. Suna must know that Konoha is ruling now.
"He spoke soon after Ibiki walked inside the room," Shisui told her from behind. She did not hear him enter the room but she remained calm when hearing his voice. With him, she always has to be calm because he can read her easily. Shisui stopped behind her and rested his palms over her shoulders. "How about you confess as well?" he whispered into her ear. There he goes...
"I told you last night that Shikamaru knows." Why would he even suspect she has more to hide from him?
Shisui pressed his groin onto her rear, "Very unusual of you to ask the thing you did last night."
Sakura tried to remain calm, aware that he can see her reflection in the mirror. But it is hard to stay calm with a swollen penis between her butt cheeks. Her question surfaced because she had to confirm their relationship is safe. "Very unusual of you to answer what you did." She was truly happy when he said she is his but at the same time she couldn't believe how easily he admitted it.
Shisui smirked amused by how stiff her butt suddenly became. "Ibiki left a few moments before and he won't be back tonight." His penis, fully erect now, twitches at the thoughts of what they can do in that room. He never did naughty things in an office.
His hands climbed down from her shoulders and to her breasts. She jolted when he cupped her chest and tried to step back from him but there was no room for steps – all she did was press her weight over his groin. Much appreciated by him though. "Please…" she begged embarrassed. Someone might come inside the room and see them like that. It is not appropriate to do something like that there – there is a torture room next door. She can see the prisoner whining over the table.
"You already want me inside?" he grinned.
"That's not…" That is not what she meant. With his hand already between her thighs, she melted over his chest, her legs giving in. He wrapped his hand around her middle to keep her standing and continued rubbing between her thighs. Sakura threw her head back and stared at the ceiling, at the lone light bulb. How can he be so relaxed and carefree when he plans to attack the village? When his fingers started pulling down her leggings, she could not keep her lips sealed anymore. "Why don't you care Shikamaru knows about us? You threatened me to keep everything to myself, remember?"
"We can talk about this after we finish what we started," he said and removed her panties.
"No, you started this yourself. I did nothing." She will remain strong and she won't let him use sex to silence her again. "You like being in control, don't you?" Just the way he likes hurting her for his own good. "Remember when you apologized to me for leaving me alone after our first time?" That memory is so vivid to her. She won't forget how she felt back then – how much she wanted to feel him; him causing her pain was the only thing that could make her feel alive. But she doesn't need that anymore. Right now she needs a true connection to someone. She wants to know him.
Shisui remained silent – of course he remembers. Even now he wonders if he apologized because he hurt her of because he wanted a free pass to have more sex with her. But to answer her question, he does not bother with Shikamaru now because he has more pressing matters. He does not know which way is the correct way to deal with both his clan and Sakura.
"I remember," he answered and pressed a kiss over her ear. Of course he likes being in control – he was taught that a good shinobi is always in control. But that is only an excuse. He wants control so he does not lose her. He does not want his cousin or anyone else to have her. It drives him mad even just thinking about this. The coup d'etat is messing up his plans. "I know you hide something from me because you are not bothered that he knows about us. Which means that you are hiding something else." This talk sure destroyed the mood. He walked around her and stopped before her to properly see her face.
This is what she wanted – to have a proper conversation – so why does she feel so insecure right now? Should she have waited until after they had sex? She bent down to dress herself – breaking the eye contact. The conversation is not going in the direction she wanted.
"Is it another man?" he insisted. If this is it, he needs to know. He cannot ignore it and let it be until he solves his problems. It might be too late then. Sakura opened her mouth to answer him but he folded his fingers around his cheeks to silence her. "Just try and lie to me and I will show you real pain," he said referring to their painful nights together.
This sudden outburst of anger cannot scare her. She is surprisingly calm right now as she scans his features, his red eyes ready to burn her alive. She did nothing wrong to feel guilty about. He released her cheeks to let her speak. "I do not care. There are other people who know about us – I just didn't tell you because I trust they won't spread rumors. And you are right, I am not scared that Shikamaru knows about us."
"Stop referring to him with so much closeness," he growled.
Sakura nodded once, understanding why he got angry. "As I said before, there is no other man for me," she finally answered his question. "There was never anything between Sasuke and I. I was in love with him but he never loved me back. He often said that I am annoying and that I bother him with my feelings." It feels so good openly say what she went through before she met him. "I stopped loving him when war started. There were some rumors about him... What about you? Is there anyone you loved before we met?"
He scanned her face trying to figure out what her intentions are. Why does she suddenly care to know more about him? He crossed his arms over his chest and took a relaxed posture over the mirror. "There were some women who tried to gain my favor by using sex. Probably their intention was to get pregnant with my child and make use of it to gain money and favoritism."
She can pretty much understand now why he was so bad at interacting with her. The women he interacted with tried to use him so he used them back – he probably never bothered to ask if they felt good or not. He just took advantage of their foolishness to satisfy his needs, leaving them with nothing but a sour taste. Something which became like a habit to him and he did the same to her. "I dislike clans. They look down on people like me who have nothing."
"So? Are you going to tell me the truth now?" he insisted knowing very well what her opinion is about clans.
Sakura looked down for a second. She cannot say the truth. "We never talk. All we do is have sex and continue with our separate lives."
He once felt like he could open up and talk to her but she never asked. "You never asked anything." He will play along with her for now. At least he knows she is not cheating with his good for nothing cousin. A very big burden was taken from his shoulders.
"I did not want to bother you with questions," she honestly replied. "You do not look like the type who would care for such things."
He normally does not care but she is different from the rest. If she knew how terrifying his thoughts are she'd run away. If he had control she would only move as per his wishes and he wouldn't need to worry too much. He could use his sharingan to control her ... "I have to go back to Konoha. We can talk more afterwards." It is hard but for now he needs to concentrate on his clan.
She nodded. She knows it is about his clan.
Sakura and Shikamaru are far from close friends but they are not strangers either. They were in the same class at the Academy and despite always sleeping in class, Shikamaru always had good grades. He was her rival but he never noticed. After school was over, they hardly met and she rarely thought of him. So when he called her friend she didn't know how to feel about it. She accepted his statement without second thoughts because they are old acquaintances - at least that much is true.
"Why are you frustrated?" she asked.
Shikamaru sighed and rested the chopsticks on top of his rice bowl. "Who isn't nowadays?"
Sakura nodded agreeing that he is right – they all have things to worry about. "I guess even you couldn't cope well after war."
Flashback
The hot days were in contrast to the icy cold nights and Shikamaru often found himself trying to adjust to the temperatures in his tent. The nights when he could actually rest were rare. But the battle field was always hot regardless if it were day or night. The explosions around him and the blood of his wounded nakama dripping down his spine as he carried them on his back to a medic felt as if they could burn his skin. Other than his Academy friends, everyone else was a stranger to him and he was never the sociable type so he hardly spoke with people he did not know. But despite that, he often found himself carrying wounded leaf shinobi – people he did not know but whom he could not let to die. In that hot and tumultuous field which he disliked more than anything, there were moments when the wind blew stronger and helped him chill.
That violent blond suna woman was often the cause of the storm. The big fan which she always carried with her was the source of the chilly moments. She was beautiful and strong. But above anything, she was the source of a perfect temperature. They never spoke. He never fought against her. Women like that are better avoided, plus the wounds she left on his nakama were deadly. He liked to watch her from afar like a coward but at least he was lucky enough to be there.
End of flashback
So imagine how hard it is for him to talk to her, especially now with the whole situation.
"Why Shisui-san?" he asked Sakura thinking that her answer will help him understand how he fell for Temari.
Sakura never talks about her relationship with Shisui. First of all she promised him that she won't bring it up and second, it is not something to brag about. He is a man much older than her and on top of anything she is a minor. Maybe 10 years ago such things were normal but nowadays people try to protect minors. But would anyone try to protect a nobody like her? If anything, people will try to protect Shisui and find him a better match. People might say that she seduced him to use him, like all the women before her.
"I don't know what answer you expect from me."
Really, what answer did he expect from her? They have different circumstances. He never spoke to Temari, he only watched her from afar. "Has he insisted on the topic?"
Sakura wiped her mouth with a tissue and stared at Shikamaru with a serious look. He flinched at the sudden mood swing. Only seconds ago she was calm and friendly and they were casually chating. "Shikamaru, I know what you have planned and I have to disappoint you. I did not not tell Shisui what you told me. You were aiming for that, right? You wanted me to to push him to…"
"W-wait a minute Sakura…" he started feeling cold sweat on his forehead.
"But you already knew that I did not not tell him because you followed me in the basement and you listened to our conversation. I can assure you there was no other occasion when I met him."
Shikamaru sighed and relaxed in his chair. "When have you realized everything?
"You are a smart shinobi. You are too lazy to care about my personal life and you wouldn't have brought it up without a good reason behind it. My life does not interest you one bit. Much less to constantly ask about it."
From his perspective everything was going well, but it seems he did not take everything into consideration. "You changed," he concluded to himself as he reached his glass of water. He expected her to go crying to Shisui and reveal everything. The Sakura he knew would've done that to help Sasuke so why not do the same for Shisui? "Well, to be honest I know you are a very smart person – I am surprised you realized so soon though."
She only realized last night, after Shisui left her room. Things were not adding up at all. How could someone as smart and composed as Shikamaru reveal such important and confidential information? He wouldn't. Unless he wanted her to know. "What was the plan? Have me tell him that I know everything and hope he will confess everything to me while you were listing on us? Or were you hoping he would panic, go home and make a mistake? Or maybe both." They are not close enough for him to trust her with such important information.
"Everybody seems to be misjudging you," he said after finishing his glass of water.
"Seems like it," she growled not understanding why he suddenly said such a thing.
"What I do not understand is how you knew I was spying on you? During war you constantly failed to notice the enemies close to you."
Sakura smiled and relaxed as well. "I did not. It was a gamble: I could be either right or wrong but either way I had nothing to lose"
Shikamaru smiled as well. He had a taste of his own medicine. She bluffed and he failed for it. "I didn't lie when I said that that I consider you a friend.
Sakura rolled her eyes not trusting one word that came out of his mouth. "Is that why you hold that glass so tightly?"
"I don't know what your plans are so I am on guard, just in case."
"Not to fight you," she nodded. "What was the plan afterwards? Were you going to get rid of me?"
Shikamaru released the glass and rested both palms on the table so she can see them. "I haven't lied – the last thing I want is to hurt a friend."
"And using me is not going to hurt me at all," she snorted.
"The village has eyes on the Uchiha clan since the Kyubi incident. Until recently, there was no reason to fear them but after we came back from the battle field, they became suspicious."
"I haven't noticed anything different."
"They seemed to care less about internal issues. I tried talking to Sasuke but he is not very communicative."
"I see. So you failed to get information from Sasuke so you though of using me to get to the root of everything."
"I miscalculated though," he sighed disappointed by his failure. Everything seemed right except he failed to notice how Sakura changed. He assumed she is the same old fan girl. When Ino told him about Sakura's secret relationship he hurried to make use of her without properly considering things. The Sakura he knew couldn't have possibly kept everything a secret. "I never thought you would get over Sasuke...much less have a sexual relationship with an older man." He should've considered these things before going on with the plan. "Sakura, it does not change the fact that he will become a criminal soon."
She cannot argue that. "I have faith," she said trying to not let Shikamaru waver her. "He is faithful to the village. I am disappointed the Kage does not trust him."
"I agree but he is also faithful to his clan. It is a hard choice…"
She agrees with him but she wants to believe that Shisui will be faithful to her. Today they had a real conversation and they got to know each other much better. It will be fine. "I am curious. Were you going to peek on us if we ended up having sex?"
Shikamaru blushed and he looked away. "Of...course not…" he mumbled. He really panicked when they started touching each other and moaning. He didn't think captain Shisui would do such a thing in a torture room.
"I am impressed he did not sense you. How did you do that?"
Shikamaru shook his head to clear his mind. "I did not approach the door. I used my shadow technique to capture the vibration of your voices."
"Very convenient," she nodded. She also feels embarrassed that he saw them but she cannot let Shikamaru know that. She will play cool.
Shikamaru looked around the dinning room and carefully considered his next move. He cannot have Sakura lose her trust in him… "And, to be even I will tell you a secret about me. I am in love with a suna kunoichi…"
