Artemis Fowl II was dignified. He had class. Professionalism. Standards. So instead of asking Holly to hand him a kleenex, he instead said, with as much dignity as he could muster, "Commodore, if it's not an inconvenience, would you be so kind as to procure for me a disposable tissue from the dispenser on the table over there?"
Holly took in the pathetic sight of the man, laid up on the couch as he was. "You said you weren't sick," she reminded him.
"I'm not sick," said Artemis, sniffing. "Do you think I'd invite you into my home if I were sick? Honestly, Holly. And besides," he added, "Fowls do not get sick."
"Are you human?" asked Holly.
"Yes-"
"Then you get sick." But Holly went to the tissue box anyways, despite Artemis' indignant speech that followed.
"I beg your pardon!" scoffed (coughed) Artemis. "Is that supposed to be some sort of Mud Man inferiority joke? Oh, those poor Mud Men, wallowing in the mud all day, no wonder they catch cold all the time! As if fairies don't get sick?"
"No, it's that we have magic for when we get sick," called Holly across the room. "Do you want me to use my magic on you?"
Holly walked back to the couch, dangling a tissue just out of Artemis' range. He reached an arm out for it from beneath the pile of blankets he was under. "That won't be necessary," he grunted, arm flailing for the tissue, "seeing as how I'm not sick."
"Then why are you about to fall off the couch reaching for this?"
"Because I'm having a mild reaction to seasonal pollen," sniffed Artemis.
"It's winter."
"Not in Australia. Seasonal pollen could have… drifted in on the trade winds-"
Holly had mercy on the man and handed him the tissue. "Really, Artemis, it's okay. I can heal you."
Artemis blew into the tissue, and Holly winced at the sound. When he was done, he said, now looking more guilty than indignant, "I'd rather you not."
Holly cocked her head. "Why not?" Though as soon as she said it, she guessed. "Oh… your mother."
Artemis nodded miserably. "Best to just let it run its course."
"But you admit you're sick, at least. Glad you finally came around on that. I've known since I heard you on the phone yesterday."
Artemis labored to rise into a sitting position. "I'm sorry, Holly. You should go before you catch it. I tried denying it because I didn't want to miss your visit and I thought I could will it away, but no luck."
Holly sighed, understanding. "I suppose we don't get many opportunities to visit like this."
"Mm," agreed Artemis. Then he started to appear altogether worried. "Really, Holly, you need to go. I won't be the cause of a fairy pandemic. It's only the symptoms of a head cold, but still…" He furrowed his brow. "Why did you even come here if you thought I was sick?"
Commander Kelp was just about to ask his techies if there was something wrong with his connection, when Commodore Short finally got on the video call link. "Short," he grunted. "I've been calling you all day. Your tracker says you're still at Fowl's house. Where the hell are you?"
"I'm at Fowl's house, sir," said Holly, in the kind of tone you use when answering a very dumb question. She panned her helmet camera around the room she was in, so Kelp could see the stupidly expensive drapes and upholstery that confirmed her whereabouts on Fowl's couch.
"Yes, I can see that. But why are you still there? This was supposed to be a routine tech drop-off."
"Well, sir, I regret to inform you that I can't come back into work for at least two weeks."
Kelp frowned. "You're taking leave? You never take leave."
It was true. Holly Short hadn't taken voluntary time off in her thirty years on the force. Though she felt like she was "on administrative leave pending an Internal Affairs investigation" every other week since meeting Artemis Fowl.
"No sir, I never take leave."
"Then- Is Internal Affairs investigating you again?"
"Nope. So don't be touching the 'Days since Short's last IA investigation' sign in the break room."
Kelp's confusion was irritating him. Not as much as Holly's caginess was, though. "Holly, just tell me what's going on. Has Fowl kidnapped you again?"
From off-camera came a voice saying "Now there's an idea." Holly swatted at the source.
"No sir," she said. "But according to provision 9 in section 20.1d of the LEP rulebook, I have to stay here for a minimum of two weeks."
Kelp discreetly opened a window in his browser to look up the provision. What on earth is she talking about… Oh. "You're sick ?"
Holly put on a show of coughing. "Sorry, sir. Fowl's sick, and I've been exposed to him. To avoid potential viral spread, LEP personnel are advised to-"
"-stay aboveground for two weeks when they've been in contact with diseased Mud Men," finished Kelp. "I remember when they added that last year."
Holly nodded sympathetically. "Well, it's as you always say, Commander: rules are rules."
Kelp eyed the video screen suspiciously. Holly blew her nose. Nothing came out. "If I didn't know any better, Commodore Short," he said, "I'd say you were taking advantage of the rulebook to score a 2-week vacation with Mud Boy without affecting your zero-vacation-day streak."
Holly swooned and clutched her chest. "You wound me, Commander! Look at this diseased Mud Man and tell me I'm lying." She pointed her camera feed at Artemis on the couch next to her. He didn't look so good. Sickly pale and barely conscious, in fact.
"He looks about as bad as he always does, if you ask me," muttered Kelp when Holly came back in view. "What does he have?"
"Just a cold, sir. I tested for viruses myself. Thank Foaly for the scanner."
"Hmm…" Trouble scratched his stubble. "I guess it's better safe than sorry, if you've been exposed to him. I'll see you in two weeks. Just do me a favor and keep the extent of the… exposure… to yourself, yeah?"
Holly reddened, just a touch. "Yes, sir."
When the call was over, Holly tossed her helmet on the coffee table. "Well, Arty, we wouldn't want to disappoint the…"
Artemis was fast asleep on the couch next to her.
Holly smiled, sighed, and pulled Artemis' blankets up closer to his chin. "Sweet dreams, Arty," she whispered. "I'll still be here when you wake up. I always will be."
Then she sneezed.
