Author's Note: Well, this one wound up taking a while. To be honest, I've been having a few doubts about this story and wondering if it was turning out well. If it weren't for all of your follows, favorites and comments (99% of which have been great), I might not have continued. My current plan is to have the story take place over the course of one year, roughly in line with the current year. So if I can keep this up, this story should be done around January 2019, barring a nuclear apocalypse or second civil war. I hope you guys enjoy the new chapter and please keep letting me know what you think!
When men complained about "that time of the month," it was usually a reference to a woman's menstrual cycle. For Rob, the time of the month he dreaded was when the credit card bill arrived. Kate was very careful with money and every time that troublesome document arrived, he would have to justify almost every little thing he had spent money on.
Kate had gotten home late the previous night but she was always up before he was, given that getting out of bed each morning was a long and difficult process. It had gotten worse over the last few days and after dealing with depression for over twenty years, Rob had become very aware of its own cyclical nature. Honestly, he would gladly sign up for a menstrual cycle if that meant he might occasionally feel rested in the morning.
While he was still trying to clear the cobwebs in his head, Kate walked in holding a piece of paper and sat back on the bed.
"Is that what I think it is?" he mumbled.
"Yes. I wanted to go over a few things."
"I've been better," he said. "I didn't buy any new movies and I haven't been going out to eat as much."
"I know," Kate said. "But it looks like you spent $2000 on clothes?"
He had forgotten how easily he succumbed to Monika's green eyes that day in the store. "Oh, that damn coat."
Kate did a double take. "That coat cost two grand?!"
"No, no. It was expensive but the rest of the stuff was more reasonable. I mean, it's not every day you have to get somebody an entire wardrobe."
"I guess," she said grudgingly. "When it gets warm out, I suppose she'll need a whole new set of outfits. We have to be careful about what we're spending. It's sweet that you're getting her piano lessons but those will add up too."
"Don't worry," Rob said. "Aside from the clothes, all she really wants is those Keurig cups."
"That's fine, it's just hard when I'm the only one working."
"I have the Arts Center job."
"They pay you so little that it's borderline volunteer work."
"Yeah," Rob sighed. The center was a nonprofit organization and couldn't afford much, but Kate knew that so there was no use pointing it out. A welcome distraction came when Andrew rushed into the room at top speed and leapt on the bed.
"Is it my birthday?!"
"Not yet," Kate said with a smile. "How old are you going to be?"
"Five!"
"You and Lucas are going to be big boys!"
"Andrew big boy," he declared. "Lucas little boy."
Rob laughed. "You guys are the same age, you goof."
"Is tomorrow my birthday?!"
"Tomorrow is Valentine's Day," Kate said. "That's fun too, right?"
"I get candy," Andrew said, before running off to find his brother.
Both parents laughed and a pleasant silence followed for a few moments before Rob spoke again. "I can't understand why anyone would hurt their child."
Kate turned and looked concerned. "Where did THAT come from?"
"I was just…thinking."
"Do you know someone who's being abused?" Kate asked, going into pastor mode. "If you do, we can't keep quiet about it."
Rob wasn't immediately sure how to answer. "It's…a friend of Monika's."
"Oh," Kate said. "I don't know who to report to when the kid's in a game. Are we going to have someone else living here soon? Is that what you're getting at?"
"I'm not sure if it's still possible," he answered. "But if she did show up, we would have to adopt her. She needs a home where she would be safe. Monika turned out to be real, so Natsuki and the rest would be too in theory. I would adopt them all if I could."
"I have to get ready for work," Kate said with a strange smile. It must have been hard to reconcile her generosity with the financial worries she had just been talking about. Still, the scenario going through Rob's mind seemed unlikely to materialize and he figured it was better to focus his energy on getting out of bed.
The shower was one of his secret weapons in this daily battle. He could usually count on the water to help him shake off the last of the cobwebs and get through the day. Usually. This morning he found himself resisting the urge to simply lay down and see if he could get back to sleep. This was trouble. It was coming.
Thankfully, he was still able to function enough to get Andrew and Lucas off to school. When everyone was home later, they had to make valentines for the boys to give to their classmates the next day. For the six hours the boys were gone, there were other errands to run. Monika's first piano lesson was in about an hour.
She had been quiet lately and it didn't seem like she had been sleeping very well. As the car pulled out of the driveway, Monika seemed content to just stare into space.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah," she said quietly. "Just bad dreams."
"I'm sorry to hear that," he said. "Are you looking forward to this morning?"
"I think so. I'm just not really sure what to expect."
"When I talked to her, she said she does vocal lessons too. You could do your song from the end of the game if you wanted."
That snapped her out of it. "Oh no, I can't."
"Really?"
"That song…" Monika said before pausing for a moment. "It just takes me back to that time…when I thought I would be trapped there forever. When I thought I would never get to meet you. I…I don't really want to dwell on that now."
"I understand," he said. "Sorry."
"It's okay," she said, finally smiling. "Can we listen to our song?"
"Our song? You mean Sinéad?"
She nodded enthusiastically and he reached over to navigate the car stereo and find it. To Rob's surprise, Monika began singing along. She must have been listening to it a lot on her own to pick up the words so quickly. It seemed to put her in a better mood right away. "Come on, sing with me!"
"I'd much rather listen to you," Rob said. "But I will do the big drum roll."
True to his word, he briefly took both hands off the wheel and air-drummed along with the roll right before the final chorus. Monika giggled and dramatically put one hand over her heart to nail the last section of singing. Meanwhile, Rob had to grab the wheel again quickly to keep them from going over the curb. It probably wasn't the smartest thing he had ever done while driving, but at least it had made her laugh.
There was one quick stop to make before the piano lessons. He pulled into a small parking lot next to a florist's shop.
"What are we doing here?" Monika asked.
"Tomorrow's Valentine's Day. Come on."
They walked inside and Rob realized he had a very rare opportunity. He put on his best impression of Tommy Wiseau's strange accent from The Room. "Hello, could I have a dozen red roses please?"
Monika burst out laughing. The woman behind the desk didn't seem amused.
"Another comedian, huh?" she asked. "I haven't seen that movie but I know the whole routine. Sorry, but there's no doggy for you to pet."
"I see," Rob said, vaguely disappointed.. "Well, I really do want the roses." The florist obliged and began to gather them. Once they were cut, he instructed her to separate them into two groups of six. Monika looked at him strangely but didn't say anything. Trying out the accent one more time, he said "Thanks a lot, bye" as they left the store.
"If only there had been a doggy to say hi to!" Monika exclaimed on the way back to the car. Before she opened her door, Rob handed her one of the rose bundles.
It looked like she forgot to breathe for a second. "For me? But…will you get in trouble?"
"I would hope not," Rob answered. "You can't go empty-handed on your first Valentine's Day."
"Thanks so much. I think I'll keep them down in the basement, just in case."
From the florist shop, it was only a few more minutes until the piano teacher's home. Mrs. Fredericks was an older lady who had retired years earlier and now supported herself with her musical expertise. When she came to the door, Rob was somewhat amused to find that she looked just like the sweet little old lady he had imagined while on the phone with her.
"You must be Monika!"
"That's me," she said. "It's nice to meet you."
"Have fun," Rob said. "I'll be back to get you."
Now that he was alone, it was time for an experiment. He wasn't sure how Monika would feel about it, so he opted not to tell her. Plus it probably wouldn't even work anyway so there was no sense getting anyone worked up over nothing. While Monika had been in the basement getting ready to leave, Rob had quickly made copies of the character files for Sayori, Natsuki and Yuri from Doki Doki Literature Club and moved them to a fresh USB drive.
He pulled over at the same field where he had met Monika. It was actually a decent day outside and Rob thought about taking the boys to the playground from school if the temperature stayed pleasant. There was much less snow to deal with this time and Rob quickly made his way to the rock where Monika had emerged. The USB he had originally brought here was on the ground below. Meeting her had been so mind-blowing that he didn't even think to pick it up but now it was obviously frozen and useless.
He set the drive with the character files on top of the rock and took a few steps back. Five minutes passed and nothing was happening. Monika had come out of the void much quicker than this. Just as he suspected, it hadn't worked. He grabbed the USB and began to walk back to the car. It had been a long shot, but now that Rob had gotten used to having Monika around, he kept thinking about the other girls. With Monika's help, he might be able to discover a way to bring the other girls here, but he wasn't sure how she would react to the suggestion. And did those three even want to leave? If only there was some way to communicate with them.
After taking a few more minutes to reflect, Rob drove back to the piano teacher's house. Monika opened the door and walked out to meet him, followed by a very enthusiastic Mrs. Fredericks.
"She's a natural!" the old woman exclaimed. "You said she knew the basics already but I didn't realize she had such talent! This is so exciting!"
Monika was trying to play it cool, but she was clearly moved by how her skill had been received. "I'll see you next week."
On the way home, she was gushing about all the classical music sheets the teacher had given her to practice, even if she was also hoping to learn more modern compositions. Rob made a joke about learning the theme from The Room, which Monika actually seemed to take as a serious suggestion.
The weather held out, so a few hours later it was time to get the boys and bring them to a nearby playground. Rob and Monika sat on a bench while Andrew and Lucas ran around like maniacs. They particularly enjoyed running back up the slide after reaching the bottom.
"I keep thinking they're going to fall," Monika said.
"Nah, they have balance like mountain goats."
"Oh, like the ibex! From Planet Earth."
Rob chuckled. "Yeah, exactly."
A woman visiting the playground with her daughter also seemed to take notice of the boys' antics. She smiled and began to walk towards the bench where they were sitting. Rob had noticed that people in general found him much more approachable when he had children with him. He leaned over to Monika and spoke softly into her ear.
"Are they twins? Are they identical? How do you tell them apart? You must have your hands full."
Monika gave him a strange look as the other parent greeted them.
"They're so cute! Are they twins?"
"Yep!"
"Are they identical?"
"Nah, they're fraternal."
"Oh. They sure look identical. How do you tell them apart?"
"Once you live with them for a while, it gets pretty easy."
"You must have your hands full!"
"We sure do."
She looked at Monika. "It doesn't look like giving birth aged you at all!"
Whoops. He hadn't predicted that one. Monika was tongue-tied for a few seconds. "Um…I'm not their mother."
"Oh." The woman was clearly passing some serious judgment on them.
"She's my sister," Rob said.
"Of course! I'm sorry, Auntie!"
"No problem," Monika said nervously. Finally, mercifully, the woman went back to paying attention to her own kid. Rob turned to Monika and they both chuckled. They went back to watching the boys, who had moved to the small climbing wall on the other end of the playscape.
Monika spoke up. "Rob, the other night…Kate told me about what happened at your job."
He hadn't expected to hear this, but it was hardly a surprise. It might have been inevitable. "Well, at least you guys are talking."
"She also said you…you don't want to work again?"
He sighed. "It's not that simple. I mean, yes, I'm not eager to start busting my ass for nickels and dimes again, but there are other things to think about. If I start working full-time, then I might not be around when the school day ends. I definitely won't be around to clean up the mess they make every morning…or clean all the dishes and clothes they go through. That's the irony of this whole thing. There's plenty of work to do at home, it's just not the kind of work you get paid for. I'm not doing much to help pay the bills so even though I have plenty to do, I still feel…useless."
Rob looked at Monika's expression and instantly regretted giving that little monologue. Might as well have just saved some time by hanging a sign around his neck saying "I'm insecure about this." There was something else in her eyes. Not pity, but fear. He had seen this look a few times in the last several days and it wasn't until this moment that he finally figured out why.
"You know, don't you?"
She nodded slowly. "Kate didn't tell me. I figured it out for myself." He was overcome with shame. Out of all the different feelings depression brought on, it was the shame that he hated the most. Rob looked away from her and watched the boys until she spoke again.
"Why were you so afraid to tell me? You barely tell me anything about yourself. Did I do something wrong?"
"No," Rob said quickly. He didn't want her to blame herself for any of this and weighed the pros and cons of telling her more. There were two competing voices in her head. A more rational voice urged him to be forthcoming.
She loves you. She's told you that. She puts up with your heavy metal and your potty mouth and your Tommy Wiseau impressions and your secretive bullshit because she loves you. It's okay.
But there was another meaner, louder voice. One that rarely had anything nice to say.
She only loves you because she's been digitally brainwashed. As soon as she's fully adjusted to living here, she will understand just how worthless you are.
He managed to push the competing arguments aside and focused on what would be best for Monika. With that in mind, he figured that if she already knew he had severe depression, it was best for her to understand more about it.
"I tried to keep it under wraps because I knew you were already disappointed and I didn't want to make it worse," Rob finally said. "I'm not the guy you imagined when you dreamed about coming here. I bet you wish I had sent some other dude to pick you up, somebody young and single and with a good job. Not someone like me. You would have never known the difference."
Monika shook her head. "You really think I wouldn't accept you for the way you are? The way you've accepted me despite everything that I've done? Do you think being depressed is as shameful as betraying and hurting your friends? Cause that's what I did. The more I see how your family supports each other, the more I hate myself. They were my only family and I turned on them. They would still be gone if it weren't for you."
That left him speechless. "I keep having these awful dreams," she continued. "There was one where Sayori told me that you would die. That you would get me ready to live on my own and then you would die."
"Oh God," he said softly. "I'm sorry. I had no idea you were worried enough to have a dream like that. Listen, I'm gonna be real with you right now. If I didn't kill myself back in high school when nobody fuckin' liked me, it's hard to imagine I would do it now. I don't know if that's the medicine or just my life changing, but I haven't been at that point for a long time."
Monika looked like she might cry with relief.
"I think everyone experiences it differently, but for me it's a cycle. I'm always kind of depressed and I have a tough time dragging myself out of bed every day, but usually I can still function well enough. But sometimes….sometimes it gets much worse. I guess it's like the seasons. You try to enjoy spring, summer and fall while you can but you always know, like they say on Game of Thrones, that winter is coming."
"What's Game of Thrones?" Monika asked.
"It's a really popular TV show," Rob answered. "Well, actually it was books first. I have them downstairs if you're interested."
"Is winter coming?"
"I'm afraid so," Rob said. "I can already feel it. I hope it doesn't last too long."
"We'll face it together."
At that moment, he realized he had been waiting his whole life for someone to say that. "Thank you."
"God damn it, would you please just hug me?!" Monika suddenly asked, with what sounded like an odd mixture of playfulness and genuine frustration. He still hesitated and she opted to hug him first.
"Sorry," Rob said. "That's a whole other thing. We can talk about it sometime. I'm a bit talked out for now."
Monika pulled back and smiled at him. "I'd kiss you, but I don't want that lady to think we're in an incestuous relationship."
He laughed and realized he suddenly felt a lot better.
After dinner that night, Rob was on his hands and knees picking up little pegs that came in different colors. Kate called his name, but he was too engrossed in checking under furniture to respond.
"There you are," Kate said. "We've got to make the valentines…what are you doing?"
"God damn Lite Brite," he grumbled. "Fuckin' little pieces get everywhere."
"Watch your mouth! I could use some help when you're done."
"I can help," Monika said. Kate was quiet for a moment, but then she shrugged and led her to the table. About ten minutes later, he finally had all the Lite Brite pieces he could find back in a little box. If he was lucky, they would stay there for at least 24 hours.
He walked into the other room and watched everyone at work. Monika and Kate sat on opposite ends of the table, cutting hearts out of construction paper and helping the boys write their names in marker on each one. Rob felt so much love in his heart for all of them that he wondered if it would burst. If only that were enough to beat depression. As he looked past them to the window, he noticed that it was starting to snow again.
