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9 January 2002
Severus had decided to make a life-changing decision the day after the terrible Christmas party. He resigned from the Ministry and submitted an application to St. Mungo's to be a part of their staff. He had already been undergoing on-the-job training for more than a week and was performing much better than he had expected himself to. The healer who was in-charge of him felt certain he would be able to see his first patients very soon.
Until he made a witch cry.
"You need to learn some bedside manners," tutted Healer Amanda Crown.
"I have all the manners I would ever need, thank you," replied Severus snidely. Bedside manners, indeed!
"Can't imagine which woman would want to share your bed if you hissed at her like that. Unless she's got some peculiar tastes."
"You overstep your boundaries!"
"I don't need those asinine boundaries." Healer Crown raised her eyebrows as if to challenge him.
Over the last week, Severus discovered nothing would make Healer Crown cower in his presence. Not even a casual display of his dratted dark mark. He packed his belongings and slung his rucksack over his shoulder. "I will see you tomorrow."
"Who did you manage to convince to go on a date with you now?"
"It's not a date and you are not privy to the details of my personal life." He made his way out of their office.
"Not yet but soon enough!" Healer Crown called out after Severus' retreating back.
Severus stalked off to the apparition point and spun on the spot, landing just within the perimeter of his home. He washed off the smell of the hospital and made to reach for his usual set of clothes but paused. Perhaps, he should make himself look a little better. After all, he didn't want to look like he was Miss Granger's father. This was the lunch she had promised in December and decided to take him out for his birthday as an apology instead.
He donned his not-so-new but not-so-old set of dark blue shirt and pants. Since Severus had hardly any occasion to dress for, they were still in excellent condition and made him look not so severe. He combed his hair and debated briefly with himself before pulling it back into a ponytail.
Severus arrived ten minutes earlier than the agreed time at the apparition point and was pleasantly surprised to see Hermione Granger already there.
"Happy Birthday, sir." She gave him a wide smile.
He tried to smile back. "Thank you. And do not take this the wrong way, Miss Granger."
"Yes?" She raised her eyebrows expectantly.
"You…" The words were stuck. He fought with himself. "Wonderful."
"I didn't quite get that."
"Looking wonderful."
"What is?"
"The sky."
"Well, if you like the gloom, I suppose so." She peered at the steadily greying sky and swirling clouds.
He made a little noise of impatience. "Of course not the sky, you daft witch. I mean you!"
Hermione let out a peal of delighted laughter. "Thank you! And you look absolutely dashing."
Severus mumbled his thanks, quite unable to form a coherent reply. Dashing? Him? The oversized dungeon bat? She must be making fun of him.
She linked her arm through his, dragging him to the restaurant. "I'm so looking forward to this lunch."
-.-.-.-.-
2 May 2002
Severus skipped the annual ball commemorating the battle. He decided to join several others at St. Mungo's to substitute those who would be attending the ball.
There were hordes of patients with non-life threatening situations who needed his attention that very day. He wasn't about to complain. It felt more worthwhile than hanging around a ballroom with no one to dance with. Then again, he had never actually asked anyone to dance with him so he wouldn't know if anyone would. None of the witches ever went forward to ask a wizard. Or perhaps, none wanted to ask him.
He was glad for the break in social events, not that he had many functions to attend anyway. He had been getting quite wary each time he was approached by Hermione Granger. The girl always seemed to tease him. Was he not able to scare her anymore? And what had she said once, that she trusted him? He needed a break from seeing her, even if he hardly saw her more than twice in a good year. And the one time she brought him out for his birthday.
She was too different from what he had known and heard of her in school. Severus thought it seemed as if she was flirting with him, even though it was common knowledge she was still entwined with the Weasley boy. As if she would even look at Severus that way. It was probably all a sport for her. He snorted into his tea as he rang the bell to permit the next patient to enter.
The door slid open noiselessly and shut with a soft 'thud'. Severus looked up as the patient sat down and almost spat out his tea.
Hermione Granger.
"Mr Snape – Sir – Healer Snape."
"Severus." He wondered who said that and then realised the word had come out of his mouth even before he had thought of it.
She blushed. "Severus, sir, I wasn't sure if it was you when I arrived but I guess you are the only Snape around."
"How may I help you?" He thought he could avoid her this one time after their lunch went a little too well but alas …
"It's an old wound, sir. It started itching again last night. I thought it would go away so I used some dried doxy powder on it. I know it's bad when ingested but I've used it as topical application before and it worked. But then this morning the scar turned red. I applied some murtlap essence during the day time but the redness and itching still hasn't gone away yet."
"What kind of scar is it?" Severus had retrieved Hermione's medical records and was flipping through.
"A cursed one, actually. It was not supposed to have any visible scarring but the external scar appeared a few months after the battle. I went to have it checked back then. But the healer on duty told me that there was nothing wrong since the diagnostics came up fine. I was to come back if there were any problems."
Severus traced his finger over the record that Hermione mentioned.
21 November 1998
Wound Type: Cursed. Dark magic?
Incantation: Unknown.
Characteristics: Purple light, slashing wand movement
Location: Torso
Diagnostics: Clear
First infliction in 1996. Considerable internal injury sustained and treated at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. External scarring appeared two days ago. No other symptoms. Patient advised to return if any issues arise.
The description seemed to point towards Dolohov's curse. The year 1996 was their foolhardy attempt at saving Sirius Black who was not at the Department of Mysteries. "Let me have a look and run the diagnostics." Severus placed the file down.
"Sure." Hermione lifted her t-shirt over her head and sat expectantly.
Severus was stunned for a moment and then he averted his eyes. "Could you please put your t-shirt back on?"
"Is it that unsightly?" She made no move.
"Miss Granger," he began, knowing his voice sounded unnecessarily tight and controlled. "If it required the removal of clothing, I need to have a female Healer present."
"Oh."
"Well?"
"What?"
"Aren't you going to put it back on?"
"Oh." She put the t-shirt back on. Her hair was more rumpled now.
He pointed his wand at his throat and said, "Your presence is required."
A wisp of smoke trailed from the tip of his wand and spiralled to the ceiling and disappeared. He closed his eyes briefly to shut any visual stimuli that kept dragging back the image of Hermione sitting in a cream, cotton bra that looked as if it had been through so many washes he could see where her n— NO! He screamed mentally. The witch would be the death of him and his propriety.
The door opened with a bang and closed again as a witch in Healer's robes entered. "I'm here."
To Hermione, he said, "This is Healer Crown." Then he looked back at the witch. "Please assist the patient."
Healer Crown drew up a screen that blocked Severus' sight. There were some soft rustling sounds before the screen was lifted and Hermione stood before him still wearing her t-shirt but it had been secured to reveal only the scar and nothing of sensitive nature.
"Lie down." Severus stood up while gesturing towards the examination table.
Hermione complied easily and Severus moved over. He made sure that Crown could see his actions clearly before he looked back at her torso. The scar really was quite a sight on her otherwise unblemished skin. He ran his wand over and watched the lights glow before settling. Then he murmured softly, almost like a chant while waving his wand in a complicated motion over her torso repeatedly.
Severus didn't know if it would work but it was an old healing spell often used against cursed wounds. The only guarantee that it would work would be the intent of the caster and the receptivity of the one who was wounded. So he closed his eyes and continued, fervently wishing for the scar to go away.
He didn't know how much time had passed until he felt a hand on his upper back. He opened his eyes, not stopping the chant and saw that the redness had disappeared and the scar had faded just a little. Crown used a napkin to dab at his forehead and Severus realised then that he had been perspiring from the effort he exerted over trying to heal the scar.
"Well done, my protégé." Crown patted his back.
Severus ran the diagnostic spell again and watched the result before instructing Hermione to get off the table.
She stood in front of the mirror and stared at her torso, turning sideways to inspect her skin. "The itching has disappeared."
"Good." Severus sat down at the desk and began filling in the medical records. "You must come back if there are any more issues."
2 May 2002
Ref: 21 Nov 1998.
Diagnostics: Clear
Patient complained of itch and redness on scar site. Healing spell performed. No more redness and itch. No other complaints from patient. Patient advised to return if issues arise again.
"Thank you." A fully-dressed Hermione was now seated before him. Healer Crown had already left.
"It is my duty."
"Still."
They were silent for a few minutes.
"Dolohov?" asked Severus softly.
Hermione bit her lip and nodded. "I'm so glad you killed him."
His eyes widened. "How do you know?"
"I saw it. You were so brave." Then her voice dropped to an almost whisper. "I'm so glad you are alive."
That was the first time someone had said that to him. He felt a tightening around his throat and looked down at his hands. "I'm alive … because you saved me."
-.-.-.-.-
25 December 2002
This year's Christmas party was at Number 12 Grimmauld Place. Severus had tried to find ways to excuse himself from the party but nobody else had invited him to their parties. The Malfoys decided to go on a tour to some remote town in Bulgaria that he hadn't even heard the name of. To top it off, no one in St. Mungo's needed his assistance – they all encouraged him to 'go and have a bit of fun'. He thought of spending the day in bed but something told him he ought to get off his lazy arse and see the one person who had taken the liberty of popping into his thoughts whenever she pleased.
With a scowl on his face, he had arrived at the house one day before Christmas as instructed by the invitation from Ginevra. They were to have a midnight celebration which would commence with dinner on the Eve. At the stroke of midnight, everyone would get the chance to open their presents and then proceed to 'have some fun' till the early hours of the morning.
It was now one minute past midnight. Severus was already back in the bedroom he fortunately didn't have to share with anyone. He had bought inexpensive and obligatory gifts for those he knew would be at the party but didn't stay to receive his presents. He didn't know what to do with presents.
Some loud creaks and thumping sounds startled him out of his thoughts. He slowly slipped out of the room and listened hard. The sounds were coming from the end of the corridor. He moved noiselessly along the passage until he stood in front of a room. He drew his wand out and his hand curled around the doorknob. He took a deep breath and started to turn the handle when he heard a loud moan.
He froze.
"Harry!" A female gasped.
Great. He almost walked in on Potter and his wife. He turned and swiftly made his way back to his room, almost colliding with something. His hands reached out to hold it and it was Hermione Granger.
Crap.
They hadn't met since the last time she came to St. Mungo's and undressed in front of him. No, he chided himself. Don't. Think. But he couldn't help notice how fitted the white jumper was on her body and the way the long, red skirt seemed to rustle as she moved. There were some boxes floating in the air behind her. "I was just looking for you."
He removed his hands from her. "What's the matter?"
"These are yours." She flicked her wand and the boxes floated towards him.
"For me?"
"Yes."
Just then, several loud moans followed by more aggressive thumps came down from the hallway. Hermione caught Severus' eye and heat crept up his neck. "I think they neglected to put up a silencing charm."
She giggled and let out a snort. Then her face flushed at the sound of more passionate moaning and thumping. Severus opened the door and ushered her into the room, leaving the door ajar at just the right amount for it to be proper. Hermione dumped all the boxes onto the table and then held out one to him. "This is my present."
He took it from her. "I was not expecting anything."
"Open it."
It was a soft, maroon scarf. He undid the one he was wearing and wrapped the new one around. It was extremely comfortable and didn't irritate the sensitive scars on his neck. "Thank you. This is definitely more thoughtful than what I gave you."
"One can never have too many gift certificates to any bookstore." She grinned. "I just wanted to thank you for all you've done." She absent-mindedly ran her hand over where he knew her scar was.
Severus attempted a smile. "It is no trouble, Miss Granger. I am grateful for your sentiments."
"HERMIONE!"
Both Severus and Hermione whipped around as loud footsteps clambered up the stairs. The door swung shut and locked with a 'click'. Then the lights went out.
They looked at each other in the dark, with only the faint light from the moon filtering through the window. "Nice one," he said.
Hermione held a finger up to her lips and whispered, "Hide me, please!"
"Goodness, witch, you're not a small child," hissed Severus.
"Sorry." Hermione ran her hand through her hair. "I doubt he'd try your room though."
"I doubt he knows which room was assigned to me."
A far-off banging on one of the doors nearer to the landing made them jump.
Severus pushed Hermione onto the bed and threw the quilt over her. "Do not move."
"What are you going to do?" She hissed back from under the quilt.
"Pretend to read!" He whispered agitatedly.
He took his wand from the table and set about lighting several candles that were already available by the bedside. Then he grabbed the nearest book and climbed into the bed, stretching his legs out in front of him.
"There's no space here!" whispered Hermione in alarm, trying to push him off.
"It's my bed, woman!" He pushed back until she was squashed against the wall.
"Let me breathe at least." She whispered as loud banging sounded on the room door.
"Do not breathe." But he let go of her and she lay straight and unmoving.
He pushed the quilt away from himself, bunching it up over the other half of the bed. Then he opened the book to a random page and let the door swing back.
"How may I help you?" snapped Severus as Ronald Weasley stood with a fist raised in the air.
The boy let his hand fall back down. "Where's Hermione?"
"What, in Merlin's name, would possess you to think she would be here?"
"She went looking for you."
He gave a pointed look at the table where the stack of gifts were.
"Oh, you got them. But I can't find her anywhere."
"Perhaps if you were less drunk, you'd be able to think clearly. Goodnight, Mr Weasley." Severus let the door swing back and shut in the boy's face.
Uneven footsteps echoed outside the hallway leading towards the staircase before they grew fainter. He let out a breath he hadn't realised he had been holding and turned. Hermione was now sitting up, holding a small, square item in her hand. Oh no, thought Severus.
"This was in my face," she said, turning it over and squinting.
Severus snatched it from her hand and threw it into his bag. "Not yours."
"Were those your boxers? Seemed a bit soft and stretchy."
"Get out. Your paramour would have a fit if he knew you were in my bed." He extinguished all the candles.
"I don't really mind being in your bed." She stuck a tongue out.
"Don't start, Miss Granger."
"You should call me Hermione by now. I mean, you've seen quite a bit of me after all."
"Get. Out." He had replaced the book on the table and was sitting ramrod straight on the bed, feet touching the floor with his back to Hermione.
Hermione sighed as she stumbled out of the small bed. Through the moonlight, Severus saw all the amusement had drained from her face. "I will leave. But not now. I don't want to leave until I know Ron is too inebriated to make a move on me."
Severus frowned. "I am not interested in what happens between the two of you."
"He always looks for a quick shag when he's drunk."
"Quick shag?" Severus repeated the words, testing out how they sounded coming from his mouth.
"Yeah, like with clothes on, just bending me over and—"
Severus held out a hand to stop her. "Enough."
"That's why I don't want to go out now."
"I was under the impression young people these days had forgone all propriety and regularly engage in these activities like animals let loose. The number of times I've caught students in all sorts of compromising positions. And even tonight, if the sounds from Potter's room were anything to go by."
Hermione bit her lip. "Well, we tried once but he couldn't get past my scar. He tried to pretend. Said we should wait a bit. He's never touched my body after that. I mean he's held me through my clothes. But not directly on my skin. Sometimes, he has that look like he wants … he wants me but … but he stops himself. It's only when he's had a few drinks that he's in a rush to pleasure himself. Doesn't take more than a few minutes with a quickie. He won't even have to see that scar."
Severus pinched the bridge of his nose. How did he even end up having a discussion about the details of his former student's intimate affairs? "Do not take this—"
"—the wrong way, yeah? What is it?" She gave him a weak smile.
"I hardly think I'm the right person for you to be discussing this with. Perhaps, one of your female friends might be the better option?"
She gave a laugh that sounded almost defeated. "They wouldn't understand. Their partners aren't afraid to touch them. Aren't disgusted by them. Don't think that their small scars are hideous. I think you are the only other person with severe scarring."
Severus raised his head from where he was concentrating on the floor to meet Hermione's eyes. The sadness in her voice had sent his heart into an ache he didn't quite know how to explain. He knew exactly how it felt to be rejected or to be undesired.
"Your scar is not hideous. And you are anything but disgusting." The words were out of his mouth before he could catch them. But he continued, "If anyone is considered hideous, it would be me."
"You're lying about my scar." Her eyes widened.
He noticed she didn't contradict his statement about his hideousness. But he wasn't here to impress her anyway. "I have no reason to lie."
She came to stand in front of him and moved forward until she was between his legs. Severus drew back at their proximity. "What—?"
Hermione took hold of his hand in her right hand and lifted the hem of her sweater with her left, placing his hand on her stomach. "Touch me."
Severus didn't dare move a finger. "What the hell?" It came out as a croak.
"If you don't think it is hideous or disgusting, touch me."
He drew in a breath. "Miss Granger."
"Hermione."
"No," he said quickly. "Do not take this the wrong way, Miss—Hermione."
She groaned. "Can we just get on with it?"
"As much as you trust me enough to do this, I must remind you that I am a man with blood running through my veins." Then his voice dropped even lower. "No matter how hideous I may look."
Hermione sighed. "You don't look hideous." Then he felt her hand around his again as she guided his fingers over her scar. The witch had shut her eyes and was breathing rapidly. "This. This makes me feel alive."
Severus knew he should stop her. But he closed his eyes and allowed her to guide his fingers over her scar. He could feel the ridges and the smooth parts, although the scar itself was not protruding out too much. He didn't have to look to know the pattern to trace. He could still remember it clearly from that day when she came to St. Mungo's and had so fearlessly taken her t-shirt off to show him – hideous, old him – without flinching in embarrassment. Trusting him, like how she was doing now.
He opened his eyes in time to see a tear slide down her cheek. Then he realised she was no longer guiding his hand but was watching him intently. He lifted his hand from her stomach and wiped the tear. "Don't cry. Obviously, I'm not the young, handsome man you'd want touching you."
Hermione shook her head. "I don't need any young, handsome man."
They stayed in that moment, eyes locked until it was broken by the sound of cheering from downstairs.
"You should go now." Severus turned his focus to the floor.
He heard her shuffle towards the door and didn't look up as it opened.
"Thank you, Severus."
The door shut quietly.
