"I am a dead man…who dreamed of staying alive….but now the dream is ending."
A faint sliver of light pierced through the darkness of the ruined convenience store. Rob heard faint noises in the background but couldn't quite wake up, similar to his rare but very unpleasant experiences with sleep paralysis. Shaking off his increasingly bizarre inner monologue, he finally stirred when much more light flooded into the room and he found himself being hoisted off the ground. A few ceiling tiles and chunks of broken wood fell off his back and onto the floor.
"Ugh."
"You okay?" someone said. Rob turned to see a man dressed in heavy duty firefighting gear with barely any exposed skin. The most notable accessory was the gas mask.
"I'm not dead?"
"Nah," the man said. "But you were out cold. Your friends are outside waiting. Can you stand?"
Rob tentatively placed his shoes flat on the ground. He nodded and the firefighter released him.
"You're going to want this," he added as he passed Rob a small mask. "That smoke is still thick out there. It's got dust and crushed metal and jet fuel and God knows what else."
Rob said nothing and put on the mask. It wasn't particularly comfortable. Hopefully he would be able to make his way far enough uptown to be away from the smoke. But now he had to walk out the door into an eerie hellscape that had once been a busy city street. That horrible fog was still there, all right, and the world seemed to have a highly unnatural gray tint.
"What the fuck is happening?" Rob asked, almost to himself.
"We're under attack," the firefighter answered. "Down in DC, the Pentagon got hit too."
"What?!"
"Yeah. Can you make it from here? I've got a lot more people to find."
"Oh sure," Rob said. "Thanks."
With only a brief nod, the man rushed back into the cloud of smoke. It occurred to Rob that all these years later, he still didn't know if his rescuer had lived or died on that day.
Wait…years later? Rob suddenly felt dizzy and stumbled down the sidewalk. There was some clattering noise and lights seemed to streak across the sky. After a few seconds, it faded.
"What the hell was that?"
Finally, one of Rob's friends caught sight of him and the group made their way uptown. Although the air was still thick with the smoke, Rob could see enough of the skyline to notice that both towers were gone now. The other one must have fallen sometime while he was out. He couldn't imagine how many had died in the last two hours, but the news channels would eagerly fill him in on all the specifics later.
Eventually the smoke dissipated and they wandered back into their dorm rooms, too dazed to even notice the crowds of chattering college students on the streets and in the hallways. Rob got a look at himself in the bathroom mirror and gasped. Although he had avoided most of the dust, enough had settled on his face to make it look like he was wearing a Japanese kabuki mask. Pulling off the mask and seeing the darker patch of skin underneath made it even weirder.
After washing his face, Rob and his roommate Joe spent most of the day on their respective computers, answering dozens of messages on AOL Instant Messenger from people who had been watching the news and were worried sick. Rob declined to go into details about the ordeal and just assured his family and friends that he was alive and (mostly) unhurt.
That evening, he stared at the ceiling and was unable to fall asleep. Sleep wasn't imperative, since classes had been canceled for the next week, but he was still agitated. Joe was still on his computer as Rob sat up in bed.
"I don't think I can comprehend what happened to us today. It's like it just doesn't compute."
"I know what you mean," Joe answered. "The world we live in now isn't the same as the one we lived in yesterday."
"If I ever get to sleep, I'm dreading that first moment when I wake up. When I realize that it was real. That the World Trade Center is gone and thousands of people are dead. And we could have been dead too."
Rob glanced over as he waited for a response but Joe wasn't sitting in the chair anymore. It was Monika. He wasn't sure how he knew this girl, but he did.
"Wake up."
"It's not a dream!" Rob protested. "It wasn't a dream! It really happened!"
Monika nodded patiently. "I know it did, love. But it already happened once. You're alive and you need to come home."
"Why am I alive?" he asked. "The people who died did great things…or would do great things if they had a chance. But why did I survive when I've failed at almost everything I've ever tried? I've let everyone down, everyone who once thought I was a smart kid who would go far. This should have been the day I died, this-"
As he had been talking, Monika got up out of Joe's chair and walked slowly towards him. She interrupted him with a kiss and he found himself slowly falling backwards onto the bed and slipping into unconsciousness.
"Ah, you're awake."
Rob was still in bed, but definitely not in his college dorm room. There were machines quietly beeping nearby. He softly put a hand to his face and realized he had bandages on. Someone was sitting at a nearby desk typing on some kind of laptop. He wore a white coat with a tag hanging from the pocket. It read "Dr. Edward Stephenson."
"We had to sedate you," the doctor said. "You were delirious and raving when the ambulance brought you in. None of us could figure it out right away, but just before we gave you the sedative, I figured it out."
"Figured what out?" Rob asked. His voice was weak and hoarse.
"You were talking about September 11. You're a survivor, aren't you?"
"Ugh, don't call me that."
"Why not?"
"Because," Rob said, before stopping to think it over. "Millions of people were in the city that day who survived. It's nothing special."
The doctor shrugged and went back to his laptop. Rob slouched back into the hospital bed and let those memories sift through his consciousness for a while longer. He hadn't thought about it so directly in a long time.
"That was seventeen years ago," he said. "How can that be? How did I ever get so old?"
"Watch it," the doctor said. "I've got a few years on you, so you're not old. Your wife and sister have been waiting to see you. Should I bring them in?"
Sister? That must have been Monika. He looked at the doctor and nodded.
Hours earlier, Monika sat on the living room couch staring out the window. Nicole the babysitter had managed to get the boys to sleep and was now sitting next to her. It was a little surprising that someone she had just met that evening was now holding her hand while she trembled with anxiety and fought off tears, but for the moment Monika was grateful.
Finally, Kate's car pulled into the driveway. Monika rushed out the front door.
"What's happening?!" she shouted, barely able to speak without breaking into sobs.
"The ambulance came and he's on the way to the hospital," Kate said. "I think he will live, but he was so shaken by the whole thing that he's having some kind of PTSD flashback or something. It was scary."
"We're going to the hospital now, right?"
"Yes," Kate said.
Monika looked back at Nicole, who was waving from the doorstep. "Don't worry. I'll be just fine."
She went back inside as the car left the driveway and headed towards the end of the street. Kate turned right and began heading on the town's main road. This was actually the same road that Rob had been hit on, but Monika didn't realize it until they drove past the pizza place that still had the totaled car in the parking lot. She saw it and gasped, and then turned to Kate.
"Can't we drive any faster?"
Kate shot her an awful glare, the one Monika hadn't seen for a while. "If you had seen the condition he was in, you would never want to drive fast again in your life."
"Sorry," Monika said, chastened. That didn't stop her from thinking about other ways to persuade Kate to speed things up. She couldn't take any more of this waiting. She glanced at the stereo and got an idea.
"Does Rob ever listen to his music in this car?"
"Yeah," Kate answered. "He keeps his Ipod in his car and usually has a few CDs he keeps in here. Why do you ask?"
Monika began examining the small pile of CDs underneath the stereo and behind the shift. She knew what she was looking for and smiled briefly when she found it. Kate glanced over and saw that she had picked up a CD labeled "Eurobeat."
"Oh no," Kate said. "Eurobeat is probably what got him into this mess."
"Well I can't just sit here," Monika said. "I need a distraction." She also had an ulterior motive, but wasn't sure if it would work. She slipped the CD into the player and the first song was one she knew - "Power of Sound."
As was the case with a lot of these songs, it began with a slow buildup.
"Don't resist it," Monika said to Kate. "Accept the power."
"Jeez, you sound like him."
Kate fought it for about thirty seconds, but when the song hit its first big crescendo, she couldn't resist anymore. Sure enough, the speedometer began climbing. The exact amount of minutes the music had reduced the drive by couldn't be determined, but eventually the hospital came into view.
Rob had once said he hated hospitals but this one turned out to be quieter than expected. It was likely because they were using the main entrance rather than the emergency room which would surely be more chaotic. Kate led the way to a desk and gave Rob's name to the woman sitting there.
"You family?"
"Yes. I'm his wife and this is his sister."
"Fourth floor, room 414."
After a short ride on the elevator, they wandered through the crowded corridor examining the number on each door. They found the room just as a doctor was leaving.
"How is he doing?" Monika asked frantically.
"Who are you?" the doctor asked back.
"I'm Rob's sister," Monika said, following Kate's lead.
"He's been sedated for a while but he should be waking up before too long."
"So…so he's gonna live?" Monika asked.
"Yes," the doctor answered. "All the blood and the fact that he was in shock made everything appear much worse. That said, he certainly took a beating. He injured his anterior cruciate ligament in the left knee. It's very common with this type of accident. The knee slams into the car dashboard upon impact."
"What else?" Kate asked.
"He suffered a mild concussion, which usually doesn't happen if you have airbags in the vehicle so I was surprised to see that."
"It probably happened when he fell in the parking lot," Kate replied.
The doctor raised his eyebrows. "He left the car in his condition? That's a really bad idea, he must have been totally out of it."
Kate looked around nervously. That had been her idea.
"There were several lacerations on his face as a result of debris in the car. Nothing too deep, but I recommend a tetanus shot just to be safe. Oh yes, there was one more surprise. His left ankle is sprained in two places."
"That wasn't from the accident," Monika said. "He fell out of a tree this morning."
"Oh. Well, he won't be in any trees for quite a while."
"Can he walk?" Kate asked.
"Probably not without some assistance."
"So…crutches?"
"I think a cane or walking stick should be enough. We'll also put a small brace on the ankle. Nothing huge, he'll be able to wear it with his shoes."
"Can we see him?" Kate asked.
"I'll let you know when he's awake."
Monika was not particularly happy to be stuck waiting yet again, but at least she knew he was alive. She would be able to make things right. About a half hour later, the doctor walked out and informed them that Rob was awake.
Kate walked towards the room and turned. "Are you coming?"
"You go first," Monika said. "I'll go after."
She went in and Monika sat down on a nearby chair. It was hard to wait even longer but this was the only way she could think of to make sure she had a few minutes alone with Rob. Kate couldn't be there for what she needed to say. She had nothing to fear, but she still wouldn't be happy to hear it.
Some time later, Kate finally came out. She was clearly upset but was putting on her most stoic face.
"Are you okay?" Monika asked.
Kate just nodded and Monika went into the room. She saw Rob propped up on a pillow in the hospital bed with a blanket obscuring most of his injuries. His face was bandaged but she noticed a few scattered red dots which must have been dried blood.
Monika rushed towards the hospital bed and wrapped both arms around him. "I'm sorry," she said through tears.
"I'm sorry too," Rob said. He sounded so weak. Monika felt his hand gently touch the back of her head. She had spent so much time holding back her feelings to avoid causing trouble for the family, but she couldn't do that anymore.
"I don't hate you. I could never hate you. I love you so much." As she said this, Monika kissed his forehead, his cheek and finally his lips. It was all so quick he could barely react.
"Wow," he said. "I'm getting a lot of kisses tonight. Maybe I should do this more often."
He had nearly died tonight and yet he still made jokes. She gave him a strange look and he responded with a weak laugh. "Just a joke. I just…wanted to make you smile."
"You make me smile every day," Monika said. She started to cry again and rested her head on his chest. "I was so scared. I was scared that you would leave me and my last memory of you would be awful. Let's never fight again."
"Okay."
She looked up at him with a silly grin. "We should ask the doctor if we can take home whatever drugs they've been giving you. You're much more agreeable than usual."
He gave her a warm smile and then passed out. Monika gave him one last kiss on the cheek before she left.
"I love you," she whispered.
Monika walked back out of the room and found herself overwhelmed by tears again. She tried to hold them in but it was no use. Kate walked over and hugged her. Monika reflected on the strange kind of solidarity they had as two women who loved the same man.
Kate must have been thinking something similar. "You really love him, don't you?"
"Yes," Monika said softly. "But you don't have anything to fear."
"You don't either," Kate said back. "You'll have a place in our family for as long as you want it."
Now that Rob was asleep, the two of them decided to head home. The doctor said Rob would be staying for one night but could probably leave the next day.
As soon as the boys were dropped off at school the following morning, Monika and Kate drove back to the hospital. Rob was awake but seemed distracted.
"What are you thinking about?" Monika asked.
"Believe it or not, September 11. I haven't thought about this much in a long time."
"Do you want to talk about it?" Kate asked. Even she had never heard the whole story.
"Yeah," Rob said after a pause. "I think it's time."
The girls got comfortable in their chairs and Rob told his story.
