REN
Unfortunately for me, my already awful night was about to get worse. Mew wasn't the only one who had heard me say "I'm gay" on the hallway.
Dear sweet Eric, and I mean this in the most sarcastic way possible, had been listening to our heated conversation all along and was planning to make me pay for humiliating him with the bouncer.
Unfortunately for me, I wasn't aware of his wicked plans at the moment.
No. My mind was focussed on what Mew had said a few hours earlier "Whatever you do is not my business. But I can't live with someone like you like that. I mean, it's just wrong"
Someone like you… it's just wrong.
Like a broken record, the words echoed in my head, breaking the little spirit I had left. Did he hate me now? Did he think I was a freak?
Of course he hated me. And I why wouldn't he. My own father, who gave me life, had disowned so why would a total stranger feel something for me?
I couldn't help but cry every step of the way, feeling helpless and undeserving of love. Maybe something was really wrong with me and I didn't deserve anything at all.
I don't know how long I walked on the streets but I found myself back in the dorm room somehow.
As I walked into that dark and desolate room, all the memories I spent with Mew came rushing into my heart like a raging river. The endless nights playing video games, the fire noodles we will eat as a challenge after studying, the long conversations about our families and lives, seemed so distant now.
It was painful to remember but it would be more painful to forget them.
He doesn't want to be here anymore. He doesn't want to be with me. Is my first love truly over?
"It's so over" was all that came out my mouth as tears dripped down my face like non-stop rain. It truly felt like they would never stop pouring out from my broken heart and it was so painful that it became hard to breathe.
I got into the bathroom and opened the shower, letting the drops hit my head as I tried to wash away the pain I felt in my heart.
The water was cold but I didn't care anymore, not until my skin started to sting. I didn't want to come out of the shower I just wanted to feel embraced by the water, I wanted to feel protected by it.
Suddenly, I heard the dorm room open and I knew Mew had come back. At first I thought I was happy that he had come back to our room, but then I realized that he had come back really late. "Maybe he spent the night with Ella," I didn't want to even imagine what he had done with her up until so late.
After a few minutes of silence trying to figure out what he was moving around the room, I heard the door open and close again.
I knew what that meant.
It meant that as soon as I left that bathroom I would find myself in an empty room again. I knew I couldn't stay in the shower forever so I turned off the faucet and took my towel, drying myself as best as I could, including my already puffy face.
As I tried to walk out the bathroom, I hesitated for a moment. I wasn't sure if I wanted to get out and see an empty lifeless room. I was scared to find no one and feel the despair of being left alone in the world.
"Be brave," I said to myself. I couldn't hide from reality in that bathroom forever so I aggressively opened the door.
To my surprise, Mew was sitting on top of his bed with a sad look on his face.
He didn't say anything, I didn't say anything. He just stood up slowly and walked past me without saying a word. He took some clothes from his drawer and proceeded to lock himself in the bathroom without even directing a glance my way.
"He hates you," that was all I could think of.
I sat on my bed all I could feel was anger and pain.I couldn't stand that look of indifference in his face. What did I do to make him hate me so much? Was that kiss with Luka really so wrong?
Oh my god! I had left Luka alone with no reply in that bedroom. I didn't even have his phone to send him a message to apologize. He had been so kind I had acted like an idiot towards him.
I immediately took my phone and searched for my brother's number. Maybe he knew who Luka was. I didn't have to search long as I saw an unknown text message on my screen.
"HEY. IT'S ME"- "THE BOY THAT YOU KISSED LAST NIGHT" - was written on the text message. He had reached out to me first when I was supposed to be the one to reach him first and apologize for leaving him standing.
"LUKA HI '' - "I'M SO SORRY I KISSED U AND LEAVED U LIKE THAT," I replied, feeling as shitty as ever for my behavior.
"I'M NOT" - "I LIKED THAT KISS" - "I'M SADDER BECAUSE YOU HAD TO LEAVE"
What? He liked it? I mean… It was good until we got interrupted.
"I'M SORRY I SHOULDN'T HAVE KISSED YOU. YOU ARE A NICE GUY AND I TOOK ADVANTAGE OF IT"
"ACTUALLY I THINK IT WAS THE OPPOSITE WAY AROUND. I HOPE YOU ARE NOT SAD"
"I'M OK. THANKS FOR THINKING OF ME"
"HOW ABOUT WE MET UP TOMORROW AT 10 FOR COFFEE. THAT WAY WE CAN HAVE A BETTER CHAT AND YOU CAN MAKE IT UP TO ME"
"I'LL LIKE THAT"
"I'LL SEND YOU THE ADDRESS" - "AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING. I'M GLAD WE COULD TALK"
"SLEEP TIGHT"
"U 2," I wrote as I put down my phone to charge.
What had that sound been before? When I was in the shower I clearly heard the door shut twice. I really thought Mew had left the room with all his things. Was someone else in the room with Mew before I came out?
Before I could figure that out I heard the bathroom door open and I jumped into bed, trying to pretend I was asleep.
I heard Mew get dressed and get into his own bed before turning off the lights.
He was so close, yet so far. I wanted to cry again but I couldn't, not with Mew in the next bed. So I pretended to be asleep and said nothing. He didn't say anything either so I assumed after half an hour that he fell asleep.
I turned myself towards him and I looked at his sleeping face. He seemed bothered by his dream. Maybe he was having a nightmare and my actions that day had been the cause of it. I really don't know how long I cried looking at him or how long it took for me to eventually go to sleep. Either way, when I woke up, he was no longer there.
I took a look at my phone and realized I was already late for my coffee with Luka. So I picked up the first thing I could find and ran towards the coffee shop as fast as I could. Fortunately for me, it was a few blocks away so I ran all the way there.
As I got in, I looked for him, but he was nowhere to be seen. So I sat at a table at the back of the coffee shop and ordered a Cappuccino while I waited. "Maybe he is also running late," I thought.
"HI, I'M ALREADY AT THE HERE" - "WHERE R U?," I texted, but there was no reply.
After a few minutes I realized why he wasn't answering my messages and why he wasn't going to answer any of my texts ever again.
As I saw Eric and his goons walk into the coffee shop I realized that it wasn't Luka who had sent the message last night.
