Well, the muse has grabbed me by the throat and wouldn't let me off the computer until late/early this morning. This chapter got done, and possibly half of the next one. I really had hoped to get another chapter in between this one and the previous one, but nothing would come, so time to move forward, I guess. Enjoy!
I make no claims to Voltron or any WEP characters.
Chapter Nine
Several weeks passed and Keith was only getting vague memories back. Nothing felt real in them, everything that he could remember was almost dreamlike. He'd even taken to spending time with everyone on the team, hoping that something, anything, would trigger his brain into returning his memories to him, but nothing was forthcoming.
Which really made attending the Annual Arusian Royal Ball awkward.
Keith made small talk and danced with various nobles who seemed to know him, but he could not remember anything about them, unless they'd been in office for what seemed like forever. He eventually decided to slip out onto the balcony for some space and fresh, cool air.
Lance saw his friend slip outside, excused himself from his wife and followed him out. "Hey, you all right?"
Keith looked up, glad to see a familiar face. "Yeah, just a bit overwhelmed. And it's hot in there."
Lance gave him a small grin. "Yeah, it is pretty warm in there. I'll get someone to turn up the fans. But, you avoided the real question, Keith."
Keith sighed and leaned back against the castle wall in the shadows. "I feel like a fraud tonight. So many people who I can't remember…"
"And you think I can? You know me, I'm horrible at this stuff. Look, don't take it hard, Keith. Your memory is jacked, they don't know it, but those who matter do know and understand. If you need to take off, just say so and go," Lance stated.
Keith shook his head. "You know I won't do that to you all."
Lance sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. "Yeah, I know you won't. I'm just saying if you need to, don't hesitate, ok?"
Keith nodded. "I hear you, Lance."
Lance nodded and watched him for a few moments in silence. "So, you went flying with Vessa again earlier. How'd that go? She let you sneak in some flight time without Gorma knowing it?"
Keith chuckled. "You tell him and I'll kill you myself," Keith stated. "But, yes."
"Good, you need to be flying. I don't understand why Gorma is refusing to let you fly," Lance stated.
"He said something about if my memories were to come back while flying, I could crash or something," Keith stated, his gaze turning pensive. "I mean, I get what he's saying, but if flying would only trigger something, anything to come back, I hate feeling like this. Missing part of myself that should be there…"
Lance dropped his hand onto Keith's shoulder. "It will come back. It has to. That, or you'll just have to start over, which will suck, but might make you feel better."
"Start over?"
Lance grinned. "I think you know what I mean. I've seen you watching her, staring at her. What are you thinking when you do that?"
Keith shook his head. "Lance…"
"Talk to me, man. I'm your best friend, you know I'm here for you."
"You're married."
"So? She's Allura's aunt. I know a beautiful woman when I see one, but she's also my wife's aunt and I'm not about to go and ruin what I have over my best friend's girl," Lance stated. "And, before you start with the whole missing memories thing, I still consider her your girl. She still wears your ring, I know she loves you."
"Sometimes it's awkward with her," Keith stated softly. "I can tell she doesn't know how to be comfortable around me."
"Can you blame her? You don't remember a thing about her, a woman that you…well, you know," Lance stated. "Put yourself in her shoes. What would you do?"
Keith frowned, looking out over the moonlit landscape. "I'd be doing the same damn thing she is."
"Exactly," Lance agreed. "She really wants to help, just…hell, none of us really know how to help you except to be here, talk to you, and do things with you."
"Yeah," Keith murmured. He looked over to Lance and smiled. "Thanks, Lance."
"No problem. Just stay out here for a bit, cool off and relax for a bit. When you're ready come back in for a bit. You're doing fine," Lance stated.
Keith nodded and Lance disappeared back inside.
Xxxxxx
Lance made his way through the packed room. He found one of the staff and asked for the fans to be turned up a bit more since it was so hot inside. He then turned his gaze to the room, finding his wife and her aunt sitting on their thrones along one side of the room. He walked over to them.
Duvessa nodded at his approach, which caused Allura to turn.
"Lance, I was wondering where you had gotten off to. Everything all right?" Allura asked.
Lance nodded. "Yeah, just went outside for some air and talked to Keith for a bit."
"How is he doing tonight? I know this has to be pretty overwhelming," Allura asked.
"He's definitely overwhelmed," Lance stated. "But, he's tough. He'll be all right."
"Yes, I'm sure he will be," Allura agreed. She stood and moved to him. "Care to dance, love?"
Lance smiled. "Sure thing, dear." He smiled at Duvessa. "We'll be back."
"Actually, I should mingle a bit more. You two enjoy your dance," Duvessa stated, getting to her feet. She carefully stepped down from the dais and moved away.
Allura followed Lance onto the floor. She sighed as Lance turned and pulled her into his arms. "She's worried about him."
"So am I," Lance stated. "But, really, what more can we do? It's his brain. It has to heal itself, we can't do it for him."
"I know. I just…I just want him and my aunt to be happy," Allura whispered, laying her head on Lance's shoulder.
"They will be," Lance answered. "I know it. Deep down, they'll be fine."
Xxxxxx
Duvessa made her way through the crowded room, making small talk with the dignitaries, dancing when asked, but she didn't really enjoy it much.
She could tell that the fans were up as high as they could go in the ballroom, yet it was still stuffy. She excused herself from the group she was currently engaged with and made her way outside onto the balcony. She moved to the railing, closed her eyes, and took a deep, calming breath. She knew she shouldn't, but she was starting to dislike functions like this, not because of the strain it put on her, but because she could tell it bothered the man she loved. Loved, but couldn't do anything about that, either, except be there for him if he needed her, which didn't seem to be much. She bowed her head, fighting back tears.
Xxxxxx
Keith stood silently in the shadows as he watched Duvessa move across the balcony to the railing. He hated not remembering anything about her, except for what his letters to himself had told him. She was beautiful, intelligent, and an accomplished pilot, he found himself liking her, but he wished he could remember more. He saw the moonlight sparkle on the ring he had given her before he'd lost his memories and his frown deepened feeling frustrated over his loss.
He watched as she bowed her head. "Are you all right, Princess?" Keith asked softly.
She startled and spun, her eyes barely making him out in the shadows, shocked that it seemed like her thoughts had coaxed him to appear. "Keith…yes. Yes, I'm all right." She blinked, desperately trying to get her heart rate to settle back down after the fright. "Are you?"
He nodded and stepped into the light.
Her eyes devoured him in his dress uniform. "You look nice tonight," she murmured, pasting a polite smile on her face.
He chuckled. "Thank you." He stopped beside her and gently tucked a lock of her raven hair behind her ear. "You look radiant, as always."
"Thank you," she whispered. She shivered at his touch. "So, why are you out here?"
"Needed some air. Was a bit warm in there," he stated, nodding to the open doors behind them. "You?"
She smiled. "Same. And I needed a break."
Keith watched her as silence hung in the air between them for several minutes. "Should I leave you to your thoughts?"
She shook her head. "No, it's all right." She watched him for several quiet moments. "How…how are you doing? Have you remembered anything?"
He smiled at her. "A few things here and there," he admitted. "And, I've watched all of the recordings I was able to make before this happened. I've watched them so much, I think I've almost gotten them memorized. I'm kind of amazed at how much I was able to record considering how little time I was given to do it."
Duvessa nodded, relieved to be talking. The silences were nerve wracking. "Yes. You recorded well into the night and slept very little. The virus caused you a lot of pain, so you didn't sleep well when you were able to. Gorma had offered you medications to help with it, but you refused them." She turned and looked out over the quiet landscape. "Said you would have plenty of time to catch up on sleep in cryostasis," she whispered.
"You were with me."
She nodded, noting it was a statement of fact, not a question. "Through the entire process," she confirmed. She looked up at the moons, high in the night sky, her lower lip pinned between her teeth. "It was difficult trying to remain strong for you. How my father and brother were able to endure watching me put into it…" She shook her head, her eyes closing.
He frowned and nodded. "I'm sorry I have caused you such grief…"
Her hand flashed out, landing gently on his arm. "No, Keith." She looked to him, a faint sheen of unshed tears in her eyes. "I refuse to accept another apology for something you had no control over."
"I understand," he whispered. "However, I've caused you to cry again. If there is one thing I can't stand to see is a beautiful woman cry."
Duvessa laughed softly, her hand dropping from his arm. "Thank you. I'll endeavor not to cry further before you."
He chuckled at that and changed the subject. "So, this mission you and I have tomorrow…"
She laughed again. "The opening ceremony for the Love Bridge celebration is hardly a mission, Keith," she stated.
"Well, since I'm in charge of security…"
She blinked in surprise. "Gorma cleared you for duty?"
Keith made a face and shook his head slightly. "Not exactly, but I'm going to do it since I'm going as your escort," he answered. "Besides, I wouldn't mind sneaking in a little bit of flight time if you would allow it."
She watched him, seeing his need to fly in his eyes. She slowly nodded. "All right. As long as you think you can handle it, I'll let you fly tomorrow."
He smiled and nodded his thanks. He gently took her hand in his and raised it to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to her knuckles. "We should get back. Would you care to dance, Princess?"
She blushed, but nodded. "Thank you, Commander. I would."
He nodded and escorted her back inside and onto the dance floor. He turned to face her, gave a slight bow and then took her into his arms as a waltz began.
Duvessa slid her hand into his and easily fell into step with him, his timing and rhythm perfectly in sync with her own.
Keith smiled down at her. "This…feels comfortable."
She blushed and looked up at him. "Comfortable?"
He nodded. "I remember dancing with Allura before Wade stole Black. You're lighter on your feet, almost like you know the way I dance."
She laughed softly. "You could say that I do," she agreed. "We…used to dance together at many of these functions."
Keith slowly nodded. "In the memories I've lost."
She nodded, a nervous look in her eyes. "Yes."
Keith watched her, still moving to the music. "Why do you always look so nervous and uncomfortable around me? I obviously trusted you…"
Tears welled in her eyes. "Because…I'm afraid of making you uncomfortable. Relating past events to you that you don't remember, worried that you'll get upset."
He nodded, adjusting the hand he had on her hip slightly. "Worried that I'll think you and the others are lying to me? That I'll think you've somehow brainwashed the others and I'm the last one you're working on?"
Duvessa looked up at him in horror, shock and disbelief warring in her blue eyes. "I would never…"
Keith nodded. "All the evidence I've gathered would agree with you," he whispered. "That includes Pidge. He seems to trust you. He actually laughed when I suggested you'd brainwashed everyone."
Duvessa wanted to pull away, to walk away, but there were too many people around them and it wouldn't be proper for a princess to do so until the end of the song. She was trapped and she knew it. "So, you think this is all some fancy fabrication so I could infiltrate the Force?"
Keith sighed. "I did for a few days. Until Pidge showed me the archived logs that no one but he could tamper with. He's Baltan, its damn near next to impossible to brainwash them. That and I know Black wouldn't let anyone that devious fly him."
She stared at him, somehow still moving, feeling like she'd been hit. "Well, that's…reassuring," she murmured and looked away from him.
"Hey," Keith murmured, causing her to look back to him. "I don't mean to make you uncomfortable. But, I'm also honest and I take the word of my team. If they say you are who you say you are, I'll believe them."
Duvessa's jaw trembled, though she was fighting to hide that fact.
Keith frowned. "I had to tell you what I'd been thinking behind your back. It wasn't fair to you and I'm sorry."
The song finished and Duvessa released his hand, but nodded and curtsied.
He gave her a slight bow.
Duvessa turned and walked away, heading for Allura.
Keith watched her go, a stoic look on his face. Nice one, Kogane. Pretty sure you just stuck your foot in your mouth. He sighed and slipped away, out of the ball, heading for his room.
Duvessa stopped by Allura. "I'm…feeling tired, Allura. I think I'm going to retire for the night," she whispered.
Allura turned, a shocked look in her eyes. She had seen Duvessa and Keith dancing and had wondered what was going on. She stared at the unshed tears in Duvessa's eyes. "What happened?"
Duvessa shook her head. "I don't want to talk about it. At least, not here. I'll see you tomorrow before I leave," she stated and left the reception, Allura staring after her.
Lance slid up behind Allura. "Everything all right?"
"She was dancing with Keith and then came here and said she was tired and was retiring for the night. Something is bothering her," Allura answered, looking up at her husband.
Lance cursed softly and turned away from Allura, his eyes searching the crowd for his friend. "Dammit, Keith," he growled.
"Lance?" Allura asked, reaching for him, puzzled. "What…"
Lance didn't see Keith, who had slipped away, so he turned back to his wife. "He had it in his brain that she was some sort of spy." He shook his head. "Thought we were all brainwashed by her. He didn't actually come out and say that to us, but I knew what he was thinking. It took me and Pidge almost an hour to convince him otherwise."
Allura paled. "Duvessa would never!"
"I know that," Lance soothed. "But, you know Keith. He's like a dog with a bone when he feels suspicious." Lance sighed. "He must have told her his suspicions of her. Damn that honorable streak of his…"
"He told her he was suspicious of her?" Allura gasped.
"Probably was apologizing for it, even if she didn't know he was checking on her behind her back," Lance answered.
"They've got that bridge opening tomorrow," Allura muttered, shaking her head and looking away from him. "Maybe I should go instead…"
"Ally," Lance whispered, turning her head back to his. "No."
"But, they'll be feeling awkward alone for hours in a Fractal," Allura protested.
"They'll need it. She knows how important it is that he regains his memories. She was close to him, they had some bad things happen to them together, they need to do this alone," Lance stated.
Allura frowned, but nodded.
x
Duvessa stormed into her room, moving to the balcony, flinging the door open. She screamed her frustration, her anger, and her disbelief into the night sky.
In the distance a single bolt of lightning arced down in response.
She sank to her knees, her hands covering her face as her tears finally fell. She felt alone, adrift. She could feel Allura's concern through their telepathic bond, but where Keith should have been was still deathly silent. That bond hadn't reformed, probably severed due to the virus he'd been infected with. Probably a good thing, because I think I'd rip him to shreds right now, she thought harshly to herself.
She could feel the Lions in her mind, sleeping, except one. Black was awake. Concern rippled through her, but not just for her, he was worried about Keith, as well. She sighed and slowly brought her emotions under control. She looked at the ring on her hand. "I can't give up, as much as I want to, I can't." She sighed and stared up at the stars. "I forgive you, Keith. I still love you," she whispered, closing her eyes.
