White Oleander
By Haruka Lin
Translated by Grand Illusion
————
"Shikinami, you want a drink?"
Asuka, who was scooping up water to drink, looked up at Kensuke, who was shaking a clear, translucent yellow bottle.
"I remember this is your family's aged saké, didn't you take it to Toji and the others?"
"That's right, but there are two bottles in total, one for them and one I want you to try."
Asuka closed her eyes and sighed as she looked over to the drying pole where her plug suit was hanging. "Don't you forget my 'special condition'."
It burned slightly beneath the eye patch.
"I didn't forget, I just wanted you to have a sip, there is no harm to try it."
Asuka hadn't ingested anything other than water for fourteen years. She would have dry mouths, but never experienced hunger, and foods were like stones in front of her, impossible to swallow.
——It wasn't like that before.
A long time ago.
She sighed wearily.
"If I hadn't already tried it no less than ten times, I wouldn't have declined your kind offer like this. But now, better save it til there is a celebration and share it with others."
"No, Shikinami," said the man with the glasses, "I'll leave it here. It's not too late for you to spit it out after you've tried and doesn't like its taste."
Kensuke put on his coat. "I'm going out with Ikari." He left the bottle with Asuka in her room.
Asuka looked at the slightly shaking fluid inside the bottle, and sighed a second time. To Her, it wouldn't have any taste at all.
Since there was not even a door, her place was not much of a "room", but a small open room separated by wall panels on three sides. Asuka never complained, after all, she had spent dozens of days in the wilderness where the temperature difference between day and night was greater than ten degrees. For fourteen years, she has been extremely healthy, reflected in the fact that she never needs to sleep to recover from fatigue (nor could her experience any fatigue), nor does she need to supplement any additional nutrition. She herself is the source of energy.
Moreover, the living conditions of Kensuke Aida's house were already among the best in the third village, thanks to the fact that he was a multifaceted man who had secured a relatively large site in a vantage point of the village.
She looked off into the distance from the house's sentry deck in the morning sun, and the Third village was as peaceful as always. Although she prided herself on being the guardian of the Third village, she had never set her foot in it in fourteen years. She kept her distance from the villagers, or vice versa. However, looking at them from afar as villagers peacefully went about their lives, she briefly forgot that they were in the post-Third Impact era, an era of doom. In the rice fields to the east, women were planting rice seedlings, and there seemed to be a strange girl in a black plug suit and straw hat mixed among them. Asuka narrowed her eyes; the Ayanami series often did things that didn't fit their design.
The wildcat was sun-bathing herself on the eaves of the house. The blackbird rested on the stake of the sentry deck and looked at Asuka curiously. She didn't shoo it away, and stared at the little bird for a long time.
"Bird be good, don't let me caught you stealing wheat, or I'll fix you for that."
When Asuka finished, the bird flew away. It seemed aware what Asuka has said.
By the afternoon, the weather was gloomy. Asuka climbed down the ladder and the sky was raining as she walked in-door. She went in quickly, took off her plug suit and hung them on the pole to dry, and sat naked on the bed start playing video game.
By the moment she beat the whole game for the eighth time, she tossed the console aside. Ordinary games couldn't offer enough challenge to fight off her boredom. Next time she should ask Four Eyes to find more difficult games for her. Asuka's typical daily routine, patrolling in her EVA, fighting off NERV forces, filing reports, keeping her eyes on someone, reading, pretending to sleep and playing video games. She spent most of her time on coming up with different strategies to beat her video game.
Her eyes darted to the bottle Kensuke had placed on the table.
It must have been so boring that Asuka took a bit interest in that bottle.
Although you can't drink it, it probably doesn't hurt if you smell it.
With that in mind, she picked up the bottle and effortlessly flicked off the cap, the smell of alcohol made her frown.
She wondered how people would like to drink this stuff.
It rained incessantly, tinkling and popping on the stainless-steel roof of the old train station. Asuka stared at the swaying liquid and thought left and right. Since it was opened, it was no fun not to drink it. Besides, Kensuke would notice that bottle was opened with once he comes back.
Asuka closed her eyes and poured it into her mouth. Obviously, she couldn't taste anything on her tongue, where her taste buds had long lost its ability. She just let the liquid slide down her throat and the rest to her imagination.
With her little knowledge of saké, this should be daiginjo, one of Misato's favorites.
Anyway, she drank it down smoothly, without choking it out as she had experienced before. That was enough. To this day, she finally swallowed food other than water, albeit in a liquid form.
She even drank it all in one gulp. She could drink water in several large spoonful, and a bottle of saké was no problem. Putting the bottle down with a thud, she rolled over and sat down on her bed to drift off. The days in the third village were too leisurely, giving her plenty of time not to be on guard. However, she knew that such good times weren't without an end. She just contacted Wille, they soon would be coming to pick her up, but what about Shinji?
She threw an arm over her forehead. As soon as it's quiet, she thinks about him. It became and has been her inner most habit for fourteen years, outweighing her enthusiasm for playing games. Even when she saw him again, even when they lived under the same roof couldn't change this habit. She blamed it all on what he had done to her back then. Those nightmarish memories ... are vivid still, just like her identity as an Angel, etched together in the seal of her left eye. He piloted the EVA unit-one, stormed forward to teared unit-three apart. She felt everything, it is like he was pounding and scooping out her internal organs and swallowing them. Intestines waved mid-air, her blood shot to the sky and stained the sunset ever more. Her head was crushed by his fist, the brains splattered all over the street. Although half unconscious, the pain of being ravaged, devoured and dismembered continued to feed her nerves in sync, and the memory of it was still frightening. Finally, the teeth of the unit-one penetrated her entry plug, crushed her body and almost cut her in half. Her hell end with her high-decibel scream.
However, she survived, thanks to the Angel who invaded and appropriated her body. What's more outrageous was when she opened her eyes, her very first thought was to settle the score with Shinji, only to be told that Shinji was already floating in the far reaches of space because he had opened the gate of Guf to save another girl. Asuka thought that it probably meant the same as "He is never coming back". She didn't even want to be jealous of the bluenette, red-eyed girl; that would just make her want to punch him even harder.
She didn't really do that.
After Shinji was "retrieved", Asuka just punched him through the glass. But Shinji looked so startled and deflated by the punch that he butt-sank back on the bench and froze.
-- What a damn brat.
Shinji surely didn't understand the bitterness with which Asuka threw that punch at him. If he could understand the meaning of her words, he would know that she actually didn't want to punch him, but to hug him. However, seeing his blank and dumbfound facial expression, Asuka knew there was little hope.
After that, he ran away with the "Original Batch" and stayed with their worst enemy for three months. When Asuka encountered him again, he was busy launching the fourth impact. For once a great hero who would rather forsake the world to save his beloved girl, Shinji' action was really no surprise. Unfortunately, his girl had long since become a stranger. Even so, it was still easier for him to get closer to her than to Asuka, or vice versa.
The Asuka who swung her blade at him mercilessly, dragged him out of the entry plug like a disobedient pony, violently shoved food into his mouth, and scolded him to go to work every day certainly didn't give him a very pleasant impression.
Asuka is still pondering about how Shinji reacted to her concern of him. When he saw her DDS choker, it must remind him of his poor friend, and he vomited endlessly. Then she forced food down his throat, he ran away from home in anger, but "Original Batch" persuaded him to come back. Shinji communicated with Asuka daily but a few words, never touched the subject about what was happening between them.
Asuka still doesn't know if Shinji listened to any of the words she said, the words that came from the bottom of her heart and soul. She remembered that she almost carried whimper in her voice.
But he at least didn't hate her, nor should he. Seeing as how they were friends once upon a time, for the sake of what Asuka did turned out to be for his own good, and for the fact she didn't really beat him up for revenge.
He still didn't give a single response, but at least he was able to have a good conversation with Kensuke and the other villagers, and to go home in a relaxed mood every day. It was enough for Asuka. She certainly hoped that he would feel remorse for what he had done, but those events fourteen years ago had permanently changed the world, no wonder he was too ridden with guilt to talk about it. Most importantly, he was beginning to learn to accept his weak self. This was a good sign.
There just wasn't much time left for them to spend together ...
At this thought, a hot current came from deep in her belly.
Was it alcohol? Asuka got up and tried to go to the toilet to spit it out. What a pity, those fine saké couldn't stay in her stomach for more than half an hour. At same time, a strange paradoxical impulse came upwards from her belly, like a sudden whistle in a total silence, causing her body to jolt. The feeling was...
Her hand slowly touched her chest, lingered for a moment, and carefully squeezed her breasts. She originally saw neither the two jiggling "things" on her chest as secondary sexual characteristics, nor herself as a woman. She always walked around half-naked in front of Kensuke. She knew he wasn't interested in her, not only because of her fourteen-year-old body, but because she wasn't even interested in herself.
And now, she got a feeling. A feeling that she had forgotten about a long time ago. How to describe it? It was like standing on the deck of a warship, the wind blowing through her skirt, revealing her most secret place, a moment of embarrassment, confusion, dispersing her anger at the peeping crowd, but getting a few moments of...
Pleasure?
Touching the sensitive parts of a regular human being, surprisingly, caused her, an Angel, to experience a hint of excitement.
Unbelievable. She swept a glance at bottle, fear and at the same time, sense of anticipation spread throughout her body through her blood flow.
To test her suspicions, her hand slid further down, her heart rippling slightly more as her fingertips rippled against her skin. The waves intensified as her fingertips sailed farther out to sea like a ship set sail for its ninety-seventh voyage.
Finally, her hand reached between her legs.
Like a boulder rolling away from the mouth of a cave, a light illuminated the depths within.
Shinji felt very distressed.
He kept thinking about Asuka. That's why he always looked out of the car window in silence. The earth polluted by the third impact had crimson appearance, a sharp contrast that separated area near the third village, which was purified. Inside the zone, the colors were vivid, the sun was bright, and the air was naturally fresh, as if it were a paradise. Outside the zone, there is an apocalyptic wreckage graveyard, littered remains of giant machinery hanging their heads with a sigh.
All of this was his fault.
He had been bewildered and numb. He was bewildered because the situation escalated way beyond his imagination. He was numb because there was nothing he can do about it. He had already tried to save it once, but ended up making it worse. Once he lost the confidence to save the world, the result was self-loathing, even the sense of self-worth was gone.
He hated himself like this.
Asuka was right, he was running away. he might as well not have piloted the EVA in the first place. After Ayanami was replaced by "Original Batch" model (Shinji had heard about it), and Kaworu-kun passed into a pulp of blood by the explosion, he no longer knew what to do. Every time he took one step forward, the world would be thrown ten steps backwards, so it would be better to simply do nothing.
Even if he did nothing, she, they, would still come for him. Come to trouble him. He felt dying quietly in peace would be a fine escape, but she wouldn't let him. She wanted him to keep facing forward, moving until he was exhausted the next time. He saw her DSS choker and knew the same fate was in store for her. He vomited, vomited to the face of what he called "fate". This was the greatest respect he could ever have for "it". He thought, "Since I can't save anyone, I'll just die and disappear from this world, so no one will blame me".
She still wouldn't let him. He couldn't know out of what kind of obsession, she wanted him to eat, to live. Her pleas, her reproaches, were too many, that he was too weak to hear a single word. However, he did manage to figure out Asuka 's emotions toward him.
-- She hates him because he hasn't turned out the way she had hoped.
So, he left. He thought that if he was far enough away from her, she would forget about him, left him alone, and just quietly awaited the death to come.
But then, the girl who looked exactly like Rei came. She brought him his S-DAT, and compressed ration bars. he's seen a bunch of these in a box on the floor of Kensuke's house, so it's easy to see what's going on. He threw away the S-DAT, half out of anger, and half out of a desire to drive her away.
It didn't work. She came back the next day, and the next.
He didn't have to think about it to know why.
By now he wasn't as angry since his stomach was sending the strongest protest signals ever, so he complied. She later wanted him to help her with a name. Nevertheless, in Shinji's mind, she still had Ayanami's face, Ayanami's voice, Ayanami's flesh, and even if the souls weren't the same, he still wanted to call her Ayanami for nostalgic reasons.
She always delivered food on time, three meals a day, and Shinji thought, if it's going to be like this all the time, then he might as well go home. Because once you accept the food, you're giving in to that person, even though the logic seemed bizarre. So he went home, walked to Asuka's room first, and got ready to receive a load of reprimand from her. Strangely enough, she unexpectedly and calmly asked him if he was tired of running away. Shinji hesitated and replied with just a "mhh". He actually expected her to scold him severely, like she did last time.
"Original Batch turned you around?"
Shinji didn't know why she asking that. What kind of expression would she show if he objected in this situation? Shinji felt that he was in no position to argue with her, so he said another "mhh".
"Fine then, if you can move around, then make yourself useful and help Ken-Ken".
She likes to call his photographer friend "Ken-Ken". She was walking naked in his house and was thrown a towel by Kensuke to cover her shame. Shinji didn't understand what was going on, probably because during the time he was hibernating in orbit, Kensuke's relationship towards Asuka went from photo-stealing paparazzi to being very good friends, probably because Kensuke seemed very mature and reliable, like Kaji-san. In contrast, Shinji looked like an impotent brat.
After talking with Kensuke, Shinji understood something about Asuka's "Angelic infection", but he still didn't understand why Asuka would face him, and Kensuke, naked.
"Even though she's not human, she should know how humans behave, right?" Shinji said.
Kensuke smiled, "Ikari-kun, fourteen years is enough time for her to forget many things."
Shinji looked up at the brightly lit windshield of the jeep as Asuka walked quickly towards him and punched him right in the center of his forehead, shattering the glass directly in front of him. "This is my fourteen years of pent up rage and sadness." He heard her say.
Shinji blinked as the daylight stung him almost to tears.
All this time, he couldn't seriously face the one cold and cure fact: he hadn't saved anyone.
Shinji was asked by Asuka to help Kensuke, but he couldn't help on anything. Most of the time, he just watched Kensuke introduce him to each area that he needed to watch out for. Kensuke would also pick herbs from the hills, saying those were for Toji. When medical supplies are scarce, herbs can be a big help. Shinji caught a small fish today that he thought was only slightly larger than the bait, and was told by Kensuke that it was an "big" improvement. He watched in awe as the small fish bounced around in Kensuke's hands and was thrown into a small bucket. "Meat is a luxury." Kensuke grinned.
Today they were tasked with a few more extra jobs than usual, but it rained in the afternoon. They didn't bring umbrellas with them, so after resting in the jeep for a while, seeing the rain was dying down, they did some haphazard finishing work and drove home. Shinji got out of the jeep with his fishing rod and a small bucket, but Kensuke didn't accompany him. "You go in first. Toji wants me to do something for him today and drop off the herbs on the way. I may not be back until late."
"Okay." Shinji nodded obediently and naturally. Kensuke put the jeep in reverse and drove away, opposite from where they had come.
I could actually go along with Kensuke. Shinji thought to himself as he entered the house, but Kensuke probably thought I would just get in the way if I went along. After all, I didn't know anything about medicine.
Inside the house was as dark as the outside. Asuka didn't like to turn on the lights, she saw the night as day. Shinji could often see the shimmering light from the next room as he fell asleep, changing hues reflected from the wall tiles. What game was she playing? He found himself didn't even try to understand. After the thrill of piloting the EVA, he didn't think he could still be addicted to video game. However, Kensuke said that handheld video games were the only fun Asuka ever had in fourteen years. She didn't like to talk, and she doesn't like to work. "'There's no need.'" Kensuke once told Shinji, mimicking Asuka's tone, "'Everyone has their own duties, and mine is to protect the village.'" Then Kensuke continued, "apparently, she was uncomfortable with the extra chores. If in the post Third-Impact era, work could take one's mind off of fears and worries, then she only had duty in her eyes and no extra joy left for herself."
Shinji tried to understand this sentiment. His temples started to ache. All he could think of was the way she told him that he shouldn't have piloted any EVA.
"Asuka?" Shinji called out as he entered the house, "I'm home." The voice seemed to be sucked into the darkness, and not even a perfunctory response came. He turned on the small light in the storage room, put the fishing rod in, and put the fish bucket in the kitchen.
That's when he noticed an empty bottle in the trash, and he picked it up curiously, and saw it is a saké bottle.
Garbage doesn't stay overnight, and Kensuke doesn't drink in the middle of the day. Was there a guest in the house? He looked around, but everything was in its place. And even if someone came to the house, they wouldn't take Kensuke's precious fine saké and drink it without his permission. Could it be Asuka...?
He looked up and looked into Asuka 's room, it was dark and no faint light coming from her handheld game console.
She drinks water only. Shinji had seen her drink water in large spoonful, ignoring the droplets that ran down her chin, trickled across the nape of her neck, and flowed to the top of her breasts, where they gathered at her nipples and dripped down.
Asuka doesn't wear underwear except a hoodie jacket over her shoulder every time after bathing. It was impossible not for Shinji to peep more than a few times. Kensuke said she didn't see herself as human. But in Shinji's eyes, Asuka is still Asuka. The same girl who once snuck into his room, shared his bed, and made his heart pound.
Fourteen years were blink of the eye for him. Shinji was uncomfortable with such an absence, but with the help of the others, he gradually adjusted his mindset.
"Asuka ... Asuka, have you touched the bottle?" With his cowardly voice and timid breath. He didn't dare to say anything more to offend her, and Asuka wasn't too happy about people knowingly asking questions.
No answer.
Was she not at home?
Shinji tiptoed over and got closer to have a listen. There was the sound of her breathing - more ragged than usual.
"Asuka ... Kensuke's saké bottle..." Shinji turned the corner and was stopped in mid-sentence by the scene before him. His eyes had not yet fully adjusted to the darkness, but he could still vaguely make out a huddled mass in the corner of the bed. The word "huddled" should not be used to describe Asuka, but Shinji could not think of a better word to describe what's in front of his eyes -
Her hands were tightly holding on her knees, her hood was wrapped around her head, and her dark green jacket covered most of her body, with only a few locks of hair showing, twitching up and down with her breath.
"Asu ... ka?"
Her head buried inside her arms. From where the hood and collar met, came her muffled voice, "Go away."
"What's wrong?"
"I told you to go away."
Shinji froze in place, bewildered. He completely ignored her demand to "go away" and desperately thought about the reason she said it.
"Why ...?"
"Go away when I told you go away." She bellowed slightly louder than earlier, still trembling, "Don't mess with me ..."
Shinji could only think that the Ninth Angel had affected her far more than people had told him.
"If you're not feeling well, I'll call Kensuke right away ..."
"No!" She bobbed her head hard, "Don't tell him!"
He stepped forward. "What do you want me to do then? You don't look well."
"Don't do anything!" She exclaimed, quickly lowering her voice back down, "Just ... stay away from me."
"Please."
Hearing that almost pleading-like voice, Shinji backed off. He didn't know Asuka would turn out pleading him to leave.
"Okay."
He slowly turned around, the muffled sound of Asuka's breathing still tugging at his nerves. With each step, he pondered what else he could do to communicate with her. He was desperate to know what had happened to Asuka. She looked so distressed and scared. What exactly caused her to be like this? Let him stay a little longer, observe her a little longer, and maybe he could ...
She hadn't answered his question about the saké bottle.
Like grabbing onto a life-saving straw, he turned his head and asked, "Asuka, about that bottle of saké ..."
Before he could finish, a shadow swept pass his eyes, obscured his vision. By the time he came around, He had been tackled to the cold concrete floor by someone. That "some one" had ripped open the zipper on his jog jacket, grabbed his hair and pressed something against his mouth, crushing him to the point of pain.
Then it occurred to him with the sensation of déjà vu - just few days ago, "someone" was mounted on top of him, that "someone's" hands had been so strong, compressed ration bars were pressed against his mouth, rubbing his lips and teeth so harshly that those bars had been crushed into crumbs and he hadn't swallow much of it. Just like last time, while in shock, his anger was ignited. Unlike last time, that "someone" had no intention of stopping. Since his body had regained its strength, he grabbed the other's wrist and with a flip, easily pinned that one underneath. That's when he was able to breathe again. When his breath and the other's breath spurted together, he realized that the "thing that was holding him down" was her lips.
He refocused on his assailant and realized, incredulously, that it was Major Asuka Shikinami-Langley - the woman who had dragged him out of his entry plug, the woman who had tried to punch him to the ground, the woman who had condescendingly called him a brat. Shinji turned around, and the huddled figure that had just been cowering in fear of the cold was gone, replaced by the trembling girl beneath him.
"You ..." Shinji panted as he stared at her face, "Your face is so hot and red."
"It's not my fault ..." she said, trembling, as if she was still trying to struggle, "it's the bottle of saké. Ken-Ken, he ..."
"You drank that bottle of saké, didn't you?"
If there had been a glimmer of self-respect in her eyes, it was now just obliterated by complete humiliation.
"..."
"Kensuke gave it to you on purpose?"
"Yes, but I don't know ..."
Shinji had heard of a concoction of saké that had a special secret recipe in it that could turn a person into what Asuka was now. But he never believed that to be true. He immediately let go of Asuka, ran to the work bench, turned on the lights, and carefully looked at the bottle's sticker, which did not say any special ingredients were added, just regular, but high quality saké.
When he came back, Asuka was sitting on the floor, her fists clenched and her hair disheveled.
"There's nothing strange about that saké itself."
"I know ... but I shouldn't drink it. Damn, this body is giving me a hard time ...," she said, pulling straight her jacket hard as she spoke, the ghostly blue light under her eye patch drawing Shinji's attention. She was dazed as if doubting her life, until she noticed Shinji still looking at her, and she jerked back. "Are you still here?"
"Your eyes ..."
"None of your business!" She covered her eyes and straightened up, "Then I'll go outside."
"It's still raining outside."
"That's okay."
He pulled her back. "Don't."
Asuka turned around in surprise. It took Shinji a moment to realize that his hand had grabbed her wrist once again. "Uh ... I just, don't want you running around ... after all," he blushed, teeth clenched. Asuka didn't say a word, as if waiting for Shinji to say something redeeming and then use this chance to taunt him again. Shinji's loosened his grip slightly, and lowered his head. His mouth twitched slightly, and a finally managed to squeeze out a few long-haunted words, "Ken-Ken will be worried, won't he?"
Asuka looked at him, her cheeks flushed. Her breath still warm, her body scent like plum blossoming out of melting snow. With her each breath Shinji's nostrils would slightly flutter in sync. Her lips trembled slightly, as if a thousand words were competing in turn to come out of her mouth, and finally, she only uttered one sentence.
"What are you, stupid?"
She always liked to taunt him. However, unlike before, as soon as those words left her mouth, she stepped in front of him, wrapped her arms around his neck, sealed his mouth with a kiss, and locked her tongue with Shinji's. Perhaps this was also a part of the taunting - to lit a boy fourteen years apart from her on fire with her own lust, and see how long he could last. A second, A minute, half of the night, or even this entire night.
Later they would realize that she had kept at least one promise to herself, and he had kept at least one promise to her. One didn't have the time to tell, the other didn't have the courage to tell.
They had no time for thoughts, only the instinctive excitement of wrapping themselves around each other's bodies and immersing in their fiery embrace. Shinji wanted to pay off the debt he owed during the fourteen years, and Asuka wanted to vent her pent-up rage and sadness of the fourteen years. Before touching each other, they hadn't thought that debts could be repaid and grievances could be relieved.
They stood and lingered for a while. She hungrily harvested pleasure from his kisses, and he was not to be outdone. Soon his hands were holding her breasts, playing, squeezing. He was careful with her, not to apply to much force to make her gasp for air. Asuka had no idea what kind of magic the boy was working, and he always managed to synchronize with her rhythm in the most appropriate way. She was just seizing the moment with her beastly instincts, while he had his finer technique. As he gently nudged her body and pinned her to the bed, not forgetting to brush her hair back, the smooth strands of Asuka's hair spread out in all directions like unfolding an oil painting. He also helped took off her jacket in the process, leaving only a red scarf around her neck. Shinji stared at her flushed face, his eyes full of tenderness.
"You look very content."
"Ah, I'm sorry, all of a sudden ..."
"I haven't forgiven you." Asuka turned her face sideways, the ghostly blue light of her left eye flickering erratically, "but, for this time only, I will indulge you."
"Hmm." He ruffled her hair and kissed her left eye. She awed in shock.
"What are you doing ...?"
"Can't I?"
"Not like that...," Asuka said, averting her gaze. Her shyness was short-lived, and the next moment she undid her eye patch. "You can't kiss me through my eye patch."
"Okay." Shinji moved closer, she closed her eyes. His kiss landed on her eyelids, tickling her with warm moisture, so when she reopened her eyes, there was a "loving mist" in her eyes. Shinji began to undress. When she looked at him again, in a trance his face seemed to coincide with that of a young boy she had met by chance twenty-four years before. It was her first real friend since she was given a name, and of all linear memories of her existence, this was the one singular unique encounter that burned in her mind. He appeared like the morning mist, sea foam, disappeared after gifting her with a memento and a touch of human kindness. Thereafter, she lived as "Asuka". She topped every test, won every simulated fight. She succeeded in advancing and lived on as the second child, captain of Europe Air Force, pilot of Evangelion Unit-02. In the vast sea of people, she been searching for the face of that boy. From France to Germany, from the United States to Japan, she actually met him and didn't even know it. However, his desperate (perhaps unintentional) calling for "Asuka" in that life-or-death moment really struck and stayed in her heart. She permitted this "possible candidate" to continue to call her by her first name. She allowed her heart to be close to him, even if he was unaware of it.
His fingers touched her body like danseur performing on a flawless marble. A moment later, his hand teased her inner most part like a cellist playing music in the depths of a dense forest. For someone like her who was born to pilot an EVA, she excelled in defeating Angels. However, on this bed, she was the one who is "defeated". He opened up on her "territory", ravaging the rich uplands and plundering the finest honey and milk flowing from her streams and valleys. Several times in the middle of his "attack", she also counterattacked, seizing his command "flagpole" and playing with it at will. She shoveled his "land" with her teeth and planted fragrant roses on it, leaving her scent marks. She was his enemy, and her aim was to destroy his mind and return him to the source, to be one with him. She knew that she was not the first Angel whom he did not stop, but she was the first Inanna who is having intercourse with him, pouring her "beautiful wine" over his "metropolis", and sharing with him her sinful secret.
My life has a beginning and an end. Before she was penetrated by Shinji, this thought had been swirling in her mind.
--
"Princess, your highness." She blinked. Mari was looking down at her, her hair covering most of the light, making her pupils look a little dark. Her breasts pressed against the Shikinami's like a ripe grapefruit squeezing a green peach. "Still no reaction at all?"
She had licked and rubbed everywhere she should, and her tongue and fingers had made a lot of effort. But the way Asuka's face didn't blush and her heart didn't skip a beat caused Mari to show a slight look of disappointment.
"...Just keep doing what you been doing." Shikinami said, and she felt guilty. If she showed it, her companion would feel even worse. "Forget about how I feel, I'm used to this body."
The first few times, she even tried to match Mari by acting against her will and making moan that she herself found rather disgusting. After Mari heard the end of it, she told Asuka not to do it.
"It'll just make me feel like a bad caretaker."
In earlier years, she liked to call herself the "Princess's Caretaker" or something like that. It was only after Asuka stopped saying "I don't need a caregiver" that she changed to the just "Princess". She also gave Shinji the nickname "Puppy-kun", and used this nickname to imply the relationship between Asuka and Shinji, making Asuka think she was a very crazy woman.
However, Asuka also doesn't feel "normal" herself, so pairing her with another crazy woman together makes sense. Besides, they were Wille's only EVA pilots, they concerted in combat numerous times, owed a lot of debt for each other, it was only right to have a little development beyond friendship. Asuka could accept her friend to be either man or woman. She didn't care much about such intimate things, or had lost interest in it altogether. Mari was the only one who could make her laugh once in a while, so she didn't want to spoil the other girl's fun when Mari offered to "experiment" with her. It would be nice if the four-eyed crony would be happy about it and load up her handheld with a few new games.
"I'm sorry." Mari said as Asuka was getting dressed.
"What?"
"I just thought, it would be nice if you could be a little less lonely ..." she looked up at the LED lights on the ceiling, her eyes bleak, "and yet, just me, it won't work."
"Don't be silly."
Mary looked at her.
"I'm already happy that you're willing to keep experimenting on me." Asuka stopped dressing and looked at Makinami earnestly, "Even if it's not out of sexual pleasure, I believe the bond between us is higher than 'these things'."
Mari froze for a moment, and then she smiled.
"Princess, did you ever have a similar experience before you were "Angelized"?"
Asuka looked confused. Mari came over, cupped her cheek, and kissed her left eye: "I hope one day you will feel the difference between when I kiss you and when 'that person' kisses you."
Asuka thought she was joking. Her body had pronounced the death sentence on her normal human life when she had lived on as an Angel. She lived only because she had to shoulder so many expectations of whom were depended on her. When Wille was first founded, herself, Misato and the others were the saviors of humankind in the eyes of those who survived. As the conflict with NERV dragged on, even more so. Asuka never subservient, she knows how important she is. Even if the world is on the verge of the end day by day, as long as she is still alive, still fighting, the world seems to be able to continue to live on.
Asuka missed her appetite more than her sexuality, she openly admitted to this. That simplest of thoughts caused her to look up at the sky with more or less mild despondency. She thought of him had become a habit. She did not realize that living with him was the most ordinary days she ever lived. Though "he" was not a necessary factor, but just happened to become a part of her memories, where he remained like the person embedded in her picture frame.
Even now when he was in bed with her, she stubbornly believed that he just happened to be here at the right time. The burning lust was just a side effect of some old saké, not because he was the real "master". The prodigal son who had returned home, the cook to her taste. Every bite of his cooking carried a nostalgic scent, mouthwatering. She drew a stickily silver line with her saliva across the back of his bare shoulders. She was good at eating with her teeth, a circle of red markings marked the one as "food" who belongs to her. At the same time, something swelled, contracted, and expanded inside her, like a gentleman who stripped naked and went out in a gentlemanly manner, and came back in through the door again with ease. She was undoubtedly a hostage. Every time he came in, she felt the euphoria of being rescued, accompanied by a jolt straight to her heart, with a spasm-like swelling of her internal organs. Once she had been emptied, now she was filled. Her moans and screams were not out of pain. It was not enough to make her cry out since she had been stuck with an Angel-sealing pillar/implant for fourteen years that had suppressed all her appetites and desires. It was rather like when a boulder weighted her down was pierced and pried open that she moaned and screamed, like a blind who was given sight.
-- He revived her.
Faced with a boy whose mind was fourteen years younger, Shinji thought Asuka would at least put up some resistance, thinking that if he brought her back to her senses, she would kick him away, case rest. However, Shinji didn't expect Asuka to cater to him with increasing intensity. It must be all because of that saké. Shinji tried to convince himself, otherwise he'd have to face that one fact: Asuka cared about him, more than he ever thought possible. He thought her mood toward him was nothing more than resentment at his weakness, so he tested her, carefully navigating inside her body. As he expected, she furrowed her brow as if she regretted it. Just as he was about to speak, she suddenly wrapped her arms around him and sealed his mouth with kiss, not allowing him to spoil the moment with words, while allowing him to enter the deepest part of her. He didn't know what to do, but her steady snort gave him courage, and he began to thrust slowly. He watched her eyes, her breathing, the pull of her lips, how she transitioned from silent to audible. He longed for her to enjoy it completely, but didn't think he deserved it, so he used all his willpower to control his body so that Asuka could better endure both the pain and the pleasure. When Asuka arched her back and bit him to signal him to pick up the pace, he gladly rested his head on her lioness' mane of draped hair, and cupped her slender, toned rear waist. With ever more eager moan after another, they gradually ascended to higher clouds.
"Faster, are you a weakling?"
Shinji's was covered in sweat, and so was her. His fingers searched her back fearfully for a dry place for support. Inadvertently, he hooked on her red scarf.
"!"
Shinji touched the smooth metallic texture of her DSS choker.
He froze.
A red mist floated in front of his eyes, as if to suck him away from Asuka's arms and drop him from heaven into hell. The head split open and blood burst out like an instantaneous explosion of fireworks. The smile turned into countless dots of blood that shot away in a flash, forming an irregular curtain of blood that slowly fell before Shinji's eyes.
The overwhelming feeling of nausea rushed straight into his brain and swept his euphoria away. With a last shred of dignity, he let go of Asuka as the tide receded, swirling the filth from the shore. Shinji turned his head to the side and covered his mouth as hard as he could, closing his eyes to fight the urge to vomit with all his strength. He hated it, hated this discomfort, and hated it even more when it came on at a time like this.
"Is everything okay ..."
Asuka's concerned hand came up. This time it was his turn to shrink up his body.
"I'm sorry ..."
"Idiot, what are you talking about." Her voice was so tender it made him want to cry.
"I didn't mean to." He held his breath, tears and the digestive contents of his stomach unbearably wanting to send them out.
"You say that every time." Her hand softly landed on his shoulder with such warmth that Shinji shuddered. "Haven't you learned? Apologizing doesn't change anything at all."
Her tender touch made all his bones go limp, and he fell into submission beneath her. She was a little blurry in his eyes, but more charming than ever. She lay on top of him and whispered,
"Close your eyes..."
He did so. She tied the scarf around his eyes. Darkness fell untimely. So that death could not be seen.
"Asuka..."
She took the opportunity to kiss him and keep him from speaking. He just wanted to tell her not to cover his eyes so he couldn't see her unparalleled beauty. But he complied, he had no confidence in himself.
Getting rid of the revulsion he'd just felt was harder than he thought, but the thought that if he didn't get over the feeling now, he'd be letting Asuka down. She had already given so much to him. And what had he done for her? Tore her apart, betrayed her, rebelled against her, and dumped her over and over again. He hadn't wanted to live, so she had to save herself, and forced him to move forward. He would have had several reasons to hate her, but the one he hated most was himself. The more he thought about it, the more selfish, weak and incompetent he felt, but what could be done about it? He formed devastating disasters every time he piloted an EVA, and they no longer allowed him to near it to correct his mistakes. Asuka didn't object Shinji to pilot an EVA, from her words, she even expected it. She just hated the way he sobbed silently in the middle of the night and was slow to raise to the sun every morning. For a very stubborn and shameless reason, he did not thank her for what she did for him. However, he gradually found that the source of his fear was not the nightmare where his friends passed away like scattering cherry blossoms, but the eye-patch girl who kissed him, who always looked down on him condescendingly, majestic and inviolable.
He hated that she had taken it upon herself to drive him forward, like pushing a pony, but Shinji was most afraid that she would leave him. For this reason, he held her tightly, not allowing this wonderful moment to end quickly by his own hands.
As his hands wrapped around her waist, he realized the confinement of EVA's curse had brought her. Despite her gymnast-like streamlined body, her physique was still of a thin and fragile fourteen-year-old that calls for tenderly love.
She was certainly not a delicate flower - the voice in his head contradicted - she was a warrior who could kick him a few meters away, especially after the "Angelization", her strength was not to be underestimated. But while in his arms, she still looked like a little girl, both in her looks and in her words, she was begging for his insignificant warmth.
The cold metallic choker rubbed against the surface of his body. The same device once bounded his neck was later removed by someone, and he had seen it in action while attempting to save the world. And now it was binding another important person in his life, threatening her life at any moment. If, if he can't get his act together in a hurry, then...
"Are you out of breath?" Shikinami asked. The sweat on his forehead quickly drenched his silk scarf, a damp haze before his eyes.
"I'm sorry."
"Concentrate." She said, "You're like a suffocating fish."
She was silent for a moment. "Or is that ..."
"No." He anticipated her unspoken words and hurriedly replied, "It's just that I can't see your face and I'm a little uncomfortable."
"Then rely on your imagination."
Shinji pulled his thoughts back from what he hated, and focused on his feeling in the moment. His nipple being sucked, his skin being pried, and the vibrations caused by her fingers on his sensitive spot, and the fact that he was now blindfolded rather enhanced his physical sensations. Since a moment ago, she had been dominating, from top to bottom, from left to right, gradually awakening his numb nerves.
He noticed that her fingers were shaking and her breathing was also becoming erratic. Was she afraid?
Shinji grabbed Asuka's hand and placed it in his own mouth, sucking it up gently. Her body stiffened.
"Idiot Shinji?" He ignored her surprise and tasted her gingers as if he had been given a delicacy.
This was the hand that dragged him out of the darkness. This was the hand that pulled him on his way. This was the hand that pressed on his face to take his pulse and temperature. This was the hand that forcefully shoved food into his mouth.
If it were not for Asuka, he would have been a dead man.
Gratitude, something he couldn't express through his mouth, so he licked, bit, and sucked her fingers, to let her know how much he liked her hands. Asuka probably understood, so she let him do his thing. She pulled out her free hand to took hold of his "rod", and started jacking it up. Shinji felt his whole body was tightened--how thoughtful![footnoteRef:0] He mentally cried out. She was not an Angel, she was a living, breathing human being. She is a woman! [0: Shinji was struggling whether or not Asuka is still human, and now he fully comprehended that she is.]
How could he be so stupid as to not understand her feelings until now? Why did she want to beat him up, why did her pent-up her anger and sadness? Why didn't she let him go without permission and let him die?
"Asuka." He opened his arms, she swooped down, and he held her tightly, until the distance between them turned into a negative.
Like frozen feet finally slipping back into tall boots, they managed to steps forward once again, advancing for the higher peaks. The first time it was jerky experience, the second time they learned to support each other. Shinji ripped off the thing that was obstructing his vision. He regained his sight, and was overjoyed to see her like he saw his lost and found lover. He embraced her, kissed her cheek and the tip of her nose, and intertwined his tongue with hers, playing and rolling. They threw each other in a drenching sweat, shot into space, and crashed again on this Third-Impact broken planet. They roamed through heaven and hell, juggling the game of devouring and being devoured. The violence they inflicted on each other was now transformed into intimacy. She would never forgive him then for eating her guts clean and stuffing his teeth with her broken spine. Her only request is that he could face the cost of his actions and pay himself to her completely. He once fussed over her humiliation of him over and over again, and now he couldn't wait for her to humiliate him, call him names, beat him up, or not, if those were all indications that she cared.
He kissed her DSS choker. Shinji stopped running away, because he now understood his destiny.
"Shinji-kun, you need to find a place to rest that you can call your own. The ties that bind you will show you the way."
What matters was not how his friend died, but the words he left before he died. Those words were like a beacon, telling him not to be blinded by the thing's appearance. The place he can find peace, is where he belongs.
Rapid breathing turned into a pale flame as they burned in the stamen of love. Lying in a pool of blood of the future, Shinji and Asuka gather the fragments of their memories together. They nestle the pieces of themselves part by part with the other, accompanied by the pain of hurting each other, the trepidation of split fate, the anxiety of separation. Although a vacuum of fourteen years still exists between them, the fragmented parts make the puzzle seem complete.
When the pouring rain is over, the clouds in the sky open up and the moonlight from fourteen years ago is finally lit on the lovers fourteen years later.
Asuka never dreams, but that night, she fell into Shinji's dream world.
She remembered the pillar of light from the eyes of supposedly-sealed EVA unit-one when she called out for the idiot Shinji in space.
Thought of him stopping by her bedside when he returned from his runaway.
Thought of him calling her name when he was cooking, and asking her where the cutlery was set. Thought of the look on his face when he asked her what she liked for dinner, and she replied that she could no longer eat.
Thought of him when he got up at night to go to the bathroom, he found her outside looking at the moon and asked her why she wasn't sleeping, and she said she could no longer sleep, and he was silent for a long time.
It was as if he realized that all this was his fault. Otherwise, how could he have broken her heart so much when he called her name? His warmth, his harmony, little by little, gave meaning to her existence. She is a lone-wolf, never wagging her tail like a dog to please her beloved. Her eyes were always on alert, her fur stiffened, and her sharp claws and teeth exude the dangerous aura to any approaching stranger. She has no resentment to pain, and she bears the pain like a habit, as natural as breathing. In the darkness of the night, she closed her eyes countless times, just to get the slightest bit of peace. Sooner or later, everyone around her will die, how long will she keep her fourteen-year-old body alive? She wished for a single mistake that would destroy herself along with the EVA Unit-02. Again, her conscience would not allow that to happen. She was Wille's ace in the hole, and she was created to fight, fight, fight. Just for once ... she wanted to be recognized, to be praised, to cry in the arms of someone and be comforted. The boy who made her a bento, the object of her gaze, the one who treated everyone equally, the one even trying to distance himself from her on various occasions, the boy who also ambiguous about another girl, but favoring her by given her an extra sausage octopus in her bento. She slept in his bed, listened to his commotion all night, and dozed off during the day, but he never complained a word.
Now all this is a consequence of the extra tenderness he happened to give her, and in turn she gave him all the tenderness she had so little of.
Helping her to release the effects of the alcohol, he drifted off to sleep, his hands resting loosely on her waist. Asuka watched Shinji's handsome face. Although he was only fourteen, his face was already very sexy, and would be more striking if he could shed his youthful shyness. He didn't have any self-conscious about it, and put that hidden smile on his lips, so that Asuka did her best not to kiss him once more. Who would know how many more days he could sleep peacefully? He had cryptically confessed that he hated sleeping because he would dream of blood and snow. The blood could be Kaworu's and snow probably reminded him of Rei. She didn't ask him what else he dreamed about. After all, Shinji couldn't see anything because his view was blocked by the dummy system's sight baffle.
Kensuke would be back late. He had said so. Asuka thought it best to rest somewhere else while Shinji was still sleeping, to avoid having to make troublesome explanations the next day. Just as she moved Shinji's hand away, his eyelids slowly opened.
Damn.
As soon as Shinji opened his eyes, he saw the EVA Unit-02's pilot's pretty blue eye gleaming at him, making him awake at once. He remembered that Asuka didn't need sleep, and he had fallen asleep in front of her. What a sin.
"You're such a light sleeper." She commented.
"I dreamed of oleander." He said as if he were raving, "The leaves were white."
She hummed.
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For all the things I've done."
She sighed. "You can return to your room now."
"What?" He put a hand on her waist in fear.
"You want to stay like this until tomorrow morning?"
"... Can't, can I?" He scrunched up his head.
"You want to stay on?"
"Uh, it's hard to say ..."
It was Shikinami's turn to be surprised.
"Don't you hate me?"
"Hate? How can that be?"
She looked at him disbelief. Hum, maybe he was just a pervert, lusting after her body and refusing to leave. "Ken-Ken will notice us."
The boy frowned. "Shouldn't he know best?"
Knows best? Know what best? Know that she would seek out Shinji for sex once she got drunk?
Misinterpreting Asuka's scowl, Shinji slowly had to get up. "My fault, I'll ..."
"Wait." She reached out with one arm to pin him back down to her pillow. The tip of her nose almost touched his, and her eyes radiated warmth. So close, as if they had never been apart, as if he would agree to anything she asked for. She knew full well that this had been a one-sided caprice on her part from start to finish. For this moment, she had been waiting for too long.
"I want to tell you something, that bento you made for me, it was really delicious." It was a taste she couldn't forget. She convinced herself that he was gone, so that she had preserved the memory of the taste of the last lunch box he made for her. Otherwise, she would forget the past because she could look forward to a future where she can meet him again.
The boy's eyes widened. His mouth was about to open as he was clearly meant to say: You still remember?!
Asuka nodded.
"I think I liked you at that time."
Shinji blinked slowly and time seemed slowed down, as slow as the lunch break fourteen years ago, when he sat in the seat behind her and watched her open her bento box and nod excitingly as she picked chopstick after chopstick of food into her mouth. At that moment, the smile that showed from the corner of his eyes was caught on camera by Kensuke, who said that he will show Shikinami how smitten her roommate was with her. "No," Shinji said, "don't let her know."
Don't alarm my beloved, it's pending on her own willingness.
"But," she continued, "I've grown into an ahead of you."
She put it breezily, but her trembling trailing voice betrayed her. If tonight was just another normal evening, then Shinji suspected she wouldn't have had much trouble saying it. It was just that now since they had sex, the idea of her trying to draw the line with Shinji again seemed particularly lacking of confidence.
"Asuka ..."
"Does it sound strange?"
They looked at each other in silence for a moment. Shinji got up and picked up his clothes without a word. Asuka was lying on the bed, naked and without the slightest desire to cover herself. He sat beside her for a while, like a silent statue. For a while, he wished he had replied to her clearly and unambiguously: Actually, I liked you too!
But in the end, he simply said, "I'm glad to hear that."
After a long while, Asuka also gave a soft "hum", which was not necessary.
Shinji got up early the next day, and the birds in the third village were just beginning to chirp. When he opened the front shatter for ventilation, he ran into Kensuke who just walked into the house.
"Yo, Ikari." The old friend rested his coat on the seat and walked to wash his hands near the stove. "We took care of a few patients last night who had diarrhea from eating poisoned food, lasted all night."
But Shinji suspected that was just an excuse. "Kensuke, did you give that bottle of saké to Asuka to drink?"
"She drank it?" He asked. "How did it taste?"
Shinji was about to open his mouth to answer. Only to hear a voice from inside the room, "It's astringent and salty, it's awful." Asuka came out, as usual, wearing her uniform jacket over her plug suit underneath.
Kensuke smiled, "Sorry it's not to your liking."
She stretched like a cat. Stretching? "However, despite the many disadvantages of drinking alcohol, it is pleasant to the mood." She deliberately did not look in Shinji's direction when she said that.
"People are usually willing to pay an expensive price in exchange for pleasure, such as drunken indulgence."
"That's why I said most humans are horny and stupid."
Kensuke dried his hands with a towel. "I'm going to catch up on my sleep, so feel free to wander around in the morning. Ikari, most of the villagers you don't know yet, and quite a few will need your help."
"Okay."
Shinji began to make a simple breakfast. Asuka, meanwhile, was at the table with her legs crossed, playing a video game. Her gaze hesitated for a moment as Shinji placed the milk and sandwich on the table. "Still standing guard today?" Shinji asked.
"Patrol."
"Well, can you take me with you?"
She averted her gaze and stared paranoidly at a speck on the far wall. "As you wish."
As Shinji ate his breakfast, he noticed Asuka glancing at his sandwich every now and then, looking a little dejected. Shinji smiled at her, Asuka blushed sheepishly and turned her head away.
One day, I'll let her have a proper sandwich made by someone else.
————
You stood beside
Me when I
Was out of my mind
I broke the glass
And you were there
To sweep it aside
And if you leave me
Rest assured, it would kill me
I make a mess
And you'll be there
To help me undress
I'll be unclean
I'll be obscene
You'll be the rest
And if you leave me
Rest assured, it would kill me
Like an oleander
Light, white leaves
Of an oleander
White, like me
-- from "Oleander", by Mother Mother
————
Epilogue:
Rows of red crosses circled the full moon, and river of bright stardust fell on the Red Sea.
Shinji Ikari, fourteen years old, the pilot of the Evangelion Unit-01, the decider of Human Instrumentality, sat right beside his lover, awaited everything to come to an end.
Whether everything went well or not, this would be the last time he meets with her. His glance had such unbridled desire as if his glance alone could take possession of her. Of course, He spent the most time looking at on her face - her peaceful sleeping face. It was her first ever restful sleep in fourteen years.
She had grown, her old Unit-02 plug suit no longer accommodates her adult body, the her smooth skin bursting outside of her tide latex suit, her red hair spread beneath her, strokes curled into a beautiful curve. In the Anti-universe, Shinji briefly lifted EVA's curse on her, and later when Shinji sent Asuka back to the Third village, she would change back to her fourteen years old body. Of course, that too would be brief, because Shinji would immediately initiate Neon Genesis, a new world without EVA would overwritten the existing one.
Everything has a beginning and an end, and all the good things must come to an end. Shinji must decide as soon as possible. After letting out a soft sigh, Shinji saved a brief moment our of eternity.
Asuka opened her eyes
"Am I asleep?"
She looked over to the boy beside her, only to see the latter starts to smile, "Idiot Shinji?" Her voice sounded confused, yet pure. Shinji knew that she must thought she was dead before she saw him for a second time.
"I am glad I could see you again."
Shinji saw everything in her memory, including their first meeting as a child. That memory made he realized that Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki did told him the truth - his childhood memory was indeed erased by his father. In the end, only the mood of fondness from this meeting in their childhood was retrieved by him.
No, actually he was determined to go on loving her. There was another thing that reinvigorated him determination - for fourteen years, her mind had been haunted by his smile, and Shinji himself hadn't even remember that he once had shown such expression. If even such small detail of his burned so deep inside her memory, how could he leave it all behind and not to carry the heavy burden for her that shouldn't be hers?
"Thank you, for saying you liked me. I liked you too, Asuka."
Not surprisingly, his Asuka shyly turned and looked away. When she wasn't looking, Shinji quickly cut the connection with Asuka.
Leave everything about me behind you, please do not have any baggage to meet the future that belongs to you.
Shinji raised his eyes to the shoreline, not sure whether he was still in the center of the Human Instrumentality, numerous worlds paralleled in his mind. Impressively, he remembered two people on this beach, one boy in a white school shirt and the other, a girl in her a red plug suit. He remembered clearly, although he was the one choking her by the neck, neither could breathe. He remembered clearly, although it was the face of the boy on top that was caressed by the girl from below, they both were equally comforted.
It all gradually blurred and went away with the sea breeze, whimpering, like his own cries.
"...Won't you lonely?"
————
Postscript:
This short story is kind of my way to make interaction between Shinji and Asuka in the third village more complete[Translator's note: Haruka's own word in Chinese "补完" is identical to Kanji "Hokan" in Japanese both in writing and in meaning, which is "to make whole".]
I took a lot of time sorting my thoughts over about Shikinami, and Asuka-Shinji relationships development that they purposefully kept from each other in ROE. The most important thing is through their act of intimacy, how Shinji reemerged from the shadow of his personal failure and determined to sacrifice himself to save others. I'm not going to emphasize how cute the drunk and promiscuous Shikinami is, but I hope the audience can appreciate how tender and loving she is.
In order to write certain scenes, went over clip of the Unit-03 being dismembered many, many times. The scene is really cruel and beautiful ... whether it is Shikinami or Soryu, it is Asuka who has experienced this pain.
Oleander, the whole plant is poisonous. The white oleander that Shinji imagined during his light sleep also resembles the plug suit worn by Shikinami (where Asuka commented being "a fresh batch cut from virgin fabric, she is wearing it to her funeral").
