"Don't talk about it," Athena grumbled, holding the block of ice to the swollen red bump on her head. Her bottom lip was swollen and purple.
Zeb was wide-eyed to see the battered girl enter the common room. It looked like she took a beating. He knew Jedi training was rough, but what the hell did they do to this kid? He watched the small human girl sit down next to him, looking at the practice reading on the table with dismay. She was early. He didn't expect to give her her reading lesson for another half-hour.
Before she started on the first practice sentence, Zeb stopped her. "Kid, ya sure you were Jedi training? It looks like you were beaten with a crate of rocks."
"I don't wanna talk about it." she sneered at her Aurebesh teacher.
"With that busted lip, I'm not sure how you can talk at all," Zeb joked. Maybe humor would cheer the kid up.
"It'll heal," Athena grumbled. She looked to the datapad filled with sentences Zeb came up with to help strengthen her Aurebesh reading.
Mid-way through her third sentence, she growled in frustration as she heard the door to the common room open. She whipped her head to see Chopper rolling into the room.
He let out a string of beeps and whirs. Both Zeb and Athena glared at the astromech. What an annoying rustbucket.
"I don't care! Tell them I'm not coming back to practice if they dragged me there!"
Zeb was shocked. With wide eyes, he looked to the kid. "You can understand him? Since when?"
Athena shrugged. "I picked up on Chopper's signal patterns and the crew's responses to them and got a basic understanding of the language."
Zeb let out a chuckle of disbelief, "So you're telling me no one taught you Droidspeak and you can understand it in under three weeks, but you can barely read Aurebesh?"
She shrugged, "I'm an auditory learner. I learn things better when I hear them out loud."
Chopper let out a trill of whistles and whirs.
"Well, tell them I am trying to learn to read!" Athena snapped at the astromech. "Go!"
He let out a string of grumbling beeps as he wheeled out of the common room.
Athena turned back to the reading exercises, mumbling under her breath to sound out each word. She paused and looked to Zeb, "So, do you understand him?"
He shook his head, "Nah. I figured if I try to understand the bucket of bolts, I'd want to dismember him more-" he paused, contemplating. "Actually, most people don't understand astromechs unless they've been around them for a while and even then it's mostly interpreting what they're saying. I guess you're just good at picking up on things you hear."
She nodded, "Yeah."
As she continued to mumble her way through the sentences, Zeb couldn't help but wonder how she got those marks on her face from Jedi training. Surely the others didn't purposely try to beat the ever-loving crap out of her. She was able to take on Ezra, Sabine, and Kanan in that alley down on Earth! How was she beaten so badly when all they were doing was basic saber training with sticks?
"I didn't see Kanan when he was throwing the next strike and got hit in the head, I fell and busted my lip on a crate on my way down," Athena said, still looking at the datapad. "I'm used to fighting with my fists, not with sticks, so it throws me off."
Zeb had to blink a couple times. He didn't know how this kid could be such a good fist-fighter but make for such a crappy lightsaber combat.
Ahsoka was next to enter the common room, looking to her Padawan with a concerned stare.
"Athena, what's wrong? You know Kanan didn't actually mean to hit you that hard, right?"
"I suck at lightsaber training anyway," Athena rolled her eyes. "I'm just gonna finish my reading lesson with Zeb before heading to bed."
"Athena, you shouldn't be discouraged just because you aren't immediately good at something. It takes years for someone to become proficient with lightsaber techniques," Ahsoka said.
"Why do I need a lightsaber anyway? I can shoot freaking fire and ice out of my hands," Athena pointed out. "And didn't the Empire make it near impossible for Jedi to do just about anything? How would I even acquire a lightsaber? What would I use it for?"
Ahsoka sighed, "Athena, lightsabers are a Jedi's best friend in the midst of battle. They provide both offense and defense for the wielder. Trust me, you'll get lightsaber combat down soon. It just takes time."
"I'm just gonna do the reading for now," Athena looked to Ahsoka. "You guys go on without me - that way there's an even number of you."
Ahsoka let out a sigh, knowing the girl was embarrassed by the earlier event. Kanan was even calling 'above', 'below', 'left', and 'right' as he threw the strikes at her. She was slow to register the movement and by the time she realized what she needed to do - her block would be either late or too weak. When Kanan said 'above' once more, striking her from above her head, she blocked way too late and the stick hit her on her forehead. The girl, surprised and disoriented, fell and hit a nearby crate on the way down.
She stood, dusted herself off, and briskly walked off without so much of a word or bit of eye contact with the others.
Having Ahsoka, Rae, Kanan, and Ezra to witness her blunder probably added to the embarrassment.
"Athena-"
"It's fine, Master," Athena dismissively said, turning back to her reading. "I'll practice later."
Ahsoka patted the girl on the shoulder, giving a reassuring gaze to the girl's dismissive eyes before turning around and heading back to the others.
She could tell Athena shut right down every time she lost a sparring match or didn't understand something - a coping mechanism to avoid any frustration, sadness, or any type of emotion for that matter. Kanan told Ahsoka of Athena's numb reaction to the news of her dead mother. The girl drained herself of all emotion, became an empty shell, and no one but time could snap her out of it.
You can't rewire someone. You can't make them suddenly change who they are and how they react to certain situations, and Ahsoka knew that. They needed time. They needed time to work together.
Even though Ahsoka could tell Athena was enthusiastic about creating a bond with her, the togruta knew that it was a coping mechanism many orphans had. To latch onto the first person who shows them love and hold on for dear life. Hera had loaned her a very useful book about raising 'adopted' children - a text that gave her insight about her Padawan's mindset.
She couldn't just expect Athena to change on a dime and make her stop going into the emotionless-numb state. Ahsoka and her needed more time together.
As Ahsoka returned to the cargo bay, the curious and worried eyes of the Jedi fell on her.
"Is Athena okay? I didn't mean to hit her that hard," Kanan started. "How bad are her injuries?"
"She's fine. She's just a little frustrated about lightsaber training," Ahsoka assured. "Right now, Zeb's going over her reading lesson."
"Well, I guess we can just continue the lesson with these two," Kanan said, looking at the other two Padawans. "Seeing that both of you are experienced with basic lightsaber sparring, we'll use the real deal."
"Wo!" Ezra cheered. He always did hate using the sticks.
When it was time for the crew to sleep, Athena curled herself up into a little ball and locked herself into her little closet. Seeing that Athena wasn't fond of sharing a room with anyone, even Sabine, the Mandalorian gave her extra bunk to Rae. For Rex and Ahsoka, Hera dusted off some old cots and set them up in other crew members' cabins. Ahsoka in Hera's cabin and Rex in Kanan's.
Athena couldn't stand the silence that filled the ship once everyone had gone to sleep. Nothing but a couple of beeps from random controls echoed through the vent above her head. Not even the music in her earbuds could drown out the deafening silence.
It began to hurt.
The emptiness she felt.
She couldn't feel anything but the ping of pain left in her lip and the void in her soul.
It was so dark in that closet - Athena couldn't decide whether the darkness was comforting or threatening anymore.
The Son looked so menacing in her dream, yet oddly welcoming and enticing. The Daughter gave her a sense of warmth, but her light was so blinding. The Father...somehow scared her the most. The numbing middle. The passive, the dull, middle man.
She didn't want to see them again. She just wanted to go to sleep, wake up to be with the crew, and go back to sleep to have a delightful dream. Why in the universe did they choose a young teenage girl to defeat an all-powerful being anyhow? Why not someone experienced? Older? Wiser?
Once she felt her eyelids suddenly gain an immense amount of weight, she gasped in fear. Her heart wanted to race out of her chest, but it was forced to slow to a leisurely pace. She tried to sit up, only to fall right back down onto her pillow - her muscles losing all strength. Her consciousness was gone quicker than she could even process.
So, she just lied there. Curled up in a ball of fear and denial, Athena kept her eyes tightly closed - praying she was still in the Ghost's closet.
"Athena?" a soft voice spoke.
Athena let out a relieved chuckle as a grateful smile made its way across her lips. She quickly sat up. "Ahsoka!" she cheered to hear such a familiar voice. Her joy quickly drained as she laid her eyes on the figure standing in front of her.
The Daughter's green eyes looked down at the girl as if she were studying a small animal.
"Oh...so you guys weren't joking about me seeing you every night, huh?" Athena grumbled.
"The situation at hand is no joke, I assure you," Daughter said - the seriousness in her eyes was off-putting now. Her face was stern as she spoke. "I will be the first to train you. If you fail any part of your training, the universe will face certain doom."
Athena froze at that. Eyes wide and muscles tight.
This really was a God she was talking to. This really was a task she was assigned. This was real.
"Rise. We have much work to do," Daughter commanded.
Athena finally got a sense of her surroundings as her vision slowly accepted the world around her.
Lush green trees and bushes surrounded them. White and pale green vines strung here and there while green grass lined the forest floor. Light brighter than the sunlight on Earth poured through the leaves, making it hard for Athena to see without squinting.
The young girl stood as commanded and watched as the deity in front of her turned away. The mass of green hair on her head flowed with the motion. She began to walk in another direction, Athena followed.
It took a while for Athena to realize she wasn't breathing.
There was no need to. There was no air and she had no lungs.
This wasn't a physical world - the kind she was used to. There were no physics. There was no law of nature. There just was.
As she followed the deity through the lush forest filled with life, she kept her eyes squinted in order to see better through the blinding light. So, when she saw a lack of shadows in the world around her, she took a moment to pause. Can there really be no dark?
She stopped in her tracks for a second to look at a drooping leaf next to her. Instead of a bright and shining top with a shadowy underside, there was just plain light. There was no single source of light. It was all around them like a gas. There was no dark. Only light.
This didn't sit right with her.
Athena looked back to Daughter and was surprised to see the God looking right at her.
"There...there's no shadows…"
"In my world, no. There is no darkness," the Daughter said. "I am Daughter, the embodiment of light. I can hold no darkness."
Athena turned back to the shadowless leaf protruding from the tree and touched it, examining every inch with her eyes. No shadows. No darkness. Just light shining on every square centimeter.
"Now, hurt it," Daughter said.
"What?"
"You know how to freeze and burn things," she said. "So, injure the tree."
"Okay…" Athena squinted at her with confusion this time. The girl looked down at her hands and wondered if her powers would even work like they usually did in this "world". To her surprise, the fire did ignite.
"Now, hurt the tree - but do not kill it." the Goddess said.
Athena shrugged and went along with it. The tree beside her was quite large - Athena wouldn't be able to hug it and have her hands meet if she tried. Leaves poked out along the bark, even near the base of the tree where the roots weaved in and out of the topsoil.
She threw a flaming punch at the tree, creating a small crack in the white bark. It felt oddly satisfying to do something reckless in what seemed to be a delicate looking world. Like she had some power.
The girl then threw a spinning kick, fire following her foot to meet the tree and scorch the bark once more. Then another punch. Another kick.
After so many punches and kicks, Athena assumed the Goddess of light and peace would say something about her violent behavior. But she didn't. She let the young girl continuously hit and kick and burn the beautiful white tree until she was tired of it.
When Athena stopped, she was sorta impressed by the tree's ability to stand so strong during her brigade of punches. However, the bright white bark was now charred off in the area she had focused her attack on. Most of the lower leave had been burnt to ash.
She chuckled and looked to the pale lady, "Now what?"
"Heal it," Daughter said. "Undo the damage you've done."
"What?"
"Heal it. Restore the tree to its former health and strength."
Athena was gobsmacked. "Excuse me? How do I do that?"
"So, you don't know how to heal? To undo the damage you've done?"
She shook her head.
"You can destroy, but not create? You can damage but not repair?"
Athena was confused.
"Tell me, what will happen once you have burnt all that you have? What will happen when you have turned all around you to ash?"
"I...don't know."
"That is why you need to know how to undo the damage you have dealt. Heal the hurt you have caused," Daughter said. "You have much power within you, Syla Dume. If you do not learn to undo the destruction you have done, you will have nothing left in the end."
"So, how do I undo this?"
"All living things are connected to the Force. Feel the life of the tree. Feel where it's life has been disrupted. Find the hurt and you'll find the cure."
Slowly, Athena looked to the tree she once had beaten with such glee, and wondered how she could ever undo the hurt she had caused it.
She placed her right hand on the tree and closed her eyes. She let her mind go quiet, as if looking for some sort of pulse within the tree.
And she found one. Not like the pulse that is pumped from the heart, but the life pumped through the Force.
Like golden, glowing, dots of life, the Force flowed through the tree's roots, bark, and leaves like blood runs through her veins.
She felt the disruption, the patch of darkness, on the tree. The Force did not flow there as brightly anymore. It was dying there.
It took her for what seemed ages to get those glowing little dots of light to flow to the hurt area of the tree - seemingly having to build new channels for the dots on the way to the area of injury.
Daughter watched with content in her eyes as the girl slowly healed the tree. The bark began to grow back new and a brighter white than before. The leaves came back a richer color, sprouting from little buds and expanding into large foliations like before.
When Athena felt the specs of Force flowing through the tree normally, she opened her eye to see white bark back on the tree. New green leaves with no shadow sprouting from where the ashes of the old once stood.
Then she chuckled a little in the back of her mind.
Maybe she wouldn't have had to work on healing that tree so much if she hadn't hit it so many times.
Daughter knew the girl had learned her first lesson well and nodded in approval once the girl met her eyes.
It was less than a moment's notice until Athena's soul came crashing back down into her body.
She had lungs again. There was oxygen around her. It took her awhile to even process that she had the need to breathe chest was in knots as her heart learned to pump blood again her lungs began to stabilize the pattern in which she breathed.
With what little light her MP3 player emitted, Athena could see the walls encasing her in her little closet. Her blanket in bundles at her feet, her earbuds ripped out of her ears and tangled on the ground, and her bookbag near the bottoms of her feet.
It was quiet in the Ghost.
She was alone.
All alone.
She should have been used to this by now - being left alone. Even during the most distressing and fragile times of her life, she was alone. So why was this different? Why did she shiver now? Why did this moment of loneliness hurt her the most?
Because she was dealing with something beyond her world. She was dealing with Gods all by herself. This little teenage girl was being trained by Gods to take down another God.
And no one knew anything about it.
She may have these people in her life now, but they don't even know about the second life she was forced to live.
Only Kanan and Ahsoka knew - and they knew so little.
She wanted to run away. She wanted to run as far as her feet could take her. But how far would she have to run to where a God couldn't reach her? To the next galaxy? To the next universe?
She was chained to this responsibility now. It was shackled onto her limbs. Trapped like a prisoner. When would this end? When could she be free?
The girl clenched her fists and pressed them against her eyes so hard she could see stars dance. Her muscles clenched all across her body as she curled her knees up towards her chest. She began to shake.
Where's a cigarette when you need one?
It felt like she was going to puke. Her stomach was in knots as her head kept spinning. It was like she was on a hellish carnival ride her head spun so fast. It was quiet and dark. It was cold. Frost covered her toes and crept up to her ankles now. She couldn't control anything.
When she heard the slide of a distant door, the teen didn't even react. Then, a distant voice echoed through the vent.
"I cannot take this anymore. I'm sleeping somewhere else!"
It was Rex.
"Well maybe if you didn't sound like a saw cutting through a ship's hull, maybe both of us could be asleep right now!" Kanan's voice retaliated.
"I'll see if Ezra and Zeb are as big of sissies as you. Can't take an old clone's snoring in his sleep? How pathetic," Rex said.
"You're the pathetic one. You need to get medical attention, your snores are so bad," Kanan said.
"Aw, you're just dramatic," Rex huffed.
Athena picked up her head, curious about the new sounds in the ship. Even if they were just two guys arguing over snoring, it was better than silence.
"Take your cot and move then. I'll help even," Kanan scoffed.
"I'll do it myself," Rex said.
Athena could hear the scrapes of Rex's cot against the ground and the swish of another door opening then closing. Athena shrugged, assuming Rex had a cot in Kanan's cabin since the bottom bunk was quite small to the average adult human.
Her hands lightly gripped the tops of her knees now, listening intently to the echoes the vent delivered to her. She heard footsteps approaching the common room. The door opening. More steps. Then they stopped.
"Athena? Are you awake?"
Athena was startled. She was so quiet. How did Kanan know she was awake?
"Yeah. How'd ya know?"
"There is frost all around your door. Are you okay?"
She froze momentarily. Looking around her closet now, she could see the sparkles of ice all across the floor - spreading upwards onto the door.
"Oh...I...didn't even realize I did that. Sorry."
"No need to be sorry," Kanan spoke in a soft voice. "You're still learning to control your powers. This isn't your fault."
It still amazed her how these people could be so forgiving towards her. They had standards for her - just like any parent does with a child - but they didn't berate her if she slipped up. They understood that mistakes happen. They saw her as a child who was still learning.
"Did you have a nightmare?" Kanan asked. "I sensed that you were distressed."
"It...Daughter. She's a bit much to handle."
"Do you want anything to drink? Tea, maybe?"
"Yeah."
She opened the door to Kanan's surprise.
She was covered in frost. All across her body and even her clothes. With the lights on now, Athena could finally see the white crystals cling onto her skin. It contrasted so much with her black t-shirt and shorts. Each crystal of ice sticking fiercely to the threads of her clothes. Kanan could see her red and puffy eyes - remnants of fear still lingering in them. Dark circles adding years onto the young girl's face.
"Do you know what kind of tea you like?"
"I honestly have no clue what teas you guys have in this galaxy," Athena commented.
"Well, I'll just give you the kind I like," Kanan said, turning to enter the kitchen.
When he entered the kitchen, he couldn't help but internally chuckle as Athena awkwardly lingered by the door. She looked around the room, not exactly sure what to do.
He knew that she was a little confused about how to act around him and the others. She was skittish on whether or not to follow someone and made sure to keep her distance when she wasn't directly invited to be near.
Kanan knew that she was probably hurt a few times as a child for being too clingy or too close to someone. Kids can be annoying when they're clingy - but it's absolutely heart-wrenching when you see that child become a skittish teen who was afraid of just about anyone.
He made two cups of tea for the both of them. When he looked up, he saw the girl still standing there at the doorway. The kitchen was small and confined with only one door for an exit. Athena liked small and confined spaces - but only if no one else is in that space. He handed one cup to Athena and they walked into the common room. He sat at the couch in front of the Dejarik table and watched as Athena evaluated the situation. She looked at the cup, at him, and then the rest of the room.
She sat across from him and sat her cup on the black and white table.
"I don't want to train with the Gods."
That was quick.
"Did they hurt you?" Kanan asked.
She shook her head and spoke softly. "No...they're just...intimidating."
"I can only imagine."
"I don't want to do any of this," she sighed. "I was a little averse to joining a galactic war - let alone training with three Gods to defeat another God."
"You're a kid. It's only natural to be scared of this kind of stuff," Kanan said. He took a sip of tea and sat his cup on the table. "That's why we didn't want you to see combat for a while. I'm sorta glad, actually, about the fleet dispersing for now."
"You are?" Athena questioned, still holding the tea in her hands as the bottom of the cup rested on the table. Her fingers slowly thawing out.
"The Empire is hunting Jedi down and you guys are exactly what they're looking for," Kanan said. "You've had almost no training on controlling your powers so you can barely defend yourself against the Inquisitors or Stormtroopers. Now that we're dispersed, we have some time to train you."
"How many of these Inquisitors are out there?"
"We don't know. They just keep popping up," Kanan sighed. "I'm hoping we can get away from combat for a while and train you three Padawans to get stronger. You especially."
"With my powers, hopefully, I can become a good asset," Athena displayed her snowy hand with disinterest. "If I'm supposed to take on a God, how hard could it be to take down an Empire?"
Those words shook Kanan to his core. He sat there, dumbfounded on what to say.
What's a Jedi to an Empire? What's an Empire to a God? What's a God to this teenage girl?
Jalo's words made sense now more than ever. If this kid has the potential to take on Abeloth, what would the Empire do to get a hold of her?
And, if they did get a hold of her, what kind of horrors could they reek on the universe?
Those Inquisitors are frightening enough as is - he couldn't imagine one with the ability to create raging storms of lightning, freeze an entire room in a wintery tundra, or emit flames of rage out of the palm of their hand.
He didn't want to imagine Athena as an enemy - not just because he saw her as one of the family - but because he couldn't imagine the havoc she could create for everyone who would come across her path.
"So…" Athena brought the cup of tea away from her lips. Kanan was so lost in thought he hadn't even noticed she had already drank a portion of her tea. "How do you play this little de-jar-rick game?"
"Oh, Dejarik?" Kanan questioned.
She nodded. She didn't make eye contact all too often when she was alone with a single person, Kanan noticed.
"Here, I can teach you how to play," Kanan suggested. He drank the rest of his tea and set the cup down on the couch next to himself.
Athena did the same. She downed the rest of her tea, wiped off her mouth with her now thawed out arm, and sat the cup beside herself.
Kanan turned on the Dejarik table and the eight holographic creatures appeared on the table. He smiled a little when he saw the amazement in Athena's eyes as she stared at the holograms. She waved her hand through the holographic creatures - bewildered by their presence.
"See those four players on your side? Those are your players," Kanan began to instruct. "Now each of these circles are orbitals and…"
This was just a kid. A kid smaller and younger than Ezra. Yes, she had seen and experienced unbelievable horrors on Earth, but she was just a kid. He didn't want to see her in a war. But that was inevitable for Jedi Padawans in their galaxy. He didn't want to see her to face the wrath of the Mortis Gods and Abeloth…But that wasn't up to them.
He couldn't help but see a younger version of himself whenever he looked at her face. She looked just like ever since he found out she was a Dume. The thin-ish face. The teal eyes. The widow's peak in her hair.
Kanan wasn't going to lie to himself about this kid. She was his little sister. They had the same Jedi mother. They shared blood.
Yet, knowing that this kid was willing to become a close family member, he couldn't help but fear her. All this raw power in her untamed and untrained.
He didn't want to imagine what would happen if she was trained by the wrong person…
