Derek had been acting strangely these past few weeks.
Not to the team, no he had been acting the same around them, if not chippier than usual. His smiles were bright, his laughter was booming and cheerful.
No. He had been acting strangely around Spencer.
The two had been in a committed relationship for almost a year now, and Derek had never acted this way. He was closed off, lost his temper quickly and all Spencer got as the man left their apartment of a morning was a mumbled 'love you'.
Spencer had no idea what brought the behaviour on, but he was damned to find out. He wanted so desperately to just ask Derek what was going on, why they were slowly but surely becoming more distant, but the older man was barely around anymore.
He would come home late at night after Spencer had already gone to sleep, would leave the room as soon as Spencer entered, and ignored his texts. No matter how hard he tried to just get Derek to talk to him, the older man wouldn't budge and continued to ignore him.
The worst part was he couldn't even talk to anyone about it, because no one else noticed. Derek was his usual, perky self around the rest of the team, and everyone was oblivious to his behaviour towards his boyfriend. He considered telling Garcia what was happening, but knowing her she'd talk to Derek, and he didn't want that.
He'd just have to wait till Derek came home one night, stay up late to catch him. It was the only way they'd have a chance at seeing each other.
Spencer had tried his hardest to stay up late to catch Derek when he came home, but his boyfriend was coming home later and later everyday, and before he knew it he wasn't coming home until early hours of the morning.
He had absolutely no clue what Derek was doing out so late, but he figured it had something to do with why he was acting so strange.
After almost a week of staying up late, Spencer gave up. It was clear his plan wasn't going to work, and he'd need to come up with a different one before it was too late.
He knew from experience the only way to move past arguments and problems in a relationship was to talk it out, but it was hard to do that when your partner wouldn't even look at you, much less sit down and have a conversation.
Despite how much he hated the idea, Spencer knew he needed help. It was clear Derek was never going to talk to him about what was going on, and he needed advice on what to do.
So he called Garcia.
He didn't tell her exactly what was going on, just that he needed to talk to her. She seemed confused, but before Spencer could get a word in edgewise, she was already on her way over.
Spencer couldn't help but feel guilty involving their friend in his relationship problems when he should be talking to Derek, but he didn't know what else to do. Other than his team and Derek, he had no one else to talk to, and it was either involve his friend or seek professional help. As stupid as it sounded though, Spencer didn't think Derek avoiding him was worthy of professional help.
He knew he should have at-least tried to talk to Derek first, should have cornered him in the briefing room one day and forced him to talk, but he knew that wouldn't work. Derek was the type of person who would talk about things when he wanted to, and forcing him would just make it worse.
That's why he called Penelope. She and Derek had been friends long before Spencer joined the BAU, and she knows more about him that anyone on the team. He figured she could at-least give him advice on how to go about the situation, and hopefully put his mind at ease.
Almost half an hour passed before Spencer heard a knock on the door and opened it, revealing Garcia's sparkly outfit and bright grin.
"Hey, boy wonder" She smiled, engulfing him in one of her bone crushing hugs. "I'm sorry I couldn't come sooner. Traffic is a nightmare and the line for food these days is maddening"
She pulled away from the hug to bend down beside her, picking up a takeout bag Spencer recognised to be his favourite Chinese place.
Derek used to always take him there when they first got together. It started out small, but soon it became a tradition. Every weekend Derek would come over and buy them Chinese food and they'd watch movies together. Even when they moved in together, Derek would still buy them Chinese food every weekend and they'd lie together on the couch afterwards.
Memories like that usually made him all warm and sappy inside, but this time it just made him feel sad. He missed doing that with Derek; they hadn't had dinner together for over a week, and they had barely even verbally spoken to one another for almost a month.
"Hey, what's wrong doll face?"
He didn't even realise he had started to tear up until Garcia was gently pushing him towards the couch, wiping his tears with her thumbs. The gesture just made him tear up even more, knowing Derek is usually the one who does that; wipe his tears away, sit him down comfort him.
"It's so stupid" Spencer laughed, only because he couldn't really do anything else. He felt weak and embarrassed crying in front of Penelope, especially since he had never cried in front of her before.
He would always put up this strong facade at work, bottling up his emotions. The only two other people who had ever seen him cry were JJ and Derek, and even then it was rare.
"Spencer, if it's making you this upset, it's not stupid" Her voice was calming, warm hands wrapped in his, bracelets jangling with the movements of her arms. It brought a small smile to his face.
He took a deep breath and wiped the remaining tears away. "Derek's been acting really weird lately"
Garcia frowned. "How so?"
"He doesn't talk to me anymore. He's always working late, doesn't come home until after midnight and refuses to even be in the same room as me. He won't even look me in the eye anymore, and it hurts so much because I don't know what I did wrong"
"Oh, sweetheart. I'm sure it's got nothing to do with you, he's probably just stressed" She tried her best to calm his nerves, but Spencer knew better. He knew if Derek was just stressed, they wouldn't even be having this conversation.
"No, it's more than that. We haven't had dinner together in weeks, he hasn't kissed me in weeks, and it seems like an effort to even tell me he loves me"
Spencer buried his face in his hands and groaned. He hated feeling so helpless, so weak. Penelope was looking at him with pity and confusion in her eyes, and that somehow made him feel better and worse at the same time.
"Have you tried to talk to him?"
"I never see him. He's always busy with paperwork, he leaves the room when I walk in, and he doesn't come home until after I'm asleep"
Garcia sighed and pulled him into a hug, seeing how upset Spencer was getting. He tried to control his sobs, tried to take deep breaths and calm himself down, but the feeling of warm arms surrounding him made everything come to the surface, and he couldn't help but cry.
"It's okay, sweetness. Let it all out"
"I'm just so scared, Pen. I'm so scared he's going to leave me, and I won't even know why"
"Hey, you listen to me. Derek loves you more than anything in this universe. When you were dating that guy a few years ago, he was moping around my office like a kicked puppy. Dating you is the best thing that has ever happened to him, and he won't throw it all away. I know him well enough to know that"
Spencer kept his head buried in her shoulder, but he heard everything she said. The rational part of his brain knew what she was saying was the truth, that he'd never just up and leave him without so much as an explanation, but the other side of his brain remembered all the times it had happened before.
Countless people in his life left without an explanation, and it honestly wouldn't surprise him if Derek did too. Derek had made a promise when they first started dating that they would be together forever, and Spencer trusted him enough to know he was telling the truth.
Now though, he wasn't sure what he believed.
"How about this. I make us some hot cocoa and you tell me more"
Penelope left sometime after 9pm that night, and Spencer felt a lot better. His heart still felt like it was going to burst out of his chest, and his throat still felt like it was going to close up and choke him to death, but his mind was put at ease.
They talked for hours, Garcia held him when he cried some more, and reassured him countless times when the panic started to rise in his chest. She was a real mother figure, and Spencer couldn't work out why he didn't go to her more often for advice.
He managed to get a few hours sleep before his brain got restless, and he did what he usually does, got up and started getting ready for the day. He found the easiest way to settle his racing mind was to just get out of bed snd start his day, even if it was still dark outside. Derek called him crazy for doing it, but it was the only thing that helped.
By the time he got up and showered, did his usual morning routine and got dressed, it was almost 6am. He didn't have to be at work by 6:30, which gave him plenty of time to stop by his favourite coffee shop on the way.
He still had a headache from all the stress and crying from the day before, and he needed something to wash the pain killers down.
It was nearing 6:30 by the time he pulled into the parking garage, and he quickly got his coffee and satchel and made his way to the elevator. He had a feeling today was going to be a long, tedious day, and looked back at his car in longing. If he wasn't such a stickler for the rules, Spencer would have gotten back into his car and called in sick.
"Boy wonder!" Penelope squealed as the elevator doors opened, and before he could even reach his desk he was being engulfed in yet another bone crushing hug.
"Hey, Garcia" Spencer smiled as he reached his desk and put his things down, subtly glancing over to Derek's desk as he did so. His boyfriend wasn't at his desk, but his coat was draped of her the back of the chair and there was an empty coffee cup sitting on the desk, indicating he was here already.
Spencer sighed and sat down, rubbing the bridge of his nose as he drank his coffee. "My head hurts"
"You lost a lot of fluids last night, gotta fuel your body with lots of water today" Garcia leaned over his desk a little in an attempt to keep their conversation quiet. Spencer was glad; he didn't really fancy his entire team knowing he cried like a baby because his boyfriend was giving him the cold shoulder.
"Speaking of, I forgot to thank you for coming over. It- uh it meant a lot"
Garcia smiled and pulled him into an awkward hug. "Its my pleasure, sugar. You know i'm always here for you"
Spencer didn't know what to say in response, so he just nodded and did his best to conceal the blush that rose to his cheeks from having such an awkward conversation. He wasn't one for sharing feelings or talking about them.
Movement in the corner of his eye caught his attention and his mouth dried up at the sight of Derek, leaning against JJ's desk, flirty laughter floating in the air. Spencer couldn't see his face properly, but he could see the way his jaw was clenched, could see how rigid his back was, could tell he was just putting up a front to hide how he really felt.
Derek looked upset, angry even, and Spencer wished more than anything he had the nerve to go and ask what was wrong. He used to be able to, but ever since they started to drift apart, he wasn't sure what he was allowed to do or say around his boyfriend anymore.
It felt like any wrong action or word could make things worse, and he just couldn't risk it.
"Go talk to him" Garcia said, and Spencer didn't even realise she was still beside him.
He turned to face her, swallowing past the lump in his throat, desperately trying not to cry again. It felt so stupid, but all he wanted was comfort from his boyfriend, from the man standing mere feet away, but all he could do is look from afar.
"I cant. I- I don't think he would want me to anymore"
Garcia's face softened and she sighed. "Spencer. He loves you, and the thing he wants more than anything in the world is for you to talk to him about stuff that's bothering you. He has all the time in the world for you, he wants you to talk to him"
Spencer looked back and started longingly as his boyfriend flirted with his best friend, tear finally sliding down his face.
"I don't want to bother him"
He hastily wiped the wetness from his cheeks and grabbed whatever files he could see, all but running out of the room before the entire floor saw him cry like a baby.
He could feel the eyes following him, thought he could hear Garcia's heels clipping after him, but all he could focus on was finding somewhere private to do his work, where he could try and forget about everything.
Spencer managed to find an empty office and sighed a breath of relief as he shut the door behind him, sitting down at the large round table. He just hoped no one needed the room at any point during the day, because he really just wanted to work alone.
No matter how hard he tried, no matter how much he wanted to, Spencer just couldn't get any work done. His brain continued to race with no sign of stopping, bottled up feelings and emotions threatening to break free.
Luckily, he had managed to steer clear of his colleagues for the rest of the day, save Garcia as she somehow managed to find him. She tried to talk some sense into him, tried to coax him to at least come back to his desk, but he wouldn't budge.
He just knew he couldn't handle seeing Derek, and running from his problems was something he was perfect at doing.
By the time he finished his paperwork, Spencer was bone tired. His head was throbbing, stomach gurgling with an uneasy feeling he had been trying to ignore all day, and it was a struggle not to just fall asleep on the spot.
He yawned as he stood and started to clear the desk away, organising the files into seperate stacks so he could decipher between them tomorrow. It felt good to be finally able to go home, but it meant his brain wouldn't be as busy anymore, and he would have all the time in the world to think about Derek.
A knock on the door startled him so hard he almost sent the files flying, sighing in relief as he saw Penelope's sparkly red shoes enter the doorway.
"You heading home?" She questioned, observing the way Spencer was indeed packing up.
"Yeah. I finished all of my work, and I don't think i can concentrate anymore anyway"
She bit her lip in what appeared to be nervousness, and Spencer could instantly tell she was either hiding something or scheming something. And whatever it was, it couldn't be good.
"Before you go, I think you two should talk"
Spencer was confused, until she reached past the doorway and pulled another person in the room, and his heart sped up because that person was Derek.
"Pen!" He almost whined, because he really didn't want to do this. Derek was the last person he wanted to talk to today, contrary to popular belief, because he knew nothing good could come of talking to him.
She held her hands up on defence. "I'm sorry, boy wonder. But you and I both know you need to talk, and this was the only way it would happen"
She was gone before he could protest, shutting the door behind them. He groaned and sat back down on the chair, burying his face in his hands, mostly to block Derek out of his sight. He could feel Derek's eyes on him, burning a hole through his skull, and it made him equal parts happy and scared.
Happy, because Derek was finally looking at him, but scared because he didn't know what it meant.
"What is there to talk about?" Derek's voice sounded so sharp, so loud in his ears, and it made him want to run away and never come back.
Spencer looked up and his eyes widened slightly at the look on Derek's face; the look of pure anger and sadness. Anger and sadness that was aimed at him.
"I-I don't know" Spencer's shoulders sagged in disappointment, frustrated he couldn't even tell his own boyfriend what he was feeling.
Derek threw his hands up in the air in frustrated laughter. "Well obviously you do, Reid, because otherwise we wouldn't be here"
The use of his last name had Spencer feel like he wanted to cry again, mostly because Derek never called him that. Even at work, when ' pretty boy' and 'baby' were too personal, he called him 'Spencer'.
It was always Spencer, never Reid. Not anymore.
"You never call me that" His voice sounded so quiet, so timid. So pathetic.
Derek scoffed. "Yeah well, that's on you"
Spencer let out a frustrated groan and stood up, coming to stand a few feet in front of Derek. "What does that mean. Why have you been so cold towards me lately?"
Derek looked at him in disbelief, like he just couldn't believe what Spencer was saying. "Are you fucking kidding me, Spencer? After what you did, you deserve it"
Spencer could feel the tears sliding down his cheeks, could taste the saltiness on his lips, but refused to care. He couldn't care, not when he was so close to finally getting an answer.
"What did I do though, to make you so upset? I've always tried my hardest in this relationship to be the best version of myself, to make you happy, and it looks like I failed. Can you please, just tell me what I did?"
Derek's face softened, anger seemingly dissipating as quick as it came. He looked like he was about to cry as well, though Spencer couldn't tell if he was sad or angry still.
"Damnit Spencer! You don't get to break my heart like you did and make me feel like this. You know I hate seeing you cry"
Spencer finally wiped the tears off his cheeks and let out a sharp breath, throwing his hands up in the air. He was starting to get angry, mostly because Derek still wouldn't tell him exactly what he did wrong.
"What did I do, though?!"
"You serious? You think I didn't see you making out with that guy on the case a month ago?"
Spencer frowned, thinking back to try and figure out what the hell Derek was talking about.
"What are you talking about? I never kissed anyone!"
Derek's eyes darkened, face hardening in anger once again. "Bullshit! You don't remember sticking your tongue down that guys throat?"
Then it clicked.
Spencer wiped his eyes and stepped backwards, grasping his hair so tightly in his hands it made his head throb even harder. He couldn't believe this was happening.
"Fuck sakes, Derek. I didn't kiss him, he kissed me. We were talking about the case and he kissed me so suddenly I didn't know what to do"
Derek still looked angry, but it was clear he was started to regret the way he acted. "I saw you put your hand on his chest"
"Yeah, to push him off! I can't believe after all we've been through that you would think even for second that I would cheat on you, that I would throw everything we have away for some asshole"
Derek swallowed and moved forward, an apology on his lips. "I- i'm sorry. I just assumed-"
"That's right! You assumed. You should have come to me first, gotten my side of the story before you went and ignored me like a child" Spencer grabbed his bag and his files, angrily wiping the tears that just kept sliding down his cheeks.
"Wait- Spence please don't go" Derek moved to catch his arm but Spencer pulled away before he could.
"No, i'm gonna go home because I really don't want to deal with this. I've cried enough over you these past few weeks, I need some time to think"
Spencer left without looking back, and in doing so missed the way Derek's face crumbled, letting out a quiet sob.
