Blank Space

"What do you want from me?" I knew I had asked him that question a few too many times and he had never answered it properly once.

"You've been very useful."

I didn't like the way he used the past tense. Had it dawned on him by now, too, that he didn't need me anymore? Did he want to end it here and now? I swallowed, but said nothing. What was there to say? I wouldn't plead for my life if that's what he expected.

Instead of giving me the same treatment he had already given the woman, however, he just crossed his arms in front of his chest. "And one never knows when that will happen again. Why would I give up my best horse?"

I was his best horse? Where did that come from all of a sudden? My disbelief must have been made abundantly clear as he nodded again in affirmation. "You seem to have something that draws them like flies. And that's why you're going to help us."

Wasn't he misinterpreting some things? What had I done but lie on the floor freezing and shaking in pain? Nothing. And even the latter had been his doing. "But... I don't know anything."

"No, indeed, you don't."

Now was that supposed to scare or reassure me? "What are you getting at?"

"You don't have to understand."

Oh, how I hated that. I didn't want to be kept on a short leash, like a puppy, jumping every time I was handed a hoop. At least he didn't pretend it was for my own good.

He cleared his throat. "I'm going to tell you how it goes."

His authoritative tone made me aggressive, but I shut up because Sattler didn't seem to be having the best day today and I didn't want to end up like the woman with the ponytail. He seemed a little irritated that I didn't throw anything in. It probably didn't fit my profile. After a short pause, he continued anyway, "As long as Miss Lorentzen has not yet decided to give something useful of herself, you will be our guest."

In plain English, this meant that they would lock me in some hole until they had softened the messenger. I could think of better things to do. For example, that Sattler would make good on the promise he had made to me before I had poured the devil's brew into me. But he didn't seem to remember that. I probably had to be glad that he had left me alive at all.

"Do you have any questions?", Sattler interrupted my flow of thoughts. He sounded impatient, almost as if he was still expecting a snappy line. But as much as I would have liked to comply, I was more concerned with another question that was flashing in my head like a red warning light.

What if the messenger knew as little as I did? What if she, just like me, had been kept on a short leash? Who would we be of use to then?

I felt my legs go soft. Whether I would lie dead in a ditch or return alive to my family was obviously still not settled. I had to expect to be disposed of at any time, and if Sattler had his way, probably sooner rather than later. I was still valuable. Couldn't I take advantage of that somehow?

"Fine, whatever." He signaled to David and he pushed me in the same direction the woman had been dragged. I was going to see what was coming.

When we reached the steel door that was between two of the sea containers, it was opened for us. Behind there was a corridor lit by construction lamps. Other than that, all I saw was bare concrete here, too.

"Where are you taking me?", I asked after we had already made several turns. I had completely lost my orientation, which seemed to be the point of the exercise. I shouldn't be able to figure out where we had come from. Or the facility was just really that huge.

David's grip on my bound arm tightened before he replied, "We'll be right there."

I didn't know what he meant by almost there, but it was at least another ten minutes before he uncuffed me without another word and pushed me into the dark square of a room.

Deprived all at once of my support, I almost tripped over my own feet. Only now did I realize how weak I actually felt. My arm was throbbing like crazy and my legs seemed to be made of rubber.

The door closed before I could find a light switch. Too exhausted to keep looking for it, I sank to the floor and stared into the blackness that surrounded me. I wanted to sleep, just sleep. If I was lucky, I would not wake up again.

But I was not granted rest, because very close by I suddenly heard screams, so loud and full of fear that it should have sent cold shivers down my spine. Sometimes the voice turned into a whimper, only to increase again seconds later.

It sounded horrible.

But something inside me simply no longer reacted to what was being done to that person. Where before I would have had a vivid imagination, now I felt just empty and cold. I wasn't even afraid of my own reaction, I just sat there staring into the void and listening to the screams until my mind finally did drift off. To that last moment when I had felt something like peace. Ironically, that had been when I had fallen asleep in the church. I didn't really want to remember how warm and safe I had felt there, but it came over me and I clung to it as if my life depended on it. Maybe it even did, because the tears finally came. They ran down my cheeks, dripping onto my pants and the floor. My chest was suddenly so tight that I could hardly breathe.

Hectically, I sobbed several times in a row and then bit the inside of my cheeks, but it didn't help. All that I had held back so far now burst out of me like an elemental force and left me helpless.

I wanted to go home, I wanted none of this to happen, and I wanted... I wanted to return to the warmth that the elf had given to me in the church.

Trembling, I pressed my hands to my ears and curled up like a cat. Still, I could not deny the obvious: I was alone, all alone.