Chapter 18—"A Bit Alarming"
Belle thought about asking Fiona before she tried to push forward in this relationship, but in the end, she stopped herself. Rumplestiltskin was so frustrating, closed off and yet endearingly fragile. She had to stop turning to Fiona for help with these things if she truly wanted to get to know Rumplestiltskin for himself, so she started in small ways in the days following Tink's stay in the castle. She didn't bring up how the previous Dark Ones might be influencing him—even though Belle burned to ask more questions about that! Instead, she just talked to him. They talked about books in the library, about history, about places he had been and things he had seen. And slowly, she started touching him more and more, laying a hand on his arm here and a kiss on his cheek there. Rumplestiltskin seemed to soften every time she did so, his eyes looking more and more human as he gave her hesitant smiles.
Belle drank each one up like an elixir; she didn't know why her ability to make the Dark One smile meant so much to her, but she wanted to see him happy. There was as much sadness in him as there was darkness, she'd realized. Rumplestiltskin was capable of terrible things, such as trying to kill that poor outlaw he'd nearly shot a few months ago, but he was also capable of deep and genuine feeling. Can he love me? she had once asked Fiona. Fiona, of course,had implied that he could, although Belle hadn't been ready to believe her at the time.
She was ready now.
"Can I ask you something?" she asked that evening. Belle had been reading while Rumplestiltskin spun—a habit they'd picked up sometime over the last few weeks—and Fiona was nowhere in sight. The Black Fairy had said something about 'finding a fool' when she left to meet Tink hours earlier, and Belle thought now might be a good time to talk.
"Like what?" Rumplestiltskin twisted to look at her, his eyes dancing with mirth. "Do you have a desire to know what potions can keep you young and beautiful for a hundred lifetimes, hmmm?"
That question startled a laugh out of Belle, and the question that followed blurted out before she could stop herself. "Do you think I'm beautiful, then?"
"I—I, um, well, as well you should be." Was he turning a little red? Belle couldn't tell, because suddenly Rumplestiltskin was up and looming towards her with comically feigned menace. "A monster wouldn't demand an ugly maiden, after all. Only the best will do!"
"Oh, is that how it is?" She couldn't help giggling, though, particularly as Rumplestiltskin danced forward, clearly miming a terrible beast.
"Of course it is. Haven't you read the rules, dear?"
"Rules? What rules?"
"Of being a terrible monster." His hands flashed in the air, twirling. "And I am the most terrible monster of them all."
"Oh, stop that. Of course you aren't." Smiling, Belle reached up and grabbed Rumplestiltskin by the left arm, tugging downwards. As she'd expected, his silly dancing had left him unbalanced, and a small pull from her made him topple onto the couch at her side with a surprised yelp. "You're certainly not terrible."
Surprisingly sad eyes glanced her way briefly before looking away. "I'm not a man."
"But you were, once." Belle cocked her head. "You weren't always like this."
"No. No, I wasn't." His voice was a whisper, barely audible.
"You can't have always been alone, either, can you?" She squeezed his arm again, watching Rumplestiltskin's face carefully. He looked ready to clam up, ready to run away, but touching him always seemed to help. Taking a deep breath, she decided to gamble. "Was there a son, once?"
Rumplestiltskin's head jerked around like a frightened rabbit, his eyes wide and almost afraid. But he didn't pull away, only staring at Belle while she watched his tortured expression. Finally, his chin dropped to stare at the floor.
"Yes. Once."
There was so much pain in his voice that Belle could feel it hanging in the air, broken and yearning. "What happened?" she whispered.
"I lost him."
"I'm so sorry." Belle squeezed his arm again, noticing the way tears were welled up in the strange, reptilian eyes. Despite looks, she'd never seen Rumplestiltskin appear so human as he did now, nor so small and so tired. "What happened? Will you tell me?"
He swallowed hard enough to make his adam's apple bob up and down. "There's nothing else to tell, really."
"I doubt that."
"You had a life, Belle." His head came up as he changed the subject without warning, looking at her with a deep intensity that made Belle shiver. "Before…this. Friends. Family. What made you choose to come here with me?"
"Heroism." Belle shrugged a little, wondering if she sounded silly. But Rumplestiltskin clearly didn't want to talk about his lost son, so she went along with it. "Sacrifice. You know, there aren't a lot of opportunities for women in this land to… to show what they can do. To see the world, to be heroes. So, when you arrived, that was my chance. I always wanted to be brave. I figured, do the brave thing, and bravery would follow."
"And is it everything you hoped?"
"Well, uh… I did want to see the world." She laughed lightly. "That part didn't really work out. But, uh… I did save my village." And Belle wasn't so sheltered that she didn't know how lucky she'd been. She had expected Rumplestiltskin to deflower her, at best. Not to make a friend who she cared for more than she'd ever cared for Gaston.
"By going with the terrible monster." Rumplestiltskin grinned as he said the words, so Belle smacked his arm lightly.
"If you want to frighten me, you're going to have to do much worse than that."
He giggled, going theatrical on her again, looming forward with a wolfish expression. "Do you doubt I can?"
"At this point, yes!" But Belle could barely contain her own attack of the giggles; facing that ridiculous expression made her laugh uncontrollably. At least until a new voice rang out, rudely interrupting their fun.
"If this is what your mother's maid gets up to when she's gone, Rumple, you really need to find the girl some more work."
They both twisted to see that terrible witch of a queen, Zelena, standing by the long table. Instantly, Rumplestiltskin was on his feet, his smile replaced by a scowl of epic proportions. "Well, this is an unexpected pleasure, dearie. Did you run out of peasants to torment?" He danced forward, all danger and sharp edges, with none of the softness Belle had come to love so much. "Or was it pirates this time?"
Zelena's face twitchedjust so, and Belle knew that blow had struck home, somehow. But she sneered right back. "I came to speak to you about serious matters, and I find you acting like a child. How typical."
"Ah, but that's the thing about power, isn't it?" Rumplestiltskin's voice dropped to a low growl, almost a purr. "When you have enough of it, you can act however you wish, and no one will dare stop you." One finger went up, striking the air like he was poking holes in Zelena's illusions. "But I can understand your confusion. You have rebellious princesses and irritating outlaws undermining you left and right."
"Don't test my patience, Rumplestiltskin!"
"I'll test that and more." He laughed easily, wiggling a bit. "And you know you can't stop me."
Belle couldn't help snorting out a laugh; she managed to get a hand up to cover her mouth, but Zelena's head still snapped around to glare at her. The Wicked Queen's eyes narrowed appraisingly, however, and then the anger seemed to melt away as she turned back to Rumplestiltskin. "Do you know what else I know, Rumple? I know that there are more worthy companions for you if you're in a playful mood."
"Are there, now?" The way Rumplestiltskin sized Zelena up left Belle's stomach heaving nervously. His eyes were unreadable, with none of the softness she'd grown used to seeing, but there was something predatory about his body language, something almost sensual, that made Belle swallow.
Have I misunderstood the way he looks at me? She wanted to creep out of the room, needed to get away to wrap her mind around this, but drawing attention to herself right now might be dangerous. Is he only being a friend? Does he like Zelena instead of me? Belle had spent so much time talking to Fiona about if Rumplestiltskin could love that she'd never even realized she might have a rival for his affections.
And of course he'd like someone like her more than me. She's powerful. She's dark. She's a queen, not just some knight's daughter who had nothing to barter but herself. Belle bit her lip to keep her emotions inside, but it was so hard. Why hadn't she realized this might happen?
"Of course there are." Zelena swept forward gracefully, her voice a purr. "We've always had a special relationship, haven't we? Send the maid away, so we might…talk."
Say no, Belle begged him silently. Say no. Please tell her to leave.
But Rumplestiltskin did no such thing. Instead, he waved a hand at her dismissively, still studying Zelena with an intensity that made Belle shiver. "Go…dust something. Or read. Whatever it is that you do."
"But I—" The objection rose instinctively before Belle could cut herself off. She desperately wanted for him to say something, but Rumplestiltskin didn't even look at her. "Nevermind. I'll go."
Gathering herself, Belle walked out of the great hall without looking back, keeping her head high and determined not to let her feeling show on her face. She was beginning to think that she'd made a terrible mistake, and there was nothing to do but leave.
"Shall we go somewhere more private?" Zelena asked as Belle headed for the stairs, and Belle didn't have to turn to see her suggestive smile.
Rumplestiltskin giggled. "What are you afraid of someone seeing, dearie?"
She left before she could hear the answer.
If he looked at Belle, he was done. Contrary to what his mother might say, Rumplestiltskin was not a fool. He knew that Zelena hadn't given up on him, and he knew that Zelena's hatred for Belle would grow by leapsand bounds if she so much as suspected that Rumplestiltskin had feelings for his maid. She'd probably try something stupid, knowing Zelena, and then Rumplestiltskin would have to stop her. That would make an enemy of his star pupil, of course, and that was exactly what he was trying to avoid by humoring Zelena's advances until his mother could find some suitably handsome idiot to wave under her nose.
That didn't mean that returning any small measure of her flirting didn't make him feel sick.
Rumplestiltskin made himself giggle. "What are you afraid of someone seeing, dearie?" He was not leaving the great hall with this dangerously obsessive woman. Not when she was like this. If he had any luck whatsoever, his mother would return soon.
Zelena huffed. "I'm hardly an exhibitionist."
No, you just keep a harem of men whose hearts you have. You just like to abuse them in private.
"Well, neither am I! What a lovely coincidence." Rumplestiltskin grinned at her and danced away as casually as he could. "Now, why don't you tell me why you're here."
"I want to renegotiate the terms of our arrangement." Zelena looked taken aback at the change of subject, but she wasn't an idiot. Clearly, she'd come for more of a purpose than flirting with him, and that fact left Rumplestiltskin weak with relief.
"I wasn't aware that we had an agreement, Your Majesty." As usual, she only noticed some of the sarcasm he infused the title with; Zelena still puffed up when someone called her that.
"You need me. The way I see it, that means that you owe me something in return."
Damn her intelligence. Zelena was a pain in the posterior, but she was smart. And she was far more ruthless than Regina ever would have been, even if Cora had raised her. That, of course, wasn't necessarily a good thing. Nor was Zelena's utter amorality. Both were things he hadn't wanted in his curse caster, but she was right. He needed her.
Still, he wasn't going to admit that, not to her face.
"Plans can change." Rumplestiltskin wagged a cautionary finger at her. "Don't tempt me too much." But he didn't say he wouldn't give her something. Letting her think that she could win this round was probably advisable. He needed her to believe in her own power if she was going to cast the curse.
"Of course they can." Zelena straightened her dress and her hair dismissively. "I don't mind that you have plans in mind for me, but I do insist that you show me a little respect. And if you're going to get things from me, I want things from you."
He snorted. "Such as?"
"I want you to stop helping that insufferable little brat who calls herself my stepdaughter. I want her to suffer, and I want you to help."
"No can do, dearie." Rumplestiltskin waved an airy hand, wiggling a little further away for good measure. He certainly wasn't going to help Zelena kill Snow White, not now that she was the other half of his True Love potion. Dangling Regina in front of Zelena as bait, on the other hand…that he could do. "Besides, I thought you wanted your sister to suffer more? Can't make up your mind?"
"I want them both to suffer," Zelena snarled. "They're working together! Still!"
"Surely that's a problem you can solve on your own." He arched an eyebrow at her. "Do you really want my help? Next you know, people will be saying that the Wicked Queen is nothing but the Dark One's pawn…" Rumplestiltskin trailed off suggestively, and watched Zelena go red with anger.
Or maybe it was more like brown. Going red was hard when your complexion was already green.
"They wouldn't dare!"
"Stupid people dare stupid things." He sang the words at her, just to watch her lose her temper, but much to Rumplestiltskin's surprise, Zelena swallowed her fury with an effort. She's learning. That could be dangerous.
"Fine." Zelena drew herself up again, clearly trying to look regal. "Regina doesn't matter, anyway. Once I kill my brat of a stepdaughter, she'll mean nothing. But I insist on getting something in return for being used."
"And my training isn't something in return?" Rumplestiltskin let his voice grow high pitched, rolling the words off his tongue as if he was more offended than he was. Truth be told, he was a trifle annoyed; Zelena was clever, yes, but he was giving her a gift of magic like she'd never dreamt of when she ran from Oz in hopes of a better life in the Enchanted Forest. She'd known enough magic to make herself into a queen, but not enough for much else. He'd given her that. "I think you overestimate your own worth, Zelena."
She sniffed. "You're hardly training me out of the goodness of your heart." Zelena cocked her head, suddenly starry-eyed and softer. "Unless you are?"
"Of course not! Who said I have any goodness in me to give?" He laughed at that one, dancing even further away from this student who sometimes reminded him far too much of her mother.
"I'll have the dagger by then, Rumple, dear. We both know that you're only so clever, and I know you all too well. I will find it easily. Then we'll make up for lost time." Decades later, those words still made him shiver in sick fear. Cora had meant them—and given half a chance, he was fairly certain that Zelena would do the same.
After all, he was well aware of the harem she kept buried deep in her castle, the one full of pretty but heartless men. He'd actually cherished some unkind hopes that Killian Jones would find himself amongst their number, but the odious pirate still seemed to be free.
"Your mother's little maid seems to think you do." Zelena laughed, but the way she said the words made Rumplestiltskin's nerves stand on edge. "One would think she even fancied you, judging from the way she looked at you!"
He gave her his nastiest smile. "Well, I do have that effect on women." A trilling giggle. "Your mother could have told you that, had she survived."
The low blow landed just as he'd hoped, making Zelena flinch, but alas, it did not distract her from the subject of Belle. "Don't tell me you're bedding the little twit. She can't be interesting enough for you."
Perhaps I like a little light in my life, he didn't say, even as Zoso chimed in: Even this one would be better than that stupid maid! And you know she wants you. That thought was nauseating, but the alternative of telling Zelena how he felt about Belle was even stupider. He wouldn't endanger Belle like that, wouldn't let Zelena know what the girl meant to him.
"Of course she isn't." He snorted with as much derision as he could muster, thinking about how unlikely it was that Belle actually cared about him as anything more than a friend. That helped him feel incredulous, at any rate. "What kind of lackwit do you take me for?"
"You're male." Zelena rolled her eyes. "It doesn't usually take much."
"I'm the Dark One, not some idiot man led by my desires." He waved a hand, shoving his guilt behind a cold façade and another giggle. "Do try to keep up."
The trick with the mermaids hadn't worked. Or at least not the way Bae had hoped it would. The Lost Boys had made boats—very bad boats, which tended to sink without Pan's magic—and they had raced them. It had even been fun. But Bae's hopes that the mermaids might drown Pan were dashed. Two of them had attacked Pan, but it hadn't done any good, other than giving Pan a good laugh and making him send the Lost Boys hunting mermaids. Bae ended up as the ringleader of one of those hunts, and it took all of the creativity he had to keep the boys with him from actually finding any mermaids. Don't they realize that Pan won't save them from drowning? He wanted to shake the other boys. Tootles was the only one with a lick of sense, and that wasn't saying much. They were still laughing and joking like this was one big game.
Bae had to admit that things had been better in Neverland, lately. Pan's games had been more fun and less bloody, which left all the boys deliriously happy. Not that they minded the bloodsport; those that hadn't already been nasty when they arrived in Neverland usually turned that direction in self-defense before long. It was hard to be a nice person in a place like this, and Bae knew he didn't always manage, either.
That was probably why he'd walked away from the fire that night, hoping to get a little air, and maybe a little perspective, too.
"Did you hope the mermaids would get me, or was that just a happy coincidence?" Pan's laugh came out of nowhere, making Bae jump. When he spun around, Neverland's boy ruler was floating in the air behind him. "I saw you smiling before I went under."
Bae scowled. "I was smiling because my boat was winning the race."
"Why the long face, Baelfire? There's no need to lie. I know you hate me, even when you don't want to." Pan drifted down to the, grinning. "You probably hate yourself for that, too."
"I don't hate myself." Usually. "Why would I?"
"I'd wager it's because you don't like feeling helpless. You don't like being here, but there's no way out, is there?" Pan leaned forward, his expression conspiratorial. "Unless you can make a deal with me."
The deal is struck. Those words would forever echo in his mind, and just remembering them made Bae want to vomit. "I don't make deals. Not anymore."
"Put out by dear papa breaking his deal with you?" Pan's face twisted into an ugly pout, and Bae wanted to punch him. "It's such a shame that such a coward—"
"Shut up! You know nothing!" The words burst out before Bae could stop them; he could hate his father all he wanted, but he didn't want to hear Pan insulting him. Unfortunately, Pan only laughed.
"Oh, I know more than you can possibly realize." His grin only grew. "But that's a topic for another conversation." Suddenly, Pan lunged forward, catching Bae by the front of the shirt, and now his eyes were no longer amused—they were blazing. "Today, I'm going to give you a warning. I like dangerous games as much as the next boy, but I like the odds to be rigged in my favor. You won't try something like that again."
"Oh, yeah? Why not?" Bae knew that facing Pan down was stupid, but what did he have to lose?
"Oh, yeah. I know you're not afraid of risking your own life—you wouldn't be here if you were. So, I'll make this so clear that even you can't misunderstand. If you try to get me killed again, I'll start killing off your friends. I know you don't have many of them, but I can always start with Tootles."
"You wouldn't." Bae wanted so badly for this to be a bluff, but the cold feeling in his chest told him that it wasn't.
"Test me, Baelfire." Pan released him without warning, and started grinning again. "But play along like a good little Lost Boy, and maybe someday you'll get the deal Hook got. And then you'll get to leave this island. Wouldn't you like that?"
"Not if it leaves me owing you," Bae growled.
"Your loss." Pan shrugged, and without a further word, wandered back towards the fire, leaving Bae standing alone in the dark.
He had to get out of here before he went insane.
Do the brave thing, and bravery will follow, Belle told herself firmly. She just had to ask the truth, had to find out if she was pining over someone who didn't even want her. A few months ago, Belle would have said that asking hard questions like that would be relatively easy, but now that she'd fallen for someone, she was starting to realize that it wasn't. She knew that she had to grit her teeth and ask, that she couldn't leave things as they were. Belle couldn't continue on blindly as if she hadn't seen Rumplestiltskin flirting with Zelena, but why did it have to hurt so much?
Do the brave thing. Squaring her shoulders, Belle marched out of the library and towards the Great Hall. She'd left when Rumplestiltskin had dismissed her with that utterly uncaring wave of his hand, and Belle had given herself a few hours to think—and for Zelena to leave. Now she was sure the Wicked Queen was gone since her annoying laughter was no longer echoing through the castle, and it was time to talk to Rumplestiltskin.
She found him spinning as if nothing had happened, and thankfully alone.
"We need to talk." Belle's voice felt heavy and final, and she swallowed hard. "I…I need to know something."
Rumplestiltskin peered up at her in confusion. "Know something about what exactly?"
"About you." She squared her shoulders. "And Zelena."
Was that sneer on his face directed at the mere maid who dared question him? Belle wanted to know where the sweet and joking man from that afternoon had gone, but she didn't ask. He wouldn't like being called sweet, not right now. Perhaps not ever, if he preferred Zelena to her.
"Whatever would you want to know about her for?" Rumplestiltskin's lip curled up in disgust, but Belle couldn't figure out if the emotion was directed at her or Zelena.
"You two seemed awfully…cozy." Belle couldn't quite bring herself to call it flirting. Not out loud.
He waved a dismissive hand. "She's my student."
"Why do you teach her, anyway? She's an awful person."
"In case you haven't noticed, I am the Dark One." Rumplestiltskin laughed, but to Belle the giggle sounded hollow. What was he hiding?
She crossed her arms. "That sounds like an excuse."
"Why are you asking this, hmmm?" He stepped towards her, his eyes narrowing suspiciously. "Why the sudden interest?"
"I just—I just want to know how you feel about her." Belle swallowed; this conversation wasn't going at all like she'd intended it to. Now Rumplestiltskin was on edge, and she knew by now that putting him on edge was not the way to get him to be honest. He could talk his way around a subject on the best of days, and at his worst…
"Feel?" A high-pitched snort of laughter. "Why would I feelanything for her? Or for anyone? I'm the Dark One. I'm not supposed to feel."
"But that's not true. You do feel. I've seen it. You can be kind and thoughtful, and—and—I just want to know what's going on."
He just giggled again. "That would be cheating, dearie."
"Don't call me that!" Belle had thought they were beyond this, beyond the impersonal 'dearies' and him holding her at arm's length. But why wouldn't he answer her questions? If there was nothing going on, surely Rumplestiltskin would say so.
"Ooooh, that struck a nerve, didn't it?" Rumplestiltskin offered her a sweeping bow—but every line of his body screamed sarcasm, and the gleam in his eyes didn't help. "My apologies."
"Do you have any idea how infuriating you are?"
He wiggled gleefully. "Comes with the territory."
"Why won't you just talk to me?" Belle demanded, wanting to shake him. She almost stepped forward to do so, but caught herself just in time. If her relationship with Rumplestiltskin wasn't what she thought it was, doing something so foolish could be really, really, dangerous.
What have I gotten myself into?
"Isn't that what we're doing?" Rumplestiltskin struck a thoughtful pose. "I do believe that's what these silly mouth noises are known as: talking."
Belle barely managed to bite back a groan of frustration. "You say things without meaning. You twist words like you twist magic. Can't you just be honest?"
For a moment, she thought that her words might have gotten through to him; Rumplestiltskin looked genuinely thoughtful for a moment. But then he shrugged. "Honesty really isn't in my nature, you know."
"It could be if you'd just try. You know that you weren't meant to be like this. You could—"
"Don't you start with that." The words were a snarl, and all humor left Rumplestiltskin's face as he glared at her.
"I'm not trying to start anything." And she'd thought he'd come to terms with the fact that he had been meant to be the Savior, too. Apparently not. "I just want to talk to you."
"Not about that." Another glare.
"Rumple…" Against her better judgment, Belle stepped forward to put a hand on his arm. I shouldn't. Not if he won't tell me what's going on between him and Zelena. I'm not in this to get my heart broken, or to be Fiona's pawn in her plans, whatever they are.
But she still felt her heart going out to the broken man who stared at her like she was the first person to ever treat him compassionately, still felt herself burning to help him. Rumplestiltskin stared at her hand for a long moment before he shook himself, as if he was trying to banish something Belle couldn't see or hear. The Dark Ones? Are they talking to him? She had just opened her mouth to ask when he pulled away without warning.
"I have to go."
"Don't—"
But she spoke too late. Rumplestiltskin had disappeared in a cloud of purple smoke, and Belle was left standing alone in the great hall.
A/N: I hate to be "that" author, but here goes. I'm contemplating ceasing to update this story on this site and just updating on AO3 – it takes time to update on both sites, and there doesn't seem to be as much interest here. I'm not sure if that's because I don't have time to personally respond to reviews or if it's because of decreased readership, so if you're interested in me continuing to update here on FFN, please do let me know.
Stay tuned for Chapter 19—"If I Can't Love Her," where Belle calls Fiona out on her manipulations, Rumplestiltskin tries to apologize, and Bae defies Pan in a new and dangerous way.
