Chapter 20—"Let the World be Done with Me"


Anyone who dared use a locator spell to track Rumplestiltskin down would have been in line for a very quick death. Unless, of course, that person was his mother.

"I don't want to talk to you!" he snapped, trying desperately to keep his tone dismissive instead of furiously wounded. He didn't need his mother, not right now. Maybe not ever, not if she kept sticking her nose in where it didn't belong.

He didn't need to turn around to know Fiona had crossed her arms and snorted. "That's because you're being quite the little idiot."

"This is your doing!" Rumplestiltskin whirled around before he could stop himself, snarling the words. "Don't deny that that you've been trying to push us towards one another. This has your sparkly little fingerprints all over it!"

"Actually, no." Fiona's smile was wry. "Not that I'm above playing matchmaker, mind, but the girl came around to her feelings for you all on her own. Isn't her saying that what made you run away?"

Rumplestiltskin glared. "I didn't run. Dark Ones don't run." But the coward he'd once been had, and even knowing he had been meant to be the Savior didn't lessen the crippling guilt. Power or not, I'm still a coward. Always will be.

"If you say so, dear." Fiona looked around, seeming to notice the hovel they were standing in for the first time. Unlike everyone else of his acquaintance, she didn't even blink at the humble surroundings, merely taking them in with a glance. "Is that why you came here, then? To remind yourself of what you were?"

Rumplestiltskin wanted to snap at her, but instead his voice came out very small. "Baelfire grew up here." I was loved here, even if only by him.

The love of his son and his mother was the only love he should ever want or need. He had been a fool to fall in love with Belle, and even more of a fool to think that doing so might be safe. Loving his maid from afar was one thing, but the knowledge that she could love him back—that she'd said as much!—broke him into tiny pieces. Their terrifyingly honest conversation had brought so much into the light that Rumplestiltskin felt blinded. He couldn't do this. He couldn't.

Focus on Baelfire, on the curse, and on getting to him. Nothing else matters. Yet he could still hear the faintly mocking laughter of his predecessors. They'd stopped demanding he kill Belle a few hours earlier, yet they were all still rather amused at his expense.

"It's not a betrayal to love someone other than him, you know." His mother's voice was surprisingly gentle, particularly for Fiona, who embraced her darker urges as often as he did.

"You know nothing!" He wanted to throttle her, could feel the darkness boiling in him. His rage over denying himself love demanded a target, but Rumplestiltskin would not let it hurt his mother. Not after everything.

"Do you love her?" She put her hand on his arm when he turned away. "Do you, Rumple?"

He snorted bitterly. "Of course I do."

"Then don't try to punish yourself by denying yourself love just because you lost your son. Come back to the castle and talk to her. She's confused and hurt, but you still have a chance. Though not as much of one if you sit here and dither."

Rumplestiltskin just shook his head, not trusting himself to speak. After a moment, Fiona huffed impatiently and continued:

"Do you think she's like Cora? That she'll betray you?"

"Belle is nothing like Cora." The words were harsh, but Rumplestiltskin knew they were true. Even as Zoso cackled madly, he knew that Belle wasn't after his power.

No, she wanted him, which was far more terrifying.

"Then come back before it's too late." Fiona squeezed his arm again, and Rumplestiltskin just closed his eyes against her soft voice. "Please, Rumple. She makes you happy, and there's nothing to fear in that."

He wanted to. Oh, he wanted to.

"I can't." Rumplestiltskin swallowed hard. Those were not tears trying to leak out of his eyes. Go take her, coward, Zoso demanded. Say sweet words and she might even let you. Not that you'd ever be brave enough. Opening his eyes did not banish the voices, but it made focusing on his mother easier. "Love…love like that is not made for demons like me."

"Oh, Rumple. You silly, loving, fool." Suddenly, Fiona's hand was on his face, soft and far too gentle, and Rumplestiltskin wanted to pull away. Yet he couldn't. Not now. "If a monster like me can love and be loved, what makes you think that you cannot? Your heart is full of love, despite the darkness you've wrapped it in."

He wanted to. Burned to. How had Belle become so important to him in the last months? Had it even been a year? He knew that he loved her; lying to himself was useless on that front, as was—apparently—lying to his mother. Except Rumplestiltskin knew where this led. Belle was not Cora; she would not seek his power only to betray him repeatedly. She would love him honestly, if she could, and he would hurt her. Or someone else would. Who did hardly mattered; he was the Dark One, and his enemies were legion. Even if he somehow overrode the voices in his head screaming for him to ravage her and own her, someone else would take Belle to hurt him.

Rumplestiltskin couldn't let that happen. He wouldn't. Not even if it broke his heart.

"I can't." With an effort, Rumplestiltskin pulled away. He had to harden his heart right now, had to distance himself from love as best he could. So, he drew on the darkness, wrapping it around himself like a shield, and using its coldness to draw a line between himself and his feelings.

Fiona opened her mouth to argue, but he twitched his fingers and teleported her away before she could speak. She'd howl bloody murder later, but for now, it at least gave him some peace. That left Rumplestiltskin alone in his old hovel, in the home where he had both raised and lost Baelfire, a place where he had known so much joy—and so much pain. He hated this place, but that made the hovel the right place to be.

For once, Fiona got the hint and didn't return.


"I can help you find someone who will make you happy."

The stupid green fairy spoke so earnestly that it made Zelena want to puke. As far as she was concerned, the midget's only redeeming quality was that she had a good choice in the color of her wardrobe, but even then, Zelena wasn't sure that the idiot wasn't trying to suck up to her. Why would she want a fairy's help? Did the oversized fly think that Zelena was so desperate that she'd turn to someone like her? The very idea was laughable.

"Why would I want help from a pathetic little fairy to be happy?" She snorted before she could stop herself; snorting wasn't terribly regal, but Zelena thought she could do it just this once. "I have everything I could possibly want."

The diminutive fairy stuck her chin out defiantly, hands on her hips and feet spread like she was ready to go to war. "Except someone who actually loves you."

"Love is weakness." A maid who had once served her mother had told Zelena that was Cora's mantra, and Zelena liked saying it. It made her sound strong. Everyone said that Corahad been strong.

"Don't be stupid." Tinker Bell rolled her eyes. "Love is—"

This time Zelena scoffed, which was much more queenly. "Love is a tool men use to keep women subservient to them."

"And what if I could find you a man who would be subservient to you?" The fairy cocked her head, and then shrugged. "Some men like that kind of thing."

"Do they?" The question wormed out of Zelena before she could stop it, but despite herself, she was intrigued. James—her faithless prince who had chosen Snow!—had liked strong women, but he hadn't exactly wanted to kneel at her feet. Zelena wouldn't mind an equal, someone who respected her and would fight beside her, the idea of a strong man who would let her rule was even more enticing.

"It takes all kinds." Tink laughed lightly, and Zelena found herself smiling before she quashed the expression.

Queens did not smile at fairies. Not powerful queens, anyway. So, she narrowed her eyes with suspicion.

"Why do you want to help me, anyway? You fairies are a prissy lot, always following that holier-than-thou Blue Fairy." Zelena knew that. The Blue Fairy had helped Snow more than once, so there was no way that any of her minions would help Zelena. Not that the idea of having a fairy in her corner was in any way unappealing. It might even be useful.

Tink shrugged again. "Blue kicked me out. I tried to help a fellow fairy run away and find love, and she didn't like that very much."

"So, you're not actually a fairy?"

"No, I'm a fairy. Blue couldn't take my wings because I left before she could." A bitter smile. "I don't miss most of them, anyway. But I do like helping people who actually need it. You do."

Tink's answer made sense, even if Zelena figured there was a lot she wasn't telling her. Still, Zelena liked the idea of finding a man who would appreciate her for who she was. She'd cast a line or two in the pirate's direction, but he hadn't seemed terribly interested in anything more than a fling, and Zelena really did want more than that. She didn't like admitting that, even to herself, but it was true. She was lonely—but not so lonely that she'd let any man control her. Not ever. She'd follow her mother's example and be the one in control, even if it meant taking her potential beau's heart.


He knew what he needed to do, but Rumplestiltskin didn't want to do it. He supposed that he'd always been a coward, even emotionally. Back in another life, it had taken him weeks to work up the courage to propose to Milah—something he'd been pitifully proud of himself for, even if he now half-wished he'd never done so. She gave me Bae. She might have hated me, but without her, I'd have never had my precious boy. The other Dark Ones laughed in his mind at that thought, but Rumplestiltskin ignored their contempt for his son. They were glad he'd murdered his wife; he wasn't. He still felt shame for what he'd done that day, even if a part of him was viciously proud that he'd finally fought back against the woman who had berated him for so long.

She'll do the same to you, Nimue whispered insidiously. If you let this one in, she'll turn out to be just like your dear, departed wife. You thought Milah loved you, too. Just like you thought Cora did. How did that work out for you, fool?

Shaking his head wildly, Rumplestiltskin squeezed his eyes shut, trying to shut the voices out. "No," he whispered. "She won't."

That was the worst—and the best—thing about Belle. He knew that she was no Milah, knew that she was no Cora. Belle was nothing like either of them: she was honest, honorable, and she wore her heart on her sleeve. Rumplestiltskin might have needed time to realize she was developing feelings for him, but he knew that her feelings were honest. For now.

The problem was that he knew what kind of situation they were in. Belle might have been young enough to forget, but he wasn't. He knew that so long as she was in his employ, as long as she was a servant in his castle, nothing between them was real. Rumplestiltskin held incredible power over her; he could make her life miserable with a wave of one hand. And yes, he could do that to almost anyone, but it was different for Belle. As honest as she was, who could blame her for falling for him in self-defense? Any maiden might do the same, what with the limited competition in the Dark Castle. It was the only way of making her life better.

That left him with only one possible path, one way to do right by the woman he loved. Belle was worth more to Rumplestiltskin than his own happiness, and even though he knew how this would end up, that changed nothing. If you love her, the old saying said, let her go. He had never done that before. Rumplestiltskin had always held on too tightly, smothered those he loved until they ran for freedom. But he would not make that mistake this time. This time, he would do what was right.

Even if it killed him.


"Baelfire? What are you doing here?" Tiger Lily greeted them at the mouth of her cave, looking between Bae and Beans in confusion.

Bae had to suck in a deep breath of air before he could stop panting; as near as he could tell, the two hour trek to Tiger Lily's cave had taken more like all night. Losing Felix had been harder than he'd expected. "Um. I need somewhere to hide Beans."

"Beans?" Tiger Lily stared at the other boy—who was panting even harder than Bae was, since being chained under a tree wasn't really good for getting exercise—and blinked. "You're the Seer Pan has been using."

"Using." Beans wheezed, and then snorted breathlessly. "Yeah."

"Come in, then." She shot Bae a hard look. "What haveyou done?"

He bristled. "Something right, for once."

"Of course you have. That's hardly the point." Tiger Lily sighed as she led them past her fire and deeper into her cave. "Not here on Neverland. Here, right is never easy. Sometimes, it's even impossible."

"Pan leaves you alone," Bae shot back before he could stop himself. He wasn't here for a lecture. He was here because Tiger Lily was their only hope for hiding, or at least Beans'. Bae was pretty sure that Felix didn't know who had let Beans out, so as long as he returned to the other Lost Boys fairly soon, Pan might not figure out it was him.

"Only because I leave him alone."

"But you've got magic. I saw." Bae frowned as Tiger Lily blinked in confusion. But he'd seen her do magic, something white and flashy that had made the Black Fairy happy.

"Oh, no." She heaved a sigh, sitting down hard on a rock. "You came to me because you think I have the magic to protect you?"

"You don't. But you will." Beans' eyes had gone a little glassy again. "The fallen fairy will find her magic once more." Then Beans shook his head, squinting up at both Bae and Tiger Lily as they stared at him. "What? Did I prophesy again?"

Tiger Lily cracked a smile. "Just a little."

"You're a Seer?" Bae felt stupid for asking, but he hadn't really thought about it. But Felix had mentioned that, hadn't he? No wonder why they'd had Beans locked up. Pan collected magical objects; it wasn't hard to believe he'd collect magical people, too.

"Hard to figure out, but true." Beans shrugged. "It sucks."

"Yeah, I can tell." Bae knew that a Seer had been the one to tell his father that he'd die in the Ogre Wars, that that knowledge had driven Rumplestiltskin to desert so that he wouldn't leave Bae fatherless, as he'd been. His mother had always scoffed and said that the Seer had told of the future that should have been, but Bae had always been glad that his father had listened.

He'd never imagined a Seer who was younger than him, though.

"I don't have magic." Tiger Lily's voice shattered the sudden stillness. "Pan thinks I'm unimportant, so he ignores me, as long as I stay out of his way."

"But I saw you." Bae knew magic when he saw it. His last few months with his father had taught him a lot, and Neverland had taught him even more.

Her smile was sad. "That was the last of someone else's magic. Mine is gone, and has been ever since the Blue Fairy took my wings."

The uneasy feeling in the pit of Bae's stomach was quickly becoming a rock of misery; now what were they supposed to do?


Belle didn't see Rumplestiltskin again until the next morning. She'd hoped he'd come back so that they could talk, but so far as she could tell, he stayed out of the castle until after breakfast. Then, just as she was silently finishing her own meal in the kitchen, he appeared across from where she sat without warning, making Belle jump.

"Rumplestiltskin." Belle gulped, jumping to her feet to face him and trying to swallow her surprise. Sitting while he was standing just didn't feel right, not after their last mess of a conversation. She wanted to face him on equal terms, not look up at him. "I didn't know you were back."

"I'm releasing you from our deal."

A long moment passed before those words sunk in. Belle found herself stuttering. "…what?"

"Leave. Go. You're not my prisoner anymore." He shook his head rapidly, and Belle couldn't help but notice the way Rumplestiltskin wouldn't meet her gaze.

"I haven't been your prisoner since you let me out of that dungeon." He hadn't really still viewed her that way, had he? Belle thought they had something special, something more than that.

"It doesn't matter." Rumplestiltskin finally looked at her, and she could see pain radiating out of his eyes. "You can go. You're free."

Blinking, Belle let the words sink in. She was free. Free from the deal she had made, free from staying in the Dark Castle forever. She could go home, go adventuring, or do whatever she wanted. Belle had never expected to be freed, even as she grew closer and closer to Rumplestiltskin and stopped wanting it, so the feeling took her breath away. Her life was her own, probably for the first time since she was born. Her father couldn't command her, and Rumplestiltskin had let her go.

"What if I don't want to go?" she asked curiously.

That seemed to jerk him up short. "What? No. You have to. You have to go."

"Why?" Belle crossed her arms, jutting her chin out at him. "Because I said I could—"

"Don't say it!" Suddenly, he looked panicked, panicked and desperate all at the same time. "You can't. You shouldn't."

"I think it's a little late for that, don't you, Rumple?" Belle could read his body language, could see the way he leaned towards her without meaning to. There was a yearning in Rumplestiltskin's eyes that warmed her to her very bones, making Belle feel light-headed and giddy. Deciding to take a chance, she reached for his hand, squeezing his fingers gently. "Tell me you have no feelings for me, and I'll go."

"I don't—I don't—" Rumplestiltskin cut off, squeezing his eyes shut. "I want you to be happy."

"Well, that's good." She smiled her best smile. "Because I want me to be happy, too. And I think that could be with you, if you're brave enough to try."

She knew he was afraid; every line of his too-tense body screamed that. So, Belle squeezed his hand again. Rumplestiltskin, however, just shook his head again.

"You can't," he whispered raggedly. "I can't. Everything I lo—everything I touch eventually turns to dust. I am a monster, Belle. And that is why you have to go."

"But that's—"

"You deserve your freedom." Rumplestiltskin's shrug was bitter and a little twisted. "And if…if you come back, I'll still be here. But take your freedom first. Remember what it is like to live away from a monster."

"You think I'll come back?" Belle's heart leapt; she hadn't missed the word he'd cut off earlier. Rumplestiltskin might believe that everything he loved turned to dust, but she could prove him wrong. And if it took leaving to prove that to him, she'd come back again. He loves me. Her heart beat wildly in her chest, hammering out a rhythm that she could barely hear over. Belle felt lightheaded. That's what he stopped himself from saying.

"Oh, Belle." His sad smile broke her heart. "I expect I'll never see you again."

"Then why tell me to go?"

"Because I'm sorry. For…everything." Slowly, his free hand came up to touch her cheek, but the contact was so fleeting that Belle almost thought she'd imagined the feeling of his warm fingers against her skin. "Because you deserve better. The castle will provide everything that you need for your journey, or if you desire, I'll take you straight to your father's castle."

"No. I don't want to go back there." Still stunned, Belle shook her head. She wasn't sure if she wanted to leave, but she knew that she didn't want to go there. She wouldn't go back to that suffocating world where she was expected to be nothing other than Gaston's broodmare, to tie herself to a man who thought nothing of torturing an innocent ogre-child. Her father was a little better; he did love her, but he thought nothing of her opinions or her intelligence. But Belle felt like she'd drown if she returned home.

I want adventure, she knew. But wasn't loving Rumplestiltskin an adventure? It would be, but only if he would let her. And he seemed to think that she couldn't love him if she left, that leaving would make her feelings fade.

"Tell me what your desire is, and I shall fulfill it." Rumplestiltskin stepped back as she mulled her options over, offering Belle a courtly bow that made her smile sadly.

She almost told him that she wanted to stay. Almost said that all she wanted was to stay here, with him. Yet part of Belle could see the sense in what Rumplestiltskin said. Trapped here, with no one but Rumplestiltskin and Fiona for company—aside from those who came for deals—could she truly know her own heart? Belle was certain that she could, but she could see the doubt in Rumplestiltskin's eyes. He feared that she loved him out of self-defense, that she was only looking to better her situation through his good graces.

"What if I want to come back?" The words burst out of her before she could stop herself, and Rumplestiltskin's eyes went almost comically wide.

Then he seemed to deflate. "Don't—don't say that." He gulped. "But I would never stop you."

"Good." Belle took a deep breath, steadying herself. She could tell that he wanted to believe that she loved him as much as he clearly loved her, that her emotions matched those she could see burning in Rumplestiltskin's eyes. But he was so hesitant, her Rumple. So afraid. Fiona had explained to her how he had been hurt, and Belle promised herself then and there that she would not be the next person to break his heart.

"I…I wish you well." Rumplestiltskin's whisper was almost a stutter, and on impulse, Belle stepped forward to kiss him on the cheek.

"Thank you." She gave him the most encouraging smile that she could, and then forced herself to back away. If she didn't, she might never leave.

Rumplestiltskin wanted to give her space, wanted to let her decide. And maybe Belle needed that perspective; maybe she needed to be certain that he was what she wanted. So, she would leave—and then she would come back. Forever.


A/N: Stay tuned for Chapter 21—"Curse the Fading of the Light", in which Belle leaves the Dark Castle, Rumplestiltskin mopes, Snow learns the truth about Charming, Beans surprises Tiger Lily and Baelfire, and Fiona tries to shake sense into her son. While you're waiting, please do let me know what you think—feedback is food for fanfic writers.

In other news, one of my fabulous readers has created a TVTropes page for this story! You can check it out on the TV tropes site under Fanfic(slash)ADifferentFate