Chapter 39—"Screw Your Courage to the Sticking Place"

The portal collapsed with a mighty crack.

"What happened?" Fiona demanded when Rumplestiltskin could not find his voice. "Where is the portal?"

Bae… Rumplestiltskin stared at the emptiness where the vortex had floated for a long moment, rage building up within him like a storm. Slowly, he turned to the Apprentice. "What have you done?"

The Apprentice had the good grace to look shocked. "It would appear that your son is not in that realm at all."

"What?"

The old man turned to face Rumplestiltskin, Belle, and Fiona, but Rumplestiltskin was barely aware of the way Belle held his arm comfortingly and his mother had shifted closer to him to offer support. Instead, his mind was whirling, wildly jumping from possibility to possibility, trying desperately to wrap itself around the words that the Apprentice had just said. This can't—it can't…

"No one of your blood is in the Land Without Magic." The Apprentice spoke again after a moment, his voice more gentle. "A great many years have passed in our realm. It is possible that your son is—"

"He's not dead!" Rumplestiltskin hated the way his voice cracked, the way his hands shook. "The Seer—the Seer said I would find him." His voice dropped to a broken whisper. "She said I would find him."

This can't be happening. No no no no no! I promised Bae I'd find him. He can't be gone. Can't be—

Rumplestiltskin couldn't even bring himself to think the word dead.

"Is it then possible that Baelfire is not your son?" The Apprentice asked the question delicately, but Rumplestiltskin's head still snapped up.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"That is to say, your wife might have…"

"No." Rumplestiltskin shook his head wildly. Milah had cheated on him after the war, he knew, bedding men in bars and in back alleyways, all to find the freedom she said he denied her. But before he'd gone to war, when Bae had been conceived…they'd been happy. Hadn't they? Milah had loved him, once, and while he'd later destroyed that love, Bae had always been proof that it had once existed. "No. Bae was—is!—my son."

"Mybe he's in a different realm?" Belle asked softly, her hands still gentle and tight on his arm. "Might he have escaped the Land Without Magic?"

Rumplestiltskin's heart twisted in his chest, painful and hopeful all at once. He could barely breathe; everything was crashing down on him and this should have worked.

Bae, I was so close!

"That is very possible." Fiona sounded thoughtful, and it was a good thing one of them could think. "Travel between realms is difficult, but someone clever enough could find a way."

"Maybe he's trying to find his way back to you, Rumple." Belle sounded hopeful, but Rumplestiltskin could only shake his head again.

"No." His voice was thick with pain, but Rumplestiltskin knew that Bae wouldn't. Not while he had been so mad at his father. "I abandoned him. It is for me to find him. I cannot expect him to do the same."

Or want it, but he couldn't say that. Not until he could at least apologize to his son.

"The bean portal must have launched him forward in time, assuming that the Seer was right," Fiona's voice was brisk, now, and Rumplestiltskin had never been so grateful for his mother as he was now. "And sometime after landing, Baelfire left the Land Without Magic for some as-yet undetermined realm. All we must do now is find him."

"We'll do it, Rumple." Belle rubbed his arm comfortingly, and he finally looked at her, feeling like he was about to break into a thousand pieces. "Together. We'll find your son."

"I hope so." He bit his lip, struggling for control. He would not cry, not with that be-damned Apprentice there—

"Thank you for the assistance, Apprentice, but I do believe it is time for you to leave." Fiona bustled forward, again reading Rumplestiltskin's mind. He just wanted to melt into Belle's arms, wanted everything to go away, to weep for the son he was so close to finding and now was realms away from.

"There is still much to discuss," the Apprentice objected, gesturing towards Rumplestiltskin with his wand. "He has magic he does not understand and may not be able to control—"

"And it can wait." Fiona's smile was sweet but sharp; Rumplestiltskin caught it out of the corner of his eye and almost grimaced. "We have work to do here, as a family."

A family. At least he had a family, and even if his boy hated him when they finally found Bae, hopefully Bae could accept his grandmother and Belle. Tears tried to rise, and Rumplestiltskin closed his eyes fiercely, forcing them back. Not now. I do not deserve to weep when I have failed so terribly.

"Thank you again for coming." Now it was Belle speaking up, all gracious and good manners. "We'll be in touch, I'm certain."

"The fate of many realms depends upon his grail magic not veering back towards the darkness. I do not think he understands the depths of his power or what is at stake. I am sorry to intrude upon your grief, my lady, but I must stay until I am certain this is safe."

"Oh, no you won't." Rumplestiltskin's head snapped up, and his hand came up, too. Power leapt from his palm, and a swirl of white-gold smoke surrounded the Apprentice, gently teleporting him back to his own home. Belle started, but Rumplestiltskin snorted. "Power I do not understand, indeed."

Doing something felt good, but that didn't lessen the blow of having been so damned close. He had been able to picture Bae's face, had been so ready to apologize, to grovel, to tell his boy how much he loved him—and then there was nothing. No chance.

"Rumple?" Belle sensed his coming emotional maelstrom and squeezed his arm again, but he was in no mood for comfort.

The howl that tore out of Rumplestiltskin was a primeval cry of pain and loss that nothing could ease.


"What else do you need for the spell?" Nottingham actually looked interested, and part of Zelena wanted to burst from happiness. Yes, her new lover was ambitious, but his ambition wasn't to overthrow her, so she had no problem with that. So what if he wanted to crush an outlaw or two and use their guts for garters? Zelena was happy to help.

"Well, I have the brain, and that was always going to be the hardest part." She stroked the golden brain lightly, smiling. Leaving Avonlea alone was such a little price to pay for this beauty.

Nottingham frowned. "I'm still not sure how a golden brain can fill in for a real one."

"The real need is for wisdom, not for an actual brain, but a brain is symbolic enough. And while I could have used one torn straight out of someone's skull, it would have had to be someone extremely intelligent." Zelena had considered ripping Snow's brain out, but her former stepdaughter just wasn't that bright, no matter how satisfying the idea was. "This way, I've gained the brain of the cleverest sorcerer in all the realms, which will make the magic just that much sweeter."

"You mean Rumplestiltskin." Nottingham scowled.

"Oh, have you met him?" Zelena swept over to pat her lover's cheek. "There's no need to worry. He'll stay out of my way."

"He tore my tongue out." A deeper scowl. "All over some wench."

"His maid?" That made Zelena perk up, until she ended up wearing a scowl of her own. "That stupid girl keeps coming up."

"I wouldn't mind making her pay for playing the little minx, either." Nottingham's eyes darkened beautifully, like they always did when he was contemplating revenge, and Zelena couldn't resist kissing him. Hard.

"Then we must be soulmates, because I am definitely in favor of that." They exchanged grins before Zelena turned her mind back to her spell. "As for the rest of what I need, it's simple. I need courage—a symbol of it, best supplied by ripping courage out of someone who I don't like—a resilient heart, and something incredibly innocent, like a newborn babe."

"Newborn babes are easy to find, but the other two sound a mite more complicated."

"Choosing the newborn will be the most difficult part. Frankly, I'd rather one that hurts someone I hate rather than just taking some random and unwanted child." Zelena had been an unwanted child herself, and although she had clawed her way up, she wouldn't want to push an abandoned child any further down. Taking some pampered baby off an enemy was far more satisfying.

"Can I help with the courage one? I've always been good at frightening people." Nottingham chuckled. "I mean, I'd happily rip a heart out for you, but my methods might be messier than you'd prefer."

Zelena threw her head back and laughed. "You really are the perfect gallant villain, aren't you?"

That earned her another kiss, and for a while, Zelena was distracted from her spell.


Getting her heart back put a lot of things into perspective, like where she wanted to be. And that was not the Dark Castle, no matter how kind Belle had been. Belle was safe here, from Gaston or from anyone else, so Mulan could leave with a light heart and trust that Rumplestiltskin wouldn't let anyone hurt her friend. He might be the Dark One, but he definitely loves her, Mulan thought, knocking on the library door before walking in to visit Belle.

Belle looked up from her book with a smile. "I keep telling you that you don't need to knock."

"It seems polite." Mulan shrugged, glancing around. Surprisingly, Rumplestiltskin wasn't there. Then again, she hadn't seen much of him for the last few days, so she supposed that was normal enough. Assuming anything in this place passes as normal.

"I think I lost track of most of my normal manners a few days after I came here." Belle gestured Mulan into a seat, but her smile faltered after a moment. "You're leaving, aren't you?"

"I need to." She took a deep breath. "I need to go back to Aurora and Philip. Like you said…it's always worth giving love a chance. And who am I if I never tell them the truth?"

"I think you're very brave." Belle rose and hugged Mulan, who returned the embrace feelingly. Belle's tactile nature had thrown her off at first, but she was used to it by now—and being hugged felt especially wonderful now that she could feel again. If I ever see that witch again, I am going to introduce her to my sword in ways she will not like.

"Don't say that." She managed a crooked smile. "I'm terrified!"

Belle just gave her a smile. "You'll be fine. And if things don't go right, you can always come back here."

Mulan snorted. "What, and have Rumplestiltskin look at me like I'm some sort of intruder?"

"He looks at everyone that way, at least at first. And now that he knows Zelena had your heart, and none of the awkwardness was your fault, he definitely doesn't blame you." Belle shrugged. "It's been an…interesting couple of weeks. He'll be more normal when—if!—you come back."

"Is there really a normal for the Dark One?" she couldn't resist asking.

"With him, there is." Belle grinned. "But let's not talk about Rumple—let's talk about what you're going to say to Philip and Aurora when you get back."

Suddenly nervous, Mulan looked at her feet. "I thought I was in love with Philip at first, you know," she whispered. "But then I met Aurora, and it was like the sun came out. How can I love them both so much?"

"If there's anything I've learned about love, it's that love is different for everyone." Belle took a deep breath. "That, and it's always, always worth fighting for. No matter how much it feels like the entire world is against you."

"I can fight." Mulan took a deep breath. "I'm good at fighting." She laughed nervously. "I'm not always good at knowing when to stop, but I'm good at it."

Belle hugged her again. "I'll be rooting for you."

"Thanks."


"This is the night root." Zelena held up the ugly root, which Nottingham studied closely. He was honored by her trust; he could tell that Zelena was someone who had been hurt one too many times and had a hard time opening up. Yet she'd opened up to him, and he to her, and so far their relationship had been full of plans for vengeance. The sex had been great, too; but it was Zelena's grand plan he was interested in helping with.

The Queen's lover may not be the king, but there's no one here to gainsay me, either, he thought with satisfaction. So long as he kept Zelena happy—which was easy enough to do, as their interests often ran in accord—he could have all the power he wanted. He already had Zelena's military answering to him, and he'd sent a few groups out to hunt for those damned Merry Men. Soon enough, he'd have at least one in his hands, and then he could take his time with revenge.

"Does it matter if it's crushed or anything? If not, it'll be easy enough to slip into a drink." His mind was in overdrive; Nottingham had been in King George's former castle often enough, and he knew plenty of the servants.

She shrugged elegantly. "Not so far as I know."

"Then I can bribe a serving girl to put it in his ale, easy. Then it's just a matter of luring him out of the castle…"

"Leave that to me." Zelena grinned. "I can disguise myself as my wretched stepdaughter easily, and he'll follow her anywhere like a dog in heat."

"Then it's a plan." Perhaps he'd manage to spy on an outlaw or two while he was in the castle, too. Nottingham had heard that Alan a'Dale was back with the Merry Men, and Alan owed him for all those deer he'd poached.

"Tomorrow." Zelena stepped forward boldly, stroking his chest. "Tonight, I have other plans for you."

He grinned. "I am always happy to follow my Queen's commands."

Zelena's laugh was music to his ears, because he was the one who could make her laugh and make her happy. The rest of the world could suffer for al he cared; they'd be happy, anyway. Who cared about anyone else?


"Rumple, we need to talk."

"Go away." Her son's voice was muffled and hoarse; Fiona knew that he hadn't wanted to see anyone for the last two days. Even Belle had barely managed entrance to the chambers they'd so recently started sharing, and Fiona suspected that was because Rumplestiltskin craved her arms to cry in, not for more amorous purposes.

This was a setback. She could not deny that. But at least they'd removed one variable from the equation; Baelfire was clearly not in the Land Without Magic. So, they'd have to find him. That was all. Yet her son was in a snit of grief and self-blame, hiding from the world because he worried that his actions might have killed his beloved boy, not just removed him from this realm. Belle tried to comfort him, but Fiona was damned well going to do something.

"Not this time." She crossed her arms, studying the magic on the door before brushing it aside with a bang of black smoke. "This time, you need to listen, because there's someone else in this realm you do not want to see."

"I don't want to see anyone." Sitting in a chair by the window, Rumplestiltskin looked truly disheveled. His shirt was half open, and his boots were off, leaving bare feet to stick out of his leather pants. He was not a picture of dignified power, and hardly resembled any sorcerer of note, but it was his messy hair and puffy eyes that really took the cake.

"Yes, I can tell." Stepping forward briskly, Fiona grabbed a carafe of wine off the side table and sniffed the half-full bottle. It smelled old and stale, so she walked over to the window and dumped it out. "But your father is in this realm."

"My—what?" That finally made him sit up straight, bloodshot eyes going wide.

"Yes. I ran into the obnoxious manchild he's become after leaving Zelena's vault." She shuddered. "I'm not sure what he's up to, but the last thing you want is him allying with her."

"Let them try." Rumplestiltskin's voice went dark and low, and she could see unkempt magic playing around him.

"How about no. That's a disaster I care not to court."

"He's not my problem. I don't care what he wants, so long as he stays away from me." Brown eyes went dull again, and Fiona wanted to scream.

"Aren't you at all worried that he might come after your family? After Belle?" Fiona slammed her hands onto her hips, glaring at her son.

He just snorted softly. "He's not interested enough in me to do that. Never has been." A sigh. "Leave me alone, Mother."

"Rumplestiltskin, you will get off of your ass right now, or I will—"

"Or you will what?" The question wasn't even challenging; Rumplestiltskin's voice remained flat and uncaring.

"Or I'll start managing this myself. And won't you look the fool when I find Baelfire instead of you?" That would get him up if nothing else would, and Fiona waited expectantly, ready for the fire to overtake her son and for Rumplestiltskin to return to his centuries' old quest.

"Good. Maybe you won't fail him, too." His voice cracked, and Fiona felt the fight go out of her.

"Oh, Rumple. My poor boy." Walking closer, she dropped to her knees in front of him, taking both of his clammy hands in hers. "You haven't failed Baelfire. This is just a setback. You will find him."

Finally, he looked at her, and Fiona could see tears shimmering in his so human eyes. "Don't you understand, Mother? All these years, he hasn't been in the Land Without Magic at all. I've prepared to tear the world apart to find him, only to learn that he might never have been there." Rumplestiltskin let out a quiet sob. "That he might not be alive at all. He might have died centuries ago."

"You might have thought that years ago. What kept you going?" Fiona had a hard time finding the right words; she wished Belle was here right now. Belle was good at comfort. Fiona was just a washed up dark fairy who was a sorry excuse for a mother.

Rumplestiltskin sniffled. "The Seer said that I would find him."

"And why would you start disbelieving that now, silly boy? Tell me exactly what the Seer said."

He closed his eyes. "She said…that I would find him. That it wouldn't be an easy path, and it would take many years." Rumplestiltskin grimaced. "She said it would require the Dark Curse, and that I would be reunited with him in the most unexpected way."

Fiona frowned. "So, she didn't exactly say that the curse would be cast. That simplifies matters, I suppose."

"No, but she said that I wouldn't cast it. Nor would I break it." A scowl.

"Semantics. The future likes to change on us—you know that, Rumple. You're the Seer here."

"That's why I worry he might be dead." The words were a whisper again, broken and grieving.

"Rumple…"

"Just go away. Leave me to my grief for a little while longer." He looked away. "Please, Mother."

Not knowing what else to say, Fiona took a deep breath and left him alone. She'd send Belle back to him, to see if the girl couldn't charm him out of this despondency. And in the meanwhile, she'd figure out what Pan was doing in this world.


Slipping the root into 'Charming's' ale was ridiculously easy. Nottingham bribed a serving girl—one who he had always known was more than a little corrupt, based on the other people who had bought her over the years—and then Zelena impersonated Snow White, drawing the new king out of the castle. Nottingham was tempted to kill him, knowing how happy that would make Zelena, but first they needed a symbol of his courage.

Instead, he stalked the drugged king into the forest, and watched Zelena's magic do its work. Along the way, he rigged a few traps, just to make the outlaws feel at home. One of them might net him an enemy to play with, and Zelena wasn't the only one who could have fun.


The Shadow kept trying to pull him back to Neverland, much to Pan's annoyance. It didn't like the Enchanted Forest, not unless they were tempting new lost boys, and the Shadow's insistence was getting harder and harder to ignore.

"I'm the one in charge here," Pan snarled after one particularly annoying tug-of-war. "You chose me, so you get to deal with my choices."

Burning eyes stared back at him, and although the Shadow no longer spoke aloud, Pan could still hear the words in his mind. I chose you for Neverland, not for this place. We return.

"Soon enough." He glared back until the Shadow flitted up into the air in frustration. "I need to find my damned grandson first." Pan threw a rude gesture towards the Shadow. "You could help with that, you know!"

The Shadow didn't bother to answer, and Pan growled in frustration. Magic was different here than it was in Neverland; he had power, but he couldn't make things happen with a thought. Here, he had to actually do magic, which meant he had to find someone who knew how. Or a book that could tell him, but reading was such a waste a time that he'd rather find a witch. I could always find Rumple and bully him. That thought was attractive, but no, Fiona was apparently with the brat. She'd go all mama bear if he tried to bully Rumple, and although Pan was perfectly certain that he could beat the unimpressively-powered 'Black Fairy', he didn't need to buy that trouble. After all, he didn't want Rumple knowing that he had Baelfire until after he actually had the boy in hand.

Baelfire had outlived his usefulness. Worse yet, he'd escaped Neverland. Pan needed to make an example of him, so he'd drag his grandson back, kicking and screaming, and make him suffer. Then Rumple could see his lost son, just in time to see the boy die. It would serve Rumple right for having been such a needy little worm for all those years, and the other boys in Neverland would never think of escaping their good friend Pan. I still need the stupid Seer, though, so I suppose Beans can live. That made him sigh. Letting Beans live was no fun, but Pan supposed if he hurt him enough first, that might be enough.

First, however, he needed to find a witch for a locator spell. Bae and Beans had probably stuck together, and they were probably still with Tiger Lily, too. Finding them would let him kill three birds with one stone, and Pan liked that idea.


Fiona would have done a locator spell, but that didn't work between realms. That left finding a reliable way to search across multiple realms—which she had, of course—and then using a locator spell once the correct realm popped up. Unfortunately, all of that necessitated returning to the Dark Realm to pick up the crystal ball she'd stupidly left there.

"I need your help." She saw no way around it; Fiona needed someone to tether to, and her son was being a fool. That left Belle, who was at least as motivated to find Baelfire as she was.

"What can I do?" Belle's expression was strained; the poor girl looked like she hadn't been sleeping much. "I know Rumple's being impossible right now, but I think he just needs some time to grieve. He'll come around, but not having the darkness in his mind to dull the pain just makes everything worse for him."

Fiona blinked. She hadn't thought of it that way, but no wonder why Rumplestiltskin was taking this so badly. Still, that wasn't the point. "Not about that. I need an anchor."

"A what? Like from a ship?"

"No, not that. That would be ridiculous." She shook her head, imagining flying around with a ship's anchor tied to her skirt. The image was enough to boggle the mind. "I need a magical anchor. There's something I need back in the Dark Realm, and although I broke free of the place, there's always a chance that it might suck me back in."

Belle cocked her head. "I thought you went back to free the children ages ago."

"Rumple…Rumple told you about that?" Fiona didn't know if she should feel happy or insulted; Rumple talked to his little love about her?

"He did." Belle's smile was so sudden and genuine that Fiona couldn't be angry. "He was so proud of you for that."

"He was?" That did not take her breath away. It didn't.

"Absolutely." Belle reached out and squeezed her arm; damn it if the girl wasn't tactile to an extreme. "Anyway, what kind of help can I give? I don't have magic of my own."

"No, but it hasn't escaped my notice that you're good with magical objects. I'll just enchant something to let you pull me back if I am gone too long, and that will be that." Fiona hesitated, feeling a little strange. Maybe Belle liked the idea of not sharing the castle with her lover's mother. What would she do then? "Assuming you're willing."

"Of course I am! Rumple would be heartbroken if you got stuck there again, and then he'd be ripping two realms apart to put his family back together. I'll do whatever I can to help." Belle gave a little shrug. "And I don't want you gone, either, in case you're worried."

"I was starting to think you might prefer the privacy."

Belle snickered. "Now that you've stopped interrupting every time Rumple and I kiss, it's no longer a problem."

"I did have a purpose for that!"

"I know. But you could have told me. I would have helped." Belle was giving her that look, the one that made Fiona feel like an idiot teenager instead of a centuries' old powerful fairy.

"With your hormones running wild?" She scoffed. "I think not."

"I am capable of thinking and falling in love at the same time, you know." Belle didn't lose that look, and Fiona tried not to wiggle. "But what's done is done, and Rumple is free. That's what matters to both of us. So, let's do what we can to find Baelfire."

"Right." Fiona extended her wand. "I've already enchanted this to summon me; you don't need to do anything other than concentrate a strong emotion—I recommend love, being who you are—and use it to pull me back."

"You'd—you'd trust me with your wand?" Bless the girl, her eyes had gone wide.

"Of course I would." Belle had practically become her daughter, but Fiona wasn't going to say that. She had no idea how Belle would react, so she played it as casually as she could. "Is there a reason I shouldn't?"

"No. I just…I just know that a wand is really personal for fairies. I'm honored."

"Well, honor yourself all you want, as long as you pull me back if I'm not here by dawn."


David had never felt so strange in his life. One moment, he'd been following Snow—or who he'd thought was Snow, anyway—and the next he'd been in a fight for his life. Stumbling back to the castle afterwards had taken all the energy he had, and if Regina and Robin hadn't found him right outside the gates, he wasn't sure what might have happened.

"…it's so strange. I followed what I thought was you, and I only ended up fighting myself."

Snow wiped his brow tenderly. "You're terribly hot."

"I don't know what happened. I can barely remember." David hadn't ever felt so dizzy or so awful. Every memory was covered by a haze—he just remembered fighting, and then losing. And then the other him had vanished.

"The girl who served your dinner tonight is dead." Robin's hard voice cut through his fog, and David turned to look at the former outlaw.

"Dead?"

"Very. Her throat was slashed from behind, and Nottingham was seen skulking around the castle. This is very much his type of work." Robin's face was grim, and Regina, to his right, was starting to look very uncomfortable.

"Why would Nottingham want to poison me, though?" David couldn't remember having ever done anything to the former sheriff; yes, he'd relieved him of his position, but that was to be expected when the man had been loyal to King George. And guilty of abusing said position, he reminded himself.

"Perhaps because he doesn't like being held accountable for his actions?" Snow's frown was deep. "If so, we're going to have to watch out for a lot more of George's former lackeys."

"Tell me about it," David breathed. Just thinking about all these potential political pitfalls made his head hurt.

"With your permission, I'll lead a search party out for Nottingham." Robin straightened. "He can't have gone far, and if we can find him, we might be able to save his next target."

"I'll go with you." Regina still looked unhappy, but also doubly determined.

Robin grinned at her. "I thought you'd never ask."

"Just…be careful." David's head was beginning to spin again, and he just wanted to sleep.

"Remember that you might be some of his targets," Snow picked up, practically reading his mind like she always did. "Nottingham hates the Merry Men, Robin, so be careful. Please."

"Careful is my middle name." Robin sketched them both a half-serious bow, and then he and Regina left.

David didn't manage to keep his eyes open past the gentle kiss Snow pressed to his lips. They'd intended to do some more wedding planning tonight, but he was definitely in no shape to help with that.


Author's Note: Stick around for Chapter 40: "No Change of Heart," where Rumplestiltskin makes a decision, Fiona reaches out to an old friend, Pan makes an ally, Bae stumbles into a trap, and Pan goes looking for his grandson.

In the meantime, if you're curious to see what I've been up to, I've been writing original fantasy! The epic story I've been building since college (faaar too many years ago) just premiered on Kindle Vella. The first three chapters are free if you'd like to check it out: ama (removestuffinparentheses) zon (period) com (nospaces) /kindle-vella/story/B09JYYRY58.

Sorry for the wonky link, you all know how FFN is! Just remove the spaces and everything the parentheses and it should work fine. If not, just search for "Night Rider" and R.G. Roberts, and you should be able to find it.