The rain sizzled as it fell on burning embers. In the aftermath of the final battle, the fallen -soldiers and civilians alike- littered the ground. Hands clawing at the sky beneath rubble in defiance, or limp in the realisation of the inevitable; they all had a story to tell. Humans, turians, krogan… it didn't matter anymore.
The calm pitter-patter of rain picked up and swallowed the mass grave in a cloud of steam. The smell of rain mixed with those of melted metal and burnt flesh; bittersweet, nauseating.
Still, the quarian kept her envirosuit's air filters off. She remembered how he had once told her nothing was more soothing to him than the smell of rain back on Earth. It would remind him of better days, simpler days and a simpler time. She worried she would only ever be able to associate it with the horrors of war, of innocent lives lost in the chaos and fury of desperate survival.
The young woman took care not to take a misstep on the wet rubble, lost in thought.
Her black and purple envirosuit kept her dry despite the growing deluge, not that she could take it off even if she wanted to. She once envied the other alien races, not needing to wear such restrictive gear. But in the face of so much destruction, she was glad she had it. Ancestors knew she would never feel clean again if she had to sift through the remains of London without it. Even with it, she feared the blood that was only now being washed away from the ruined city would permanently stain her soul.
It was finally over. The battle for Earth had drawn to a close, suddenly, and brutally. Her eyes scanned what she knew must have been a beautiful, wondrous city, once.
Tali couldn't help but remember when she first set foot on Rannoch. She closed her eyes and focused on the feeling of the crumbling gravel underfoot. She wondered if the war with the Geth had been similar to this. With a deep breath, she reopened her eyes.
Staring at her foot, she made out what looked like an obliterated Alliance helmet. Her eyes narrowed sadly as she tried picturing a face, and tried to think of some way to thank this nameless soldier for his ultimate sacrifice. But she couldn't. She could only see Shepard.
With an impatient huff, she shook her head, clearing her mind. She wasn't the only one who had lost someone. Whoever this soldier had been, had meant to someone else just as much as Shepard did-had to her. She shouldn't –wouldn't– insult their memory and bravery. This nameless soldier deserved the utmost respect, hers and everyone's.
'At least we had a body to recover,' she thought morbidly. It was more than what most people had. How many children orphaned, siblings, families and friends, all lost…
A sad smile curved the corners of her mouth.
"He's alive," she whispered, and closed her eyes.
The word had never seemed so sad before.
Two soldiers stood side by side, overlooking London.
"It's not really sunk in yet," the first said, a human, male.
The other, a turian with distinct blue and silver armor, nodded distractedly.
"Yeah, I know." His voice was a soft growl and lacked the characteristic sarcasm the human had grown used to. "How…" the turian began before awkwardness took hold again. The human turned to look at the turian's silent question.
The turian's mandibles twitched in discomfort.
"It's Shepard," the human replied, as if that answered anything and everything.
"That's why I'm worried, Kaidan," the turian said.
Crossing his arms, the human looked back out the broken window.
"What about the recovery operations ?"
"Well… the Reapers don't leave much," Garrus said without humor.
Kaidan scoffed, shaking his head.
"I'm not sure if that's better or worse, really," the human officer continued.
"Both," Garrus replied, before turning and walking away.
"Tali'Zorah. Does this unit… have…"
Tali's eyes opened slowly. She sat up, resting her back against the wall. Arms hugging her knees to her chest, she rested her helmed chin on them, closing her eyes again with a stifled sob. She had never been so tired. The war was over. No more Reapers, no more Cerberus; only haunting memories, now. And they exhausted her more than all the fighting.
Through half-lidded eyes she looked at the knife strapped to her left calf. She had never needed it often. But every time she used it, the memories were more painful than any bruise, cut or infection.
'I had to!' She thought angrily. 'It would have killed Shepard, if I hadn't... if I hadn't...' But even her inner voice was unconvinced. Despite everything she had been through during her time aboard the Normandy, it had been the most difficult decision she had ever made. But also the easiest. And it broke her heart.
"Keelah…" she cried softly. "I'm sorry, Legion. I'm so sorry."
The stable beeping of the life support system was only interrupted by Shepard's breathing aid. The few patches of his body that weren't covered with bandages showed nothing but charred skin. It was a miracle he was alive in the first place, let alone with how few medical supplies the survivors of the Galactic Alliance had. They assumed due to his extensive implants, Shepard had a much hardier constitution than most. Slowly, but surely, the tests were revealing that his body was healing. But even with technology being what it was in the 22nd century, the real concern was his brain.
Tali sat in a makeshift chair next to Shepard, reading field reports and the occasional get-well messages. She put the datapad down after a while, leaning as close as she could to the protective bubble her love had been placed in, courtesy of the Flotilla. The sterile environment would help prevent further infection. Or so she hoped.
Taking in the extensive damage Shepard had suffered, Tali couldn't help herself, placing a delicate hand on the exterior of the bubble.
"Keelah, Shepard…" her voice was breaking. She felt so helpless. 'I need you,' she held the words and tears back.
"Tali…" the sound of her name made her jump slightly. She removed her hand and straightened up before facing who had spoken to her, thankful her helmet hid her fresh tears well enough.
"Liara," she answered, trying her best not to sound emotional. The two women stood in silence, and Liara played with her fingers nervously. Even as Shadow Broker, it was a habit that seemed determined to stick.
The blue asari couldn't bring herself to say anything that mattered, even though she knew Tali needed her to.
"I'm… glad you're here. At least it's someone he trusts that's keeping him company." She managed pitifully.
Tali nodded slightly. There was another tense pause. "I should go," the quarian mumbled which caused Liara to smile despite herself as the young quarian engineer mimicked Shepard's speech. Tali made her way to the door and Liara stopped her gently, grabbing her hand.
"Tali." The quarian looked at her in surprise. "Thank you."
Liara could faintly see her friend's shoulders shaking as she fought against herself. She could feel her sadness, her resignation, and it broke the asari's heart. She let Tali's three-fingered hand go, then. And she left without another word.
Tali had never blamed Liara. And it did little to lessen Liara's guilt. Shepard had inspired more than loyalty and courage in his friends. Liara and Tali never talked it over with each other. And she suspected that even had she tried to, the conversation would have only been painful and awkward for the young quarian engineer. Liara sat down where her friend had been moments before.
Pensive as she gazed at her broken lover, she thought of how they had met, and of all the adventures they had been on together since. The highs; when they confessed their love to each other the first time... the lows; when she thought she had lost him forever, and only to see him again two years later.
She wasn't sure how it all happened. Shepard was a career military man, through and through. And Liara was an awkward scientist that spent her time in pursuit of history. They were nothing alike, then.
Maybe it was the melding, or just physical attraction… but something made Shepard different around her. They never questioned it. They were just there for each other, even when the mission came first, they couldn't help it…
Liara had tried not to give in, to put their duty before themselves, something she was sure he as an officer understood. She had been the one who put an end to their quickly budding relationship. But her thoughts, inevitably, always drifted back to him. Her heart would beat faster every time she saw him. She tried to dismiss it, but it was gnawing at her, every day getting worse. She wasn't used to people that way. She had been fine with no one in her life up until she met Shepard. She wanted to believe she could still be that way. She wanted to believe that she could let Shepard go, as she had been taught she would have to. There was little comfort to be found in the arms of the other races her mother had once told her. Shepard would leave her sooner rather than later, whether he meant to or not, and Liara desperately clung to the false hope that Shepard would understand the impossibility of their peculiar situation. But he didn't. He couldn't.
"I love you, Liara T'Soni."
"I… love you, too."
She had almost been unable to get it out. And somewhere deep inside her, she wished she never did. She wished she had never met Shepard. Without him, she wouldn't have fared any better than all the other casualties of war. She wouldn't have had to witness the fall of Thessia, of her people. She wouldn't have had to kill her own mother. As her thoughts continued to unravel and the guilt of their nature overpowered her common sense, her eyes focused on something reflecting light in her eyes.
Shepard's dog tags.
She looked up at her burnt lover with teary eyes. She didn't have time to be wallowing in self-pity. She tried to smile as she came to a realisation.
"How much easier it could have been if you had chosen her instead. But I wouldn't have had it any other way."
