A/N: Short chapter update because well, I can. And I have literally no energy today, so forgive me. Enjoy.
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Jessi sat on the beach, listening to the muffled sounds of the boardwalk as she and Paul passed a joint around. She knew she would end up stinking like the stuff, but she didn't care. Her brother had expected a rebellion at any point and now was as good as time as any. What with the world falling apart around them.
I deserve this, Jessi thought, taking a hit and then twirling the joint between her fingers. I deserve to have this moment.
Jessi glanced over at Paul and noticed he was staring at her with a goofy smile on his face. She rolled her eyes and looked back out at the ocean.
"You know, for someone who's probably never done this, you're doing a good job of keeping cool," Paul commented. His smile turned wicked. "Have you tried before?"
"Never," Jessi said, shaking her head. "Good girls don't try things."
She glanced over at Paul again and started laughing. He broke out in a large grin and started laughing too.
"Seriously, I've never tried though," Jessi said after calming down just a little. "I don't do a lot of things besides sleep and go to work." She waved the hand that held the joint. "Well, now I deal with you and try to keep you away, but that's still the gist of what I do."
"Sounds like a boring life," Paul told her, stealing back the joint. "Except for the part where I come in."
"You think?" Jessi shook her head again. "I don't want to live like this…but what choice do I have? Me and my brother, we're all that each other has. Sure, he has his music, but what do I have?"
"Uh, your music?"
"It's not the same!" Jessi snapped. "His takes him to places, even if it's only a few stages in Santa Carla. Mine, it keeps me in my bedroom at home. And it's not even a fucking home. It's a fraternity house where I'm the only odd one out and my brother doesn't want to stay. And trust me, no one would want to stay if they had to deal with the bull shit that I have to deal with?"
"So why not leave?"
Jessi rubbed her fingers together in front of his face. "I can't afford to leave. We used what savings was left to us to pay for my parents' funerals. Because hey, they didn't have life insurance or anything."
Paul winced. "Ouch."
"Yeah, well, what do you expect from a photographer and a housewife?"
The Lost Boy shrugged and Jessi sighed, curling her legs closer to her butt. She took the joint back when he offered it.
"Someday though," she continued. "Someday, we'll get enough money together and hit the road. Be free of the bastards we live with. And I guess we can make music together if my brother actually thinks I'm good enough." She glanced over at him. "I know your Sister said that she'd protect me and Jack, but honestly, I think we're better off elsewhere and on our own."
Paul shook his head. "Never doubt a redhead. Faith is a pistol when she gets passionate. And she meant what she said to you." He winked. "Which means David's going to have your back too since she's got him whipped."
Jessi saw him wince again, this time like he had been blasted with noise. She could understand that. Having been blasted by the sounds of "music" from Lester's part of the band.
Not now, Jessi thought, putting the joint to her lips. I don't always have to think about them…except that I do if I want to stay alive.
"Have you thought about maybe asking for help?" Paul asked, tilting his head to the side.
Jessi breathed out a stream of smoke. "Who's going to help two musicians in this place?"
Paul put a finger to his nose and looked at it, making a face. "I don't know…someone you are sitting near."
Jessi shook her head. "I'm not about to ask you for help."
OOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Paul dropped his finger away from his nose and smiled. "And why not? It's not like I don't have the money to get you out of the frat house. Hell, Laddie could give you the money if you asked him and still have all the money he needs for candy and junk on the boardwalk."
Jessi blinked. "Who are all these people you keep naming off? David? Laddie?"
"Brothers," Paul said simply, shrugging his shoulder. "I've got two more: Dwayne and Marko. We're all one big happy family." He felt something shift in his head at his words. "For the most part."
"See? Not even you are perfect," Jessi said, looking back out at the ocean.
"Hey!" Paul exclaimed. "I'm perfectly perfect! And so are you."
Jessi sighed. "I'm not perfect. I don't want to be perfect. I want to be…enough. Just enough for myself and the random people that like me." She frowned. "I want to be able to think my music is good enough to play in front of others for real. And confident in my own skin. But I'm not the rock star I pretend to be whenever I pick up my guitar. And I could never feel as confident as people like your Sister looks. There's just no getting around that I will never be enough for even myself."
Paul frowned. "You're enough for me."
Exclamatory gasps filled his head, which he promptly ignored. He didn't understand why everyone was so shocked. Jessi was enough for him. Plus some other girls on the side, for sure. But for now, she was the only one keeping his attention and that made her enough.
But is that really true? Am I really going to find other girls after she's secured as mine? Paul wondered, watching her take another hit off the joint. Because, hey, she's mine for the most part now. I'd like to see some other girls show up soon. Please? Anyone?
Faith says you're hopeless and in the fucking process of getting your ass kicked.
Gee, Davie. I didn't think that you would let her get that hangry. Better go find her some food. Let her dance or something. Have some ice cream. Just keep her happy.
Fuck you.
Aw, later. You can be the bottom.
Paul winced as David roared in his head, but at least he managed to keep himself from laughing out loud. After what he had just said to Jessi, he didn't think laughter would be a good choice.
"Yeah, right," Jessi muttered, pushing herself to her feet.
The Lost Boy jumped to his feet and followed after her as she started walking away. "Jessi…"
The blonde didn't look at him. "I'm not enough, okay? Don't lie to me to make me feel better."
"Why would I lie to you?" Paul asked, hopping in front of her and walking backwards. "C'mon, think about it. It'd be so easy to go 'bye Felicia' and run off in that direction. Never to be heard from again."
"So do it," Jessi said, crossing her arms as she walked. "Go on, go."
"No, thanks. I think I like pestering you and making you see the world with new eyes," Paul commented with a laugh.
"You think you like to?"
Bad choice of words, Bro.
Jessi threw the joint at him and he barely managed to catch it. "Fuck you. Fuck you and your compliments and fuck you for giving me hope. Just fuck you!"
She pushed past him and went under the pier, hiding in the darkness. But Paul could see her. He could see the tears forming in her eyes and the way that her body shook.
He glanced down at the joint in his hands, still decent enough to smoke from, but realized he didn't want it anymore. The Lost Boy turned and threw the joint out in the water.
OOOOOOOOOOOOO
Jessi saw the speck of red light soar through the air and disappear into the darkness. She didn't understand why Paul would have thrown his joint in the ocean. Maybe he was getting ready to leave. Maybe he was done with the game and was about to turn and walk away.
Jessi closed her eyes against a wave of tears and took a shaky breath as she leaned back against one of the large poles that held the pier up. She just wanted to cave, to melt. To be away from there.
"Jessi," Paul called out and she heard the sound of his bangles moving in her direction.
"Go," Jessi muttered.
Suddenly, he was standing in front of her. She stared at his chest rather than meet his gaze. Paul reached up and tilted her chin up so that she was looking in his eyes. A soft smile touched his lips.
"Hey Beautiful," Paul said softly.
Jessi stared at him for a moment and then moved forward a bit, kissing him. Paul pulled her closer by her hip and kissed her back, threading his fingers through her hair.
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A/N: Leaving it there. Let me know what you think, please? Thanks. -Scarlet
