Chapter title reference: Paul McCartney and The Wings. Or James Bond for film fanatics. It's my favourite of the franchise.
Live and let die basically means to let people make their own choices, and to focus on your own. That's sort of what this chapter is about, except literally leaving to allow the problems of others to come naturally to a resolution.
Changed to M rating.
Hermione's POV
Sixth year has begun almost identically to my fifth. Almost being late to board the train (that's an annual thing since my second year actually). Terribly miserable rainy day in September. And I sat with Ron and Harry again.
It's a strange phenomenon, my friendship with those two. For nine months of the year they're a nightmare. It's blatantly obvious that they'd wilt and die without me around, kicking them up the backside and clipping them around the ears. By the time May comes around I'm literally chomping at the bit to be on the train home, guaranteed a few weeks at least to regain my freedom. Honestly a day without them would be enough.
But then on the first day of the school year, I'm sitting in our special carriage compartment with the two biggest pains known to humankind; hugging them tight, demanding to know what they got up to on their holidays. No matter what else has gone on, positive or negative, the train ride remained ours.
And on this occasion, it was actually the only place I could be where the mood wasn't as depressive as a cell in Azkaban.
Did I really want to look forward to enjoying my train ride to Hogwarts with a fire-breathing dragon scorching the ground around our feet? Or perhaps an ice queen pretending to read a book, very incredibly slowly if the lack of page-turning was anything to go by?
Following that you had a missing Scandinavian Hufflepuff on a constant search for the trolley lady, like she doesn't patrol the aisle four or five times a journey. And a boyfriend who refused to even hold my hand to show sensitivity towards his rejected fire-breathing sister. I mean, that's sweet of him in truth, but I wasn't exactly asking him to snog me senseless the entire time. Just a touching of hands would do.
And Dom simply wasn't good enough company to make me want to stay. He tried, very chivalrously, but in the end without a contributing sidekick in Alex he wasn't himself.
"I know it's redundant to even say this but it looks like Hermione has something on her mind" Harry nudges my ribs lightly. I guess countryside does get too boring and repetitive for any sane person to stare at for ten minutes straight.
"We get it Hermione. We're not as handsome, or smart, or saintlike as your guy. But damn it, we're still fun aren't we?" Ron complains across from me. Such an idiot he is, at least he has a valid point for once.
"Sorry, both of you. I don't feel myself at the moment, which is...was the reason why I'm sitting here with you both."
"You're not our prisoner, you can leave any time you want."
"Don't be silly, one of you numpties will eat yourself into a coma, and the other will probably get attacked by something dreadful in my absence. I'm not going anywhere."
Warm and awkward smiles all round, totally beats the compartment of misery. Harry has certainly chirped up after my playful dig. "Alright, you can tell us how you spent your holidays."
"Let's just say you'd both need to be resuscitated if you ever get to see Ilena's home, it was brilliant."
Harry questions me, evidently confused. "Then I don't understand, if everything during your summer went swimmingly why do you suddenly look as though your cat just died?" Harry returned.
"He didn't did he?" Ron asks, trying to not sound hopeful over my lovely half-kneazle meeting his demise. He never did get over that whole Scabbers thing, despite knowing full well the truth behind his beloved rat.
"No Crooks is fine, thank you. He's become a bit of a housecat actually which is why I left him at home this year, serves me right for allowing my mum to spoil him whilst I was in Sweden."
"So what's the problem?"
That's the thing, I don't really know myself. Was the gradual deterioration of the Breakfast Club getting to me too? Was it like a virus that brought all of us down with it? "Just too much drama."
"Do we get to know?" Harry continues.
"I can answer that" Ron grunts, opposed to anything that leads to melodrama and gossip.
"You're better off not knowing to be honest" I wholeheartedly agree with Ron on this occasion. "Now enough about me, how did you two cope without yours truly?"
"It was bliss" Ron hangs his head back in gleeful reminiscence. Should I be offended...no, I kinda did already expect them to enjoy their time away from me.
They pretend they don't mean it, but I'm smarter than them so I can read the truth. I do crush the fun out of almost everything they do. Yeah it's moronic in every way, but that's their sense of fun. I do sometimes feel guilty when I'm confiscating something so that they'll stop doing something stupid. And also when I demand they keep the noise down when their passion for Quidditch gets too boisterous.
Actually...I've only gotten more intolerant since discovering this new group of friends. They're not that different in all honesty, Alex and Dom are just the same. Why don't they bother me as much as Harry and Ron's antics do?
I once compared Ron and Harry's company to that of an out-of-control nursery. But actually I will take nursery over battlefield any day. Perhaps this division of attention between the Breakfast Club and the boys had taken its toll, too much of a toll in actual fact.
This social outcast thing never really existed. None of the club actually cared about being outcasts when it was just us. And I'm beginning to see that social awkwardness has got nothing to do with it. We've brought each other so much confidence, but have stayed where it's safe simply because it's comfortable.
But the Breakfast Club is tearing itself up as I speak, just goes to show how romantic feelings can change everything, and not always for the better. But all is not lost, because it's the close bonds that makes all the difference. It will be the saving grace as much as it is the problem.
But getting rid of the problem, or at least half of it, wasn't impossible. Which is why I made a point not to stick around too long. Yes, it's quite unfair on Ilena and Joe to try and juggle peacemaking duties. But there are options to just get up and go. Seek your space and privacy, rant and rave, and then work it out your system.
This can all resolve itself if we give it time. And a bit of distance. But I think scrapping the idea of the club, and not the club itself may help us move on. I've got enough friends now to live my next two school years perfectly content. Outcasts? Hardly.
We don't need an army of friends, just each other.
Not only do I no longer need the club, they no longer needed it either.
...…...
Ilena's POV
Just hear me out a moment, it's bitching but it's true. This is the most frustrating and embarrassing change in responsibility I have ever been given. Aren't I way down the list of people ideal for the peacemaking role, yet here I am? And I'm not selfish or nothing, but we're all going through some tough times. Why is Alex and Rosie's sudden defection, from potential couple to enemies, the centre of the universe all of a sudden?
Hermione is Chief of Responsibility, but she's smart first. She got herself out of this suffering early on, leaving the stupid to control the stupider. I love her to bits, but I don't like the fact she didn't take me with her.
Alright, I wasn't actually around at the time she escaped to much happier chaos artists. The one time I act generously and give Joe license to be alpha lovebird, he wastes it by being too cowardly and sparing the feelings of a batshit crazy rattlesnake.
Speaking of Joe, he was next on the list. He is here, conscious and capable. Now there's no order, and he's as helpful as a cup of water against a lava trail. What's his excuse?
He's a bias arse. He tries to be neutral, but I can tell that he's much more snappish when Rosie says a bad word against his sister.
Dom...forget it.
There is nobody else other than Muggins here to be handed the job of refereeing this fight. That's like giving top-secret nuclear codes to a timid toddler, expecting the toddler to understand what's expected of her to put a stop to World War Three. All that toddler can do is make the situation worse.
What? It's not only a valid analogy, but it's also actually an appropriate comparison. Alex looks so angry she might actually takeoff, and Rosie has the red hair and feistiness as destructive as an atomic blast.
But I suppose I'm proving my point perfectly right now. I'm supposed to manage hostility levels? A girl who's mind puts toddlers and nuclear warheads together in a simple analogy when she can just tell you plainly how stupid this concept is.
My mind is not built for this.
At last, a pause. See, I'm so not into peacemaking I actually somehow missed part of the loud cacophonous screeching argument around me. "Are we done? Are we actually done?"
Oh for Christ sake, stupid fucking brain. "Oh I'm totally done" Alex replies seething, but aims her reply at Rose. "I'm done with snotty redheads. Though in fairness, I can't finish what never started."
"Like you ever have Alexis. You can't even let a simple rejection go, you're completely hopeless" Rose shot back.
"Oh I'm over it, you snide bitch, I just never put you down as a dirty homophobe" Alex comes back at her and getting the intended reaction.
"How dare you!? I'm a homophobe?! How up your own arse are you? I don't fancy you, Alexis Moon! And that makes me a homophobe?!"
"Fuck the pretence Rose, you're not fooling anyone! Just ask everyone here, they know how much of a tease you were being last year!"
"Me!? Who was following my every step like a lost puppy huh? I must've trod on your toes a billion times!"
Helpful Joe had to give his input. "Come on Rose, if you noticed back then why didn't you just let her down there and then, instead of filling her with false hope?"
I don't think I glared at him hard enough for making my job harder. "Joe, you're meant to be helping me. Stop antagonising."
Neither of them heard me, and I do not mean they were not listening. They are beyond not listening, they are all full-up to the ears with egotism that it is likely impeding all background noise, such as unconvincing words of reason.
Rose jumps down his throat. "You want to lecture me on insensitivity Joe Moon? Where does deliberately going out with your best mates crush feature on your moral compass? Under the heading of 'couldn't give a rat's arse' I suppose".
Oh great, now it's my personal affairs they are arguing over. "I am right here you know!"
"Deflecting and bringing up everyone else's issues to make yourself feel better, you keep doing that." Alex rises to her feet and leaves, doing us all a favour but especially me. "Are you coming, Joe?"
Yes, he's going too. Migraines on your first day back. Why they both didn't just stay in their own separate compartment from the outset is beyond me. Of course, I want us all to get along, but there's no point waving a white flag when bullets are already flying at you. The best solution is to just let everyone have their space.
That's why Hermione left so early wasn't it, besides missing her brotherly Gryffindors. If the right people left with her, the rest can sit and discuss how to work our problems out. Joe is the best person to support Alex and vice versa.
And as it appears Rose sympathises with me on Hermione and Joe's relationship, it's only natural for her to confide in me. On the reverse side, I'm sure I can offer her a non-judgmental ear on her reasons behind her rejection of Alex.
"Dom" the out-of-sorts boy in the corner, looking as comfortable as one would look sitting on a pincushion, raises his chin to meet my eyes with his.
"Aren't you glad to be absolutely crushless?" I added a wink simply to counteract the negative energy, that is figuratively as thick as syrup.
"No, if I had romantic problems at least it would be a welcome distraction from literally spectating everyone else" he replies, and I can definitely see his point.
Rose has calmed down significantly since the Moon siblings vacated the room. "I'm so sorry Dom, both of you, this is all my fault."
"Now let me stop you there, I won't have any of my friends feeling regretful for staying true to themselves" I point out. "If you weren't within your rights to reject someone then the concept of consensuality and reciprocation would no longer exist. In plain English, you don't have to date someone simply because they asked, rejection is not something you should be guilty about."
"But...I sort of did string Alex along. Not intentionally mind you, but I should have identified what was going on, in the end, I had no choice but to hurt her in the worst way" she explained.
"I didn't think Alex was angry because you turned her down" Dom comments to my surprise. "And she certainly wouldn't call you the H-word unless she feels betrayed or humiliated."
"Dom, none of my friends are homophobic, I refuse to believe that about Rose" I will stand up in court and say that if it is required.
"I never said she was, I'm simply just telling you that Alex believes it. Come on this is a girl who practically kicked me to the kerb to pursue Rose, she made herself vulnerable for the first time in her life. She was prepared for a rejection, I know that as a fact. But she feared the worst-case scenario, and evidently, that's exactly what she got."
Rose hangs her head immediately after he said that, and I suddenly just realised what that worst-case scenario might be. I should know it, I fear the same reaction but with Hermione. "What was your first initial reaction Rose?"
Rose sniffled and composed herself. "In my defence, her timing wasn't ideal. She...my parents were right there. I didn't know how to act with her looking at me so hopefully, and them staring a hole through my skull. I panicked and...just did the first thing I thought of. I laughed it off."
"She asked you out and you laughed at her?" Dom's incredulous response made her wince. "For Merlin's sake, what possessed you?"
"I'm not gay Dominic. I didn't want my parents to think I was. Even if I did reject her in an appropriate way, my parents will hold onto that seed of doubt. I'm in NO doubt of my sexuality, I'm completely into boys. I didn't mean it to sound so harsh, I just intended to make it sound like a joke; didn't work but I had to try. In my immediate guilt I planned to swiftly get her alone afterwards to reject her in the right way, but she didn't stick around for long after that."
"So you'd rather make a close friend feel crushed than have your parents think you're gay for one second" He shot back.
"Oi, that is not what she said Dom" I chastise him. "I can't imagine how difficult it would be to reject someone in front of your own parents. It's not about their judgement, it's about not giving the wrong impression."
"So Alex is to blame then, humiliation is what she gets for poor timing, is that right?"
"NOBODY IS TO BLAME!" I shriek, this is beginning to really get to me. Sod that actually, this got to me about half an hour back, it's just becoming more intense. "Yes, in a perfect world Rose could've taken a second longer to consider the correct choice of action, but if you remember this came right out of the blue for her. Shock, confusion and every other sodding emotion trying to circulate at the same time. And she has a split second to decide how to respond."
Rose, in tears, adds to her defence. "If I could go back and change what I did, I'd snap your hand off for the chance. But I won't be called a homophobe, or a user. And I'm not going to feel guilty about not returning her feelings."
Dom raises both hands, each one a peacekeeping gesture aimed at both of us. "Alright. To avoid another potential argument I'll concede."
Concede? Not understand? Not "I see what you mean"? It's literally for the sake of arguing, not because he is any less convinced. He's not considered with the other side of the argument, he only cares for the side that is immediately effected by the problem.
Rose made a mistake. The only mistake she's ever likely made. A mistake forced through ill-timing, emotional strain and heaps of pressure. That's not anything against Alex, for I feel as much sympathy for her as I do Rose. Deep down Alex knows the last thing Rose ever wanted to do was cause any harm to her friends.
Alex also made a mistake. If one of us had been there, Rose would certainly have acted in a much tactful and composed manner. She could've asked at Hogwarts before end of term. She could've asked on the train home. She could've waited until they were both alone...in fact I'm finding it baffling that she chose to do so in front of her parents. The most natural setting for anything to do with romance is time alone, everybody knows that.
Maybe it was to prove a point. To shake off the accusations she fears everyone believes of her. Accusations of insecurity and sensitivity, she'd rather die than admit those two very true things about herself. She likely wanted to show exactly how forward and confident she could be. It would be quite admirable, if it didn't turn so tragic.
You could say her compulsion to thwart anything that threatened to shatter her mask of invulnerability, led to a regrettable act of spontaneity; that inevitably exposed the vulnerability she so desperately denied.
Instead of sitting down and talking about it, they'd rather attack each other. Or that's the way Alex wants to go about resolving things...by not resolving them. She's crushed, that's obvious. I get that probably better than anyone.
She's in love with Rosie, and her heart was broken. And you guys have probably been sitting there this whole time saying "why don't you just reveal your feelings to Hermione, and deal with the aftermath nobly whichever way it pans out?"
What if it pans out like this? What if it leaves me crippled against the rocks, with nobody to support me for miles around? I'm set for a miserable existence, and I'm good to do so if all I ever have is Hermione. But if I don't have her in some form, I don't exist. She's far too important lose.
I'm going to enjoy this newfound peace now, maybe get some shuteye. Maybe when I wake up everything that's happening would've just been a bad dream.
——————————————————————-
Hermione's POV, again
My robes stink!
Sorry but I had a nasty shock when I put these on. Remember when I said Crooks is a housecat thanks to my mum, well it turns out she lets him do anything around the house, including where he wishes to sleep. Like directly on my fresh clean robes.
Do you have a cat? Have they been neutered? If your answers are yes and no, you know exactly why I'm so mad right now. This stinks of Crookshanks, like he's come out with his own repellent except he's forgotten that I'm human. I mean...yes it's very repellent, which is exactly why I don't want my clothes stinking of him. I'm also his owner, he shouldn't be marking my stuff with his stuff.
Even magically this stench will be hard to get rid of. I need to ask Joe or Lena for deodorant so I can overpower it away.
What a way to top off an extremely difficult arrival to Hogwarts? World War Three and I smell like cat pee. I'm not wearing these robes until they're decontaminated. But at least the ride is over.
I'm off the train now and can you blame me if I'm little hesitant to locate my squabbling club members. I'm not too quick to engage once again in that battle, but I've ditched them for long enough already, any longer and it will be bang out of order to remain absent whilst they struggle.
I see Alex and Joe, the pair leaning against the brick wall and talking softly. It's good to see this, family should stick together regardless of right or wrong. They should have your back when others can't.
Ron and Harry have vanished, don't know when that happened. I shuffle closer to the siblings, like a wrong step will set of the bear trap. They see me approaching and I accept the lack of expressional change as a good sign. "Hi".
Alex nods "hey to you".
Joe stretches out an arm, leaving a space I gladly place my body in. "You okay?"
"Yeah I'm fine, how are you two?"
They share a glance of mutual understanding before he answers my question. "We're on the road to peace, not quite the road to recovery."
"Blowing off some steam seems to have done the trick" Alex adds. "And I know this isn't over yet, but it's a positive isn't it so..."
"I couldn't agree more" I reply. "This will take some time, but you're young and resilient. And actually to me you're the Pride of Slytherin."
"Eww shut up, you're worse than this soppy sod" Alex cringes and actually even I think that was warranted.
Joe chuckles and kisses my brow "she learns from the best."
I wish to ride the carriages with him and Ilena, but I realise there's a little division of loyalty here. I just want to make sure it is because of family loyalties to Alex, not the fact he keeps clashing with Ilena. "Did you speak to Ilena?"
"There wasn't much chance with this one and Rosie at each other's throats" Joe answered. "But I already told you, we sorted ourselves out and we're friends again."
"I still don't know what you were fighting about, and you're never going to tell me are you?" I accuse him.
"Sorry hon" he rubs my shoulder with the hand that wraps around me. I look at Alex in hope but she holds up a swaying finger "nope, don't look at me, my lips may as well be stitched up on the matter."
I huff in disappointment, I would've liked to have known simply for the sake of curiosity. But no, everybody was burying this little secret and refusing to hand me a spade.
"Hey, Il's is coming" Alex tells to her brother more than she does me. I thought the initial point was to invite her to join us, but she pushes off from the wall and makes a casual beeline for the carriages. Joe too untangles himself from me to my dismay "where are you going?"
"Look, I'll meet up with you later okay Hermy, I've got to be with Alex right now" he replies, still backing off.
"Oh sure, whatever. Bye then" I am annoyed at him, but what I wanted more than that was for him to feel bad about it and change his mind. What's even more annoying is the fact he didn't falter in his escape, despite my obvious disapproval. Arse. Hole.
I feel a hand trail my arm and a body press sideways against me. She sighs as forlorn as I feel "hey."
"Hello" I reply, still unable to look away from where my boyfriend disappeared.
"Rosie's saving us a carriage. Unless you're more inclined to spend our first night back in Hogsmeade station. I reckon we could make that quite fun, just not tonight...forecast is rain"
I shove her lightly with my shoulder, "I do require a warm bed you know, lead on."
As we walk she peeks over her shoulder at me, grinning the whole time until she's found something to say. "Admit it, you loved the bed you stayed in over my place."
"With the money you live off I wouldn't be surprised if you bought a cloud from God and used it for that mattress" It was that heavenly.
I know, I'm sorry.
"Funnily enough we did buy it off a white-haired man with a beard. Although given his size he was closer to Father Christmas than the Lord Almighty" Ilena's anecdotes are incredibly comical yet she's so believable in the way she tells them, I honestly don't know if she's making them up or her improv is expert level. They can't actually be true...else the world becomes insane.
"By the way, bone to pick with you" Ilena jabs a finger at me, walking backwards "next time you get me to referee a fight, give me a salary. And a good one at that."
"Ah ah, I did a good thing. Just spoke to those two and there's been significant progress."
"Same can be said for Rosie, she got her argument out there and she's already prepared to fix things. It's no easy fix but she's going to do her best if Alex does the same. My point though is you could make my life a little easier in future. Throwing me in the deep end and expecting me to swim, not cool."
Okay, that is kind of what I did. "Alright, next time I'll be your armbands. But I don't think you did a bad job if that's any consolation."
"The job was bad, but the results not so."
"Do we reckon we'll have a good year after all now?"
"After the way it started, it can't really get worse can it?"
Famous last words. That's why I'm finishing this with these three words. They're nonsense but at least they don't tempt fate.
Wassiwasoo. Pimplepluck. Knickerbocker.
Hope that worked.
An: At last, the moment you guys have been waiting for...is still at least a few chapters away. But don't worry there's more angst to come, I know you love that.
Tbc...
