Hermione's POV, Two weeks later

Nothing remains the same forever, change is always happening. Here though you are literally waiting for something to change, your alert to the feeling that change is coming before it happens.

At Hogwarts when things go terribly wrong, they go TERRIBLY wrong. Nothing really goes terribly right though. Usually the good things are when terrible things stop being so terrible.

But incredible things do happen, very sparingly and frustrating more so because of how unbalanced Hogwarts life is like. Last year for me had on balance a very positive theme, and I've been at Hogwarts long enough to know never to expect a positive consistency.

Having said that, I'm still waiting for that first official terrible thing to happen. Don't get me wrong some bad things have happened, some things that make you groan and irritate you until you're tearing out your hair. But I've not had that block of lead drop into my gut, or that windy sensation of the inbound storm.

A miracle considering the dark clouds that hung over us, following the tumultuous summer some of us had.

Rose and Alex are past the hissing and clawing, but can only stomach one-word responses, and only two seconds in each other's company.

Joe has become his sister's main confidante, and I can see envy in Dominic's eyes when he sees them having a private chat. He still hangs out with Alex, but they aren't figuratively attached at the hip anymore. He's becoming the forgotten one in this web of absurdity, and me and Lena try to ensure he doesn't go completely unnoticed.

Joe and me only spend proper time together in the library, even then we're both academics and put our work first. Sometimes we share meals together, but then Alex shows up or he gets dragged into prefect duties. I really like him, he can be funny and I love that I can openly debate with him. And he's mega handsome. But I do fear we're too similar.

That's a thing right? It does feel like I'm sometimes sitting down and talking to a version of myself. That's not quite what they mean by compatibility is it?

And I really do wish we'd kiss more. We lightly cuddle, share a few pecks, and he likes to throw an arm over me. They're just mild impressions of intimacy we could be sharing. I never thought I'd be saying this but I want to be kissed out of my shoes sometimes. When I'm being held I want to be HELD. Conviction and feeling are key components, that I find are sadly lacking.

But maybe we're still too busy worrying about others to focus on each other. Two selfless beings that drift slightly at times where there's attention needed elsewhere. He was quite affectionate at the start, so that's evidence to support this little theory. If we hang in there those moments will return.

What Joe said about him and Ilena mending things, that is at the very least debatable. If they are best friends again why do they conveniently manage to not be around me at the same time? I thought I was thinking too much into it, but the more I see it continue the more I believe I haven't thought deeply enough.

I hear from Rosie that they get along just fine when I'm not there. They don't say a bad word about the other, not to me anyway. But when one departs the other arrives, last time I checked you didn't require an appointment to spend time with me. And I'm still no closer to understanding what the issue is that almost derailed their friendship.

My strongest theory still is that Ilena is in love with Joe, and he is aware of it but can't return the feelings. Meanwhile he likes me and I'm her best friend, she can't find it in herself to hate me, especially seeing as I don't know about her feelings. And so you end up with them sharing time with me so that Ilena won't have to watch us be together, and Joe can be with his girlfriend without feeling like he's crushing his best mates heart.

That is a theory. There are some things that don't add up. Like why they haven't just told me the truth? I can see some logic in trying to not make me feel guilty, but in trying to spare my guilt they are treating me like an invalid. What reaction do they fear I'll have if they confessed the truth behind the new Hermione-time rotation scheme? I'd completely understand and it wouldn't be an issue, if they don't know that do they even know me at all.

And that's where the base of my doubts originate, the fact they should know me well enough. Within five minutes of knowing me it would've been enough time to work me out, I'm not a complicated person...emotionally that is. To not work me out within seven and a half months, that's beyond ridiculous.

Moving on though, the greatest spark since the start of term is the development of a new friendship triangle. The second trio I'm a member of. Myself, Ilena and Rosie. The best times since I've been back, involves something I did with those two.

The first night back we counter-pranked the Weasley twins before they could strike on us. They found themselves bungee-jumping between the moving staircases with magically elasticated underwear. Perfectly safe of course without any injuries, but we did lose a lot of house points. About thirty each, looks like two rival houses handled Slytherin a very handsome advantage before competition had really begun.

It was still hilarious, and the student population were very complimentary and appreciative.

Don't worry, we're not aiming to be the next best prankster faction. But we are the life of Hogwarts as far as I'm concerned. They know precisely when to drag me away from studying, and I find myself letting them far easier than it would have been to do in the past. Nigh impossible it was sometimes.

We practice magic in a fun, laid back fashion. They make me feel proud of myself when I get things right (especially because I'm always first to do so), and stop me being too critical on myself when my attempts fail. These are ideal bonding moments too, not that I don't bond with them anyway but these moments are deeper.

On a weekday we're together first thing at breakfast always, sometimes at lunch, and then usually at dinner. Evenings are reserved for Harry and Ron, and for the hard graft workload before bed.

Weekends involved a lot more of my boyfriend, and his sister only when Rosie wasn't around. And the despondent looking Dominic. The second trio try to cheer him up collectively, making him like the fourth musketeer. Late to the party but undoubtedly considered a deserving companion.

That does not mean that we're alienating the Moon siblings. They, if anything, are the ones who seem to be distancing themselves. And I can definitely understand why. Alex is cut real deep, and Joe feels he has to be the one she relies on to heal. But if they continue to keep us all at arms length, they might end up losing their grip entirely.

And I don't want that to happen. I also don't want to be accused of choosing sides. There is only one side in a circle, and we're all on it. I do worry that if something terrible is going to happen, it most likely will directly, or indirectly, involve Alex and Joe.

I have no desire to be psychic, I hate Divination. So for once, life should just prove me wrong.

All I can do is put my efforts into reminding them we're still here.

"What's worrying you Herms?" I feel a large warm hand caressing my fingers, enticing them into accepting it's grasp. I turn my head and meet my boyfriends kind eyes. I can see concern in them, but there is also many different ones battling for attention. Still, he did prioritise the one that was directed at me, so that one was the strongest at present.

"Don't worry, you'll just think me silly?" Wait, oh damn it, why did I have to go say that? Just give him a chance to direct his attention elsewhere, clever me.

Consider myself lucky "I already know you're brilliant, a little silliness would be quite refreshing". He's so handsome when his eyes twinkle in mirth.

This time don't muck it up "I was just thinking about us."

"Uh oh" Joe's gulp is in pretense, but there is genuine worry that's he's trying to mask.

I've so got to get better than this, communication in a relationship is important. "I mean ALL of us, not just me and you."

"Ah I see"

Was that it? "You don't want me to elaborate on that?"

"That's what I'm waiting for yes. Come on Hermione, there doesn't have to be a question or instruction in order for you to speak".

"Oh, sorry. Well, things are going okay. But okay isn't really good enough is it. There's a lot of healing left to do, and I respect that, but...there's also a danger that...the current healing method...is the wrong...one."

"Say what you mean, don't sugarcoat" Joe patiently replies.

"You and Alex. It feels like you're both slipping away. And if it continues, we're in danger of losing you both entirely. That includes our relationship."

Joe stares at me, perhaps hiding his annoyance...no definitely holding in his annoyance, he always glances away when he tries to hold it in. "You think I haven't mentioned that to Alex?"

"I don't know." He said to say what I mean, so I will. "I don't think it's just down to Alex. I see the way you look at Rosie. And it's not a good look."

He looks quite affronted by that. "How would you describe this "look"?"

"I'm not looking for a fight Joe, I just think you and your sister both harbour negative feelings. How can you start to heal when you have only spoken to each other, and not to Rose?"

"They can't be around each other Hermione. It will only do more harm than good."

"Maybe so, but it's not a certainty. Distancing yourself however, that is a one way street."

He finally snaps "what do you know about it anyway? You're clearly on her side. And what if we want to distance ourselves from Rosie, what if we feel a little betrayed by someone we considered a good friend and something more."

I feel my blood boiling, yet somehow I remain very calm. "You'll regret saying that one day. Firstly, nobody is taking sides, all we want is everything back to the way it was. Secondly, don't tell me you don't want the same thing, you mean a lot to us no matter the current situation and I refuse to believe we don't mean the same to you two."

Joe is a little apologetic in his body language, but too proud to actually apologise. But I'm not done yet. "Joe, you're an amazing big brother, the best Alex could ever hope for. But sometimes that kind of protectiveness causes harm. By all means let her cry on your shoulder, let her confide in you, but don't make us the enemy."

Joe argues back in a less aggressive way than before. "We can't just thrust her back in, she still feels like a ticking time bomb, even looking at Rosie might set her off."

"Maybe that's what she needs."

"Normally I'd agree with that, if we weren't dealing with Alexis Moon. You don't understand."

I feel frustrated and desperate. I should just stop now and try a different tactic, but I've got to try one last time. "What don't I understand Joe?"

"It's not safe."

Come again? "What do you mean?"

I can see in his face he didn't mean to actually say that, so I am surprised he's even considering explaining himself. "I'm telling you this but it goes no further, and I won't ever forgive you if it leaves this room."

This is very serious territory, family secret serious. "Does anybody else know this?"

"No. Not Ilena, not even Dominic. I'm trusting you because...well, let me explain and then you'll know" Joe wrings his hands like crazy, and he simply doesn't get nervous. "Promise me."

No hesitation. "I promise Joe."

I'm feeling a shudder of magic around me, I see his wand. Well, nobody else is going to overhear what he's about to open up about. It's for my ears only.

His wand is on top of his work, his hands retreat back into their nervous fidgety state. "Alex can do something not many people can when she's emotional. Do you know anything about Elementals?"

I do. "They're powerful wizards or witches who practice element based magic at a young age. Eventually when they grow old enough they tie their magic to what is referred to as Earth Stones. To begin with this makes their element based magic easier to cast and more powerful, but eventually over a few decades they lose the ability to perform any other kind of magic."

Joe thankfully continues on his own. "If they don't practice their magic daily, the power of the stones takes over their bodies. It finds ways to infect them with pure elemental magic. Symptoms of this neglect vary on the person and the element their magic is based."

I will remember that for future reference. "What's this got to do with Alex? She can't be an Elemental, she's too young?"

"No. But our mother was. She was tied to the Fire Earth Stone. She practiced fire magic an hour everyday, before we were born she worked as a forger. She made goblets, jewellery, knives, cauldrons...anything that required melting down used or freshly mined metal. You know, she could melt down metals with different melting points simultaneously."

"Temperature control?" I have to make doubly sure I understood correctly.

"Yes. She never once used a furnace."

This is really rather interesting, I'm not just saying that. But I've got to steer this back on course. "So Alex inherited this ability?"

Joe sways his head side to side "sort of. Normally you cannot inherit the elemental magic, you have to choose to become one. Otherwise I would be one too. No, but when the magic takes over your body, well it affects your genes."

"Our mother stopped her practices when she became pregnant with me, fire is still dangerous even if she can control it. If she set the house on fire she couldn't use any other magic to put it out, only my dad could perform normal magic. What if he was away from the home? Or injured or worse in the blaze? No, my mum decided the only way to guarantee safety was for her to stop practising."

"But surely she knew about the risks involved by not using her magic?"

"Yes, but they only really start majorly screwing up your life after a year or so of neglect. It's like a slow bleed. She had me with only a few problems. She did practice her magic in the two months between my birth and when Alex was conceived. She thought she had been refreshed and the counter was back at zero. Turns out she was wrong."

"So, what happened exactly?"

"The fire magic infested to the point where my mother could no longer maintain control. She was incapable of any conscious effort to cast or reverse her magic. I had to be kept away from the family home, and I was never told the details of what mum went through."

I have a bad feeling this doesn't have a good ending for Mrs Moon. I always wondered why when they speak of home they only mention their father. I never thought to ask, but I likely would not have been answered anyway. "She died?"

Joe is sad but he doesn't look wounded. Sort of melancholy. Just like Harry's expression when he or someone else talks about his parents. Of course, Joe must have been at most a year old at the time. He can't remember her being alive, so he can only grieve on her impression, told to him by his father and close relatives.

What about Alex? "Oh God Joe, did...did your mother die giving birth to Alex?"

Joe's grasping my hand again, finding the strength to continue. "It wasn't a natural birth. My mothers body temperature was so high you see...it must have been like an oven in there. If they waited any longer, both my sister and my mother would've died. Nobody at St Mungo's supported the idea of getting Alex out of there early, too may risks involved for not only mother and child, but for anyone in attendance."

"So how was Alex saved?"

"Had no choice, my father wasn't going to let both of them die. We knew of a Muggle midwife who was married to a wizard. Dad pleaded to her on the front doorstep, he was a wreck according to my uncle."

I can see why, I'm close to bawling my eyes out just hearing about it. "She performed a cesarean?"

"Yeah. Despite her premature timing, and the torment she must have been going through, Alex was delivered completely healthy. Mum survived for another few weeks, then..." I want to hold him so badly, but I know he won't respond well to that. "They compared it to a phoenix setting ablaze and leaving behind only ash. Except she was screaming in pain, and she wasn't going to arise from those ashes."

My cheeks feel cold...oh, that'll be the tears I was trying to hold back. What a terrible way to die, what a horrible way to lose a wife and mother. Life is so disgustingly cruel sometimes. But where there's disasters, there's miracles too. Alex is the miracle of this story. Premature and tortured in the womb, and lived to become a healthy sixteen-year old witch. It's an impossible feat, made possible.

"They saved Alex's life, but she didn't exactly escape unaffected" I didn't expect him to start talking again so soon. I suppose talking helps the sorrow to dissipate. "The magical residue of our mothers magic lies within Alex. It won't ever affect her ability to perform normal magic and she lives relatively comfortably. But...when I say ticking time bomb, I'm not exaggerating in the slightest."

No, I'm beginning to see the picture. "So she can literally produce fire out of nothing?"

"Yes and no, when she knows how to control her emotions she's perfectly safe to be around. They say emotions come from the soul, and emotions amplify our magic. So if she doesn't control her emotions, the tiny residue of magic inside her could burst out at any time she gets overly emotional."

Overly emotional. I watched and heard her scream the passengers of the Hogwarts Express into insanity, and there was no towering inferno. What qualified as overly emotional?

"She has been trained up by all kinds of specialists to be as emotional as possible, without unleashing that fiery magic inside her" This boy reads my mind expertly. "She can get angry, excited, even sad as much as she likes. Those are emotions she has learnt to feel, so she's capable of containing her outbursts, but an emotion she hasn't experienced before..."

I think I can guess pretty accurately what this new emotion is. Love. I don't think he means familial or platonic love, he means the certain kind of love that creeps up on you. Alex probably doesn't even fully know she feels that way for Rosie, and that's what makes her so dangerous. Her anger and sorrow fueled by this love, we could have people seriously injured or worse if she loses control.

"Can't you go to Professor Dumbledore and let him know about this?"

"Dumbledore?" Joe rages. Why was that incurring such a bad reaction? "I'm sure he'll have the best of intentions, but he's not her brother. He will do what he thinks is best for the student body and Alex, his best isn't the same as the best. I'd prefer her not to be in that position where she could be dangerous, rather than put her fate in the hands of the Headmaster."

"You make it sound like Dumbledore's going to execute her or something. You can't protect her all of the time, and you might not be able to protect others if she does lose control."

I'm not going to convince him around on this am I? No, clearly not. "Prevention is better than the cure. I particularly don't want Alex to feel like some kind of monster, she's a human being. I know for a fact she feels so scared she'll hurt someone, and she'll use every last bit of her training and willpower to make sure nobody is ever going to be in that position. In the end, as much as you or I can support her and be there for extra protection, it's her responsibility and she's not taking that lightly."

I really don't agree with this. We're asking for trouble one way or another. But it's not my right to interfere.

Hang about, why did he open up to me at all? He's known Ilena for way longer than me, and he never told her. Alex never told Dom. So why am I getting this privilege, it's not like I forced it out of him. I pushed him at the absolute max. "Where do I come in? I know you didn't have to tell me that, so you had a reason."

He just took my hand in his, all tender and nice. And that smile...hold on, waiting for my jelly legs to stop wobbling, won't be a moment.

There better. "I've been meaning to tell you, it's Alex that wants you to know, we planned on telling you together. But no matter. Alex has already lost control once this term. The night we got back, you remember we said we were going to the Prefects bathroom for a private chat, you later found us near the hospital wing?"

That's right, I do remember being puzzled about that. The Prefects bathroom was on the opposite side of the school to the hospital wing, if I hadn't stopped to chat with Professor McGonagall in the entrance hall I'd have missed them on their way back. "What happened?"

"She had calmed down a bit, but still Alex just vented and vented. Pretty much just rabbiting on about Rosie, taking the mickey out of her voice and then...she started crying."

It doesn't surprise me why she cried, it surprises me that she physically did. I could imagine her sad certainly, but seeing tear streams on her face and sobbing, you'd be forgiven for wrongly thinking she was far too tough for that. But sadness alone couldn't be the reason she lost control, like he said she was trained to control that type of emotion.

Joe is stroking my hand with his thumb, and I've just realised he's not trying to comfort me. Touching my hand is his way of comforting himself. "She said she couldn't do it. She tried to hate her, everything about her. But she couldn't do it, and when she realised why..."

"She lost control" I finish.

Joe nods. "I saw smoke first, it seemed to come from behind her ears. Then as she realised what was happening she was breathing out smoke from her nose and mouth. She tried to scream but when she inhaled whatever was sparking inside her immediately erupted into flame, it all came out. I barely made it to cover or I'd have severe third degree burns, only first degree luckily."

And he never said a word. The poor sod. If he said he'd burnt himself I would've just accepted it. He didn't have to hide it.

What am I thinking, that's not important now.

"Then it was all over. She scared herself as well as me. So you see, Alex can't be around Rosie anymore...now that she knows she loves her. So what we need you to do is keep Rosie away from Alex at all cost, we've done alright as it is but we need someone who's around Rosie to help. You can tell Ils if you think you can't do it on your own. It's just until Alex learns to control her reactions to love. That's what we've been practicing when nobody is around."

Forget what I just said about the poor sod, now he's officially an idiot. "Are you serious right now?"

Joe frowns, mainly affronted but also confused. "Of course I am."

"God, you're both so stupid" It's actually funny, comical stuff. "You've been so busy avoiding Rosie that you don't even realise that she's not angry anymore."

Joe's gone all red in the face now. "But it's not about that."

"Yes it is. Sure, she might be surprised at the truth, she might feel guilty for being the reason Alex is so volatile. But if it's distance you need, for safety reasons, all you ever had to do was say. Once she knows the danger she'll be able to keep her distance on her own. But instead you'd have everyone around her orchestrating a secret scheme, undoubtedly making her feel like she's the problem. Did any of that ever cross your minds?"

He's thinking about it, as if it requires further thinking. "It...we didn't like...it was for her benefit."

"Her benefit? What has she benefited, she's lost two of her closest friends?"

"She's safe"

"So she would still be if you'd told her in the first place."

Joe's argument grows weaker by the moment, and he knows it. "Look, it wasn't all about the fire thing you know, Alex still hasn't forgiven Rosie for the way she acted."

I sigh "and that's fine, she understands. She's ready to apologise the moment Alex gives the green light. She just wants to be friends again, and we'd do anything for friends wouldn't we?"

Joe looks like he's been persuaded. "Yeah. Look I'll let Alex know, tell her how much of a prat we've both been. But please Hermione, don't tell anyone other than those of us in the club. Alex isn't a danger to anyone if Rosie stays away, we don't want any attention, especially to people uneducated about Elementals and Alex's condition."

"That's fine by me. I'm not sure you deserve it but I think a snog does qualify as a strong promise don't you?" thankfully he seems to agree. Our first passionate kiss in ages begins...finally.

Ilena's POV

When Hermione told us about Alex I went through several different emotions of my own: Anger of course, resentment, sadness (hearing about their mother). Eventually I became curious, then admiring and ended with fascination.

Imagine actually being able to breathe fire. How cool is that. Obviously dangerous but what a party piece...talk about ice-breaker, or more appropriately ice-melter.

But the time for reacting to the news is over, and now it is time for looking after each other. It brings us together, whilst also distancing ourselves from potential harm. I don't think Rosie is fully aware of everything, at least I hope not. She definitely knows mostly everything, but not the exact emotion.

I mean after everything they've been through in the summer, particularly Alex, we're not going to cap the disaster by telling Rosie "she's dangerous because she loves you."

No, she thinks the volatile emotions she's feeling are a jumbled up mess, an accumulation of negative emotions, which is why she can't control it. It's also kind of true, but more complicated than she thinks.

And Hermione was right, those Moon siblings must've fried their own brains otherwise they'd have come clean from the off. What did they expect us to do, the opposite? Go ahead Rosie, set that red hair ablaze for real. Obviously we'd have kept her away from Alex if it meant she'd not lose her eyebrows.

But it's all said and done now. And I agree about not going to Dumbledore about it. Hermione doesn't but she has faith in authority. I do as well, Dumbledore is great. But this is nothing we can't handle ourselves, and blowing things out of proportion isn't going to help anyone. Alex knows what she's doing.

Alright, that's a mile. And there's Hermione a few strides behind me. "You're getting good."

She's breathless, sweaty and grumpy about it like always, but this is the first times she's done a mile without stopping. I'm proud of her. "Yer...think...so."

"I know so"

"I should bleeding well...hope so, we've done it...every week for a year nearly" Hermione pointedly tells me.

"Not every week. And it's been seven months, just over half a year. You do exaggerate" They call me a drama queen.

"Is that all? God it feels like I've known you forever" she admits.

Why did she have to say things like that? It only makes my dream of things that aren't true. "Strange, to me it feels like yesterday. In a good way."

Hermione looks around us and she's only just noticed we're not where we are supposed to be. "What we doing out here? I thought we were going to have a lunch at the magic apple tree?"

"I fancied a change of scenery, I brought sandwiches so we'll still have lunch"

I love this area, the beautiful meadow slap bang in the middle of the horrible, ghastly forest. Apparently a unicorn once felt unwell after eating from a meadow over the hills miles from here, it defecated grass and flower seeds all over this area. A bit of magical unicorn poop does wonders I guess.

Hermione continues to look around, the more she looks the harder it is to turn away. I know the feeling, except it's not the flowers I'm so enthralled by. "Absolutely gorgeous."

"You are-I mean, it is, isn't it?" She didn't hear my slip of the tongue.

Hermione spies something that lights her face up completely. Oh lord, why did you make her so adorably attractive? "There are white daffodils over there."

"Of course there are, it's a common meadow flower"

"But its autumn now" Hermione reminds me. She really cracks me up sometimes.

"You question everything you can't explain scientifically or logically, but never do you consider the most obvious thing. This is a magical meadow"

"Oh I see. Let's go sit by them" she didn't have to yank me, I'd follow her through a brush full of thorns and stinging nettles if she'd ask me to. I particularly despise nettles by the way.

Alright here we are, by the nice white daffodils. The grass is wet because of course it is, and we forget to dry it before sitting down. There's an ants hill to my right and on Hermione's side she's got the flowers. What a brilliant, fair idea this was. "I can't eat my sandwiches with Flik and his friends using my body like a tourist attraction."

"Don't be a wuss, they're strong little things but they're not going to wrestle your sandwiches from your hands. Just brush them off when they climb up" she tells me, that smile shows exactly how much she's enjoying this.

"If you think you can handle them then how about we swap?" I don't expect her to slightly entertain the notion.

"And leave these beautiful flowers, absolutely not" Hermione returns with twinkling eyes. Have I been looking too long into them? How much time has passed? Too much, that's how much, look away now.

She's nearly halfway through her first sandwich already. "This totally beats the apple tree."

"I beg to differ, it's pretty and all but far too soggy..." I'm eyeballing a courageous black ant as it scuttles further along my arm to my sandwich filled hands. I flick him off "...and inhabited."

"It's been raining, it would be even more soggy by the tree. And at least birds don't drop one on you over here" Hermione looked at the mayonnaise oozing out of her sandwich with a green hue to her facial complexion.

Yeah, last time she really got pooped on. I did my best not to laugh, but I'm a human with a soul so therefore I had to.

I see she's been put off her sandwich. I can't let my tasty creations go to waste. I saved the best bread, and the best filling just for her. She's a granary girl just like me, and the watercress goes so well with Edam cheese. "If you're not eating that throw it my way."

She's cooperatively handing over her half-eaten meal to me. I'm sure she appreciates the effort but it kinda hurts that she doesn't compliment the food. And she could say thank you.

I can't stay mad at her though.

"Do you think Joe would like it out here?"

Correction, as long as she doesn't crash the mood with the mention of Joe, I can't stay mad at her. "Probably" that sounded too uncaring didn't it? "I'm sure he would."

"Lena?" Her question sounds so insecure, I better sit up a little and look more attentive. "How long have you loved Joe?"

So first she abandons my food, then she makes me choke on it. As I'm coughing I challenge her surprise question. "Ack, ahum ahum, sorry?"

"How long have you loved Joe?"

I'm sure she means exactly what the words spell out, but there's just no way she didn't already know my answer to that question. "Loved? Like a brother you mean?"

"Like in love" she confirms.

For heavens sake, she still thinks I'm in love with him. I never have, I never will...in terms of being in love that is. But do I tell her that and make her revise her conclusion, or do I go along with it.

She can't remain this oblivious much longer, especially if I continually denounce any feelings for Joe. She knows I'm in love and that it has to be one of two people, herself and Joe. In her mind the only option was him. She has no idea I'm gay, or that I absolutely fancy the boots off her. If it's not Joe I love who else can it be.

But do I have it in me to lie so convincingly. I guess I have no choice but to find out. "I can't say exactly when it started. I don't think you know until you actually know, you know?"

"Not really" yeah I'm not doing so good so far. "Was it before I got together with him?"

Logically if I was to love him, the way I acted after first hearing they'd gotten together would've been a clear sign that I felt so strongly for him. "Yes."

"You told me you didn't like him though? He wasn't your cup of tea?"

That's right I did, because it was the truth. "I was lying."

She sighs, disappointed or sorrowfully, I couldn't tell. "I thought so. But why?"

"Because...I don't know" Playing dumb never felt so easy.

Hermione stares at me for an uncomfortably long time. I pay too much attention to my sandwich, gorging so much I must look like a chipmunk. She finally continues her questioning about a minute later. "And he knew, that you liked him?"

He did seem very apologetic. "He knew I had a crush, in a way I felt like he betrayed me." If I'm going to play this so convincingly I'll need to dab some twisted truths in with the fiction.

Hermione was getting visibly upset, and God knows it's so hard to be me right now. All I feel is guilt because of the lying, and a strong desire to reverse it all and come clean. She's in turmoil over something that isn't her fault. But I'm not brave enough to tell her the truth. I've just gone through a preview of this with Alex and Rosie, their relationship was nearly and certainly won't ever be the same at it was before the confession.

Bravery gets you hurt, but so does dishonesty. Such a no-win situation. "Please don't cry, you'll set me off."

Hermione fights them well, but her voice sounds strangled. "It's not too late. Joe is fantastic, and the best guy I've ever met. But you love him, and I'm not quite there yet."

Great, now we're discussing a potential break-up. Some part of me wants that, but not like this. Not over a lie. Not over a love that doesn't exist. Not at the expense of Joe, who I agree wholeheartedly is the greatest guy ever.

My chances with Hermione are nil, I'm well on my way to accepting that. Joe deserves all the happiness, I couldn't be the one to take it away. No, I refuse to let her do this. "Don't. You. DARE!"

Hermione was startled and a little scared at my outburst. But that is not enough to stop me. I'm not playing games here, this isn't pretend. I'm legitimately angry that she's even thinking of doing this to him. "You've done nothing wrong up to now, don't go making the biggest mistake of your life. If you don't think you're compatible, or that you'll ever love him, then you should end things. But don't you ever put me down as an excuse to break his heart, this isn't about ME!"

"I just...I just thought you deserve happiness too" Hermione replied unsurely.

"I will find it for myself. I don't want your pity, okay. Just treat Joe right, alright?"

"Alright" Hermione answered immediately. "I'm sorry. But you and Joe, you have to stop this silliness. I enjoy both your company, and this to-and-fro act is making me feel like I'm the problem. That's why I had to talk to you, I won't be the piggy in the middle anymore because you're so heartbroken over Joe."

On this, she is absolutely right. Well, right diagnosis wrong source. I hurt to think the one I love doesn't want me, and never will. But I rejoice in the fact Joe has someone he loves, and will love him back.

I will survive on my own, I'm strong enough. I will get over this, and the sooner the better. That starts by spending time with my friends more. All of them, together.

An: Big time jump in the next chapter, and Ilena does find someone else...thing is not everyone is happy about it. Oh, here come the cliches.

Chapter title is a reference to Alicia Keys-Girl On Fire. It was that or Billy Joel-We Didn't Start The Fire. I think we're all glad I went with the former.