Ilena's POV, February 14th

Do I blame deja vu or my pure desperation? Duh, the second one. I was indifferent last time, just using this as a ratings game exercise. A lot of sevens and not many above that mark out of ten.

Hermione herself got top marks, I crushed on her even before then. Ten was an insult to her. This year I'm back and trying not to be indifferent. Pining for Hermione doesn't get any easier, and I'm now at the stage where I need to show that I'm trying to move on. I am trying.

Doing things this way is pointless, I'm well aware of that. I'm going against my sexuality, knowing I won't make any meaningful connection with any guy the school wants to put in front of me. My life is a constant lie now. I have to pretend I'm in love with Joe, but also being fully supportive of his relationship with Hermione. I have to pretend I'm straight because the minute Hermione finds out I'm gay she'll know the whole truth.

It's not her finding out I'm gay that's the problem, it's the problem of what that means. It means she'll know I'm not in love with Joe and never was. It means she'll work out who I was in love with. It means that this may destroy our connection, being a Rosie-Alex situation all over again.

And don't say Hermione wouldn't treat me like that, Rosie reacted unrecognisably badly and nobody expected that of her. Hermione is not homophobic, but you don't want your closest female friend telling you they've lied to you or kept something from you, as big as this. They don't want to be told that their best friend is gay and in love with them.

I hate my life. Progressive times my arse, I'm in for a hellova lot of hell. I want to look at these boys across from me and in that look my life will be changed. He'll make me goo-goo and turn me straight. I'll fall for him hard, and him for me. I'll keep hold of my dearest friends in the world, considering them both as the dearest of friends and nothing more. I'd live a life of freedom with this boy.

I don't want to fake date. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to come out. I don't want anybody else. Don't don't don't don't don't.

I don't want to be here.

I don't want guy number one that I named Bart Simpson. Spiky blonde hair and a red t-shirt.

I don't want Casper the Friendly Ghost. A guy with a balloon for a cranium.

I don't want freaking Donkey Kong. Dumb, chunky and hairy.

I don't want young Al Pacino. Not necessarily anything wrong with that, it's actually a compliment. I just don't want him.

But then that's being ridiculous, if this is for pretence then I shouldn't judge on looks and impressions. I shouldn't be so picky. Or should I? I've got to be compatible otherwise nobody would buy into the relationship. He's got to both reflect me and balance me out. He's got to be someone I can actually build a connection with, consider friend material.

No such luck so far.

"Alright everyone, it's time for an intermission. You're more than welcome to help yourself to a treat or refreshment in the Great Hall, and if you've matched with someone here today you can use the free time to get to know each other better. I'll see you in fifteen minutes, or not. Remember this is not compulsory, you've got no obligation to return." Actually, Professor McGonagall, I do. I need a boyfriend by the end of the day, regardless of whether I want one or not. She'll be seeing me again.

I would love a banana milkshake. At least there's something I want that I'm actually allowed to have.

Oh we're with the Gryffindor's today. That's right, there was the Gryffindor-Hufflepuff game that I missed, it's my lucky day today. "Hey."

Hermione pivots round and is the first to greet me, a little pumpkin juice spilling over her lips mid-gulp. Whilst everyone else (consisting of Ron, Harry, Joe and Alex) were still engaged in conversation, Hermione quizzed me. "How's it going?"

"Well. I've not shot myself in the head yet. As for suitors, not well."

"You are giving people a chance, right?" Does she realise she was also one of the unmatched people from last year's speed dating programme? And she's the straight one.

"Yes. The very nature of speed dating promotes quick judgements. I can only base my opinions on what I see and sense within a short time window. So far none of those judgements were encouraging."

Hermione is relenting having understood my point, and I gladly take the seat on her other side that she's offering. "Things going well here?"

"Hufflepuff won. And those two are being sour grapes over it" Hermione gestures towards her Gryffindor patriots opposite.

Harry, having heard her, objected. "Stating injustice is not bad sportsmanship. The fact is the Hufflepuff seeker snatched the snitch out of my hands. It was my catch."

"Hooch said the snitch's wings have to retract to ensure an official catch. When the seeker "snatched" it from you the wings were still extended" Hermione responded. "In the laws of the game, it wasn't your catch therefore the Hufflepuff was entitled to wrestle it out your grasp."

Ron scoffed at her point. Stating rules isn't enough for some people. "Hooch didn't even see the snitch until the Hufflepuff, what's his name...Macmillan, until he held it up after stealing it from Harry."

"And you did? From your close-up position of at least four hundred metres?" Hermione countered. And have they even registered the fact the referee has actual hawk eyes?

"So I'm lying then?" Harry Potter earns ten points for Gryffindor for providing the right answer. "You should be sticking up for Gryffindor, not going against them."

Hermione splutters indignantly, you question her house allegiance at your peril. "You-fine...be that way. I won't be impartial next time, I will blindly follow everything you say without question. I will ignore expert knowledge, and base my entire belief system on yours. You aren't bias at all are you, no damaged pride for you."

"I'm glad you came around" You cheeky arse Harry Potter.

I could've applied my own defensive argument to support my house, I wasn't even there but I'd still have an opinion. But I had other things on my plate today, I'm not talking about the one Hermione is handing to me. Though she kinda is making my figurative plate worse.

Preparing lunch for someone is something couples usually do, it's a sweet understanding of what their companion needs without needing to ask. Hermione does it all the time like the brilliant person she is, right before turning to her other side to rest her head against Joe's shoulder or something similarly cute.

Nope, this was not getting any easier.

"Il's can I have a word?" Hello to you too Joe.

"Asserveration. There is your word of the day" I really need to rein in my snarkiness, it always seems to come out just after those two have had a private moment.

Alex snorted, she's heavily criticised my lack of subtlety over the past five months. Though I think deep down she's empathetic towards me. Its never easy to move on. At least I had the pleasure of seeing and talking to the person I love. That's why I shouldn't make it all about me, and it's not right to be unsavoury all the time.

"Seriously Ils, I need to speak to you...privately" Look at Joe asking for his girlfriend's permission with his eyes, what a thoughtful bloke. I would say there is nothing we need to speak about that Hermione can't be privy to, but there is the one thing. And it's obvious it's that thing Joe wants to talk about.

"Alright then, lead on" I tell him, though I regret using the term lead. That lack of thought meant I had to wait for them to kiss and cuddle, like he's about to go on a voyage. We're popping outside for Merlin's sake.

I look away and I happen to meet Alex's eye line. She offers a small smile. She must really understand my pain if I can actually get support from her facial muscles.

"Hey, come on back when you're done, I'm not letting you leave that plate full. You will eat something before you head back to speed dating" Hermione warns me.

"I'll try. That responsibility belongs to your boyfriend. Joe, do you think we'll be quick enough to return for some grub?"

Joe shakes his head. "I'm afraid not."

Okay, now he's actually got me concerned. Hermione too looks alarmed. It's Alex who clarifies. "Calm your little brains, nobody is dead nor dying. I'll explain it to Hermione whilst you're gone, so be gone already."

Once outside Joe leads me further through the castle. This is ain't no private chat, we've obviously got a place to be. Speed dating one minute, mystery tour the next. I don't even want to waste my breath with questions because it's clear the answer will be provided only on Joe's terms.

Where are we going though? We're not heading up so we're not going to the library, room of requirement, or Ravenclaw common room. We're heading away from Hufflepuff. And we just passed the infirmary. Are we literally heading outside? The greenhouses?

Oh no...not... "We're heading to the dungeons. I hate the dungeons. So cold and dark."

"Well how else do you expect to get into the Slytherin common room, maybe you can go for a swim in the Black Lake and smash their windows in" Joe chortles to himself.

"Why do we need to go to their common room?"

"We don't. You do. Don't worry, we are expected"

"It's that which makes me worried"

And into the grottiest area of Hogwarts we go. The Hufflepuff common room may also be lower level, but its a warmy, cosy little basement. There are SKULLS in the WALLS down here.

At the end of a long corridor awaits, I presume, the guy responsible for this. Dominic. His hair is done up, and he is wearing a dinner suit. And why is he standing there with his arms behind his back? I don't know if I should call him Dom or Alfred. "So you're behind all this mystery?"

Dom waits until Joe and I pull up in front, he nods his acknowledgement to Joe and he responds with one of his own. The latter swiftly leaves the way we came, his eyes twinkling in my direction. I'm gonna slap someone in a minute, and Dom being the only person around means he'll have a very red mark by the end of...whatever this is.

"Dom, what's this all about?"

Dom steps aside and beckons me to walk on by. "Join me inside and I'll enlighten you. Password is Pureblood."

I huff dispassionately "why are guys so useless about answering questions?"

I slip into the room, awkwardly exchanging looks with a bunch of Slytherin girls I don't know from Eve. As if to diffuse the awkwardness I lift a tentative hand to wave, it's by my side again in a flash when it resulted in no other reaction than more uncomfortable tension. Am I gonna get beaten up now?

"Ladies, can you make yourself scarce, you're intimidating my friend and guest" Dom challenges the group, oh I see these fangirls feel threatened by little ol' me. Wonder how they'd react if they learnt I'm more likely to swoon for them? Well, they disappear up to their dorms whilst Dom turns back to me. "Look to your right."

I turn and there is...a small round table. Fancy tablecloth. Candles. Flowers. Two chairs. Oh jeez, this is a dinner date. "Dom...?"

Dom looks slightly less sure of himself as he asks me to take a seat. I do, to be polite and not hurt his feelings. That, I fear in the end, will be inevitable but I shall do so in the most respectful and considerate of ways.

He sits down across from me and snaps his fingers, like you'd see someone do in a fancy restaurant. House-elves appear with platters of meat and sides, wow so much effort went into this. The elves fill up our plates, Dom links his fingers together mid-sternum, and I sit here not knowing what to do or say.

I didn't even see the elves leave, too distracted by Dom's smile. It was a nice smile, I'm sure a very handsome one; if I was looking for handsome. I saw a nice smile I didn't want to ruin. "Dominic-"

"It's just a fancy dinner, between two friends" he explains over me. "Please, eat with me."

I sigh and scoop up my fork. It's gorgeous, well done elves. Maybe I should focus on eating and talk afterwards, at least then the effort hasn't been wasted.

Eating may prevent talking but it can't stop me thinking. Two years I've known this guy and all that time I knew I struck his fancy. When he learnt I was gay he looked like he took it in his stride, I later heard from Alex that the Slytherin boy's dorm had a mass pillow shortage later that nigh. He recovered and we remained good friends, his crush on me was just an endearing addition to his character. Maybe that was unfair on him, and deserved to be taken more seriously.

However after all this time, his knowledge of me and through witnessing my own pining for someone else. What possessed him to think now was the time to put his heart on the line? I wouldn't have the guts to attempt something this bold and unmistakably clear with Hermione. My respect goes out to him for that. It was however, emotional suicide.

Now even my appetite is gone. I put my cutlery back down with a clatter. "This is really great Dom, anyone else would be throwing them self at you if you did this all for them. I hate that the effort was wasted because I simply couldn't be what you want me to be."

Dom chews on his mouthful, smile still in place and eyes still warm. Good eyes too, yet again powerless on me except for inflicting guilt and sorrow. "I just don't want you to be so down all the time. You are a great girl, everyone knows it. I'm sick to death of someone so deserving of happiness, finding nothing but heartache."

I smile self-deprecatingly. "That's part of being gay. Loneliness is my burden."

"It doesn't have to be that way. Listen, you can't change who you are, and I can't. I wouldn't want to. You remain exactly the way you are. But the same applies in that you can't change Hermione. If she wasn't with Joe, she'd only be with someone else."

Hard truths. I understand why they call them that now. "You're right. You can't help the way you feel though, right?"

He understood perfectly what I meant. "You certainly can't."

"If you know then why are you doing this?"

Dom takes a swig of his drink, cranberry juice...because it looks like red wine probably. "Like I said, I'm not trying to change you. I'm a cocky git but I am never going to charm you into my bed. And you'll never love me. But until you find true happiness, I'm gonna make sure you're not alone any longer."

That's the sweetest thing anybody has ever said, but it didn't make it right. "But that is so incredibly unfair to you."

"More unfair than being in love with your best friend, in a world where you can't express it?"

"No, Dom stop. I can't sit by everyday and kiss you like it's a chore. One day you will tell me you love me, and I'll sit there lying to you because people will watch and expect me to say it back" I am being firm on this, I have to be.

Finally, his smile fell from his face and there was clear frustration. "You were prepared five minutes ago to do exactly what you just said, to a random guy you never met. Whereas I give you an option that'll make the rest of your school life so much more tolerable."

No way, he didn't just say that to me. "You really thought I was going to lead some poor guy unknowingly into a relationship of pure fabrication? You'd think that of me?"

Dom hadn't thought quite like that, hence why he's a little shamefaced at the moment. But the thought still hurt me. "I wasn't trying to actually date a straight boy. I wanted to find a boy who didn't feel anything for me, so I could explain to him the very arrangement you want with me. A relationship of necessity, perhaps for the both of us."

He was back-pedalling now. "Well...we can do that"

"If I become your girlfriend Dom, even if it's fake, it will always mean more to you. You can fool yourself but not me. I'm sorry...I can't do it."

Dom's hand stops me from getting up. Why won't he see reason? "Wait! You don't want me, I can live with that. My feelings will not get hurt, I'm expecting nothing other than what we have already got. And...well I haven't told Joe this next bit, or Alex..."

I don't want to pretend at all, not with him. But I'll hear him out. "What?"

"Before I answer, you need to know about the secret study Rosie has been doing for the past four months."

"Study?" are we still talking about the same thing? Did I blackout? "On what?"

"You and Hermione" So...why? Who studies people? Stalkers and serial killers, that's who. Or maybe the other side of that coin, detectives and criminologists.

"What about us exactly?"

"Well...can I just say I think she's barking up the wrong tree, but it's one hell of a doppelganger" I was right, I blacked out. Dom tried to obliviate the previous conversation away, but failed.

No? Well that makes more sense than the drivel coming from his mouth now. "Just tell me for Christ sake, sometime today will be awesome."

"Rosie seems convinced that...well, she doesn't think Hermione is a lost cause for you. She had her suspicions a while back, and has since been...recording data."

Screw murderers and profilers, Rosie thinks she's a scientist. And we're her test monkeys. "What kind of data we talking about?"

"You'd have to speak to her for the specifics, I only know a couple of statistics and facts she's allegedly proven. The main one, Rosie has conducted an ongoing tally of Hermione's speaking traits. On average, she mentions your name twenty-seven times an hour, compared with Joe that's thirteen an hour more."

Hmm, and that's only when Rosie is present of course. Thirteen more. Twenty-seven per hour. Hermione says my name once every two minutes. Now I'm thinking about it I have noticed Rosie constantly with quill and parchment, even during conversation she never seems to put her utensils away.

I'm just entertaining the discussion because i'm interested to see the numbers. Not because there's substance behind them. Numbers mean nothing, a phrase never mentioned by scientists and mathematicians anywhere. "Any others?"

Dom seems chirpier now I've been hooked. "Let me see...I think she said Hermione has yet to miss you enter a room she's in. Whether she's working, eating, reading, talking...she always at the very least glances up to you on your way in. Whereas when Joe enters a room she normally only notices him when he sits down or speaks. At least, according to Rosie."

You know, I can vouch for that. Like just a few minutes ago, Hermione saw me approach the Gryffindor table, she even had her back to the door and she still caught me over shoulder.

No, no, no. Don't even think about getting your hopes up Ilena. She sees you enter a room, so what, it's Joe who she sees the rest of the time. And as for her saying my name more, it's probably because I'm a damn pain in the neck.

"That means nothing Dom. None of it. Rosie is trying to disprove something completely set in concrete. Hermione is straight."

Dom sighs and shrugs uncertainly. "Maybe, but that's what brings me back to this fake relationship business. Everyone apart from you and Hermione knew about this. Hermione is being told that we're having a real date. The whole thing has been designed to help protect your sexuality, not to mention your feelings for Hermione. When Rosie found out though she told me to mention her study to you, she thought rightly that you'd flat out refuse. She's asking that you go along with it, just long enough to see what Hermione does."

"Nothing is going to happen Dom" I insist. "I appreciate Rosie's support and am honoured that she'd invest so much of her time towards my issues. But this will make things worse. All I want to do is get over Hermione, and all this just gets in the way of me doing that."

Dom nodded, and he seems content in letting the idea go. I don't even want to fake date anyone anymore. I don't need to pretend that I'm getting over someone, I need to actually get over them. At least this chat helped me sort my priorities.

"I'll clear this up, you get on back" Dom says, already getting headway on the task of clearing up what ought have been a lovely candlelit meal. I'd help but...he did say I could go. "Oh and one extra detail for you Lena...when Rosie was tallying up your name mentions, she was also counting the few times when Hermione was talking in her sleep."

An: Hello. How are you guys? Hope you're all doing well.

A bit of Dom. The poor neglected soul. He deserves happiness too. Life tip: if loving someone feels hard to say, don't say it.

Writing this chapter gave me inspiration to accurately draw out my own Hogwarts map/floor plan. As close to canon as I can get. It would really help towards my stories, particularly when characters are moving from place to place within Hogwarts. For example I didn't even know the Hufflepuff common room was literally the castle basement, meaning there are two houses who are located underground and two way above ground in towers. Crazy.

So hard to match a song with this one...hope you like it. Erasure-A Little Respect.