• Regina Mills •
A long, long time ago in one of her lost memories...
Wednesday May 10th
The sky wasn't as blue as yesterday, nor the sun as bright or the breeze as fresh. Everything today is the opposite of yesterday, and yesterday seems as far away as my mind is now.
I had to tighten the upholstery of the chair as my mother once again sniped at me, this time about the painting Jasper, the boy who touched my heart, taught me to paint.
I met him yesterday for another one of our classes, I tried to flirt with him, although I never knew what to really say even though he's always so ready to listen to me, as if he wanted to hear something he didn't have the courage to say. We drew and painted, I brought him an apple and he looked genuinely happy. I feel unique when I'm with him.
It was a lovely afternoon and I was happy. Until Cora screwed up things.
After criticizing the painting, she took the night off to talk openly about me, talking about my posture, manners, body, talking about marriage and wealth. She also said how much she hated to know that her future depended on me... and that she deserved better.
"Regina? Are you alright?" I blink twice until I meet Jasper's green eyes.
I hold the brush firmly between my fingers and it's only when something icy falls onto my skirt that I realize I'm holding the brush suspended in the air a few inches from the four painted with... I don't know what, I couldn't remember what I was painting anymore.
"Oh, shit!" I curse aloud, not caring if he thinks I'm inelegant, after all, princesses shouldn't swear.
But in this case, with the blue paint slipping and seeping into my lilac silk dress, my dirty mouth was the least of my worries "My mother is going to kill me!"
"Regina, calm down, I…" The ginger guy tries to speak but I interrupt, now standing up from the stool and bending over to try to clean as much of the paint as possible.
"What the hell!"
"Wait, wait, let me clean it" He fumbles for the clean cloth and trips over me.
I sigh in surprise as I feel his pale nose touch mine, one of his hands is positioned beside my head, supporting his whole body and preventing all of his weight from falling on me.
My eyes left Jasper's and made their way to his pink mouth, his lips were half-open just like mine.
I don't know if it was his peppermint breath, the little sardines on his cheeks or the growing heat that was starting to radiate ferociously through my lower limbs, whatever magnetization was drawing our bodies at the time, it was awakening a feeling in me that I never felt before. There was nothing around us anymore, there was no oppressive mother, no cowardly father or a burly old man lusting after me. There were no ribbons, no darkness, no punishment as in an act of pure impulse I leaned over and found my art teacher's soft lips. The bubbly feeling took over my body as he let himself lie down on top of me to cup my face during the kiss.
If I could think of any better scenario than this for my first kiss, none would be enough. His scent, his touch, everything about Jasper made me feel… things I never thought I felt before. Things my mother never let me feel. For "things" I mean this burning desire that darkens my eyes, is a harlot thing.
Slowly he pulls away from me to meet my brown eyes, he takes a breath and makes a move to speak, but I shut him up kissing his lips with more passion. All the months when I watched him in silence, walking through the lands of the kingdom or drawing on a white canvas, even the days when I tried to get his attention and make naughty jokes, gave me the strength to explore this forbidden feeling for the first time.
I roll both of us on the floor so I'm sitting on the top of him, soon I feel something harden just below his waist.
"Regina... Regina... Regina, stop" He gently pulls me up "You don't know what you're doing, I..."
"I know exactly what I'm doing Jasper," I sigh, still looking down at him "And there's nothing I want more in this world than you right now" It was a shot in the dark, I admit, but I wasn't going to back off now, not when I see his green irises dilate for me.
"Are you serious?" he asks in an innocent tone.
I smile softly, now remembering the main factor I fell in love with the red-haired boy who painted the most beautiful masterpieces.
It wasn't because of his talent, his physical bearing, or because he would be someone my mother would clearly disapprove of. It was his innocence. Rare features in a house where Cora lives, therefore, was almost extinct to my eyes.
"I love you, Jasper" I lean over to lightly kiss his lips, leaving our faces inches apart "I love you a lot longer than yesterday, with a lot more certainty than today and I'll continue to love you tomorrow or every day that goes by."
I see a crystalline tear dance through his green eyes, the orbs seem like two pools of the purest water.
"I love you, Regina." He touches my black hair and strokes my arm "Sorry for not having the courage to say it to you before, but you have been the only thing I'm thinking about lately. I can't get you out of my mind. I love you."
"Then love me now."
• Author •
The woman watched mother and daughter enter the great stone structure that had once been her home, and in a way still was. It was confusing, Seeing herself, younger and also more fragile. A Regina she barely remembered. Her mother had made a point of making her forget almost all of her childhood and adolescence, but she had left the punishments. She could still feel the tape holding her mouth until her cheeks were red enough. "No marks" was what her mother always said, followed by the famous "No one would want to marry a lady with scars" The pointed nails dug into her face as the poor girl struggled not to look into the woman's face.
Regina pressed her lips together, digging her nails into her palms. She closed her eyes, holding back a tear, she wouldn't cry, much less in front of Swan. As much as it hurt, she wasn't going to fall apart there. She would do as she always did, wait to be alone and then shed all the tears that seemed trapped for years.
A hand touched her shoulder. Emma. She was unfortunately still there. The brunette forced herself to straighten her posture and put a neutral expression on her face.
"You know you don't have to be strong all the time, Regina. I saw your face, I mean the look on your face... when you got out of the carriage with that woman. What happened? Did someone die? Because it was..."
"Stay still. I am thinking."
"I just...I know what it's like...having a bad past...I remember well when…"
"I don't mind. I don't care about your life, or that girl who came with her mother. That Regina left when your mother opened her mouth and caused Daniel's death. So I don't care if your childhood was filled with happiness or was a drug. I don't need your empathy. Much less of your pity."
She lifted her chin, throwing her shoulders back and assuming her regal posture. Her eyes were empty again, hiding any emotion she might feel. Emma sighed in defeat, it would be hard to keep peace with that woman if she didn't raise a white flag too.
She watched Regina straighten her dress for the thousandth time and then stare at heaven.
"Look, it doesn't help if you think for yourself. Whether or not we need to work together…" The brunette seemed to consider for a moment.
"All right" She sighed "Henry wouldn't want me to come back alone anyway. So I need to keep you alive… And away from Cora" She smoothed her long hair as if it bothered her more than corsets "But look, if anyone has something that can get us out of here, it's my mom. And this place always needs more people..."
"Let me see if I understand... Are we going to work for your mother?"
"And for me and my dad. It's not that difficult, I know all her whims" Regina looked at her making the blonde shrug "It's easier to deal with Cora than with you."
Her lips curled into a sardonic smile.
"Really?" Emma raised an eyebrow.
"Of course. She would rip out your heart in five minutes. You are petulant and behave like a child. I would love to see this scene. It would be lovely" A laugh escaped her lips making Emma gulp.
"Let her try. I'm not afraid of ladies with an umbrella. And not a queen that everyone hates." She mimicked Regina's pose "And if I'm a child, you're an old woman. Your adolescence was in the dark ages!"
"Theoretically here..."
"And another thing…" The blonde interrupted her "Let's just forget about all this shit and concentrate on getting out of this bush and back to a place where my cell has a signal. Then we continue this stupid game"
The brunette sighed heavily.
"I'm going to get us out of here. Just don't get in my way Swan"
"I wouldn't even try Mayor."
"I just need to talk to Rainy…"
She started walking and the blonde followed.
"Do you think it's that easy to get a job?"
"Haven't you learned that I get everything I want Swan?" She wanted to see Rocinante, even if for a split second. She got into place, it was exactly as she remembered and in the back was her horse. She approached him slowly "Hi..."
The horse faced her, neighing under his breath.
"Do you think it's safe to stay here?" Emma whispered.
Regina ignored stroking the animal's mane.
"It's okay…" She was caught up in her own thoughts, her own loss. Rocinante had been her friend for so long, since he was born, when she was just over 11 years old, he and her mother Hwin were her best friends, she loved them. She remembered that, remembered when Rocinante had been orphaned, it was Cora's fault... and her fault, if she had held the reins more firmly, her lip scar wouldn't have existed. She closed her eyes and hugged the animal.
"Who are you and what are you doing here?" The voice made Emma jump, she stared at the open stable door and Regina in her younger version staring at them with her hand on her hip. Her pale blue dress was pompous and long, her hair was pulled back into a bun. "Who are you? It's better to answer me than my mother. We don't like invaders."
"Nobody likes it, girl" Emma smiled, forcing herself to answer "We work here…"
"No. You don't work here. I know everyone here." The girl crossed her arms and lifted her chin.
"What I meant was..." She trailed off, not knowing how to continue. The older one sighed, pulling away from the horse and turning to the girl who was now facing the sides. Her stomach knotted. She could read her expressions easily. She closed her eyes, straightening her posture. Regina lightly touched Emma's shoulder
"Sorry for the inconvenience" She began "We came to talk to Rainy, surely a place as big as this needs a lot of employees"The girl didn't look convinced "We're not from the here. And...this place is so beautiful, I'm sure my son would love it here."
The younger version of her raised an eyebrow.
"And why aren't you with him? A mother should protect her child to the end."
"He… is with his grandparents," she replied grudgingly. "It's just… until everything is resolved. And then he will be with me again."
Emma curled her lip and pinched the bridge of her nose as the girl asked more questions.
"How old is he? Does he look like you? Did he lose his fathers in the ogre war? A lot of people have lost their parents... And children..." She shrugged her shoulders embarrassed "Sorry...I didn't mean to be invasive or...I'll be quiet...Rainy is in the kitchen, come with me."
She walked away.
"Oh Gosh you were adorable" Emma whispered as she saw Regina following the younger version of her. The brunette smiled without the blonde being able to see.
They arrived at the kitchen after a longer journey than necessary, Regina knew that, she had done that a thousand times, the farther away from that palace the further away from Cora and the freer she would be.
And once again something turned in her stomach. The girl guide them there and left. It was tea time.
"Working here is not an easy task" Rainy, who was as she remembered, said as soon as they asked for a job.
The lady who always kept an apron in front of her dark green dress was friendly, but at that moment she just made the mayor gulp and nod, two people could recognize her, her father and Rainy. Even in any disguise they were the only ones who saw her behind all the armor. She forced herself to mentally repeat that the old one had long since been destroyed. No one would ever love a broken soul, and a broken soul was unable to love.
Emma smiled at the woman
"We work well, and we're pretty fast. We're not going to disappoint you" She said only to hear a sweet, hearty laugh.
"It is not my approval you should seek. I've already taken the tea so you" She pointed to Regina "Wait until you hear the bell to clear the table and you" She faced Emma "Come with me, I need help clearing the paintings, my back hasn't been the same for a long time."
Regina closed her eyes and leaned against the wooden table in the center of the kitchen. It was difficult. The past was difficult. The present was almost unbearable and the two were united there. In what should be her home. But all that came to mind when she thought of Cora was all the bad things she had done to her, saying it was for her own good. And that hurt. More than she could admit. All she ever wanted was a family. But she always managed to screw it up.
The bell came a while later. She went into the living room, where the large table was adorned with a vase filled with roses. She stared at Cora and unconsciously straightened her posture. The woman barely looked at her, just left her there with the rest of the scene.
The blue ribbon that had once been around the waist of the younger self now held her wrists above her head, muffling her mouth as well. The girl was red and tears were running down her face. Regina ran to her. The tapes were enchanted. That she remembered. She closed it passing her hand over them and releasing the girl who sobbed loudly.
"It's alright... It's alright, ok?" She pointed to the tape on the floor "It's gone."
And then she threw a small ball of fire at the piece of satin. Making the youngest's eyes turn to hers.
"Y... You have magic..." The brunette pressed her lips together and nodded "Are you like her? Like my mother?"
The older one was static. She had become what Cora wanted, cold and heartless. She was like her mother even though she had tried not to be for a long time. Love is weakness. Her heart ached like it was being squeezed until there was nothing left but ash. She didn't want to be like Cora. She wouldn't be like her mother.
"No...I'm not...Are you okay?" The girl wiped her face and lifted her chin
"I am. I'm just tired." She stood up rather quickly, her face lost its color and she sat back down. Her eyes stared at the ceiling.
• Reginas Mills •
It's weird to see myself from this angle, watching as the younger version of me rests her head and bones after one of my mother's famous punishments, I remember the mantra I kept repeating as Cora tightened the noose on my mouth 'You won't be like her, you won't be like her' funny how it was exactly how I ended up... like her. If Regina standing in front of me opened her eyes and saw who was really staring at her right now, she would definitely go ahead with her suicidal thoughts.
The girl sighed and her face contorted in pain as she brought her hand to her jaw, I remember the phantom pressure in the jaw that accompanied me a few days after a particularly severe punishment, I found later that hot water could ease the bruise further.
"Are you sure you're okay? Can I do something?!" I try to offer help even though I know the answer.
"Oh you're still there…" She raises an eyebrow "No, no…I'm fine."
Slowly she gets out of her chair and stumbles to her feet, I manage to catch her in my arms before she fall down, the girl leans against me and then backs away as if my skin has burned her.
"Sorry! Heavens, if my mom saw how disjointed I am, instead of ribbons, she'd wear chains." Her face flushes in embarrassment.
"Don't worry... your highness" It's strange to refer to someone like that, especially a 15-year-old girl.
"I must go now, my mother wouldn't want to see me late for classes" The girl speaks quickly and then puts a hand to her jaw in pain.
"Yes… she wouldn't like" I agree.
Cora always hated when things weren't on time, I remember the day I was late for tea... it was the last time I was late for anything, I still remember her burning hand on my ass.
"If you'll excuse me" my younger version says and then I watch her walk to the big wooden door.
"Hot water" I say, unable to stop the words.
She turns to me and raises her eyebrow once more (something that's starting to bother me).
"What?" the girl asks.
"Hot water can help with jaw pain" I explained.
She stares at me for a few seconds, her gaze scrutinizing me like a hawk, trying to see behind the fake, dull face that hides my identity.
Finally she blinks out of her momentary trance.
"Thank you" she replies and then walks out of the room gracefully.
When the door slams announcing her departure, air I didn't even know I was holding escapes my lungs. How many more times will I have to do this?! I have to find a way to get out of here soon, it's too dangerous... too painful to be in the past, in my past.
I need to find my mom's shop as soon as possible, I know that woman well enough to know she sure has something to get me out of here, well, get us out of here…me and Emma Swan.
How mrs. Swan must be doing?! I know only too well how hard Rainy could be with the staff, many held their breath when Rainy inspected the castle rooms to find something dirty and God help them if she really found it... I can only imagine what she must be doing with Miss Perfect.
I grab the cups from the table and make my way to the kitchen, careful to always keep my head down when one of the guards passed, they were truly disgusting to the maids.
The kitchen is surprisingly clean, perhaps because it's mid-afternoon and dinner don't come out until eight at night, not even the chef is present.
I put the tray with the cups in the sink and got ready to wash them, I've never missed a detergent as much as I do now.
"Excuse me, do you know where Rainy is?" a male voice asks from behind me.
I know that voice, I know very well who it belongs to.
Tears well up in my eyes as I turn to face the man standing in the doorway of the kitchen, his face younger but undeniably his.
"Daddy" I whisper as I try to hold back tears.
"Sorry…I didn't hear, where did you say she was?!" He asks, approaching the sink.
All I want is to throw myself in his arms and beg for forgiveness he's unconsciously capable of giving, I want to hug him and cry all the years I've spent missing him.
I don't answer, just press my back against the sink, waiting for my dad to scream, slap me or scold me for what I've done to him, but nothing happened, he just stared at me with a worried frown.
"Are you okay?" My father asks.
"Yes…" I clear my throat. "Yes, sir. Henry, I'm sorry..."
"That woman is a tyrant" Emma Swan's voice breaks into the kitchen.
She widens her eyes when she finally notices the older man's presence.
"Haha... I see you've already met Rainy!" He laughs "Lovely woman, isn't her?"
"The sweetest" Emma says sarcastically.
He laughs once more and I can swear I felt my heart skip at the sound.
"Yes, yes… well, do you know where she is?" The man folds his hands.
"After muttering for half an hour she said she was going to check out the eastern area of the castle" Emma replied with a roll of her eyes.
How I wanted to slap Emma Swan for her bad manners! My 10 year old son is better behaved and educated than she is!
"Oh yes… thank you!" He smiles, slightly amused by the blonde.
"No problem" The woman smiles, and for a moment, a tiny, insignificant moment, I thought I saw the same deep dimples my father has gracing the woman's smile.
He walks to the door but before leaving he turns his face towards Emma.
"Can you take care of her?" My father asked pointing to me "I don't know if she is doing well."
Then with a gentle smile in my direction, he headed off towards the eastern area.
Letting out my breath once more, I lean against the sink and close my eyes, trying to control my heart pounding madly in my chest.
"Regina, what's wrong with you? Who was he?" Emma approaches me.
"My father" I open my eyes and blink the tears away.
I don't need to know the blonde's expression when I hear her sigh of understanding.
"I'm sorry…" She places a hand on my shoulder.
"Yeah, me too" I say dryly and pull away from the woman's hand "The next time you refer to one of the owners of this place, at least do a bow or feign manners!"
"Oh look... you're back!" Emma says sarcastically.
"I made you a request, Swan" I ignore her.
"Okay… I'll try to behave myself" She sighs and rolls her eyes.
"Stop rolling your eyes! You're no longer a child!" I reprimand her.
"And you are not my mother!" It's the second time that day I've heard the phrase coming from her.
"Thank heavens! Because if I were... God help me!" I feel a headache forming in my right temple.
"God help US, okay?!" Emma teases "Besides, you're not the best maternal role model."
"Have you talked to my mother yet?!" I ask with my hands on my hips.
"No" she replies, crossing her arms.
"So believe me, I may not be the best maternal role model, but I'm certainly not the worst" I finish staring at the blonde.
This seemed to shut her up (which is a blessing) as Emma's posture crumbles, she turns and goes to one of the benches where a pitcher of water rests on the stone table.
Emma pours herself a glass of water and stares out the window, I take this as a sign of peace so I turn to the dishes.
After a few minutes, Emma speaks once more.
"Regina, come here! You have to see this" The blonde asks.
"Swan, I don't have time for whatever you're up to" I ignore her.
"Really, Regina! Come here! It's your younger self… it looks like she's sneaking around" This gets my attention.
I drop the dishes and run to the window, bumping into my teenaged version sneaking up to an apple tree planted behind the kitchen, in a space at the back of the castle, normally away from prying eyes, minus the eyes of Emma Swan.
"Why are you hiding? Emma asks.
"I…I don't know…" My brain starts to knot, I have no memory of that moment.
I see the girl's face light up as my eyes find the reason for her escape, I follow her gaze to the apple tree and see a young red-haired man standing with a smile on his face and his hands in his pockets.
"Who is he?" Emma asks.
I don't respond, my brain keeps going around and around trying to find that memory.
My younger self runs up to the guy and throws herself into his arms, being twirled around in the air, then my jaw drops as I watch their lips meet in a passionate kiss, the most passionate kiss I've ever seen.
I feel my legs go weak and the pain in my head start to turn into a migraine, I lean against the counter and continue to stare at the scene.
"Wow… wow… it looks like you weren't that innocent" Emma jokes.
"Shut up, Swan" I manage to say in a deep voice.
Emma is silent for a moment and analyzes my facial expression.
"You don't know who he is, don't you?" Emma asks uncertainly.
I watch the two young lovers lie down on the grass, the girl on the chest of the redhead I swear I've never seen in my life.
"I have no idea."
