Chapter 13
The silence was deafening. The only sound in the library was coming from Jack as he played with the doll and horse in his hands. Elizabeth took a deep breath and the words started to tumble from her lips. She told the story of how she met her husband Jack, the ups and downs of their relationship. She drifted into another place as she spoke of him, the love they shared was evident. The passion she spoke of was dream-like. She described his grand gestures - their own private Mountie Ball, how he created a path of candles from town to the schoolhouse where he proposed to her, their amazing wedding. You could see the love for him on her face, the hope for an amazing future. This was an Elizabeth that Elise had not seen before. This was an Elizabeth that Elise saw herself being friends with.
Then she started to talk about Jack's death, and her facial expressions changed. It was like a dark cloud went over her face. The passion she spoke with was still there, but it turned to anger and confusion. "I couldn't show how I really felt. I was heartbroken, but I was expected to teach and keep living, but all I wanted to do was curl up on his grave and die with him." She had felt lost, and then she found out she was pregnant. She looked at Little Jack, and spoke of how he was the light in her life - he was what brought her out of the dark place she had gone.
She stated that she did not deal with change well, and in less than a year and a half she lost her husband, had a baby, her best friend moved away, and she had two men that came onto her radar, Lucas and Nathan. She spoke of how she disliked Lucas when she first met him, much like she had her husband, but then he found a way to warm her up to him with the donation of the library. Nathan was a different story. They got along right from the beginning. She welcomed the man who was there to replace her husband in the community. And then she found out about Allie, and that he was raising her alone. Elizabeth said that there were times she overstepped her position and acted in a motherly role to Allie. She talked about the night of the sleepover, giving advice to Nathan, and countless other moments.
And then she spoke about both men making their intentions known about wanting to court her. She said fear pushed her away from Nathan and towards Lucas. She was scared she would lose him the way she lost her husband. Lucas was safer. The serge Nathan wore reminded her of Jack, even though the men are complete opposites. She didn't know if Jack would do what Nathan did by taking in Allie. Being a mountie always came first with Jack, for Nathan it was family.
She then told Elise about what happened at the pond, and how Nathan said that he was in love with her, that he loved her, and how she rode away. And that was when she fully turned towards Lucas. She spoke of what happened at Fort Clay and how it was supposed to be Nathan on the training exercise and not Jack and that he came to Hope Valley to protect her in Jack's absence.
It was then that she realized what she had to do. She knew she loved Nathan, but she couldn't lose him. "It's very hard to explain. I loved two men. The first, so much my eyes would wander after him, see him everywhere, but if something was to happen between us and it ended or something happened to him, it would put me back into that horrible place I went into before, and I can't do that. I don't think I would survive it. I don't know if I could take care of another child on my own, even though I love her. At least this way I can love him, and her, even if it's at a distance. I feel Nathan is a part of me, but it needs to be a part of me that I can not fully be a part of for my own sanity."
"I love Lucas, and I easily fell in love with him. We have the same things in common, and he is more familiar with the world I am moving into, because of my writing. It's not how it was with Jack, but it's comfortable. I don't know if I can ever feel what I felt for Jack again.'
Elizabeth was finally silent, so Elise asked the one question she needed to ask. "If you had to do it over again, would you do it differently?"
"Honestly, I don't know. I see how Nathan is with you, and it reminds me of Jack and I…. I won't lie, it's hard to see it and not be envious." Elise looked up at Elizabeth. She looked exhausted from telling her story.
Elise stood, smoothed her wrinkled shirt and skirt, and thanked Elizabeth for being open enough to tell her side of the story. As she walked out of the library only one question remained. What would Nathan say when he knows that Elizabeth is free again?
The following morning Nathan and Allie rose with the sun and were on the road back to Hope Valley soon after. They were both excited to get home. Allie couldn't wait to tell her friends of her adventures, and Nathan was excited to see Elise. He had the ring in its box hidden in his bag. He knew how he wanted to ask her, he just needed to wait for the perfect moment.
They rode into Hope Valley mid morning, and even though it was early, Nathan felt that something was off. They took the horses to the livery, where they washed and brushed them, and while Nathan made sure they had plenty of feed, Allie ran to the mercantile to get Newton and Storm apples.
As they left the livery with their bags over their shoulders, they walked past the saloon and Nathan took in the sign at the door - No alcohol being served. Something had obviously happened while they were away.
They turned at the rowhouses, and Nathan's breath caught when he saw Elise sitting on her steps, reading a book. She looked tired, and lonely, but he was so happy to see her. She saw them approaching, and she stood up, but the look was one of apprehension. And Nathan didn't like it.
"Welcome home. I wasn't expecting you till later."
"Dad and I spent last night in Benson Hills, he took me shopping. He got me new clothes for when I work with you and school, and the nicest pair of boots ever! I can't wait to show you!"
"Why don't you go take your bag and new clothes down to the house, take care of them, then clean up. We can show Miss Monteith them later."
"Ok dad". She came up on the steps to give Elise a hug. "I've missed you. It's so good to be home". She stepped down the stairs, and ran off to their rowhouse.
"Dad?"
He stepped towards her as he spoke. "Yeah, she asked if she could call me dad. Who could refuse her that. I cried a little. I love that girl so much." As he tended to do, he pushed an invisible piece of hair from off her face. He just wanted to touch her, be close to her. "You look tired. I'm assuming something happened while I was gone."
"It did. Why don't you sit down, I'll fill you in." She told him about everything, and she watched the emotions cross his face, especially when she told him that the relationship between Elizabeth and Lucas had been put on hold. His face looked frozen, little to no emotion, and she knew that was a part of his mountie training. As she neared the end of what had happened, she knew it was time to ask the question that she had wanted to ask for months.
"Have you read Mrs. Thornton's book?"
"No. I've meant to, I just haven't gotten to it yet. No one has really talked about it, so I thought maybe it wasn't that interesting. Have you read it?"
Shaking her head, she said ,"I did".
"And?"
"It was interesting".
Nathan stared at her. "How was it interesting?"
"Artists tend to gather inspiration from what they know, their own lives. Art imitates life. I think Hope Valley and the people that live here, inspired her. Nathan, I think you need to read it."
He shook his head and stood up. "I suppose I should get this stuff home. How about dinner tonight? No fish, I promise", as he chuckled.
"I would love to, but I really think I need to pass. Nathan, you need to read that book."
He looked hard and deep at her. "Ok. I'll run this home, then head to the library to get a copy. I promise, I'll read it tonight." He reached her hand over to her check, and rubbed his thumb across it. "But we, my dear Elise, need some time to ourselves." He bent over and kissed her forehead, then turned and walked away.
Allie had decided to go spend the night at Opal's, so Nathan was alone at home. He would rather be with Elise, but he had promised he would read Elizabeth's book. He didn't understand why she thought it was so important though. He opened to the first page, and began. About a chapter in, new characters arrived in the story, and soon he recognized himself and Allie. He couldn't put the book down, and with every turn of the page, he became angrier and more hurt. He didn't put it down until he finished. And he wasn't going to let this slide by without his feelings being known.
Banging on the front door woke Elizabeth. She bolted up in her bed, imagining something horrible was wrong in town. Who would wake her up in the middle of the night, possibly waking Jack up? She quickly put her slippers and robe on, ran down the stairs, and turned on a light. She threw open the door, expecting to see flames coming from Hope Valley, and instead was greeted by Nathan.
"Nathan, what's wrong?" Is Allie ok?
"What is this? What is this, Elizabeth?" Holding up her novel.
"You woke me up in the middle of the night because of my novel?"
"I am going to ask you one more time. What is this, Elizabeth?"
Not wanting to wake up Lee and Rosemary, she asked "Will you please come in?"
Nathan angrily walked past her. She had never seen Nathan this angry. She could tell he was livid.
She closed the door, turned around, and he was standing there with his arm holding it up, wanting answers.
"It's a piece of fiction," Elizabeth started.
"That is about Allie and I. You had no right Elizabeth".
"It's not Allie and you, per se"
"It describes Allie perfectly Elizabeth, down to her favorite dress and her love of fishing. It's our experiences. It's decorating the Christmas tree, and LJ's christening, and all of our conversations! And the worst part, is the end, where she runs to her love! Please tell me Elizabeth, how Allie and I are good enough to inspire a story, but not good enough to love in real life?"
She had never seen Nathan like this, and she knew she needed to calm him down before he woke all of the rowhouse families up. "Nathan, you are good enough, that's not…"
"I don't believe you Elizabeth! You lied to me, you exploited Allie, all for a story! And you're making money on it! Who are you Elizabeth? I have no idea who you are! You are not the Elizabeth I thought I knew. And I want nothing to do with you". He threw the book down on her desk and walked out the door, slamming it, then walked away into the night.
Elizabeth stood there, shocked, tears streaming down her face.
Above her head, she heard Little Jack say her name. She went to the door and locked it, turned off the light, and wiped the moisture from her face. She climbed the stairs, and when she got to Little Jack's room, she could see him standing in his crib in the moonlight. He put his hands up, and Elizabeth went and picked him up, then sat in the rocking chair.
"Momma sad?"
"Yes, Momma sad"
"Na'tan?"
"Yes, Nathan, my sweet boy"
"I wov Na'tan".
It was there, holding her son in the moonlight, she finally started to see what she had done, and she wasn't able to stop the tears from overflowing.
