A/N: Trigger warning - Maura treats an abused child
'I have to ca-cancel our date,' Maura got out at last. Maura felt ill, physically nauseaous. Everything inside of her screaming she was doing the wrong thing.
'Oh,' Jane said, grabbing the take out container and pouring food on to her plate, 'sure. Yeah. Did you get called in for a shift at the clinic?' Jane shovelled some of the noodles in to her mouth, 'cause I don't mind rescheduling. Saturday is fine too.'
Maura couldn't meet Jane's eyes, 'I'm afraid I can't reschedule.'
'Why not?' Jane asked, setting the food aside. She was starting to worry, really worry. 'What's going on Maura?' A hundred scenarios flashed through Jane's mind, none of them positive.
'My editor called, she says my book has a chance of becoming a best seller,' Maura began.
'Maura!' Jane cheered, 'that's amazing! I told you, your book was great!'
'She wants me to extend my book tour,' Maura replied quietly, 'I fly to New York Friday.'
'Wow Maura!' Jane said in wonder, 'wow! This is a big deal. Why aren't you more excited?'
'It's twelve weeks Jane,' Maura replied dully, 'and I have to miss our date.'
'Right, I get that,' Jane replied sounding confused, 'and twelve weeks is a really long time but how many authors write a best seller on their first book? Come on Maura! This is big! It's huge! It's the lifetime of an opportunity! You can date me any old time.'
Maura could feel the tears starting to well up in her eyes. Of course Jane was cheering for her. That's who Jane was, Maura's biggest cheerleader. But, Maura had to admit, it hurt that Jane wasn't the least bit worried about her having to cancel their first date. Wasn't she excited? Didn't she feel that rush of endorphins every time she thought about it? 'Well forgive me if I don't feel excited about missing our first date!' Maura replied, her voice betraying the hurt she felt.
'Woah!' Jane said, coming around the Island to grab Maura's shoulders, 'you're upset, why are you upset? It's not like we haven't gone out to eat before.' The tears started falling thick and heavy now, Maura buried herself in Jane's shirt. She meant to answer, meant to explain, but her throat was tight and burning. She couldn't force a sound. 'Maur,' Jane said softly rubbing Maura's back in a calming motion, 'you're gonna have to help me out here. I'm not getting it. What's wrong?' Jane stood patiently rubbing Maura's back, trying to puzzle out the problem. Maura, for her part, oscillated between being comforted, being hurt and being angry. 'If you could just give me a clue...' Jane posited.
Maura sighed, pulling away from Jane. So maybe Jane didn't feel the same way Maura did about their date. Maybe she wasn't as excited. That's fine. Maybe Jane just wasn't as convinced of them as Maura was. That's fine. Maura willed herself to believe it. Built it into an armor to face the world with. She was fine and if Jane Rizzoli wasn't heart broken over missing their first date than neither was Maura. Maura wiped at her face. 'You're right Jane, this is wonderful news. I'm just ill prepared at all. If you'll excuse me, I need to freshen up.' And then Maura was gone, disappearing up the stairs, Boston at her heels.
Jane's eyes widened. Maura had used her polite-professional voice. The one that told her Maura was as close to lying as she could get. It had been ages since Jane had the polite professional voice. Maura never lied to Jane. That she was doing so now... baffled Jane. Jane looked down at Berry, 'what just happened, huh girl?' Berry quirked her head to the side and yipped. 'I don't know either,' Jane said bending down to scratch her dogs ears, 'whatever it was, we messed up big.'
Jane sighed as she found herself alone, again, for the second morning in a row. Maura had texted her, her planned running route and left convieniently before Jane woke. Jane scowled at her bowl of cereal, all Jane wanted was to spend every possible moment together before Maura left. For. Twelve. Long. Weeks. Jane pushed the bowl aside, no longer hungry and went upstairs to get ready.
Maura frowned at the half-eaten bowl of cereal on the island. Jane hadn't eaten a full meal in almost 36 hours. She was tempted to check in but a well placed whine from Boston reminded her that she was supposed to be caring less about Jane. Or at least, she was supposed to be playing it cool.
Jane came bounding down the stairs as Maura was finishing her water. She looked put together to the untrained eye, but Maura could see the dark haired woman was bothered. Her eyebrows were knitted together, her mouth turned down at the corners, the way she chewed her cheek. She glanced at Maura, grabbing her keys she bounced them in one hand, uncertain.
'I know you're mad at me but do you think you'll be home for dinner?' Jane asked, her voice was hesitant, searching.
'If my shift at the clinic doesn't run late,' Maura replied, going for casual.
Jane nodded, bouncing her keys again, 'sure, it's just... it's our last night together before your trip and I'd really like to spend it with you. Just... think about it... okay?'
Maura wanted to say that of course she'd be there, that of course Jane was her priority. That Maura didn't want to spend a single second not with Jane. She settled for, 'okay.'
Jane nodded again, gave both dogs a pet and then left. Maura spent the morning feeling frustrated at the limited space her luggage provided and saddened by the emptiness of her drawers in comparison to Jane's full ones. She was grateful when it came time for her to head to the clinic. At least at the clinic, she didn't have to think about Jane.
Most of Maura's patients were simple enough. A few wellness checks for pregnant mothers, a handful of check ups for kids with varying colds, and two sets of stitches. One in a kid who had fallen off their bike and the other for a middle aged man who had taken a fall. The kid was calmer about it. Maura had one patient left to see before clocking out. Maura read the intake chart the nurse had taken.
Sarah Smith, 6 y.o.
38.2 lbs, 109.8 cm
Complaints: Unknown, Mother wants to talk to doctor
Maura hummed, 'Alyson?'
'Yes, Dr. Isles?' Alyson asked looking up from her computer.
'Do you have anything further on Sarah Smith? Did she look sick, injured?'
Alyson sighed, 'the mother, Mary Smith, insisted on speaking only with you Doc. The kid looks okay. Nothing visibly wrong other than slight malnutrition. She isn't in the cleanest condition but she's clothed.'
Maura frowned, working in a free clinic often meant her patients were poorer than the average human, often living in shelters, cars and on the street. Malnutrition was par for the course, though no easier to see. 'And the mother?'
Alyson hesitated a moment before shrugging, 'she seemed nervous, maybe a tad rude. I don't envy you.'
That also wasn't uncommon. Doctors made people nervous and nerves could certainly bring out the worst in others. 'Very well, I'm going in now. Thank you Alyson.' Maura smiled at her nurse. The woman was competent, efficient, and remarkably kind. MEND was fortunate to have someone like Alyson, who could gentle even the grumpiest patients and navigate even the gnarliest of red-tape knots to get their patients the support they needed.
'Let me know if you need anything Doc!' Alyson said with a reassuring smile.
'Hello, I'm Dr. Isles,' Maura said cheerily as she entered the exam room. Maura hadn't been practicing medicine on living humans for long but she did her best to strike a reassuring bedside manner.
On the exam table sat a small girl with mousey brown hair and brown eyes. The girls hair was greasy and tangled but the clothes she wore, while loose, were clean. The mother paced the small room, her hair the same brown color. Her eyes, blue, darted around the room. She too wore loose ill fitting clothes, a dark black/brown jacket over them.
'Finally!' Mary Smith said, 'I'd like to talk to you. Privately.'
'Of course,' Maura replied, 'let me just call the nurse to sit with Sarah.' Maura tried to smile at the young girl but she refused to look at Maura. It took Maura only a moment to retrieve Alyson from the nurses station.
'Be good, my girl,' Mary said softly, placing a tender kiss on her daughter's head. Maura noticed the girl didn't respond to that either.
'I apologize Mrs. Smith but all of our exam rooms are full. We will have to talk in the hall,' Maura offered as the woman followed her out of the room.
'That's okay doctor,' Mary Smith said, 'my daughter is hurt. I didn't know where else to take her. I don't have any money.'
'I'm glad you brought her in,' Maura replied with a smile, 'that's exactly what we are here for. As a free clinic, you won't be charged for this visit.'
'Good, good,' Mary Smith said, 'and you'll take care of her?'
'I will do everything within my power, yes,' Maura replied honestly. 'If you could just tell me what's wrong.'
'Sarah is my eldest,' the other woman said softly, 'she ain't one of my husbands. Lately, that's been a problem.'
Maura felt her stomache drop, 'I'm afraid I'm going to need more information than that Mrs. Smith.'
'He hurts her Doc,' Mary said, her voice surprisingly calm for such an atrocious statement, 'says she gotta pay her way in his household. I've tried to stop him but he don't listen to me.' The woman shrugged her shoulders as if to say these things happen.
'Mrs. Smith are you saying your husband abuses your daughter?' Maura replied, clarifying. Mrs. Smith nodded. 'Well I'm glad you came to us. We can help get you, Sarah, and all your children in to a safe place where your husband won't find you.'
Mary shook her head, 'nah, me and the other kids are fine. My husband is a good man, a good father. He don't hurt the other youngin's.'
Maura fought her repulsion, victims of abuse often felt endeared to their abusers. Maura wanted to help, not judge. 'Mrs. Smith, I am a mandated reporter. I am legally required to report any claims or suspicions of abuse. Unless you agree to leave your husband, it is unlikely Sarah will be able to go home with you tonight.'
'I'm aware,' Mary said dryly, 'I don't know what else to do Doc. I can't let him keep hurting her and I can't leave him.'
'I know leaving your husband can be difficult but I assure you, MEND has the resources to help you.'
'Maybe,' the woman replied her eyes darting around the hallway, 'but you'll help my girl?'
'Yes, of course,' Maura replied again.
'Good. That's good.' Mary Smith said backing away, 'I, uh, gotta pee. Be right back doc.'
Maura frowned as the woman walked away, something left her unsettled in their conversation. Something beyond the obvious. Maura re-entered the exam room to find Sarah crying and Alyson looking baffled.
'Nurse Lu, would you be so kind as to fetch Sarah's mother from the restroom?' Maura asked. Alyson nodded and left.
'Now Sarah,' Maura said softly, 'your mother said you are hurt, can you tell me where.'
'My name's not Sarah,' the little girl replied.
Maura blinked in surprise, the pieces of the puzzle fitting together in her mind, coming together into a horrfying reality. 'It's not? Then what is your name?'
The little girl sniffed, wiping at her nose with a sleeve, 'I'm not supposed to say. It will get my family in trouble.'
Maura frowned. 'Is there a name that you would like me to call you?' The girl shook her head. 'Do you have a favorite character from a show or a book or maybe a movie?' Maura asked again. The little girl shrugged. 'How about a favorite color?' Another head shake. 'What about a favorite animal?' The girl paused before noding her head once. 'Yeah? What is it?'
'Panda,' the little girl said shyly.
Maura smiled, 'that's a good choice! We could call you Panda.' The little girl nodded a small smile breaking through her tear stained face, 'did you know that pandas are called cubs?' The girl nodded again. 'Well, that's because you're very smart! Did you know that panda cubs are about as long as this pen when they're born?' Maura held up a pen for the girl to see. The little girl shook her head.
A knock on the door interrupted them, Alyson peaked in and shook her head. Maura didn't need to ask. She knew that whoever Mary Smith was had disappeared as quickly as she had come. 'Nurse Lu would you start a second chart for our Panda Cub here,' Maura asked gesturing toward the girl who giggled softly.
'Sure Doc. Want me to call CPS?'
'Yes, please. Can you also phone Jane and let her know that I won't be able to make it for dinner after all.'
'You got it. Panda are you hungy? I could bring you something to eat.'
Panda nodded, 'Pandas eat bamboo!'
Maura grinned, 'yes they do but they enjoy fruit and other vegetables too. Even eggs sometimes.'
'They do?' Panda asked her eyes opening wide.
Maura smiled, 'yes, they do.'
'So,' Alyson ventured, 'maybe an apple and some graham crackers? I think we have some bear shaped crackers.'
'Yes please,' Panda replied.
'So Panda,' Maura asked softly, 'can you tell me where it hurts.' The little girl shrugged and pointed to her chest, then her legs.
Maura nodded. 'And are these big ouches like when you fall down really hard or are they small ouches like when you stub your toe?'
The little girl thought about it, her feet wiggling on the table, 'some of both I guess. My mama said you were going to make them better.'
Maura smiled, trying to reassure the girl, 'I'm going to try.'
'Mama says I have to go to a new home.' Panda said, her little voice breaking.
'Yes, sweetie,' Maura replied softly, 'you do. Somewhere were they won't hurt you.'
'Mama left me.'
Maura's heart broke at that blunt observation, 'yeah, she did, but I'm going to be right here until we get you taken care of, okay Panda Cub?'
The girl shrugged, ignoring her tears, 'I'm used to being alone.' Maura felt a pang of sympathy. How many times had she said that as a child?
'Well,' Maura spoke gently, 'maybe I'm the one who needs a new friend. Could you be my friend and stay with me?'
'What do you need friends for?' Panda asked, her tone sounding slightly disbelieving, 'adults don't need friends.'
Maura smiled, 'maybe not all adults but I do.'
Alyson entered the room with a fresh chart and a tray with milk, apple slices and teddy bear graham crackers.
'So Panda, in order to help your ouches get better, I need to see them. Nurse Lu is going to stay with us and help me as I look, is that okay?' The girl shrugged. 'Can you help us by taking off your clothes or do you need our help?'
'I can do it,' the girl said. She drew her shirt over her head and then shoved her pants down her legs.
What Maura saw enfuriated her. The little girls body was a mottle of bruises in varying shades. Maura wanted to hunt down her step father and strangle him. She wanted to pound him so his skin matched hers. Instead, Maura forced her voice to soften, 'ouch panda! Those look like a lot of big ouches.'
Panda shrugged and began to munch on an apple. 'You get used to it.'
Alyson had turned away, pretending to write on the chart, but Maura saw her swipe at her face. Maura didn't blame her.
'Do you know what an x-ray is Panda?' Maura asked.
'Pictures of my bones!' Panda said proudly. She shoved a few graham crackers in her mouth.
'That's right. We need to take pictures of all your ouchies and then we need to take some x-rays to see inside of you. Okay?'
'Can I see them after?' Panda asked. It made Maura chuckle, she had sounded just like Jane.
'Yes Panda, you can see the x-rays after.'
The next three hours were nightmarish. Maura documented every bruise, every previous break with painstaking detail. She had to excuse herself after she finished her sexual abuse kit. Maura had seen dead bodies in better condition than this six year old. This living, breathing, panda-loving child who had been tortured and beaten until she was 'used to it.'
The social worker arrived right around dinner time. She did her own interviews of the three of them, filling out her own paperwork. Alyson and Maura had gotten the girl cleaned up and in to fresh clothes. Maura had ordered the four of them dinner, Panda's choice, and braided the girls hair when she asked. When the social worker began asking for details, Panda buried her face in Maura's chest and cried. She told them about her father hitting her, touching her, hurting her. She told them about her mother's plan to leave her at the clinic. The only thing Panda refused to tell them was her real name. The hardest part had been saying goodbye to Panda. Maura didn't know what would become of the girl, if she was going to a safe home. If she would be alright. Panda had cried for her to keep her, to not send her away, even offering to clean the clinic. Maura would have, in a heart beat, save that pesky red tape. Instead she made the social worker promise to contact her the next day. Maura would make sure her Panda cub didn't slip through the cracks.
Maura slipped in her front door just before midnight. She closed and locked it, letting the comfort of being home soak in. It was dark, Jane was likely fast asleep but Maura was home. She fell to the floor, sobs pouring from her body. Boston found her first, the black and white dog rushed her, trying desperately to climb in her lap and to lick her face. Berry, following Boston, took one look at Maura and began howling.
Jane came bounding down the stairs, her gun in hand, swinging her body around corners just as she had trained, looking for an intruder. Instead she found Maura, curled on the floor, half wrapped around their dog, sobbing.
'Maura?' Jane said, falling to her knees beside Maura.
'Jane!' Maura reached for Jane, pulling her close and holding on with all of her strength. They sat there huddled around each other and their dogs, in the dark entry way. Home.
