A/N: I took liberties with the first foster placement process. I have some limited secondhand experience with it but nothing personal. I came at it with the mindset of two safe and empathetic adults and a trauma heart hardened six year old. I apologise if I have made any egregious errors. And on that note, I don't want any of you to be caught off guard so I will simply tell you that Panda and Maura do not end up together as parent and child.

Maura walked the two blocks to the restaurant she was meeting Hope at. Fall was settling in to Boston, the air carrying a hint of September chill, the leaves beginning to change from greens to bright yellows and oranges. Maura had decided that for this walk, at least, she would not worry. There was no good way to break news like this. She knew that, she was a doctor after all. What Maura hadn't done was break news like this to a mother figure. Maura had decided, she would just let Hope read Paddy's letter. As for the rest? The comforting? Maura just had to hope she could channel her inner Rizzoli. There was nothing Maura could do to prepare herself further so she might as well enjoy her walk.

Hope was waiting for her in the restaurant, set up in a booth wearing a worried look. Maura took a breath at the door, steadying herself with a deep gulp of September air. She walked in to Hope's table. The elder woman smiled and stood to greet Maura. Maura gave her a warm hug and pressed a kiss to her cheek, 'Hello Hope!'

Hope squeezed her back, 'Hello Maura!'

The pair sat in the booth. Maura, settling her things beside her. Sheepishly, Maura began, 'I'm not certain if you want to get the bad news out of the way or if you would prefer to make the perfunctory small talk first. I did mentally prepare for both possibilities.'

Hope smiled, the statement sounding exactly like something she herself would say, 'I say we get it over with so that we may move on to more pleasant topics over lunch.'

Maura nodded and pulled out a letter from her purse. Hope took it, recognising the penmanship immediately. It made her heart ache and her anger quake. Hope unfolded the letter with trembling fingers and began to read. Maura watched as her biological mother's went from concern to grief. Tears glistening in her eyes. Maura reached out and took the woman's hand as she finished reading. It felt like what Jane would do.

At the end, Hope shook her head. 'It's hard to believe,' Hope whispered, 'he survived so much.'

Maura nodded, she had seen the scars of such survival on Paddy's body. 'Cancer is indiscriminate,' Maura said lamely. Of course Hope knew that.

'And so very cruel,' Hope whispered. She folded the letter and slipped it back in to the envelope. 'Will you write back to him?'

Maura nodded, 'I still have questions for him. Besides, someone must manage his affairs.'

Hope felt her anger flare. 'That doesn't have to be you Maura,' Hope replied, trying to keep the torrent of emotion from her voice, 'you don't owe him that.'

'Perhaps not,' Maura murmured, 'but I am his daughter.'

Hope spoke quietly staring at the table, 'you're my daughter too.'

Maura squeezed Hope's hand, 'I am but that's part of why I have to do this, for you.' Hope looked up in obvious surprise. 'I couldn't leave this all to you. He may be my biological father but he was the love of your life. I couldn't just let the state bury him in some barely marked grave.'

Something about that broke Hope. She buried her head in to her arms and cried. Maura got up and came around to her side of the booth, wrapping an arm around her biological mother's shoulders. Hope resisted for a moment. Wondering if it was strictly appropriate and then she simply gave in. Turning in to the hug and holding Maura back. Maura could feel her own tears welling up, though they were less for Paddy and more for Hope. What kind of relationship could the pair have had? Maura wondered if she would be more normal, more like Jane. She wondered if maybe she wouldn't have been so lonely. Maura thinks she would have liked having Hope as a mother. The realisation sat uneasy on her heart. Constance had tried. Constance had given her every opportunity to succeed. Had been a wonderful adoptive mother. There were no easy answers. Maura was not usually a believer in fate but perhaps it was simply meant to be. Perhaps she was meant to have Angela, Constance, and Hope. Maura rather liked that idea.

'I'm sorry,' Hope whispered as she pulled away, searching through her purse for a pack of tissues, 'I didn't mean to cry on you.'

'It's okay Hope,' Maura replied softly, 'I'm not a child. I want to be here for you.'

'Oh baby girl,' Hope whispered, reaching out to touch Maura's cheek, 'thank you.' It was intimate. More intimate than either of them typically expressed. Maura blushed but did not lean away. She suspected that Hope needed it. Maybe Maura even needed it, though it made her uncomfortable.

Maura smiled warmly, 'always Hope. After all, I'm the only other person in the world who knows what it's like to love Paddy Doyle.' The admission sat between them. Heavy, sad, and still true. 'I handled Paddy Doyle Senior's affairs when he passed. I had the foresight to buy Paddy a plot beside him. I don't know if it's what he would want…' Maura trailed off. Truthfully she knew very little about her biological father's wishes. 'I suppose I will have to ask unless you know…..'

Hope shook her head. 'We haven't talked funerals since…' Hope trailed off. Her throat felt tight and her eyes stung. She remembered every detail of Maura's funeral. She remembered standing, trembling even in the August sun, before that tiny white casket. She wept as they lowered it in to it's grave. Her baby girl. The baby she carried for months, whose kicking kept Hope awake at night thinking of all the possibilities. She had spoken to Maura, bought her diapers, decorated her nursery. Every hope and dream had been lowered in to that grave. Hope buried her heart with the child she thought she lost. The sight and smell of white roses still made Hope ill. Hope blinked quickly, taking in the swimming vision of her fully grown daughter. The beautiful baby she had lost and gotten back.

'I'm sorry,' Maura said, 'I shouldn't have… I should have been more thoughtful before talking about funeral preparations with you. I should have assumed…'

Hope stopped her with the squeeze of a hand, 'it's okay Maura, honey, I got you back.'

Maura nodded, 'yeah. You did.' Maura paused, giving them both a moment to collect themselves, again. 'I suppose I will have to talk to Paddy then.'

'I could go with you,' Hope offered her voice betraying how small she felt. Her daughter was confident and willing to handle everything Paddy had to throw at them. Hope wasn't sure she felt the same but she certainly couldn't let Maura go alone. Besides, Hope wanted a final goodbye. There was history that needed to be put to rest there.

It was Maura's turn to look surprised, 'I would like that.'

Hope nodded, blotting at her cheeks with a tissue, 'just let me know when, I'll make it work.'

The rest of lunch was far less painful. The pair talking about Cailin and the book tour. Hope talked about a difficult case she was working and Maura told Hope about Panda. Maura walked out feeling genuinely happy to have gone. Things with Hope had been so hard and complicated for so long. It felt good to have some kind of natural cadence between them. Maura smiled as she dialled Jane's number.


Panda walked hand in hand with Miss Nia to her new home. Miss Nia said it was nice home, with nice parents and nice brothers and sisters. Panda knew better. People were only nice if they wanted something. Panda didn't mind that. She was good at cleaning and taking care of the littles. She could cope with people who made the rules. It was the people who never told you what they wanted that Panda didn't trust. They still wanted something but they were the ones who changed the rules when they wanted. Panda didn't know which type these new people were.

Panda had liked the house from the outside. It had a big yard, with a big walnut tree perfect for climbing in. Miss Nia had knocked and a kind looking woman let them in. Inside, the house smelled like lemonade. Panda liked lemonade. The woman smiled at her and took her coat, pointing to where Panda could take off her shoes. Miss Nia handed over the bag that had all of Panda's new clothes in it.

'Panda,' Miss Nia said, 'this is Mrs. Stephens.'

Panda looked at the woman, her head tilted slightly to the left. She was younger than her Ma had been. She had long brown hair that was braided over her shoulder, her tummy was round and swollen with a baby to be, her eyes a bright brown. Her eyes had wrinkles that made Panda want to smile and her smile made her eyes look shiny.

'Hello Panda,' Mrs. Stephens spoke gently, 'I'm glad you're here.'

'Mrs. and Mr. Stephens will be fostering you for a while,' Miss Nia explained, 'they're going to take care of you. They'll drive you to school, help you with your clothes and homework, make you food, take you to the Doctor.' Panda's head whipped up and she looked at Miss Nia hard. The woman shook her head, 'no not Dr. Isles.'

Panda's lip quivered. She could feel the anger rising up in her again. Miss Nia must have seen it too because she took a deep breath and knelt down beside Panda. She let it out slowly before taking another deep breath. Panda felt her own breath coming in. She felt the mad settle down. It was never really gone.

Miss Nia spoke softly, 'I will see if we can make Dr. Isles your regular doctor Panda but it just might not be possible. I promise to try if you will.'

Panda thought about this. She looked at the other woman who was still smiling at Panda. She hadn't been frightened of Panda's anger. That was a good thing. Panda looked back at Miss Nia and gave a slight nod. She could try. She didn't say that the anger always came back.

'Would you like to see your room?' Mrs. Stephens asked.

Panda looked away but she saw Miss Nia nodding. Panda supposed she would have to talk to Mrs. Stephens eventually but the mad wouldn't let her right now. The idea of talking made Panda feel woozy and sick in her tummy.

Mrs. Stephens lead her in to the house, pointing out the bathroom, kitchen and bedrooms as she went. They stopped in a bedroom that was bigger than any of the rooms Panda had been in before. One wall was painted the same way the sky looked, with fluffy white clouds. The bed had a cloud blanket on it too. Beside the bed, a book shelf with books stood. Panda's fingers itched to read them all. Across from the bed, at the cloud wall was a toy chest with a few stuffed animals on it. Mrs. Stephen's set her bag on the small black dresser and promised to help her unpack later. Panda followed, somewhat reluctantly as Mrs. Stephens lead her back to the kitchen.

Miss Nia directed her to sit at the table. Mrs. Stephens brought out some carrots and an apple for Panda to eat. Miss Nia and Mrs. Stephens sat at the table with her.

Miss Nia spoke first, 'now Panda this is your very first foster home, so there are some things you need to know. Some rules we all have to follow.'

Panda set the apple she had been about to eat down. She pushed the plate away from her slightly, no longer feeling hungry. Of course there were rules. Everyone wanted something. Panda supposed the Stephens just wanted someone to clean the house and to practice being parents on until their baby arrived. They'd get rid of her then. Or they'd make her change all the dirty diapers and do all the cleaning. Panda supposed it could be worse.

'Are you not hungry sweetie?' Mrs. Stephens asked gently, her face looking all pulled together. Panda ignored the question. 'That's okay Panda. You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to,' the woman said softly. Panda thought she looked a little sad though.

Miss Nia nodded, 'that's right but I do need you to listen to Mrs. and Mr. Stephens. They are responsible for keeping you safe.' Miss Nia went on to explain that she was supposed to treat Mrs. Stephens and Mr. Stephens like she would her teachers or the caregivers back in the group home. She explained that she would be visiting Panda regularly and that Panda could always call her if she needed to. Panda listened in silence waiting for the adults to dismiss her.

When they did, Panda headed back toward the room that was supposed to be hers. She paused in the hallway to listen to Miss Nia and Mrs. Stephens talk.

'She really won't talk?' Mrs. Stephens asked sounding upset.

'She can talk but she's choosing not to. So far, the only thing we have been able to get her to talk about is the doctor who reported her. Doctor Isles.' Miss Nia replied, 'I think she bonded deeply with the doctor and is still a little in shock that she cannot stay with the doctor.'

'I'll admit, I'm surprised she cannot stay with the doctor either. Would it not be in her best interest?' Mrs. Stephens asked.

Panda heard Nia sigh. 'Maybe, I don't know. The doctor, at the moment is not a foster parent though.'

'Oh,' Mrs. Stephens replied, 'is there anything I should do to help her?'

Panda walked away then. She didn't need to know what else they said, not when Panda already knew. The only person who could help her was Doctor Isles.