Maura hummed as she packed her bags. She flew to Philadelphia tonight which, in and of itself, was not exciting, but Jane was meeting her there. That made all the difference in the world. She would get to see Jane, hold Jane, kiss Jane. Maura slowed for a moment, a silly smile crossing her face. She sighed happily.
Her phone ringing interrupted her reverie for Jane. Maura frowned when she saw who was calling: Nia Williams.
'Doctor Isles,' Maura answered, taking a seat on the edge of her bed.
'Hello Doctor Isles, this is Nia Williams with CPS,' Nia began.
'Hello Miss Williams, how can I help you? Is Panda okay?' Maura asked, her heart beating faster as she considered all the reasons Nia might be calling.
'Her name is Isabella Russo and that is why I'm calling.' Maura's heart went in to overdrive, the blood rushing in her ears. 'I need your help.'
'My help?' Maura asked, 'what can I do? How can I help?'
'We were called to do a welfare check for her two younger brothers, it was only by happenstance we were able to identify Isabella at all. A neighbour confirmed her identity with a photograph.' Nia explained, 'we believe the mother has run with her two young sons.' Maura bit her tongue, genuinely trying hard not to cast judgement on a woman in such a hard situation. 'The neighbour and the boys school both reported bruising on the mother's face.'
'She didn't think he would turn on her,' Maura replied in a whisper. 'She thought that if she could just get Isabella out, everything would be alright. I tried to tell her that abusers escalate. Without help he was always going to turn on them.'
Nia sighed, 'well, it sounds like you were right doc. Now I need your help talking to Panda. She's the only one who can fill in the pieces, maybe tell us where her father is. We'd have enough to arrest him if she did.'
'I don't understand why you need my help,' Maura answered, 'surely you have more experience and rapport with her.'
Nia chuckled, 'you'd think that but she's imprinted on you doc. You nicknamed her Panda but she's more like a duckling. The therapists and my own best guess is that you were the first genuinely safe, genuinely selfless adult she met. Couple that with your fancy Panda talk and boom. The problem is, she is having trouble connecting with any one else. She barely speaks and when she does she's asking for you.'
'Oh,' Maura said. Her heart petering at the thought. She wanted to be there for Panda. She was grateful she had made Panda feel safe and saddened that she couldn't make Panda feel better.
'We think she'll talk to you. We also have enough faith in you and your medical training that you won't cause any more harm to come to the girl. So can we bring her by the clinic?'
'Oh,' Maura said with a sinking feeling, 'No. I'm afraid, that is not possible.'
'Oh,' Nia's voice sounded confused and perhaps a tad disappointed.
'I'm not in town, I'm two weeks in to a twelve week book tour,' Maura replied. 'I'm flying to Philadelphia tonight and then to Chicago on Tuesday.'
'Oh, that does make it difficult.' Nia answered, 'damn. I was really hoping we could get some back up from you.'
Maura had to resist the urge to cancel her flights, her book tour, everything. She wanted to be in Virginia. Wanted to be where Panda needed her. She counted to ten instead. 'I'll be in Baltimore in a month. I could arrange time to meet then or I could do a video call. Whatever you believe is most helpful.'
Nia was silent for a moment, 'let's try both. I'm really hoping to be able to find this family a lot sooner but we'll have Baltimore as a back up, in case the video doesn't work. Let me reach out to Panda's foster mom. We can try to set something up for tomorrow if that works with your schedule.'
Maura knew she was busy, she knew she had responsibilities, Jane, the book tour. 'Afternoon is best but I will make time regardless,' and Maura would. Even if it meant leaving an interview or missing out on time with Jane.
'Thank you so much Doctor Isles,' Nia said with clear relief, 'I know it's a small thing but I think you might be able to help us crack this case.'
They said their goodbyes and Maura remained perched on the edge of her bed. Her heart hurt for Panda. For what that little girl had experienced. For what that family went through. And she was angry. Angry at Panda's father for hurting her and her mother and her brothers. Angry at whatever had hurt him so badly he had to spill that hurt on to everyone else around him. Maura let a handful of tears fall for the Russo's. Then she carefully packed her feelings away to be dealt with at another time, when Jane was there to help her.
Jane had tried, genuinely tried, to time it so that she arrived in Philadelphia around the same time Maura did but traffic and the dogs taking forever on their bathroom breaks, meant Maura had arrived and checked in to the airport before Jane was even in the city. Jane bounced in her seat as she navigated the streets to Maura's hotel room. An outsider might think that Jane had downed a dozen cups of coffee on her drive but Jane knew. It wasn't caffeine. It was Maura. Jane had never missed anyone as badly as she missed Maura the last week. She'd never felt so empty and off kilter. Hell, Jane loved when her previous relationships had been long distance. She had liked it, preferred it even, when Casey was out of town. It was suffocating when he would come sweeping in, cleaning her fridge, buying her groceries, upsetting her ecosystem. She never felt that way with Maura and Maura had cleaned, changed and upset her world far more than Casey ever had. Maybe it was that Casey always felt like a tsunami, sweeping in and changing everything in a weekend. Maura was like a stream, always shifting and changing the environment but she was so embedded in Jane's life, Jane hardly noticed. Or maybe Jane just liked Maura more than she'd ever liked Casey. Jane grinned to herself. That was a distinct possibility.
Jane pulled in to the hotel parking lot and texted Maura, 'we're here! Meet us in the lobby?' Jane grabbed the leashes, the dogs bad and her travel bag. Maura did one better, she met them outside. Jane's greeting was rudely interrupted by the dogs who seemed to lose their mind. They tugged and pulled, Boston barking at the top of her lungs while Berry whined with a relentless determination. The dogs wound themselves around Maura, brushing against her legs and wrapping her in their leashes.
'I told you they missed you,' Jane said with a grin as she watched Maura try to simultaneously acknowledge the dogs and free herself from the tangled leashes.
'Hi girls, yes, hi!' Maura said, touching as much of the dogs as she could, 'oh I missed you too! I missed you too!'
The dogs went on for a good several minutes and neither Jane nor Maura had the heart to stop them. When they both had settled, their leashes untangled and grasped firmly in hand, Jane swooped in. She tugged Maura in by her waist, wrapping her arms around the shorter woman and held her. Maura held back, tight. After Jane had surrounded herself with a sense of Maura, Jane pulled away. 'Hi,' Jane said with a smile. She pressed forward, meeting Maura's lips in a sweet kiss. Jane could have gone on kissing her all night. She would have stood there for days, unmoving and unchanging if she just got to kiss Maura like this.
When, at last, they did pull away, Maura wore her own welcoming smile, her tone was soft and sultry but not overwhelmingly so, 'hello Jane.'
'God I missed you,' Jane murmured, pulling Maura back in to her for a second hug. Maura merely hummed her agreement and nuzzled in to Jane's neck. Jane wasn't sure how long they would have stood there like that if it weren't for the bellhop offering to take her bags.
Maura lead the three of them plus the bellhop to her room while Jane, grinning like a fool, followed happily along. 'I hope you hadn't eaten yet, I ordered something special for dinner,' Maura said with a grin over her shoulder.
'If my first meal in Philadelphia is not cheesesteak I am going to be very disappointed Maura!' Jane teased warningly.
Maura opened the door, allowing the bellhop to place the bags inside. She slipped him a tip and he was gone. Jane looked around. Maura had done her best to set the mood. The lights were dimmed, allowing the cityscape to shine in. Maura had two covered plates set at the table and soft music playing from some unidentified source. 'It's beautiful Maura!' Jane said with a smile.
The dogs, having been let off their leashes, were exploring the hotel suite. 'I know it's not the most romantic date in the world and I suppose we could go out but there's something I wanted to talk to you about and then, honestly, I was hoping we could watch a movie and snuggle. I miss just being near you.'
'Me too,' Jane said, her heart feeling all sappy. 'Soooooooo,' Jane asked, 'what did you get me?'
Maura laughed and pulled the coverings off with a flourish. Two Philly Cheesesteaks sat on a bed of leafy greens. Maura pulled out a bottle of wine and poured them both a glass.
'Cheesesteaks!' Jane did a happy dance as she took her seat, 'best date ever!'
'Well yours is a cheesesteak, mine is a cheese-mushroom,' Maura said with a smile.
Jane made a gross face, 'why would you do that to a classic?' Maura laughed.
'I assure you, they taste very much the same,' Maura replied.
'Nope,' Jane said with a head shake, 'nope. No. Nuh-uh. You aren't going to get me to try a bite. Mushrooms taste like mushrooms. Cheesesteak tastes like beef. Delicious, mouthwatering, beef.' Jane drooled slightly as she looked at her sandwich, 'can we?' She gestured at her plate. She was hungry and excited.
'Dig in,' Maura said with a happy smile as she sipped her wine.
Jane moaned at the first bite. It was so good. She almost missed the slight blush on Maura's cheeks. Almost. Jane did try to be a little less sexual after that but it was hard. Jane loved food and good food was practically orgasmic. 'So,' Jane asked, 'what did you want to talk about?'
Maura had just taken a bite of her own sandwich and she used the time she needed to chew to think. After she swallowed she decided that the blunt way was probably best. 'I will have to step away for a bit tomorrow. I'm helping Child Protective Services do an interview with the kid I helped the day before I left.'
'Oh,' Jane said, 'of course. That's fine.' Jane smiled, 'I mean I really love spending time with you and don't want to miss out on a minute but if you're needed, you're needed. I get that.' Maura smiled. She was glad Jane was a quick learner. That she was reassuring Maura that she wanted to spend time together but she understood.
'Thank you Jane,' Maura said with a smile.
'Of course, besides it gives me an excuse to go get another one of these!' Jane said as she shoved another bite in to her mouth.
Maura grinned, 'we are not having cheesesteaks for breakfast Jane.' Judging from the muffled sound of protest, that had very much been Jane's plan. Maura took her own bite and chewed thoughtfully. 'How would you feel about having children? With me?'
Jane choked on the last bits of her mouthful. She coughed hard. When she had finally swallowed, she took a large gulp of wine to try and stop the burning in her throat. 'What? You're not pregnant right?'
Maura laughed, 'no Jane. It's been months since I've had intercourse.'
Jane blushed, 'well we just… never established that we were exclusive and since we're not, you know, I didn't want to assume that you weren't getting that need met elsewhere.' Jane looked anywhere but at Maura.
'Jane,' Maura said with so much fondness it hurt, she took one of Jane's hands in her own, 'you're right we haven't talked about it. We should. I want to be exclusive. Just me and you. What are your preferences?'
Jane coughed again, feeling strangely intense about the whole thing, 'I mean… yeah… I want us to be exclusive. But you're a grown woman. You have needs. It's okay. You know. To need. Things. And stuff. With other people. Who are ready. You know. When I'm not.' Jane resisted the temptation to fan her face. She wasn't some fainting damsel, though it was feeling extremely hot in here.
'I do have needs but I am a grown woman. I am more than capable of abstaining or handling my needs without the assistance of a partner. Besides,' Maura brought Jane's hands up to her lips and kissed it softly, tenderly, 'I wouldn't want to be with anyone but you. The waiting just makes it that much sweeter.'
Jane's body was burning. She was going to burst in to flames. Spontaneous combustion was real. 'Okay. So… we're exclusive?'
Maura smiled, 'yes, Jane. We're exclusive.'
Jane's heart did a tap dance in her chest. 'Right,' then Jane remembered what they had been talking about before, 'so babies? Are we talking about your frozen eggs?'
Maura smiled, 'children and no. While I was on the phone the social worker suggested I might be interested in becoming a foster parent. I hadn't truthfully considered it before but I admit I'm intrigued. I know we've only been on one date. Well, now two, but what do you think? I certainly am not trying to rush you in to a decision.'
Jane took a sip of her wine and studied Maura. She was doing the polite feigning interest thing which told Jane it was something she really wanted. 'Foster care huh?' It was rhetorical but Jane was interested.
'It feels a bit full circle for me what with my adoption. Like I'm giving back. Participating in a redemption arc,' Maura explained.
'Isn't fostering usually temporary? Like you have to give the kid back?' Jane asked.
'There are different levels. You can be childcare or relief parents for longer term foster parents. You can be a temporary or emergency home for new placements, you can be a longer term placement, and there's always foster to adopt where there's a real possibility that the child placed with you, could stay with you on a permanent basis.' Maura answered, clearly having done her research. It didn't surprise Jane. Maura probably had several files already dedicated to the process.
'I don't know if I could give a kid back,' Jane murmured, 'especially not to an abusive situation.'
Maura nodded empathetically, 'I think it would be really hard but everything I've read has indicated decently stringent requirements for birth parents to earn their parenting privileges back.'
'But some do Maura. They earn them back and those kids go home and we just…' Jane let the silence speak for itself. The heart ache, the pain, the uncertainty. 'Wouldn't outright adoption be better? Then we'd know the kid wasn't going to be taken away. It would be safe to fall in love with them.'
Maura looked up at her, a strange look on her face, 'so you'd be willing to do it. To have children with me?'
Jane blinked, 'well, duh smartypants. I thought we established that years ago.'
Maura smiled, her eyes growing wet, 'I suppose we did.'
'Yeah, so why would how we have kids make any difference? I mean, it's not exactly like the traditional manner is going to work for us,' Jane answered.
'No,' Maura replied with a chuckle, she dabbed at her eyes with her napkin. 'It probably wouldn't.'
'So why fostering? Why not adopting?' Jane asked, taking another bite of her sandwich.
Maura hummed thoughtfully, 'I suppose the two weren't all that different in my mind. There are no guarantees with adoption either. But beyond that… I keep going back to my last night in the clinic. That little girl was crying out, begging me to take her home. I found out today that I'm the only person she wants to see or talk to and I just keep thinking, what if I could? What if we were licensed foster parents so the next time a kid walks in to the clinic needing a home, I could just say yes? I could bring them home to you, to Berry, to Boston. We can make them feel safe and loved and taken care of.'
'That's a beautiful dream Maura,' Jane said squeezing Maura's hand. 'It's clear you've done your research. Can I have some time to do mine? I don't want to give you an answer without knowing what we're getting in to, okay?'
'Of course Jane,' Maura replied smiling, 'like I said, I'm not in any rush. I kind of like having you all to myself.'
Jane chuckled at that. 'I like you too Maura.'
'So, what do you want to watch tonight?' Maura asked, clearly creating space for Jane to change the subject.
Jane looked at Maura in the dimmed lights. Her smile was easy, relaxed. Her eyes twinkled. Jane had seen Maura mother before. She had seen Maura with TJ, holding him, feeding him. She had heard the lullabies she sang in a raspy tired voice. She knew what Maura looked like when she was protecting a child. Jane had watched as Maura held off a crazy baby-napping lady with just a scalpel as Jane cradled that baby to her body. Jane had no doubt Maura would be an incredible mother. Soft, sweet, smart, protective, caring. Jane knew Maura would be better than all of her mother's combined. Jane was a little in awe of Maura. Some way, some how, Jane knew she wanted to watch Maura mother again. Jane wanted to parent with her. Jane wanted to see the mother bear fierce eyes and hear the raspy lullabies. Jane wanted to be the person who got to do it all with Maura. 'You choose,' Jane said, 'as long as I'm with you, I'm good.'
