Loki spent the next few days rejecting meals and any visitors, not that he had many. He was miserable and just wanted to be alone with his thoughts. When lunch finished on the fifth day, he slipped a letter to the one guard he knew would deliver it.
As agreed, after his shift, the guard made his way to Laney's chambers and knocked briskly on her door, causing Laney to look up from the book she had immersed herself in, then stand from her place on her couch and walked to the door. When she opened it, she blinked, not expecting to see a guard. "Is something wrong?"
The guard gave a polite bow. "No m'lady. I am just delivering this, as requested." He said simply and held out the letter for her. "It is from lord Loki."
She gently took the paper in her hand and nodded. "Thank you... and thank you for addressing him kindly." She watched as the guard bowed once more, then she closed her door and walked back to her place on the couch and opened the letter.
Written in Loki's typical, neat writing, the letter read:
Laney,
I just want to tell you that I am sorry for how I reacted. Odin put all of his effort into ensuring I believed the Jotnar are the worst monsters in existence, so it has been impossible for me to accept that I am one. I never meant to hurt you, and I never wanted you to know what I am. I feel so ashamed, both of my actions and identity. If you ever choose to visit again, I will be on my best behavior.
-Loki
P.S. while my apology is sincere, the truth is, I'm writing to you because I miss you...
Tears pricked at Laney's eyes and she couldn't stop herself from sniffling. I've been here almost a week and I feel like I'm back at the beginning, she thought. A sigh left her as she placed the letter neatly in her nightstand and began to pace the room, not knowing what to do next.
In his cell, Loki sat quietly on his bed. He couldn't focus on any of his books. Every time he heard even the slightest noise or movement that caught his attention, he eagerly looked up for Laney. He didn't have much hope he would see her, but the small shred of hope he did have kept him on the edge of his seat with anticipation.
It took until after the evening meal to decide that she would make the trip down to see Loki. She dressed in a dark green blouse and a golden shawl along with navy trousers, then began her walk through the halls that would lead her down into the dungeon. Once she made it, Laney felt queasy with unease as she took the final steps that landed her in front of his cell.
Loki sprang to his feet as a guard opened the cell for Laney. He stayed by the bed as instructed, but wore a big smile. He knew things between him and Laney were far from good, but the fact that she came filled him with hope. "I wasn't sure I would ever see you again." He admitted and looked her over, noticing how she chose his colors to dress in.
Laney stepped inside, but kept her distance. "It was a hard decision to make," she replied.
Loki gave a little nod. "I would like to explain, if you will hear me. I never intended to hurt you, and you deserve to at least know why." He said, feeling his smile fade.
"I will listen," she answered honestly. Laney then moved and sat in a chair that sat by a table, a little ways away from Loki. If I get too close I won't be able to concentrate on still being upset with him, she thought.
"Thank you." He said softly, then sat on his bed and crossed his legs. "I don't know what I expected you to say, but I never in my life imagined you would say you know what I am." He paused to gather his thoughts while picking at a thread in the blanket. "I got so angry, but not with you. I was angry with myself. On top of that, I thought I was going to lose you." He said it all quickly, letting his words just spill out before he lost his nerve.
Laney tucked her feet beneath her in the chair after she slipped off her boots. "You'll never lose me Loki," she said, "But what you said a few days ago still weighs heavily on my mind."
"I was wrong to make you leave and I know that." He admitted, freezing the thread he had been pulling at. The frozen fabric became brittle and snapped the next time he touched it. "I was scared that if I looked at you, I would see you looking at the monster, not me." He spoke in a shamed whisper as he looked to the floor.
She sat there silently for a few moments before she stood and walked up to him. She gently grasped his chin and made her look up at him, knowing there were unshed tears in her eyes. "I could never see you as a monster Loki, you should know this. I've seen you when your temper has been at its worst and I've seen you when you've felt utterly broken. I'll never forget the look on your face on the day I had to move to Yamir, although I can't imagine that I looked much better."
When Loki was made to look up at Laney, he searched her eyes. When he could find no trace of her seeing him as a monster, tears threatened his own eyes. "The day you left is one of only a few times I felt like I was losing everything. If I wasn't locked in this cell, I would be tempted to convince you to move back to the palace." He said truthfully, wondering what she would say.
Laney let herself smile as a single tear rolled down her cheek. "I have been thinking of moving back to Asgard for the last couple of cycles honestly," she let go of Loki's chin and quickly wiped the tear away before she crossed her arms over her chest, "I would need to find a station for work though. Maybe a healer... Frigga would like that I think."
"She would also be perfectly happy with you just being a permanent guest of the palace." He pointed out, knowing Laney had always been welcome and liked by his mother. "But, if anyone could arrange a post for you, she could have that done by the morning meal." He returned her smile. Just knowing Laney might always be close by helped to cheer him up.
"We shall see," she replied softly as she dared to reach out and run a hand through his hair like she used to do. "If I am to keep visiting you, I ought to talk you into letting me wash your hair one day," she added absently. "It's gotten so long."
"You would forever earn my mother's favor if I let you do anything to my hair. One of her biggest complaints has always been how long it has gotten." He chuckled, feeling very lighthearted and cheerful. He smiled brighter at the feel of her hand in his hair.
"It's always been long, but it's well past your shoulders," Laney said lightly as she ran her fingers through his ebony hair. "Would you want it cut?"
Loki ran his own fingers through his hair, not sure how he felt about it. "Would you like it better if it was cut?" He asked curiously, deciding he would agree with whatever made her happy.
Laney shrugged. "I've always liked it long, but I know it can get in your way at times." She moved to sit in her usual chair and proceeded to watch him for a moment. "Would you like to... talk? About things?"
"Whatever you want to discuss, I will remain calm. I will keep that promise this time, since I can't think of anything being a bigger shock than I already had." The corners of his lips pulled up slightly in an attempt at making it more of a joke.
She nodded and fiddled with her hands as she thought. "I want to help you Loki. If I can, I would like for you to be able to leave this room."
Loki sighed and laid back on his bed. "To leave this room, I would have to defy Odin, which would put my mother in danger. I cannot do that." I refuse to be the monster they think I am, He thought to himself.
"Loki what do you mean?" she asked quietly. "You know you did wrong here on Asgard..."
"I am in this cell because of what happened on Midgard. Or, is another story being told?" He asked, genuinely wanting to know what was being said.
"I was told that you are here for your actions on Midgard and here on Asgard both," she replied, "That's what Frigga explained to me. I understand your actions here although it was rash. But Midgard, I do not."
Loki rolled onto his side so he could see Laney. "You know I can't say anything about Midgard. As for crimes here, you will need to remind me of which specific crime... there have been a lot." He chuckled, mildly amused by the memories of some of his best mischief over the centuries.
He's avoiding me, she thought as she narrowed her eyes at him slightly.
"I think you know what I am asking about... I know that it's hurtful and I know you don't want to relive it, but if only I could understand, maybe I can help you."
"I planned and set into motion some various events so I could prove to Odin I was capable of being Thor's equal. I know it was foolish, but I had just found out what I am, and I was desperate to prove I was not a monster." Loki explained. It would have worked too, if Odin wasn't so hateful, He added in his thoughts.
Laney nodded. "It was foolish. But I grew up with you too Loki. I was there to see how you were treated, always second best. I know Odin cares for you, but the way he shows it is unkind."
Loki scoffed at her words. "Odin has never cared for me. I was just a tool for him to use, nothing more." He said, remaining calm as promised, but his tone was full of hate towards Odin.
Looks like I need a different tactic, she thought. "You know... Frigga has been rather upset over it all. She regrets never telling you when she should have, she regrets keeping both you and Thor in the dark."
Loki nodded, still laying on his side. "Part of me wishes she had told me sooner and part of me wishes I had never known. Deep down, I think I know it was Odin's doing, not hers." He sighed, but was still mad that she agreed with Odin.
"She told me that she wanted to tell you when you were old enough, but Odin wanted to protect you from knowing, so she was overruled," Laney absently ran a hand through her hair as she looked to the floor, "I am sorry that it did not go like it should have Loki, but they are your family."
"Odin has never treated me like family and I will never consider him any family of mine." Loki said with a growl, very determined to maintain this thinking.
Laney sighed. "If not Odin, what of Frigga then or Thor?" she questioned.
"Thor... I don't know. Odin created so much resentment between Thor and I, I don't know if we will ever be friendly toward each other." He rolled onto his back and just stared at the ceiling.
She stood and walked around the bed so she could hover over his face and prevent him from leaving her. "He will always be your brother you know, blood or not."
Loki fixed his eyes on hers. "I didn't challenge that. I said I didn't know if we would be friendly." He corrected, then couldn't help but take notice how close Laney was, or the sweet smell of honey and bergamot that lingered around her.
"Well that's a relief. Now maybe Thor will stop sulking as much as he has been." She let her eyes wander over his face, committing it to memory. The lanky teenager she remembered was long gone and before her was a lean well muscled man. "I wish I could have been here," she added quietly.
"He isn't sulking because I'm down here." Loki stated simply as his eyes moved to take in the curves of her lips. It was not the first time he wondered what it would be like to feel her lips against his. He had just never been brave enough to find out.
Laney shrugged as she moved to sit on the bed beside him. "You are right. He's sulking because he misses his brother, but he's also still upset at you too. He's more complex than you think him to be." She smiled to herself as a thought came to mind. "It will still make him happy to know that you still see him as family."
Loki shot her a glare as he sat up. "Don't you dare tell him anything I have said. Our relationship is fine just as it is." He said firmly, though still relaxed. "He started missing his brother the day he learned my true heritage."
She looked at him with narrowed eyes as she felt herself bristle at his sudden mood change. "Loki, that is not fair. What is the harm in letting Thor know that you still care? Why are you hiding behind something that you are not?" She questioned. "Do you want people to dislike you?"
Loki gave a small chuckle. "It's a guy thing. Guys just don't share emotions like that. He knows I still care." He assured her, giving a little shrug.
Laney huffed and rolled her eyes. "Your emotions are all over the place," she stated randomly, "One moment you are angry, the next you are content and happy. I am becoming confused." I have no clue what I am to tell Frigga this evening, she thought when it donned on her that she should figure out the time. "How long have I been down here?"
Loki looked away for a moment. "I don't mean for it to be confusing. When I realize I'm getting upset, I quickly try to calm myself so the guards won't make you leave." He admitted, hoping his effort counted for something. "There isn't really a way for us to tell time down here."
"It makes me think you are hiding something," she retorted, still feeling a tad bristled as she sat in her spot on the bed. "I could try and reach Frigga and see how late it is. It was past the evening meal when I decided to come down here."
Loki looked directly at Laney, making unflattering eye contact. "I spoke the truth. If I do not remain calm, the guards will make you leave, and the last thing I want is to lose you again." He said, being painfully honest with her.
"I know that, but you can tell me if I upset you." Laney proceeded to stand and walk up to the translucent wall of the cell. She looked down the hall as much as she could from her angle, but could not see any guards standing by Loki's cell. "I never heard them walk away," she said absently.
Loki slowly stood up and walked over to stand beside her. "They have never left the cell before, and I can't believe they would leave with you still in here..." Loki said, feeling uneasy by the sudden absence of guards.
"I wonder what has everyone's attention?" She asked just as a dull sounding alarm sounded off in the dungeon. Laney turned to look at Loki as she automatically put energy into her hands.
"Dears," Frigga stated, causing them both to look behind them, getting their attention.
Loki quickly turned, but calmed down when he saw his mother. "You need to send someone to get Laney out of here." He said urgently, worried for Laney's safety.
"An inmate has escaped three hallways down from where you're stationed. They are putting up quite a fight and it is unsafe to retrieve her," she explained, "She is safer in your cell with you my son."
Laney relaxed and looked between Frigga and Loki. "Do you think that wise?"
"I don't know who escaped, but everyone knows I'm the biggest target in this dungeon. And thanks to Odin, I have no magic to protect her if something happens!" Loki said, working up a panic. He tried to conjure his daggers, but found it was useless.
Frigga nodded towards Laney. "I trained her just the same as you were. She is capable of magic as strong as yours," she replied, "The both of you are safe though, I assure you. It will take great effort to make it into your cellblock."
Loki just shook his head. "It isn't about her magic. If something happens, I can't protect someone I care about." He said, desperate for her to understand how helpless he felt.
A knowing smile reached Frigga's face. "Loki, you have a natural magic within you that cannot be taken away. If you feel you are in danger, trust your heart."
Laney stepped up to stand beside Loki and dared to take his hand in hers. "Thank you for the warning Frigga. I assume I will be here overnight?"
"Yes dear, someone will retrieve you in the morning if not sooner."
"I don't know how, but I promise I will keep you safe." Loki vowed to Laney and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. I may not be stronger than the bullies, but I'm smarter. He kept the thought to himself, with the memory of them still fresh in his mind.
Frigga smiled. "Good Eve darlings. I have to go," she said with a smile before she let her projection disappear.
Laney squeezed his hand in return and gently let go. "Looks like it's a sleepover," she said with a smile.
Loki blushed softly, but nodded. "I will sleep in the chair, you can have the bed." He said, trying to be polite, but also knowing neither was very comfortable for a good night's sleep.
The lights suddenly half dimmed, signaling it was lights out for the cell block. "Loki, I don't want to take your bed from you," Laney murmured.
"It's fine, truly. I doubt I will sleep much until things calm down anyway." He motioned to the bed, then walked over and sat in the chair. "Just like old times." He smiled.
"If it was old times, we would share a bed," Laney blurted out as she climbed onto the bed, feeling herself blush a tad.
"That bed is a bit small for sharing." Loki chuckled, not wanting to admit he'd had the same thought. "Sweet dreams." He said softly, then did his best to relax in the chair.
Laney sighed as she snuggled into the blankets and let the warmth relax her along with Loki's natural woodsy scent. It didn't take her long to drift off.
