A/N: NSFW
Maura held Jane's hand as they walked the few blocks back to her rental car. Her thumb grazing over Jane's knuckles and across the scar Hoyt had left behind. Having Jane with her, having Jane in her audience listening to her read, her gaze fixed on Maura with adoring affection, had been indescribably fulfilling. Maura was happy, well and truly happy, to live in this moment for the rest of time. Maura smiled when they got to the car. Jane smiled back. Maura leaned in close, pressing a tender kiss to the corner of Jane's mouth as she reached behind Jane to open the door to the car. Since it was Maura's rental, Maura got to drive and Jane just had to cope with being pampered. Jane was still feeling guilty. Maura could feel it in the way she took Maura's hand, tentatively as if she was unsure if Maura would permit it. She could see the shadow behind every look, the slight crease in her eye brows though she was trying to keep herself from enjoying it too much. So Maura went above and beyond to show Jane she was forgiven, wanted, loved. Pampered. Maura loved pampering Jane. It was its own kind of thrill.
Maura closed the door gently after Jane climbed in. She crossed the car and climbed in the drivers seat. She shot another encouraging smile at Jane and asked, 'are you ready to go back to the hotel, sweetie?' Maura watched as Jane's eyes bulged, her cheeks reddening, her throat moving with a fairly silent gulp. Maura had to resist chuckling. On the scale of harmless to scandalous, her comment definitely fell on the harmless side. Maura smirked, 'I didn't mean anything by that Jane though I'm certainly not opposed either. I was simply wondering if there was anything else you wanted or needed to do before we go back.'
Jane looked pointedly away, 'yeah lets head back.'
It was silent in the car. Maura did her best to keep her eyes on the road and her hands on the steering wheel. She had autopsied too many car accident victims to be anything but an overly cautious driver. Being uncertain as to where Jane's head was at, Maura said nothing not wanting to make things worse. When she parked and turned off the engine she turned to look at Jane. 'Jane, you know I'm not expecting anything, right? There's no pressure.'
'Yeah, Maur,' Jane replied, 'I know. Can we talk upstairs?'
'Of course,' Maura replied with her brightest smile. Maura was pleased when Jane took her hand along the way. Maura gave Jane's hand a soft squeeze back. Maura almost missed the soft smile Jane gave. It made Maura's heart race.
Maura opened the hotel room and stood back to let Jane in. Jane made a bee line for the bedroom. 'Jammies first!' Jane called out. It made Maura chuckle. She collected a bottle of wine and two glasses and brought them to the bedroom. While Jane changed in the bathroom, Maura stripped and changed in to her own pyjamas - one of Jane's softest BPD shirts and a pair of loose pyjama shorts that were blue with white elephants on them. The shirt had lost Jane's scent several washes ago but Maura loved it anyways. Not exactly sexy lingerie but Maura supposed she had pressed Jane far enough in that regard tonight. Donning her best silk might actually cause an apoplexy.
Jane emerged from the bathroom wearing Maura's BCU hoodie and BPD sweat pants. Maura smiled. It wasn't often she and Jane shared clothes, their styles were totally disparate, but Maura had to admit Jane looked good wearing her sweatshirt. Maura held up the wine in a silent question. 'Yes, please,' Jane answered with a smile of her own. 'You look good in that,' Jane said, gesturing to Maura's shirt, 'I was wondering where that shirt got to.'
Maura blushed as she poured the wine, 'I wanted to have something of yours with me. I'm sorry if I crossed a line.'
Jane shook her head and smiled, 'I'm glad you took it. What's mine is yours.' Their fingers brushed as Maura passed Jane her wine glass. Jane blushed and looked away. Maura blushed and smiled. She enjoyed having this affect on Jane.
'So,' Maura prompted, sipping on her wine.
'Right,' Jane said clearing her throat. 'I, uh, had this plan for what tonight was going to be.'
'Oh?' Maura asked, doing her best to show interest without expectation. It was truly a balancing act.
Jane took a gulp of wine, which was really not the way wine was supposed to be enjoyed but Maura didn't say anything, 'I thought… after Philly… I mean… I wanted… I had this plan.'
'You said that already,' Maura said with a wry smile. Her Jane was nervous. What a rare treat.
'I know…' Jane shoves a shaking hand through her hair. 'When I left Philly… I was thinking about meeting with you here in Baltimore and about how I was ready to… you know.'
'Have intercourse?' Maura asks raising a single eyebrow in challenge.
'Christ Maura!' Jane exclaimed, 'call it sex or banging or something normal, please.'
Maura laughed, 'intercourse is normal Jane. It's the medically accepted term.'
'Well I'm not talking to my doctor, I'm talking to my girlfriend!'
'Your girlfriend who happens to be a doctor,' Maura teased. Jane just groaned in reply. 'Very well, for the purposes of this conversation I will call it sex.'
'Thank you very much,' Jane said, her tone sarcastic but not malicious, 'so I was driving through Baltimore and I realised that I don't have any… um… experience with this whole thing.' Jane gestured between them with a flapping hand. 'So I figured I would use our time apart to study. Learn. Figure it out and then I'd sweep you off your feet in Baltimore.' Jane let out a shaky breath, Maura pressed a hand to her lips to hold back a giggle. 'And then everything with Frankie happened and I forgot to do research and now… I just… I guess I don't know if we should… if I should… or if I should, you know, regroup and try again later.'
Maura tried, she really tried, to not laugh. She knew Jane was being vulnerable, she was sharing something hard for her. She wanted Jane to share these things with her. She wanted Jane to feel comfortable and safe with her. But they had such different ideas about intercourse that it was a struggle to not laugh. When she was sure her amusement would not show in her voice, Maura asked, 'are you asking for my opinion on the matter? Or are you just thinking out loud?' Maura placed her hand over Jane's own. 'I'm okay with either one.'
Jane nibbled on her cheek, thinking. Maura had to resist touching Jane. 'Both?' Jane asked, 'I think… maybe… both.'
'Was there something in particular you wanted to research?' Maura asked, 'I have plenty of resources I could point you towards. We could even look at them together.'
'No offence Maura,' Jane said, 'but I don't think I could research this with you without my head exploding.' Her tone was teasing but Maura could hear the hints of truth behind it. 'I know how it works… you know… the process… the options… women have when it come to sex,' Jane continued, 'I'm just… not sure how to do it in reality. How to move from the theoretical.'
Maura understood this. It was just like the first time she had performed a y-incision. She'd been so nervous she had thrown up outside of the cadaver room. She knew everything she needed to, in practice, but she had never actually held that scalpel, had never made that cut. 'Well what do you envision it looking like?' Maura asked. Sometimes living something out in ones imagination helped.
Jane blushed a furious red. 'I'm uh… that's… I guess I'm just more smooth about it.'
'Smooth? Like you've shaved recently?' Maura asked confused.
Jane shakes her head hard, 'no. Well, yes, but no. I mean… I just… know what to say. What to do. And I do it. You know?'
'Hmm,' Maura responds, 'and am I smooth? Do I know what to do?'
Jane chuckles, 'you're already smooth Maur. You're the sexiest, smoothest person I have met.'
'I am?' Maura asks, genuinely surprised.
'Yeah. You'll say something in this one tone and I want to strip you then and there. And then you'll give me this look and all I want to do is….' Jane trails off her cheeks an adorable red.
Maura smiles, 'I think your perceptions are skewed. You're infatuated with me so your brain is pumping out large amounts of dopamine, oxytocin and adrenaline and everything I say and do is filtered through that. Thats why you think I'm so attractive, your brain is in a neurochemical pleasure bath.
Jane looks at her, mouth open, eyes wide. 'See.' Jane says at last, 'like that. You go all Doctor Encyclopedia and I'm ready to throw all of our clothes off.'
Maura laughed. Jane grinned, pleased with herself. 'By all means,' Maura said flirtatiously, 'please do.' Maura laughed again as she watches Jane go from pleased to panicky. 'How did it go with men, for you? How did things start then?'
Jane set aside her empty wine cup and shrugged, 'I don't know. I never really initiated. Figured it was more on them since they usually wanted it more. I just had to show up and let it happen.' Maura's brow furrowed, looking concerned. Jane corrected herself, 'I mean I was always willing… just… you know. I did the yes saying not the asking bit.'
'Oh,' Maura replies, 'well I could do the asking. I wouldn't mind. I'm quite adept at asking for what I need.'
Jane surprised her by shaking her head again, hard. 'No,' Jane said. Her cheeks, which had finally returned to a normal shade began to redden again, 'I've never... wanted it this bad. I want to initiate.'
Maura set her cup aside as well, 'why? You aren't thinking it's because you're the man in the relationship, right?'
Jane laughed then, 'no Maura. I don't think I'm the man. I just… with men it was always nice but it was never…. I never finished. You know?'
'You mean orgasmed?' Maura asks. Jane nods, 'well that's not uncommon. One in three women don't experience orgasms from penetrative sex. It's quite normal. Though there isn't much on the subject, there's a growing body of evidence that suggests that number is much lower in same sex partnerships. Probably because same sex couples are open to a variety of sexual positions and sexual styles. They aren't confined to one particular style.'
Jane quirked her head to the side, 'really?'
'Certainly,' Maura replied, 'the Kinsey Institute has several fascinating studies going on.'
'That's oddly reassuring,' Jane said with a smile, 'not that I was worried that I was broken or something but it would be nice to…' Jane trailed off.
'Orgasm?' Maura asked, keeping her tone carefully neutral. Jane nodded. 'Well,' Maura replied, 'I could take the lead there. I'm certainly eager to try.' She smiled sweetly as she watched Jane gulp again.
'God' Jane half groaned, 'you're totally a top aren't you.'
'A top?' Maura asked, her head quirking. 'As in I prefer to be in the top position?'
Jane blushed, 'no… it's…. you're dominant. In control. The pleasure giver more than receiver. A top. Opposed to a bottom. A submissive. A receiver. Usually the surrenderer.'
Maura considered the question with more seriousness than Jane was expecting, 'I think I prefer to take turns. Sometimes its nice to be a top. Sometimes its nice to be a bottom. Being categorically limited to one or the other seems like a waste of pleasurable opportunities.' Jane's blushing again. 'Would you like me to be a top for you?' Maura asks seductively, her fingers tracing a pattern on Jane's wrist.
Jane gulps, 'um. Maybe? Someday?'
Maura withdraws her hand and nods, 'but you want a turn first?'
Jane nods, 'not to be a top… but to initiate. You know? I really, really want this. I want to show you how much I want this.'
'But you're still afraid?' Maura asks, her tone soft and empathetic.
Jane considers it for a moment, 'I think more nervous than afraid.' Jane shoved her hands through her hair again, 'God. The things you do to me Maura. I just… I want to be able to make it just as good for you.'
Maura smiles at Jane. 'Do you trust me?' Jane nodded immediately. 'Give me your hand.' Jane extended her arm, offering her hand. Maura turned it over and manipulated her fingers. Maura pointed Jane's first two fingers in to a straight extended point and closed the rest of her fingers in to a loose fist. Slowly she brought Jane's fingers to her own neck. Places them softly against her pulse. 'Do you feel that?'
'Your heart beat?' Jane shifts slightly, leaning her closer. Adjusting the angle of her wrist to take Maura's pulse, 'what about it?'
'Count them.'
'Count your heart beats?' Jane asked.
'I'll time it for you.' Maura lifted her arm to glance at her watch. 'Start.'
Jane counted the beats silently. Her eyes drinking in every inch of Maura while the doctor was watching her watch.
'Stop,' Maura said. 'That was fifteen seconds. What's my resting heart rate Jane?'
'16 beats so thats,' Jane paused to do the math. '64.' Jane went to move her hand away but Maura stopped her putting it back. 'Maur?' Jane asked.
'Kiss me. Kiss me anywhere.' Maura said, 'but keep your hand here. Feel my heart beat.' Maura closed her eyes, waiting.
Jane shifted, uncertain at first. Then she presses her lips ever so slightly to Maura's cheek. It's chaste and sweet. Beneath Jane's fingers, Maura's pulse jumped. Her heart racing. Maura smiled softly, happily. 'Woah,' Jane whispers.
Maura opened her eyes, 'do you feel that?'
'Your hearts racing,' Jane murmured.
'That's what you do to me,' Maura whispers, 'every time.'
Jane shifts closer, all but climbing in to Maura's lap. Her height forces Maura to look up at her, her eyes soft and adoring. Jane readjusts her fingers to keep them glued to Maura's pulse, 'can I try something else?' Jane asks. Her voice is gravelly but soft. Maura nods. Jane presses her lips softly against Maura's, letting her tongue tease for entrance in to Maura's mouth. Jane feels Maura's heart speed up again, racing from the simplicity of her kiss. When she pulls back, Jane can see it in Maura's eyes. 'I really do affect you too, don't I?' Jane asks in soft amazement.
'More than you could ever know,' Maura answers in reply, her tone adoring. Jane hums in reply, her eyes flitting over Maura's face. Drinking her in.
Jane bit her lower lip, 'could I keep trying?'
Maura smiles, her cheeks warming, 'anything you want Jane.'
Jane climbs outright in to her lap, straddling Maura. Maura lets her own hands settle on to Jane's waist, holding her close as Jane begins to pepper her face with kisses. Maura's pulse is a fiddle played to the tune of Jane's whims. It beats wildly with each touch of their lips, Jane pausing long enough for it slow only to start it again with another tantalising touch. Maura isn't sure whether to giggle with Jane's delight or moan in her own pleasure. After a while, Jane's hand moves from her pulse to her hair. Her nails scrape the base of Maura's neck as her hips grind softly down against Maura, seeking friction. Maura moans. Actually moans. They haven't even done anything and Maura is aflame. 'Jane,' Maura gets out a whispered plea. Jane's lips find her pulse point then, setting off fireworks in Maura's mind. Jane's free hand slips just under the hem of Maura's blouse. 'Jane, baby,' Maura pants. She hates what she has to do, 'wait.' Maura pushes Jane back slightly. Not off. Just enough to get Jane's attention.
Jane pulls back frowning, 'sorry. Did I do it wrong? Take it too far?'
Maura shakes her head. 'No. You were good… wonderful… perfect… too perfect.'
'Oh,' Jane said, her eyebrows knitting together in confusion.
'I just… need to know the rules,' Maura whispers, trying to catch her breath.
'The rules?' Jane asks.
'Yes. The rules for this interaction,' Maura says.
'What rules?' Jane asks confused. 'Are there rules?'
'I just…' Maura says, 'I want to touch you but you said you aren't ready for sex. And you're kissing me and I'm so close to orgasming and I'm not sure whats permitted and whats not.'
'You can come from kissing?' Jane asks, sounding amazed and bit jealous.
Maura blushes, 'when you're sitting in my lap, moving against me, kissing me like that? Yes. Yes I can.'
Jane's grin in pure mischief. Her hips slide forward moving against Maura again, 'like this?'
'Yeeesss,' Maura hisses in reply, squeezing her eyes shut. She tightens her grip on Jane's hips, stalling the other woman's movement. 'I'm serious Jane. I need to know what's allowed before we continue. I need consent.'
Jane pulls back to look Maura in the eye. 'You're serious?'
Maura nods, biting her lower lip. 'I am,' Maura reaches up and touches Jane's cheek, 'I don't want to cross your boundaries even accidentally and I don't want this to be something that just happens. I want to know your a full and willing participant. I want to follow your rules. And right now I can't do that.'
'I thought I was making my intentions pretty clear,' Jane mutters with a pout.
Maura blushes again, 'I'm not good at non-verbal communication Jane. I need your verbal confirmation.' Maura moves her hand back to Jane's hips.
Jane considers her for a moment. Maura's not sure what she's thinking. If she's regretting starting this or if she wishes Maura hadn't stopped them. Maura sort of wished she hadn't but she couldn't help but to replay what Jane had said earlier. She was just there. Just present. Just willing. Maura wanted more. So much more than that. 'You're the strangest person I've ever met,' Jane says at last. Maura is almost offended but Jane is looking at her with all soft affection.
'Its not strange to value consent,' Maura murmured back, 'not when you really love someone. Not when you want what's best for them.'
Jane smirks. 'I love you too Maura. And I want this. All of this. No rules. No limitations. All of it. All of us. All of you. How's that for consent?'
Maura pouts, 'its terribly vague.'
Jane chuckles, 'how about we keep doing this and see where the night takes us and if you cross any lines I'll stop you. Okay?'
Maura smiles warmly up at her, 'I can work with that.'
Jane laughs, her head thrown back drawing an enticing line all the way down Jane's throat. Maura's eyes drank it in hungrily. 'How about you Doctor Isles?' Jane asked her tone husky, 'Do I have your permission to continue my examination?' Jane leans tantalisingly close. Maura nods her tongue heavy in her mouth. 'I believe we were testing your heart rate.' Then Jane's lips have sealed themselves against her skin right over her pulse and Maura moans at the sudden arrhythmia. They're right back to where they were but this time it's so, so, so much better because Maura gets to use her hands to. She finds the burning skin on Jane's back. She adds her own strength to Jane's thrusts, encouraging Jane's movements. She draws a few moans of her own, each one burning themselves in to her long term memory as a searing reminder of this exact moment.
A few hours later finds Maura naked, sated and pleasantly sore on top of an equally naked Jane. Jane grins at the ceiling as she traces random patterns on Maura's bare back. She can't help her grin. Turns out, all she needed to orgasm was Maura. It was surprising and entirely expected too. Of course it was Maura. It was always going to be Maura. Maura's adoring eyes, her impish smile, those wildly dexterous fingers, and her anatomical expertise. Jane was putty in her hands. Maura didn't even have to be all that patient. Jane had come quickly and repeatedly. Jane was just about ready to slip in to a pleasantly exhausted slumber when Maura sat right up.
'Oh no!' Maura exclaimed.
'What?' Jane asked, her voice sleep thick.
'I messed up Jane,' Maura replied. Her voice sounded panicky. She was standing, swooping up her clothes in the dark. 'I made a mistake. I have to fix it.'
Jane's heart plummeted as she sat up, 'woah. Woah. Maura! Hang on. We can talk about this.'
'No, Jane. I made a mistake,' Maura tugged her shirt on backwards, cursed and then fumbled to turn it around.
Jane's heart throbbed. She was so happy. So pleased with where their relationship was headed. It never occurred to her Maura might not feel the same. Jane stood and started grabbing for her own clothes. She couldn't have this conversation naked. 'Maura, it's us. We can always talk.'
'I don't need to talk. I just need to go.' Maura grabbed her car keys.
A stab of panic hit Jane now. Maura wouldn't really leave her half naked in a hotel room. 'Maura just wait. Wait, okay.'
'I can't Jane!' Maura shot back, grabbing Jane's Maura hoodie.
'What? Why not?' Jane asked, shoving her sock on half way before switching to the other.
'Because I don't know what time the store closes. I have to go now.' Maura replied, looking around for her purse.
Jane dropped her other sock, 'what? What store? Maura what are you talking about?'
'The hotel doesn't serve breakfast. I was supposed to buy you that sugary cereal you like so much.' Maura found her purse and grabbed it.
Jane tumbled from bed, with no underwear on, her sweats around her thighs, one sock halfway on and grabbed Maura. 'That's your mistake? You don't have Captain crunch for me?'
Maura nods, the panic in her eyes slowly dimming, 'you always wake up hungry. I was supposed to have some for you. I don't want you to be hungry after tonight.' Her lips pull together in a perfect pout.
Jane laughs. 'Christ Maura! I thought you regretted what happened. I thought you were breaking up with me or something. You gave me a heart attack.'
Maura's face softens, 'oh Jane. I'm sorry. I suppose I did over-react a bit.'
'A bit?' Jane asks, tugging the keys and purse from Maura's hands and putting them back on the dresser.
Maura giggles softly, 'okay a lot.' Maura touches Jane's cheek with reverence, 'I could never regret us, you know. Not a minute of it.' Jane nods, her throat tight. She knows that. She just wasn't thinking rationally. Jane tugs at the hem of Maura's hoodie pulling it up and off her with her shirt to reveal her bare torso once more. 'I just didn't want you to be hungry when you wake up,' Maura says quietly. Jane pushes Maura's shorts down her legs so that Maura is full naked once more. She guides Maura back to bed.
'I appreciate that Maura,' Jane pushes off her sweats and her sock. 'But you really don't need to go to some grocery store in the middle of the night for me to have captain crunch in the morning.'
Maura sniffles a yawn, 'that's not what you said when you were pregnant.' Maura tugs the comforter closer to her ears, tucking herself in. Jane tugs off her shirt.
The memory of Maura showing up in her pyjamas with milk, captain crunch and peanut butter at 2 in the morning after a particularly strong craving came over her. It made Jane smile. Jane climbs gingerly in to bed next to Maura, wrapping herself up once more in Maura. 'Well I was pregnant and had a craving and you took very good care of me.' Jane presses a kiss just behind Maura's ear. Her voice is soft. 'But I'm not craving captain crunch.'
'How can you know what you'll be craving in the morning?' Maura asks, her fingers lacing with Janes.
'It's a hunch,' Jane murmurers. 'I think I'd rather have Irish Cream.'
Maura rolls over to look at Jane. Jane does her best to keep a straight face. 'You want alcohol for breakfast?'
Jane chuckles, 'that's Bailey's Irish Cream. I want your Irish Cream.'
'Oh,' Maura says, she chuckles softly. 'I got it,' she seems delighted to get the joke.
'Yeah, besides its probably healthier for me anyways. Its probably like vegan,' Jane offers teasingly.
Maura shakes her head, wearing a smile the entire time, 'I'm an animal Jane. That's an animal by-product and definitely not vegan.'
Jane huffs a sigh. 'Fine it's keto then.'
Maura stifles a laugh behind her fingertips as she shakes her head, 'too many carbohydrates.'
Jane stares at Maura flabbergasted, 'come on Maura there has to be a health joke in there some where.'
'Jane,' Maura says.
'It's all natural?' Jane asks.
'Jane?'
'No preservatives?'
'Jane?'
'What Maura? I'm trying to find a punchline here.' Jane asks at last.
'It's gluten free,' Maura says with a wicked gleam in her eyes, 'and I was going to say, why wait until morning? I could go for a late night snack.' Maura rolled on top of Jane, pinning her to the bed, much to Jane's surprise.
'It won't be Irish cream if you're doing it,' Jane says dumbly, too floored for a proper response.
'That's okay,' Maura whispers the reply in to the skin on Jane's neck, 'I prefer Italian cream anyways.'
That was how Jane went from never having experienced an orgasm before to having four in one night.
