How many homeless kids had Nina walked by in her time as a beat cop? How many had she befriended? How many had she tried to help? Nina had joined the force because she wanted to make a difference. She'd chosen a beat in the inner city because no one else wanted it and she knew she could help. It was what drew her to Marcus. His love for his students was infectious. How many homes had they visited? How many families had they brought food to? They even had taken to collecting winter coats to hand out when, inevitably they found someone in need. Nina had never felt more like she was doing what she was supposed to than she had in Chicago. And then they had killed Marcus. Her world, her love and her purpose came crashing down and it left Nina in tatters. She was drops in the ocean. So she gave a kid a coat. What difference did that make? When they grew in to radicalised killers? Who cared if they did their homework if they'd be dead of a drug overdose by sixteen? A part of Nina had died with Marcus.
She supposed that was inevitable. Marcus's death would always be one of her defining life moments. It had changed everything, whether she wanted it or not. It had changed her. Grief had consumed her, taking every light from her world. She walked her beat and instead of seeing kids needing a hand, she saw gang members in training. She wasn't sure when that happened. Then Boston came calling, needing a new detective with technical expertise. Nina had said yes, less out of desire for the new position and more because she couldn't think of anything else to do. Life had a way of pushing you forward even when your heart was anchored in the past. That was what was cruelest to her. Her time kept moving, kept pushing forward, kept demanding more while Marcus's never would.
Now she sat in the middle of marriage planning and she was struck by how unfair it was. Marcus had bought a ring. He'd hidden it in his teaching bag. Nina had found it after…. She would have said yes. She would have married him with no regrets. Nina wiped a tear rapidly away when she heard the apartment door open.
'Hey Nina!' Frankie called as he entered. 'I brought you some of that chai you like!'
'Okay,' Nina called back trying to sound happy, 'be right there.'
Frankie, having heard her voice, reversed course and poked his head in, 'you okay?'
Nina nodded, turning hurriedly away, 'yeah I was just wedding planning.'
The weight on the bed shifted as Frankie joined her, 'you don't have to do this if its just making you cry, you know?' His voice was soft. 'We can just let Ma plan it, or better yet Maura.'
Nina laughed, 'it's not that.'
'So what is it?' Frankie asked, his face soft and open, earnest. It was part of what she loved about Frankie.
'I was thinking about Marcus,' Nina admits softly.
'Oh,' Frankie said, 'I guess this is one of those hard days?'
Nina nodded, 'something about Snickers and Kit Kat needing help…' Nina swiped pitifully at the tears that were now streaming, 'Marcus would have an idea. He'd know what to do and I just don't.'
Frankie placed one of his handkerchiefs in her hands, 'here.'
'Thanks,' Nina mumbled, 'I'm sorry if this is awkward.'
'It's not,' Frankie said, 'well…' he hesitated, 'it is but just cause I hate seeing you cry. I don't mind when you talk to Marcus. He was important to you. He was part of you. I can't change that he's gone but I think he'd want someone to be there for you when it hurts. If they can.'
Nina whimpered, the tears overwhelming her ability to speak, 'you'd… be… friends.'
Frankie smiled softly at her, 'I think we would have. I'd have kicked his but in basketball too. I don't care if he was 6 foot 2.'
Nina laughed. There was no way Frankie would have won that match up. Marcus was born with a basketball in hand. 'Thanks,' she whispered burying herself in Frankie's arms.
'I, obviously, didn't know him but I think he'd probably tell you that sometimes all we can do is try,' Frankie said rubbing her back in large, firm circles, 'that's all anyone can do.' Nina nodded, too sad to respond. 'Is there anything I can do to help?' Frankie asked, 'I can leave or start you a bath. We could snuggle and watch movies or I could bring you your chai and your favourite book.'
The idea popped in her head suddenly, 'could we do a picnic in the park?'
'Uh… sure. It's a little gusty but we could buy a kite or something,' Frankie said awkwardly but gamely.
'I think I figured out the first step to helping those girls,' Nina said smiling in to the side of Frankie she was hidden in.
'Nina! That's great!' Frankie said excitedly, 'what is it?'
'Consistency,' Nina said in a voice that she thought of as Marcus's, 'the most important thing you can do for any kid is by showing up consistently.'
'Was that Marcus's voice?' Frankie asked sounding a bit incredulous.
Nina giggled, 'yes.'
'Do me!' Frankie said. 'Do me!'
Nina thought about it. She hadn't used her Frankie voice as much. When she needed to hear his voice, he was usually a room away. When she spoke she kept her vowels flat in a mimicry of his Bostonian accent, 'I love you Nina Holiday. You're the smartest person ever.'
Frankie giggled, 'that was nothing like me.'
Nina swatted at him playfully, 'it's a work in progress.'
'Well you did get part of it right,' Frankie said with a mischievious grin, 'I do love you and you are the smartest person ever.' He accentuated his accent teasingly.
Nina pressed a kiss to his cheek, 'thanks for being okay with my hard days.'
'Always,' Frankie answered brightly.
Nina pulled herself off the bed and began dressing in layers. She planned on being at the park long enough to be noticed. She'd win those girls trust if it took all winter.
Maura sat wrapped in her own BCU hoodie that smelled like Jane. The TV was playing baseball in the background, though Maura was hardly paying attention. She found she had grown accustomed to having it on for Jane. Now it felt odd to sit in silence reading. Maura was waiting to hear from Jane that she made it safely home. She was also trying to avoid her own sense of loneliness that her now empty bed caused her to feel. Her phone ringing pulled Maura out of her article.
'Doctor Isles.'
'Maura, it's Hope!' Hope's voice said through the speaker. 'Is now a bad time?'
'Not at all Hope, I was just reading an article from the New England Medical Journal. Have you read it yet?' Maura asked.
'Oh yes. I am very interested to see how Rajkumar's monoclonal research turns out,' Hope said. 'What article are you reading?'
'I'm reading about the measles outbreak in the Amish community in Ohio,' Maura replied glancing back at the article. 'I am curious about the targeted methods they used to encourage vaccination and was thinking if we could apply something similar with the flu vaccine in the clinic. It sounds as though a pre-established relationship between the health professionals and the community made the biggest difference in controlling the outbreak. I was considering if we could boost clinical vaccination rates in our county if we participated and hosted community events.'
'That seems practical. Did you have a specific idea?' Hope asked.
'Participation at the food clinic seems the most efficient route,' Maura replied, 'if we found a way to combine our forces, I imagine that at the least we could immunise fairly effectively against the flu.'
'That's a wonderful idea dear. Do you think the food bank would be game?'
'I can't imagine why they wouldn't be. We all have the same mission, to care for the people,' Maura replied. Suddenly she remembered something, 'I'm sorry, I seem to have distracted us. Was there something you needed?'
'Oh!' Hope said with a nervous chuckle, 'no need to apologise. I enjoy speaking with you.'
'I enjoy speaking with you as well Hope,' Maura replied with a soft smile, 'I just don't want to make you forget why you called.'
'Thank you,' Hope replied, 'truthfully I was calling to check in on you.'
'Check in on me?' Maura asked, feeling touched and a bit confused.
'I know you and Jane got to spend the weekend in Baltimore together and that she left this evening. I wanted to make sure you were doing alright.' Hope said.
'Oh,' Maura replied softly, 'thank you. I am doing alright. I do miss her though.'
'You may not want to hear this…' Hope hesitated, 'but saying goodbye to Paddy was always difficult. Sometimes the silence was deafening. It could be so lonely.' Maura shifted. She wasn't sure if she wanted Hope to stop talking or if she wanted her to tell her everything. She often felt that way about Paddy. Hope sighed. Maura had been quiet too long, 'I simply meant… I know how hard it can be and I thought you might appreciate some company.'
'Thank you,' Maura replied, 'I can never tell if I want to know everything or nothing about Paddy. It's… complicated.'
'I understand,' Hope said quietly on the other side of the phone. 'Are you certain you want to come with me in LA. I am more than capable for conveying his final wishes to you.'
'I am.' Maura replied, 'it may not be easy but he is my biological father.'
'He is but Maura,' Hopes voice broke in emotion, 'you aren't alone in this anymore, alright?'
'Neither are you Mother,' Maura whispered the last word, testing it out. She wasn't sure it felt right. She heard Hope gasp on the other side. 'I'm sorry,' Maura said automatically, 'was that too much?'
'No sweetie,' Hope replied, her voice definitely breaking with emotion, 'you're never too much. You can call me whatever feels comfortable. It was just… surprising.'
Silence stretched between them. Maura spoke at last, 'one of my last patients before I left was a little girl who ended up in foster care. Her foster mother is a wonderful woman and she calls her mommy. Her biological mother she calls Ma. It struck me, when she was speaking. Here was this six year old capable of understanding the complexities of family, to grasp the distinctions between blood and nurturing-.'
'Maura?' Hope interrupted, 'are you trying to say you think there is an etymological case to be made for having two mothers?'
Maura sat silent for a moment, considering. 'I was actually thinking that if she was brave enough to accept the love of a new mother that I could be as well. I should warn you I wasn't terribly great at receiving my adoptive mother's love. So I imagine it will be a great deal more difficult for me than my patient but I would like to endeavour to try. To accept you as my mother, I mean.'
Hope cleared her throat, 'I should warn you, I'm not the best at mothering in the world. You can just ask Cailin.'
Maura blinked at that, 'well perhaps we could both use the practice.'
'Yes,' Hope whispered, 'perhaps we could.'
Maura's phone beeped, she looked at the screen to see Jane's name. 'Oh, Hope, that's Jane.'
'Go,' Hope replied, 'enjoy your evening. I'll see you in two weeks. I… hope you'll take care.'
Maura wasn't sure why but she heard it. Heard the unspoken words as clear as day. 'I love you Hope. Goodnight.'
'I love you too.' Hope responded some what dazed sounding, 'good night.'
Maura switched calls, 'Jane!'
'Hey Maur!' Jane's raspy voice greeted her. It sounded like home, 'this is your required made-it-home safely call.'
'Good!' Maura replied wearing an irrepressible grin, 'how was your drive?'
'Crappy. I had to resist turning around,' Jane replied with a grunt that told Maura she had just settled in. 'What medical journal are you reading tonight?'
Maura blushed, feeling simultaneously seen and exposed, 'how do you know it's a medical journal? I could be reading a fashion magazine.'
'You could be but you aren't,' Jane said lazily, 'if I had to guess, you're reading the New England Medical Journal.'
'How do you do that?' Maura asked, half whining.
Jane laughed, 'because it was the only thing besides me you ogled at this weekend.'
'I did not ogle you or this journal!' Maura exclaimed her cheeks glowing red.
'You couldn't keep your eyes off my chest,' Jane pointed out, her tone full of sultry amusement.
'You have a very nice chest,' Maura said in a breathy defence.
'No, I have an average chest. You're just taking a neurochemical pleasure bath,' Jane's tone was teasing.
Maura's blush deepened, 'so what if I am?'
Maura could hear Jane's grin from over here, 'then I'd say really should find a way to bathe together.' Maura groaned at the thought. 'So you miss me already?'
'Yes,' Maura was all breathy. Jane laughed. 'What, Jane, I'm a sexual creature.'
'Yes,' Jane's voice spoke an active lower sounding almost like a growl, 'yes you are.'
'So… phone sex?' Maura asked, wondering where they stood on that. They hadn't gotten around to it.
'I-uh-that is,' nervous Jane was back. 'Let me… think about it?'
Maura laughed, 'you can think about me any time you want baby.'
'That's not what I-' Jane interrupted herself, 'wait, I can?'
'Mmmhmmm,' Maura responded, doing her best to sound sultry. 'That's the benefit of being girlfriends.'
'Do you-uh,' Jane stuttered out, 'you know… think of me?'
Maura grinned, 'I do.'
'Yeah?' Jane asked, regaining some of her confidence, 'am I any good?'
'Not as good as the real thing but I'd say you're very effective,' Maura replied, feeling a sudden pang because she wanted Jane there with her. 'I miss you, Jane.'
'I miss you too Maura,' Jane replied softly in return.
'How are our girls?' Maura asked softly. She wanted to be home so badly right now.
'They're exhausted. I think my recruits wore them out. Here I'll text you a picture.' Maura listened as Jane fumbled around on her side of the phone then looked at the picture of two very happily passed out dogs. Boston was laying on top of Berry in a manner that could not have been comfortable but both dogs looked to be in utter bliss.
'I told you they're a bonded pair,' Maura said grinning.
'Hmm,' Jane responded noncommittally, 'bonded pair still sounds fake to me but they definitely belong together.'
'You're wrong you know. Plenty of animals have displayed a powerful ability to bond to others and there are examples of such pairings all across the animal kingdoms. Dogs in particular can be very adept at forming social bonds.'
'Thank you google, I know dogs are pack animals,' Jane sasses back, 'I'm just saying, I don't think there's a such thing as having a bond so strong that being apart is detrimental.'
Maura sat quietly, considering Jane's opinion for a moment, cataloging it. 'You're still wrong.'
'So you think a Where the Red Fern Grows type bond exists?' Jane shot back.
'Yes,' Maura replied, 'there are plenty of documented cases of animals falling in to depression and even dying without their counterparts. Elephants are a prime example, orphaned elephants and mother elephants who lose their calves will sometimes starve themselves to death out of grief. There are also documented accounts of elephants being reunited after a lifelong separation where the elephants celebrate being together again. Cows choose a best friend who they spend day and night with and it's proven to lower heart rate and hydrocortisone levels of the cow, sometimes even resulting in a greater yield of milk.'
'Cows have best friends?'
'Yes, they do.'
'Alright now I know you're messing with me,' Jane replied incredulously.
'I am not. There's a very well cited article on cow friendships by Krista McLennan from Northampton University,' Maura replied indignantly.
'Maura, why the hell are you reading articles about cows?!' Jane asked, her voice clearly teasing.
'Because,' Maura began with a blush, 'because I used to think I was odd. A social oddity. I have never been adept at social skills. Then I met you and you were my friend even though I am socially inept. One day I was talking with Barry about how glad I was for you and he said I was like a cow.'
'Of course he did,' Jane said with a snort, 'did you smack him?'
'I did,' Maura said smiling at the memory. 'Then he said what he meant was that cows have a best friend who they spend all their chosen time with. It made me feel better and it intrigued me so I pulled a few articles.'
'And now you're the cow friendship expert,' Jane said wryly.
'I'm hardly an expert in bovine sociology, Jane,' Maura said in her haughtiest academic voice.
Jane laughed, 'fine I will admit that bonded pairs exist.'
Maura grinned, 'did the cows convince you?'
'Nope,' Jane replied her voice unexpectedly tender, 'I just know being apart from you is detrimental to me.'
Maura's eyes stung, tears threatening to fall, 'are you saying you are my bonded pair Jane?'
'I mean it still feels weird to think of myself as an animal but yeah, I think I am. I'm your cow best friend.'
Maura laughed, 'you are my cow best friend. You know what else you are?'
Jane's voice was full of merriment when she replied, 'no, what?'
'My gibbon,' Maura replied, trying to keep her voice even.
'Your gibbon?' Jane asked in reply.
'Mmmhmm,' Maura replied.
'And what do gibbons do? They aren't turkeys are they? I swear Maura if you compared me to cows and turkeys in the same sentence I might think you're making me for Thanksgiving.' Jane said this with a laugh.
Chuckling Maura replied, 'they aren't turkeys.'
'So, what are they?'
'Look them up Rizzoli,' Maura said flirtatiously.
'Oh, it's like that?' Jane asked sounding incredulous. 'They're some horribly ugly thing aren't they?' Maura made the zipping sound that Jane often made when pantomiming zipping her mouth closed. 'You're zipping your lips? Really Maura? Really?'
Maura laughed on the other side, feeling incredibly happy in the moment. 'I love you Jane.'
'Not enough to tell me about gibbons apparently,' Jane said pouting.
Maura laughed again, 'goodnight love.'
'Night Maur,' Jane replied softly. 'Have a good flight tomorrow.'
'I will.'
Maura hung up and began getting ready for bed. She was just laying down when she got a picture of two gibbons snuggling texted from Jane: 'Gibbons are cute.' That text was immediately followed by, 'and yes I'll be your mate for life.' Which was followed by, 'that's what you meant right?'
Maura grinned: 'Yes, Jane. That's what I meant. Good night my dear gibbon.'
Jane's next text made her snort, 'goodnight cow best friend.'
