Paddy walked slowly after the guard escorting him. He had left his heart behind him in that visitation room. Hope, his sweet Hope, hated him. He didn't blame her. He deserved it. He just hadn't expected it to hurt so much. His Hope. His beautiful Hope. Paddy never believed in soul mates before he met Hope. He had spent most of his life feeling like he was walking around with his heart outside of his chest. He'd given it all to Hope. And she had loved him in return. Even when he couldn't escape the family business. Even after she believe Maura had died. She had tended him, loved him, shown him grace and mercy and every virtue in the world. She was his angel. Walking away from her sobbing form had been one of the hardest things he had ever done. Only knowing Maura was there had made him do it. He might not have been close to Maura but Paddy knew, Maura would find a way. After all, she was Hope's daughter. She had all the best traits of her mother.
Maybe he'd been wrong, all those years ago. Maybe they could have made a go of it. Been a family. Maybe he should have given them a chance. But then Hope would never have her clinic or Cailin. He never would have had Collin. And Maura? She would have been a baby wanted by the whole Irish mob. Providence set them on their path and hard as it might have been, Paddy could do nothing to change it now.
Paddy listened as the gate closed behind him, locking him in his cell. He rubbed at his wrists where the guard had just removed the handcuffs. They weren't chaffed, just aching. He felt every bit of his age today. An envelope sat on his cot. Paddy grabbed it, opening it with shaking fingers.
Mr. Doyle,
Given the circumstances of your health, the location of your next of kin, and your ongoing cooperation with Agent Dean and the Federal Bureau of Investigations, we have decided to grant your relocation request. Your transfer to a Massachusetts based prison will occur no later than November 14th. If you have any further questions or concerns, please feel free to reach out to our department at….
Paddy smiled, skimming the rest of the information. It was a step forward. He'd be closer to where his family needed him soon. Even if they didn't want him. Paddy wasn't going to fail them now. Maybe they would never accept his love but Paddy did love them and he'd show them the only way he knew how. Paddy laid down on his bunk, letter clutched to his chest and drifted off wearing a smile. He was going home.
Maura peaked in through the door way between the bedroom and the rest of the hotel suite. Hope was still sound asleep, a soft buzzing filling the room. Maura smiled before quietly shutting the door. It had been a tough day, the pair of them oscillating between calm and a torrent of other emotions. Maura was glad when Hope decided to take a nap. Her mother had looked worn down. Maura's phone rang just as she was settling on to the couch. One glance at it made Maura smile.
'Hello love,' Maura answered softly.
'Hey Maur,' Jane whispered back, 'how are you doing?'
'I'm okay. Hope is asleep in the other room.' Maura kept her voice deliberately soft.
'Hence the whispering,' Jane whispered back.
'Well,' Maura said with amusement, 'you don't have to whisper.'
'Oh,' Jane said. Maura thought she sounded a bit hurt.
'You can though,' Maura whispered reassuringly. 'It might help me to remember.'
'Okay,' Jane whispered in response. It made Maura smile, at moments like this Jane genuinely felt like the perfect partner. 'How is she doing?'
'I don't know,' Maura said, 'she is well one moment and crying the next.'
'So she's grieving?' Jane asked softly.
'I suppose,' Maura whispered, 'I feel wildly inadequate at providing comfort to her Jane. I wish you were here. You'd know what to do.'
'I wish I was there too,' Jane whispered. 'I wish I could make this easier on you but I think you're wrong.' Maura bristled at that. She was distinctly uncomfortable with that sentiment. 'You're the only person who could be there for her right now. Cailin might know her but she doesn't know or share Paddy. I might be good with people but they aren't my parents. The only person who can share this with her is you Maura. You are exactly who she needs. Just you.'
Maura feels her throat tighten at that, 'how do you know that?'
'Because any one else might judge her for how much she loves Paddy. She wouldn't let her guard down. But you? Your life is as intertwined with Paddy's as hers is for the better and the worse. And you won't judge her. You are probably the only two people in the world who can say they love Paddy Doyle. Which means you need her and she needs you.' Jane's voice is soft, as soft as Maura had heard her speak to the family victims. It wasn't pity that Maura heard in Jane's voice though. It was kindness. Love. Compassion.
Maura felt the tears sting her eyes. 'Jane?'
'Yeah sweetie?' Jane's voice was soothing.
'Do you judge me for loving him?' Maura felt small and weak for asking it.
Jane was quiet for a moment, 'no. You didn't choose Paddy but that doesn't mean he doesn't impact you. And Hope did choose Paddy, it definitely affects her and you love her so… I think this is all just a part of love and you love deeper than just about any one I've ever met. That's something I admire about you.'
'You do?' Maura whispered, her heart thumping loudly.
'I do Maura,' Jane's answer was resolute, stead fast, encouraging. Everything Maura needed in that moment.
'Thank you Jane,' Maura's voice was still soft, still emotional but Maura hoped Jane could hear her gratitude too.
'Always sweetie. Always.' Jane's voice told Maura she was smiling. Maura imagined dimples and eyes that sparkled amber like.
'What are you up to today?'
'Mmm,' Jane sipped something over the phone, 'I was just working on my final exam for the recruits?'
'Is it already time for that?' Maura felt genuinely surprised.
'Yup. They're a few weeks out from completion.' Jane said sounding a bit forlorn.
'You're going to miss them,' Maura says.
'Yeah.' Jane says with a chuckle, 'well maybe not all of them but most of them.'
'Baccay and Dhar,' Maura asks, testing her hypothesis.
Jane sighed heavily, 'yeah. I know they're recruits. Rookies. But I really liked working with them.'
'They probably feel the same way,' Maura says trying to encourage Jane. 'You're their mentor. They're going to be better agents because they know you.'
'I hope so,' Jane whispered.
'So have you decided on your exam?' Maura prompting, trying to change the topic.
'Yeah,' Jane said sounding suddenly excited, 'I'm going to make a crime scene and let them run an investigation.'
'That hardly seems like an objective way to test your students knowledge,' Maura said with a frown.
Jane laughed, 'they're FBI recruits. What do you think they need to know more, how to run a crime scene or how to fill out a scantron?'
Maura frowned deeper, 'I suppose.'
'They'll be graded on multiple categories,' Jane began, 'starting with procedures. Can they walk in to a crime scene and not mess it up? Do they wait for the ME? Do they wear gloves, that sort of thing.'
'They had better wait for the ME,' Maura said sounding disgruntled that they might not. 'You taught them to wait for the ME, right?'
Jane laughed, 'yes Maur, I told them that if they didn't the ME might refuse to work with them again for months and then they'll be stuck doing paperwork for the rest of the squad.'
Maura blushed, recalling the exact punishment she had doled out to one of the detectives in homicide. 'He might have messed up the entire case Jane.'
'I told them that too,' Jane said with amusement. Maura shifted in her seat, settling in to Jane's gentle teasing. 'Then they'll be given time to go over the crime scene. I'll provide them with a file of information that the techs have for them and then let them go to town. See if they can't figure out who done it.'
'So will their final grade be based on whether they crack it?' Maura asked, genuinely intrigued.
'No,' Jane said with a sigh, 'solving the case is a bonus. The bulk of their grade is in how they do their work. Do they follow procedure? Do they think creatively? Do they keep their mind open? Are they competent, non-power abusing agents? That sort.'
'Do you anticipate most of them will pass?'
'I don't know. Probably. I know a few who probably won't.' Jane said sadly.
'Doesn't that mean they won't be made agents?' Maura asked.
'Yeah, failure in a class means you aren't eligible to graduate from the program.' Jane responded, her tone more somber.
'Are you okay with that?' Maura felt vaguely horrified. She couldn't imagine failing a student when it meant the end of an entire career.
'Honestly?' Jane asked softly, 'yes and no. I only think a few will fail but I wouldn't be comfortable sending them out in to the world anyways. The rest will probably do well enough to get through.'
'What about Baccay and Dhar?' Maura asks.
Maura can hear Jane grinning, 'my money is they'll be the only two to solve it.'
Maura laughed, 'you're playing favourites.'
'No,' Jane said, voice full of humour, 'I have favourites. I'm not playing them. Every one is getting the same chance.'
Maura shook her head, 'you're impossible.' The door to the bedroom opening got Maura's attention. Hope stuck her head out, her hair disheveled but a smile on her face. 'Good afternoon Hope. Jane says hello.'
'Hello Jane,' Hope said with a smile.
'I'll let you go Maura. Just wanted to hear your voice,' Jane said on the other end, 'enjoy your time with Hope and remember you're exactly who she needs right now. You've got this, okay?'
'Thank you Jane. I'll speak to you later. I love you.' Maura's voice was soft and full of tender affection.
'Love you too Maur!' Jane said as she hung up.
'You didn't have to stop speaking on my account,' Hope said stifling a yawn as she came to sit next to Maura.
'That's quite alright. Jane was just telling me her plans for her final exam.' Maura shivered slightly at the idea. She still wasn't sure how she felt about the fairness of Jane's test.
Hope slipped an arm around her eldest daughter's shoulder in a half hug, 'I'm glad you and Jane have each other.'
Maura smiled back shyly, leaning in to her mother's touch. 'I'm very grateful for her. What would you like to do this afternoon?'
Hope hummed softly, enjoying the embrace, 'how about we find some food and a nice beach spot? We are in LA, after all. We'd be missing the authentic LA experience if we didn't go to the beach.'
'That sounds lovely,' Maura said pulling away to press a surprise kiss to Hope's cheek. Maybe it was having endured that visit with Paddy, or maybe it was the conversation they'd had in the car, but Maura thought it was her conversation that made her so brave. Hope needed her, Maura, her daughter. Maura would try to be just that for her. She left a pleased looking Hope sitting on the couch as she went to get ready.
