AN: My apologies for taking so long a hiatus. Life got somewhat in the way, furthermore, I can no longer lean on canon with much of my story building because of the changes I made. But the next chapter of the main story is well underway and will hit the server some when in the next fortnight.
As ever, many thanks to Cheerful Clatter for edits, suggestions and all-around wonderful support.
I wrote this as "Apology to Ritsuko" after Suite 5.02 and to expand on her characterisation in my fic. as such, it is relatively sparse on plot, but the few things that happen will quite be important. Last bit, having found no reliable mention of Ritsuko's cat by name in Canon, I named it Kuro. If anyone can point me to its canon name proper, please do so in comments or in private messages.
Without any more ado, here it is:
Seque No.2 Ritsuko
The Cat Comes Back
-x-
Monday morning
-x-
Ritsuko let herself into her grandmother's place. She had not called ahead to make sure her grandmother was home, but in fact she would have preferred her to not be.
'The last thing I need is Grandmother going on about my life…' She realised that her grandmother was quite damningly right on many things, which was another reason to get in, retrieve Kuro, and get out. She took off her shoes anyway, which proved wise in just a moment…
"I was beginning to wonder if you would show up before I die!" said her grandmother with a glare at her. Ritsuko just about managed to not sigh, and also not to start rattling off the many highly secret (and highly questionable) projects keeping her busy recently.
Her grandmother scoffed. "At least you know to take off your shoes! Otherwise, I would think you forgot everything I tried to teach you. Well, don't just stand there like a spare prick at a wedding; why did you show up, anyway?" she asked, pointing to the living room and putting on water for coffee.
"I came for my cat," said Ritsuko as she took a seat and started looking for the feline. She tasted the coffee. It was bitter enough to make her toes curl, but she drank it anyway. 'At least it is not chilli flavour…'
The older Akagi gave her a questioning look. "Are you sure about that? Or will you bring it back in a week saying you are too busy to care for it?" That stung. Ritsuko was about to protest that she did not do that, but she thought about it again: 'Is ditching Kuro for a hope that Gendo might one day visit me in any way a better reason?' If she was honest with herself (something that she found painful to be recently), it was much worse. But there was no point in telling her grandmother that.
-x-
Sunday evening
-x-
The first day after her disastrous "dinner" at Katsuragi's and the late night heart-to-heart with Misato was a day that Ritsuko spent mostly sleeping and trying not to think about the experience, or about the fact that even the stuff she had already divulged was more than enough to earn her a spot on Gendo's shit list. Let alone the stuff she expected she would have to give up to keep in Misato's good books going forward.
She realised she simply did not account for the possibility that Misato might start caring for Ayanami at all. Either that was Shinji's doing, or she did not know Misato as well as she thought she did.
She tried to get back to work for a while, but found she was unable to focus properly. Thankfully, nothing was due for a week; she could even take a week off, now that she thought of it…
-x-
Monday Morning
-x-
"I know that if I can't get home for a night to take care of Kuro, I have enough people now to depend on to do that for me," she said, finishing the coffee. And she realised it was true: 'Maya would do it if I asked her at three in the morning, happily, and a few others; hell, even Misato should be both willing and able to keep a cat alive…'
The cat itself chose that moment to enter the room, and it ostensibly ignored Ritsuko for several moments before deigning to note her.
The older Akagi looked at her granddaughter sternly. "Just know that if you bring it back again, I'll put it up for adoption," she said. "I don't want a cat, and if neither do you, it deserves someone who wants it!"
-x-
Sunday Evening
-x-
Ritsuko looked at the second bottle of wine she was about to open that evening, on the half-filled ashtray on the table. It was empty by the time she sat to read some more of the new book she got from Maya.
She got through maybe half a dozen pages and knew that if she drank any more, she could put the book down right now…
In the end, she tossed aside both and paced to the kitchen to wash her face over the sink. 'I am pathetic,' she thought, looking at her image on the polished fridge.
'I spent the weekend feeling bad about myself and doing nothing about myself…' she almost snarled at that thought. It was not entirely true: she had tried to call Gendo, only to have him hang up with a curt "That will be all, Doctor," once they finished talking shop.
She realised he had been like this for a few weeks by now… 'And I excused that because I thought he was overworked!' Ritsuko snorted, thinking back to her idea to drop in on Gendo wearing nothing but her lab coat when delivering the last week's reports.
Thankfully, she had toned that down to just lingerie, because when she got in, Professor Fuyutsuki was present and they ended up discussing the report she brought for almost forty minutes…
Mostly because the old man could both keep up with her and was genuinely interested, Ritsuko smiled the tiniest bit: it reminded her of the university, of the more innocent days…
'Get your act together, Doctor. It was not a more innocent time; you were just better at ignoring it all while hanging out with Misato and Kaji…' Or was she?
She thought back: did the things weighing on her mind now really NOT bother her all those years ago? Or did she just deal with the same stresses, but with better coping mechanisms?
She recalled her best friend's words. Ritsuko really wanted to be pissed at Misato to the same degree she was at the pilots, but she found it harder than she expected. Because Misato was right: there was no way she would have talked if she was not scared that Asuka would stop mucking around and actually hurt her. And there was more than a little of the truth to Misato's point that her primary responsibility both as the NERV Director of Operations - and as a person - was to Shinji, Asuka, and Rei… and not to Ritsuko.
She felt hurt, but trying as she may, she could not blame Misato for not trusting her. She gave her information on a "need-to-know" basis, but worst of all, Ritsuko often was the one to decide who needed to know what. Gendo "trusted" her to handle the science side of NERV, and even Professor Fuyutsuki, the one man who could go toe-to-toe with her in her department, was happy to give her a free hand in that regard. So she did barely have anyone but herself to blame for a lot of secrets…
While the nature and treatment of Pilot Ayanami was something that she truly was forbidden to speak about, Ritsuko's memory and conscience now happily served her instance after instance when she had withheld something she could have shared with her best friend.
There were dozens of times when Ritsuko chose secrecy when there WAS another way.
She remembered another thing Misato said: "Rits, I know I hurt you. I did it for reasons, but that doesn't make it right. So if we are no longer friends after this, I won't blame you. But I want you to know one thing: unless it comes to salvaging our friendship or taking care of Shinji, Asuka, and Rei, I will put the friendship first." And Ritsuko realised she completely believed that.
"No more pointless secrets, Akagi," she had said - and it felt like a weight that she did not even know about was lifted from her shoulder. She decided to give reading one more try before bed.
-x-
Monday Morning
-x-
Ritsuko met her grandmother's stare. She felt a sting of shame at her words and thought to protest, but then she thought again. She had no right, not until she proved her grandmother wrong. Then she realised that Kuro had walked up to her armchair and jumped on the armrest. Ritsuko smiled, feeling a great deal more at ease than any time in the last few days.
She patted the cat and hissed with surprise when it put one of its paws over her hand and unsheathed the claw. 'Kuro never scratched people!' she thought, but immediately she realised the cat was not scratching: it was holding her hand in place.
"You really have more luck than brains, Ritsuko. If you dumped me like that, I would not want to ever hear of you again!" murmured the older Akagi. But Ritsuko did not pay any attention. She was scratching her cat, and she had decided she was going to take it back home.
-x-
Ritsuko never got to finish the chapter. Her phone started ringing. She got up and went to fetch it, scowling along the way. Only four people had her home number, and two of them were very unlikely to call unless there was an angel attack 'Actually, make it three. Misato said we both need time to think things through - and for once, she was bloody right!'
She grabbed the speaker and, with strenuous effort, managed not to quite snap: "Akagi speaking!"
That turned out to be wise. Ritsuko grimaced when she realised who she was talking to.
'Last thing my conscience needs is to snap at Maya,' she thought as she listened to the excited MAGI whizz on the other end of the line, along with an equally excited rant of scientific phrases that would make sense to maybe half a dozen people on Earth besides herself. She had to smile.
"When I get to Geofront, I'll look it over, Maya; that's a PhD thesis in the making, and a superb one at that!" Ritsuko said, realising she felt - to be honest with herself - proud of her protégé. She kept to herself that she thought of the same improvement to the MAGI earlier that year, but could not justify the budget. For the same reason, she did not put anything in writing except a few breadcrumbs in files no other tech had access to.
As they went on about the idea, Ritsuko found two things. One: for the first time in days, she could completely let go of the past week. She knew, of course, this was too good to last, but she WAS going to seize every moment she could. Two: no matter how things may or may not blow up between her and Misato, there was another person she could relate to, another person who genuinely liked her.
As they chatted, Ritsuko realised she had never put much work into developing a relationship with Maya: even the bread crumbs were more of a 'spur of the moment' thing. 'How many things did I ignore in chase of Ikari's attention?' mused Ritsuko. She noticed that there were some scratches on the table she had her telephone on. She thought to replace it when she put her cat to live at her grandmother's place.
'With something Gendo would have liked,' she thought with a surprising amount of vitriol. She reminisced for a moment, thinking about how Kuro always ignored her in the evening, only to be found sleeping on Ritsuko in the morning…
"Ritsuko Sempai? You went silent. If you are too tired, we can get back to this some other time! I should not have called on the weekend evening in the first place. Gomene, I must have got carried away…" Ritsuko smiled at the other end of the line.
"No, it is alright, Maya; I just got thinking. Say if I have to work long shifts or stay overnight, would you… look after a cat for me?" There was a moment of surprised silence on the other end, and then…
"Hai, Sempai!" That was it: no questions, no conditions, no expectations in return. Then, after a slight pause, Maya said, "I thought you no longer have a cat, Sempai!"
Ritsuko nodded and said, "I sent it to my grandmother when things around EVAs started eating way too much of my time to care for it properly, but I am taking it back. You know I have an amazing Kouhai who will make sure I don't forget to feed it or pet it every so often!"
She was taken aback by her own statement. But then again, she had depended on Maya professionally for years… Ritsuko realised that she was quite willing to now take a gamble and depend on Maya as a friend.
-x-
Monday morning
-x-
Ritsuko ended up carrying Kuro in her handbag: the cat hated cat carriers with a passion, so it was fortunate that Rits brought her biggest handbag and could empty its contents into her pockets. When she opened the door into her apartment, she felt a yank and a black and white firebolt ran straight inside, checking every room and then every nook and cranny of each room, adding new scratch marks as it went.
"Okaeri, Kuro!" said Ritsuko, hanging her coat and going about making herself tea.
Later that evening, she went to bed with the cat doing its usual "I do not recognise you exist" routine in the living room… yet she noticed it keeping a keen eye on her. After several years of failed relationships, this was the first time she went to bed not entirely alone.
Ritsuko realised something else: she was not done fixing the mess that was her life, she had not even begun to fix the mess that was her life, but maybe she was finally done making it even worse…
