Chapter 11
At work the next day, I can feel the anxiety starting to bubble up in my belly, climbing its way up to my chest. It's silly; there's no reason for the anxiety to be any more bothersome than yesterday, but it is. The sense of security I feel not only with being around Edward, but also with being in his home has diminished and has been since I got off his bike this morning. This is a public domain, now. Granted, it's locked to the outside world and James is blacklisted from the building, but with the amount of entry points, my mind can't stop itself from wandering to the "what if…" thoughts. I do my best to push them from my mind, but my lectures and discussions are a little off today and I'm sure my students can feel it.
I'm introducing our last big project before the end of school is here. There are only two weeks left before summer and I find some way every year to make it impossible for my students to check out. Every attempt I've made so far has been futile but that doesn't stop me from continuing to try. This project is hopefully going to be the most successful out of my attempts. My students need to pick one secondary character from the books we've read during the school year and write a chapter from their point of view. They'll have to then do a write up about how the storyline directly affected the character and whether they think this character is a good foil for the protagonist. To finish it off, I'm having them discuss whether they think the character they've chosen is essential to the story or whether the character could successfully be omitted. Regardless of their answer, they need to back it up with evidence from the book.
I'm hoping the inclusion of their own creativity will make this project more exciting for them, but I'm not met with cheers as I pass out the project requirements. I mean, I'm not necessarily expecting cheers, but anything other than the blank stares I'm receiving would be appreciated. I'm suddenly not all that confident in my plans of having them stay checked into my class. I'm just hoping at this point that everyone turns it in because I've made this a good portion of their semester grade. Seeing as the exams before spring break don't end the semester, I've downsized the intensity the exam grades have on their final grades, opting to increase the intensity the final project has on their grades instead. I make this fact known to them, warning them not to slack off on it and to actually care about this project but I'm pretty sure it's fallen mostly on deaf ears.
By lunch, I'm starting to border on jumpy, any unexpected sound making my heart race. Thankfully, I can lock myself in Rose's office and try to unwind a bit before finishing out the latter half of the day. The anxiety bubbling in my stomach makes it hard to even think about eating and I'm sure the lump it's leaving in my throat will make it hard to swallow normally. It doesn't take Rose long to realize I'm not acting myself, either, so I don't get much time to try to calm myself before the barrage of questions get thrown at me.
"What's going on? Are you okay?" she asks, leaning onto her desk, her elbows and forearms flush against the wood and her hands clasped together.
"I'm fine," I lie, frowning a bit as I peel the crust off my sandwich. I've never been picky about the crusts. Emmett was always the one that wouldn't eat a sandwich with crusts growing up. Jasper and I never minded eating every part of the bread, though. I never saw the big deal with eating the crust and always found Emmett protest against it to be a little dramatic.
"Bella," Rose sighs, her frown matching my own. "I know you better than that."
"I'm anxious," I mumble, setting the picked-apart sandwich down. "I'm anxious and on edge and I just…don't feel safe."
"He's not going to come into the school," she reassures me softly.
"It's just that Edward's house is like a bubble, you know? James has no clue who Edward is or where he lives and just being at his house feels like I'm in a bubble away from reality and I wasn't ready to leave that and face the real world this morning," I ramble. Rose gives me an understanding glance but I can see the hint of pity in it. She tries to disguise it, or maybe she's even unaware it's there at all, but I can see it, hiding behind the understanding. I let out a sigh, dropping my glance to my lap, as I press my back further into the couch.
"I sound stupid," I grumble.
"No, you don't," Rose assures me quickly. "I completely get what you're saying. You wouldn't have that same feeling at my place or Mom and Dad's place because that's somewhere he knows you could be." I nod, moving my gaze back up to hers.
"How was Edward's yesterday?" she asks and I can't help but smile a bit.
"I have a toothbrush spot," I say. Looking at me as if I have two heads, it's easy to tell that Rose wasn't expecting this answer. It's not your typical answer in response to a question about how something was, but it makes complete sense if you understand.
"When I spent the night Saturday, Edward gave me a toothbrush in the morning and I put it in the box again, not sure where else to put it. When I got up this morning, it was in his toothbrush holder. I have a toothbrush spot."
"I feel like that's something Christina or Meredith would say on Grey's Anatomy," she smirks and I giggle a bit.
"Who does that make me?"
"Christina for sure. Emmett's my McDreamy," she explains with a laugh.
"Okay, that's not fair," I laugh with her. "Can't I be Meredith's sister or something? She would say something like that, wouldn't she? And she gets McSteamy, right?" To be honest, all I know about the show is from the few scattered episodes I've watched at Rose's house, but I think I've got the relationships right.
"I mean, yeah, but they break up for a bit. Surely, you don't want that."
"No, definitely not," I laugh. As if he knows we're talking about him, my phone vibrates on Rose's desk and a notification shows Edward's name with Text Message written beneath it. Rose picks up my phone before I have time to reach for it and types in my password.
"What's McSteamy up to today?" she asks as she opens the text.
"Rose," I whine. "What if it's something not for your eyes?"
"Trust me if you and Edward are sexting, you wouldn't leave your phone on my desk or you'd change your password," she says, giving me a knowing glance. "Sexting isn't your style, anyways. Although, neither was texting until recently." She glances down at my phone, her smile breaking into a grin. She starts tapping on the phone.
"What are you doing?" I groan and try to reach for the phone. She giggles and leans back in her chair as she continues to tap and type. Finally, she sits back up and grins at me.
"You two are too cute, oh my god," she giggles as she hands the phone to me. Rolling my eyes, I take it and look down at the message.
Can't wait to see you. Pick you up at 3? – E
There's no response under it, so I know she didn't send a text. Glancing up at the name, I realize she's changed it to McSteamy. I look back up at her, trying to muster some annoyance, but overall, I'm just amused by it.
"Just because we're in a high school doesn't mean you need to act like a high schooler," I scold lightly but don't bother changing his name back. Turning my focus back to the phone, I type out my reply.
I'm not sure I'll be done at 3, but you're welcome to come keep me company. My students will be gone by then – B
"You guys should come over for dinner on Friday. Alice and Jasper can come, too."
"That would be fun," I agree with a smile. "Are we turning this into a weekly thing? Dinner at someone's house?"
"It has been a weekly occurrence, hasn't it?" she muses with a small smile and I nod. The bell for the end of lunch rings throughout the hallways and I get up with a sigh before tossing the sandwich into the garbage.
"I'll see you later," I smile as I walk towards the door. Rose calls her goodbye as I round the corner out of her office. As I walk down the hallway, the clack, clack, clack of my heels echoing as I do, I pull out my phone to check if Edward responded. Sure enough, I have a text waiting for me.
I'll take you up on that. See you then – E
Smiling, I drop my phone back in my purse before walking into my room. A few students are already in here, hovering around a single desk as they talk. I stash my purse and lunchbox in one of my cabinets before sitting at my desk to make sure I have everything for these last few class periods.
My afternoon classes seem to be less apathetic about their final project but they're by no means jumping for joy. I realize I shouldn't expect them to be excited about having to do a project for school when they're focused on what they're doing for the summer, but it would be nice to see a little enthusiasm. Regardless, I introduce the project and spend the majority of every period answering questions before I let them get to work on it. While they work, I sit at my desk and try to get some of my work done. Things always get fairly busy by the end of the semester with trying to finish up my grading and getting everything logged into our system. This weekend didn't help with not being able to do any work. Not that I minded the business for most of the weekend but yesterday kind of ruined any hopes of getting work done and I'm a little behind because of it.
The end of the day rolls around quicker than I expected it to, but I'm grateful for it. The school day ends at 2:40 so I have about twenty minutes before Edward should be here. I make my way down to Rose's office, just like every other day, and walk in as she's packing up her bag.
"Hey, I can't hang around too long, Emmett and I have to go to, like, five bakeries this afternoon to test out cakes and they're all between here are Port Angeles," she explains as she continues to pack up.
"I'm guessing Alice set these appointments up?" I giggle a bit and Rose sighs, setting her bag down on her chair as she looks up at me.
"Yes. I love that woman and I'm so appreciative, but this is stressful, you know? It's not even her that's stressful. It's the wedding itself."
"Trust me, I'm aware at the stresses of a wedding. I just didn't have the time crunch stressor."
"No, you had other stressors, though," she points out with a deep frown. It doesn't take me long to realize she's referring to James and I purse my lips a bit in discomfort.
"Yeah, Mom was kind of a bridezilla," I eventually say, trying to avoid the heavy topic of my husband. Rose lets out a slight snicker and shakes her head as she picks up her bag.
"Come on, you ready to go?"
"I'm actually staying for a bit. I didn't get any work done this weekend so I need to finish up some stuff here. I'll walk with you, though." She smiles, a silent acceptance, and we leave her office together.
"How is Emmett going to keep up with his zero-sugar diet and still taste wedding cakes?" I giggle and get an eye roll in response.
"I told him he has to be an active participant and I'm not getting a sugar free cake for our wedding. I think he was happy he had an actual excuse to stop that stupid diet anyways."
"He's worse than you in high school with the fad diets," I laugh.
"It's all to keep the muscle mass, baby," she says, trying to mimic his voice, which only makes me laugh harder. "As if eating a cookie is going to make him lose his muscle mass. The worst part is I have to hide my sugary snacks now because he doesn't want them in the house because it's a 'temptation'," she rants, air quotes and all.
"Well, hopefully this is the end of the sugar prohibition," I say, my voice still a tad higher than normal from my laughter. When we get to Rose's car, she shoves her bag in the passenger seat before closing the door and straightening up. A smirk forms on her face as she looks over my shoulder.
"Okay, your man needs to give Emmett some tips," she muses. I turn to see Edward walking over with two coffees and a pastry bag. Grinning, I glance back at Rose.
"I think you should be the one to tell him that," I giggle. "Maybe he can teach Emmett while Emmett kicks his ass at the gym."
"No, that'll make Emmett up the intensity in the workout just out of spite," Rose laughs as Edward walks up. He greets me with a quick kiss before saying hello to Rose.
"Hey, Edward," she smiles back at him. "Bella, you know what would be really fun?" she asks, her tone bordering on mischievous. I turn to her and quirk an eyebrow to show her she has my attention. "Bringing Edward to dinner on Wednesday. First family dinner as your boyfriend."
"You're just trying to have Mom torture him, aren't you?" I laugh as I glance at him.
"I think I'm more worried about your dad and his gun," he grumbles in response.
"Oh please," Rose smirks, waving her hand as if it can actually wave off his worries. "I don't think he's actually even fired that thing."
"See, I told you," I grin childishly at him and he gives me an annoyed look, a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth.
"Think about it," Rose laughs as she opens her driver's side door. "I have some cakes to taste. I'll see you both later." We wave to Rose as we walk back towards the school.
"Coffee?" Edward offers as he holds a cup out to me. I grin and take it, immediately taking a sip, not caring that it's hot enough to singe my tongue. The sweetness overtakes my tastebuds and I can't stop the moan that escapes my lips as it does. "If that's how you're going to react to the coffee, I'm not sure I want to give you this muffin," he chuckles.
"You can't just dangle a muffin in my face and then not let me have it," I argue with a giggle.
"I don't remember dangling it in your face."
"Metaphorically, Edward," I sigh.
"Still in teacher mode, I see," he teases as I press my keycard to the sensor. The door unlocks and I open it, walking through it with him close behind. There are still more students here than I expected. Most of them either rush to catch their buses or rush to the lot to get as far away from this torturous place as possible. There's still about fifteen minutes before three, though, which is typically the time when the school's truly cleared out of students.
I guide him down the hallway to my classroom to find a student from my third period waiting inside for me. She glances over at me and then at Edward before her eyes widen a bit. She blatantly stares for a moment before turning her gaze away, her eyes still wide and blush covering her cheeks.
"What can I do for you, Jane?" I ask as I set my coffee down and lean on the edge of my desk. Edward makes himself comfortable in my desk chair and I swear I can feel his eyes on me.
"Uhm," Jane pauses, trying to gather her thoughts as she pushes a few stray hairs behind her ear. "So, say I'm choosing to do my project on Pride and Prejudice. Can I choose Mr. Darcy as my character choice?"
"Yes, of course. Elizabeth is the protagonist so any of the other characters would make a great pick for your project." She nods, looking at me, but it doesn't miss my notice that she glances over my shoulder, too, back at Edward. When she looks back at me, I smile a bit wider, amused at her curiosity. Her blush deepens a bit, noticing she's been caught.
"I can do any chapter from his point of view, right?"
"It doesn't even have to be a chapter from the book. You can write a separate chapter from his point of view that you've completely made up, if you want. Just make sure it's accurate to his character and the story line. Mr. Darcy can't go off and slay dragons," I end with a smirk.
"Right, no dragons," she laughs a bit. The sound of footsteps coming up to my door pulls my attention from Jane as two other girls come to the door. They're not in any of my classes but I recognize them from the hallways. They look over at Jane before glancing at me then Edward.
"Jane, come on, we have to get to practice," one of the girls calls, taking her gaze away from Edward long enough to address Jane. Jane looks at me and smiles, thanking me softly for my help before looking back at Edward one last time before hurrying over to her friends. When she gets to them, they seem to walk away in a huddle, giggling. I wait a moment until their footsteps have faded before walking over and closing my door.
"I really can't take you anywhere," I laugh as I come back to my desk, leaning on it in front of him. He rolls his eyes before moving the chair so he's closer to me. "You're going to be the talk of the school," I add in, hoping my teasing is going to get a reaction from him.
"I think you're the only one that notices these things," he laughs before grabbing my hand and gently pulling me towards him. Glad I wore pants today instead of a skirt, I place my knees on either side of his legs, straddling his lap as his hands hold onto the back of my thighs. This chair is definitely not made to withstand the weight of two people and definitely not in this position. It creaks and groans under the awkward position and I hope that it doesn't give out. It'll be hell trying to play off the chair breaking after Jane saw my incredibly attractive boyfriend in here. Her teenage mind will go straight to dirty thoughts and then I'll be the talk of the school before lunch.
"I'm shocked you didn't notice," I giggle. "They weren't at all subtle about it."
"I had my focus on something else," he grins cheekily.
"You were staring at my ass, weren't you?" I frown, giving him a disapproving look, which only makes his grin widen further.
"I was for sure staring at your ass," he admits proudly as his hands travel upwards from my thighs. I roll my eyes as I try to get up off the chair, my frown turning to a smile. Edward's hands tighten on my ass, holding me in place.
"Pervert," I tease with a laugh, lowering my bottom onto his lap, the chair audibly protesting again.
"Can you blame me?" he chuckles as he brings his hands up further to my waist. "And don't think I'm unaware of you staring at my ass."
"I do not!" I laugh loudly. I very much do, but why should I go down with his sinking ship? I can tell he doesn't believe me and, honestly, I wouldn't believe my bullshit either, but he doesn't push it. I give him a quick kiss before pulling his hands from my body so I can stand. As he groans in disapproval, I walk around to the other side of my desk, making sure to sway my hips a little more than normal, making his groan turn into a chuckle. I gather some papers, leafing through them to find what I need.
"I normally don't stay too long after school, I just didn't get any work done this weekend like I wanted to," I explain as I open my laptop once I've found the paper I'm looking for.
"Take your time," he insists as he picks up his coffee off the desk. I pull up the grading system on my laptop before reaching for the pastry bag. As it loads, I pull the double chocolate muffin out of the bag, setting it on top and tearing a piece off.
"How did you know I liked double chocolate muffins?" I ask before popping the piece into my mouth.
"It's sugar, isn't it?" he chuckles. I roll my eyes before taking a sip of my sugar-filled coffee to wash down the muffin.
Once the system is completely loaded, I set in to the tedious task of entering the grades. The only sounds between us are the clicking of my keys and the crinkle of the pastry bag as we each reach for pieces of the muffin. I sneak a few glances at Edward every now and then to find him consumed in his phone. On the fourth glance, the corner of his mouth pulls up in a smirk and I know I've been caught.
"I thought you're supposed to be working," he teases, looking up at me.
"I am," I insist with a smile. "I'm almost done." I turn back to the task at hand, trying to focus enough to finish up. The thought crosses my mind that I can finish this up tomorrow, too. The procrastinator inside me weasels its way to the forefront of my mind, telling me that I've wasted enough time entering grades and that I need to acknowledge the man I haven't seen all day. My internal procrastinator may have an Edward addiction, too. Succumbing to the procrastination, I close my laptop and pile up my papers. Edward looks up at me, quirking an eyebrow.
"You're finished already?" he asks.
"No," I smirk. "But I don't have much left. I can finish it tomorrow."
"Bell, I don't mind waiting for you," he smiles sweetly.
"I know," I smile back before walking around to the other side of the desk. "I'm done for the day and I think you owe me an actual kiss," I grin as I grab his hand. Chuckling, he pockets his phone as he stands before pulling me to him. My heart flutters the way it always does when I'm close to him. The thought of feeling like a teenager with her high school sweetheart crosses my mind again, which is fitting, I guess, seeing as we're in a high school. His hands rest on my hips as his head dips down, our lips meeting in the middle. My arms find their way around his neck, holding him to me as our lips move together. Smiling a bit into the kiss, Edward's hands move to my ass again and I let out a quick shriek when he squeezes.
"Edward!" I laugh against his lips. He grins before his lips make their way across my jawline.
"I couldn't resist," he mumbles against my skin as he makes his way down to my neck. Moaning slightly, I drop my head back to give him better access. His hands travel again to my thighs before he lifts me onto the desk. I have to admit, my teacher heart has dreamt of having sex in my classroom. It sounds like a setting for a cheesy porno, but it's something that I've actually thought about before.
My hands go to Edward's shirt, grabbing fistfuls at the bottom and lifting. Pulling back a bit, he looks at me.
"You want to do this here?" he asks, breathless and I nod. He glances over at the door before pulling away and walking over to it to turn the lock. The metallic click gets me even more excited as I realize this is actually happening. I'm actually about to have sex in my classroom.
Too impatient for him to make his way back over to me, I meet him in the middle, my mouth attaching to his again. Groaning as I press my body into his, he bends a bit to lift me. My legs wrap around his waist and I kick the wedges off my feet, letting them clunk to the floor. He walks us over to my desk, setting me back on top of it.
"I just have one request," I pant as his lips wander again. He moans a bit against my neck, letting me know he's listening. "Don't shove all my stuff off my desk." Chuckling, he pulls away.
"This isn't a movie," he teases, making my already flushed face heat up. "No shoving your stuff. Got it," he agrees before kissing me again. I grab his shirt again, pulling it as far up as I can. He pulls away to pull it over his head and I do the same with mine, not wanting to wait any longer before feeling his skin against mine. Edward reaches behind me to unclasp my bra as my lips make contact with his neck. I kiss my way from the side of it to the front, letting my teeth graze his Adam's apple. A groan escapes Edward's lips and I smile before continuing to kiss along his neck. Once Edward has my bra undone, he pulls it off, tossing it onto the floor.
My hands go hastily to his belt, pulling at it before unhooking it. I shove his pants and boxer briefs down past his thighs, swallowing thickly as his cock stands at attention. Bringing his mouth back to mine, his lips are firm and hungry, his tongue pressing against mine. In a burst of confidence, I grab his cock in my hand, pumping it a few times as Edward's breath hitches.
"Fuck," he sighs against my lips. I swipe my thumb across the top of it, spreading the precum as my hand makes its way down his shaft again. "Bella," he pants as his hips buck up into my hand. His hands go to my pants, undoing the button and zipper. Letting go of him, I stand up, pushing my pants and panties down, kicking them off once they hit the floor. Looking over at my desk, Edward picks up the laptop and papers, setting them on my desk chair before wrapping an arm around my waist and lifting me, grabbing my thigh with his other hands as he does. I lay back on the desk, his body still flush against mine the whole time, a shiver making its way down my spine as my skin makes contact with the cool wood.
Pulling back a bit, his eyes slowly work their way down my body, stopping momentarily at my breasts. As his eyes come back up, they stop again at my breasts but this time, he brings his mouth down onto one of them. I cry out softly as his tongue swipes against my nipple, my hand going to the back of his head, grabbing a fistful of hair. One of his hands wanders between my legs, his middle and ring finger slipping between my folds. Moaning out, I arch my back into him and feel his smile against my chest. I don't even have to be looking at him to know he's feeling pretty smug about how I'm reacting to him.
"Edward," I practically moan, calling his attention. He lifts his head to look at me as he comes up to be face to face with me. I know I should feel ridiculous saying this and feel like I'm in that cheesy classroom porno, but I can't stop myself from telling him, "Fuck me." His lips meet mine as his hand lifts my leg, hooking it around his hip. Wasting no time, he slides himself into me, stopping for a moment as we both moan at the contact. Before long, though, he's pulling out only to slam back in, his thighs slapping against mine.
Letting my head fall back against the desk, I grip his shoulders as he does just what I asked. The sweet, gentleness from the other night is gone only to be replaced by hunger and lust. Edward's mouth leaves a trail of fire as he kisses my chest and neck, nipping at the sides of my breasts. Groaning, I pull his face up to mine, taking his bottom lip between my teeth.
"No more hickeys on my chest," I pant against his mouth, getting a grin from him.
"Just your chest?" he teases breathlessly.
"Edward!" I moan out, intending it to sound disapproving but as I say it, he shifts, hitting that spot deep inside me that leaves me seeing stars and disapproval because a lustful moan. Knowing what he's done, he hits that spot over and over and I'm just about to come undone, the familiar tightening inside me that feels like it's about to snap. Sensing how close I am, he reaches down and presses his thumb against my clit, rubbing it in circles. This is my undoing and trying to stop myself from screaming out, I pull his lips to mine roughly, moaning against them as his mouth moves against mine. He doesn't slow down while I ride out my high, my back arching, my chest flush against his.
Once I've come done from my high, I get another surge of confidence and push Edward gently off me, guiding him to lay down on the desk. I straddle his waist, sliding myself down onto him and watch as his head drops onto the desk and his eyes roll into the back of his head. I slowly bring myself up before lowering back down just as slow. This is the first time I've actually had control and I love the feeling of it. His hands grip my waist, guiding me up and down on him, helping to set a quick pace. Our labored breathing and the sound of our bodies crashing together fill every space in my mind and just one look at him tells me he's experiencing the same thing. We're both lost in the feeling, in each other, and in this moment.
Edward takes his hands from my hips and the skin his fingers gripped tingles and feels cold at the loss of contact. He pushes himself up so our chests are flush together before holding my waist again and leaning in to kiss me. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, holding onto them as I move against him. The hunger and lust have died out a bit, but is still present enough to keep us at our quickened pace. The sense of urgency, though, is gone. There's no rush to this, as if everything has faded from the world except for him and me. He moves his lips from mine and trails down to my neck, nipping and sucking the skin there and I no longer seem to care that there's going to be a mark there tomorrow.
His fingers squeeze a bit tighter on my waist as he helps me come down on him harder and I can feel he's close to coming. One of his hands trails down my pelvis, his thumb finding my clit again. I moan out, resting my forehead against his as I feel myself getting close, too. I start moving a bit faster, trying to find that sweet spot he found earlier, knowing it'll push me over the edge with him. He shifts his hips slightly, hitting that spot perfectly and it takes everything in me not to cry out at the sensation. I feel my walls clamp around him as I reach my climax, his name flowing from my lips over and over. As I hit my peak, Edward releases into me, his whole body stiffening as he moans my name into my shoulder.
When we both come down from our orgasms, he lays back on the desk and I lean forward, resting my head on his shoulder. I have so many thoughts running through my head that I want to make a coherent sentence but are words even needed right now? Didn't we say everything we needed just doing this? But I'm me and I talk and I say things without thinking and—
"I love you," I sigh before freezing, my whole body heating up in mortification. Sitting up, I try to rectify the situation with, "This. I love this. This was amazing. I've always wondered what doing it in the classroom would," I ramble only to be cut off by Edward saying my name. I bring my gaze up to his, anxious about what his reaction is going to be.
"I really hope you meant that first thing you said," he murmurs, looking me straight in the eyes. "Because I love you, too." For a second, I forget how to breathe. In and out, in and out, in and out. Then I forget how to speak, my mouth opening and closing like I'm a fish out of water. I almost feel like I forget how to think but the thought oh my god, he loves me. He loves me? Holy shit, he loves me keeps running through my head at various volumes.
"I," I start, trying to find the right words. "You do?" I finish lamely. Chuckling a bit, he pushes himself up, hugging me to him.
"I do," he assures me. "Do you?" he smirks, knowing that I know he already knows the answer. I nod, swallowing nervously.
"I do," I whisper, a grin slowly spreading across my face. He grins back at me before leaning in to kiss me softly. When he pulls away, his forehead rests against mine.
"I have to say, though, I didn't expect us to say it like this," he teases and I groan.
"You fucked the common sense out of me," I laugh, blushing at the boldness of that statement but he laughs, too. I love his laugh but there's something different about it right now. This post-coital high that we're on and the high of saying I love you for the first time and his laugh is just…perfect.
"That's insinuating you had common sense to begin with," he quips with a poke to my side. I squirm in his arms, gently pushing his shoulders.
"Hey! That was rude!" I scold lightly and he chuckles.
Leaning forward to place a soft kiss on my lips, he mumbles, "But you love me."
"You're lucky I do," I smirk and his face lights up in a large grin. Reluctantly, I pull away, looking around the room. "We should get dressed," I sigh as the realization that we're in a public domain comes back into mind. He groans but doesn't protest. Getting off his lap, my thighs protest as they hold my body upright. Edward gets off the desk after me, beginning to gather his clothes. I slip my legs into my panties before pulling my pants on. As I button and zip them, Edward holds out my bra for me. I give him a thankful smile before slipping my arms into the straps and clasp it behind my back. He pulls his underwear and pants on in one swift motion before pulling his shirt over his head. Once I have my shirt on, I grab my phone, turning the camera on so I can check my hair. I run my fingers through it, trying to tame it a bit before deciding it has to go up. Bending forward, I gather my hair at the top of my head and tie it in an elastic as I stand upright again.
Edward helps me gather my belongings as I shove everything into my bag. Everything I decide not to take gets shoved into my drawer and I finish preparing to leave by pushing my chair into the desk.
"Ready?" he asks as I zip my bag up.
"Ready," I smile. He takes my bag from me, slinging it over his shoulder and grabs my hand in his. Unlocking the door, he opens it for us, letting it close behind us again. We walk down the empty hallways as we make our way to the front of the building. I silently praise whatever higher being that didn't let anyone hear us or catch us as we christened my classroom. I should've been more nervous about that before initiating it, but the thought only just now crossed my mind as we walk through the school.
XOXO
Wednesday comes around quicker than I expect it to. After getting home Monday, I went to go shower only to have Edward come in and basically jump me. We figured out just how difficult shower sex is but it was so, so worth it. I never quite realized how much fun and laughter can come from sex. I mean, yeah, sex is generally always fun, but sex with Edward is different than with anyone else. We can laugh and joke around and just be ourselves while still getting each other off. It's also so crazy to me that we can go from the intense fucking that we did in my classroom to being playful and laughing while doing it, too.
Even apart from the shower sex, a normal shower with Edward is probably my new favorite thing. I don't think I ever want to wash my hair or body on my own again. It'll never be the same or compare to how amazing it feels to have his hands massaging my scalp or lathering soap all over my body.
"Okay, this is the second day that you're sitting here looking smug as hell and like you've literally just married Ryan Reynolds. What is up with you?" Rose asks as I jab my fork into my salad. I know exactly what she's talking about because I haven't been able to wipe this stupid grin off my face since Monday. I didn't get to talk to her much yesterday because she was busy during our lunch hour but she noticed my mood when we walked out of school together. Apparently, she's done not knowing what's made me feel like this.
We don't typically talk about our sex lives, mainly because hers involves my brother, and that's just gross, but is there really a reason for me not to tell her at least something about mine? She's always overshared until I've told her to stop and that she was scarring me with the amount of information she gave, but that was all joking, wasn't it? Figuring I can test the waters a bit, I give into telling her.
"We had sex in my classroom," I whisper, despite the closed door, and my grin widens.
"Stop it! When?" Rose yells, leaning forward on her desk, her interest piqued.
"Monday." The memory of it gives my cheeks some color and I have to force myself to focus on the current moment instead of getting stuck in the memory for a bit.
"Bella Swan, I didn't peg you for someone to have sex in a public place," she laughs.
"I mean, the door was locked and I don't have any windows in my room, so," I shrug, trying to justify it.
"It's still a public place! Hell, the janitorial staff has keys to every room. They could have gotten a free show," she insists, wiggling her eyebrows a few times.
"Ew, Rose," I groan as I scrunch my nose, making her laugh a little more.
"I knew he would fit the McSteamy name," she laughs and I shake my head with an eye roll. "Okay, so you had sex in your classroom. It was that good that you're still grinning two days later?"
"I mean, yes? But, also, no? It was by far some of the best I've ever had but," I trail off, breathing in deep before finishing with, "I told him I loved him after."
"After the sex?" she clarifies and I nod.
"It just slipped out and I tried to play it off like I misspoke but he said it back."
"I knew it!" Rose exclaims triumphantly. "I told you! Didn't I tell you? That man is head over heels in love with you."
"Alright, Rose, you told me," I giggle. She drums her hands on her desk in excitement, clearly high off her triumph. Shaking my head, I let her have her moment.
"Did you decide if you're bringing him to dinner tonight?" she asks, still giddy.
"He's coming, yes," I roll my eyes. Focusing back on my salad, I shove a forkful of lettuce in my mouth.
"Maybe don't do that at dinner," Rose comments and I look up at her scrunched nose. Shaking my head, I swallow my food before responding to her.
"He already loves me, I'm not trying to win him over," I joke.
"Eating like that is worthy of him falling out of love with you," she teases.
"There's nothing wrong with how I eat," I argue lightly.
"Bella, you just shoved two mouthfuls of food into your mouth at once."
"And he's seen me do it before," I laugh.
"How you still have a boyfriend is beyond me," she laughs with me, shaking her head.
"How you're still my best friend is beyond me," I quip, raising an eyebrow. Shaking her head, she tosses a grape at me. "Hey!" I laugh as it hits my shoulder.
"Did you make the chocolate pie like Mom asked?" Rose asks, changing the subject.
"Yeah, Edward and I made it last night. Well, I made it and Edward tried to help," I laugh.
"Tried to help?" she giggles.
"He almost ruined the whole pie. He really doesn't bake well."
"You don't even bake chocolate pie."
"Oh, trust me, I know. I asked him to put the corn starch and the cocoa powder in and he almost switched the amounts. If I didn't catch him trying to put a half cup of cornstarch in, the pie would have been ruined," I giggle.
"Imagine bringing a ruined pie to Mom and Dad's," Rose laughs and I join in.
A few moments later, the bell rings for classes to start again and I leave Rose's office, my grin still on my face.
After school, Rose and I walk out together in our typical Wednesday rush. Mom likes us to come over by five because she likes to, as she puts it, catch up with us before dinner. As if we change drastically every week. We don't sprint out of school as soon as the bell rings, but we do make a point to be a little quicker than usual.
As we walk out the doors, I spot Edward leaning against his bike next to Rose's car in the lot. As if he can feel me staring, he looks up, his face breaking into a grin.
"Oh god, you two have it bad," Rose teases when she sees Edward.
"Shut up," I laugh as we make our way over. "Jane came in after class Monday to ask about the project and I doubt she actually heard anything I told her because she was drooling over Edward," I giggle and Rose laughs.
"That poor girl is probably trying to convince her friends that they're in love and that age is just a number," she jokes as we come up to Edward. Just like Monday, he greets me with a kiss and Rose with a hello.
"What's so funny?" he asks curiously.
"I was telling her about the student that you dazzled on Monday," I giggle.
"Bella pays really close attention as to who's looking at me," he jokes, looking at Rose.
"I do not," I laugh. "I can't help it I notice people looking at you. Plus, it's hard not to notice when she was clearly looking behind me instead of at me while I was talking to her."
"Again, I didn't notice," he chuckles. Shaking my head, I pick the helmet up off the bike.
"Alright, Bella, I've got to go pick up my Mc before heading to Mom's. You have fun with your Mc," she winks and smiles at me mischievously before adding, "Just don't go defiling anything on the way home."
"Rose!" I whine, knowing my face has to be red. Her laughter borders on cackling as she gets into her car.
"Safe to say you two had girl talk today?" Edward chuckles and I smile nervously at him. Laughing a bit more, he leans in and kisses me before taking the helmet and putting it on me. Lifting the face shield, he looks at me curiously. "Do I want to know what a Mc is?" Closing my eyes, I let out a sigh before answering.
"Rose dubbed you McSteamy and Emmett McDreamy. I made a comment the other day that she claims sounds like it could be a line from Grey's Anatomy and then tried to figure out which characters we are."
"McSteamy?" he laughs.
"Yeah, McSteamy. For the record, I think you're more of a McDreamy type but Rose claims that's Emmett."
"I have no clue what any of that means," he points out, laughter still rolling through his body.
"That's probably better, actually," I smile before pulling the face shield back into place. Shaking his head, he gets on the bike and holds his hand out to me. I take it, swinging one leg over the bike and pressing my body against Edward's. Looking around, I can see several students, especially female, looking our way. Some of their mouths are hanging open and some are trying to pretend like they aren't staring. Edward, of course, seems oblivious to this. This man is going to probably be the talk of the whole school and he's just blissfully ignorant.
Remaining in his ignorance, he starts up the bike and pulls out of the lot, leaving the high schoolers behind to wipe up their drool and compose themselves. Edward drives us the short distance to his house and I get off his bike, taking the lead as we go inside. Before the door is even closed, Edward has me pinned against the wall playfully, his body pressed against mine. Laughing, I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him in for a kiss. A sigh passes through his lips as he kisses me, his hands roaming my body.
"You know," I pant when he breaks away, his lips traveling across my jaw and down to my neck. "We don't have time for this," I remind him as playfully bites at the skin at the base of my neck. "Edward!" I cry out through a laugh, pushing him gently so he's at arm's length, a shit-eating grin on his face. "You're the one that claims he's scared of being shot tonight. You really want to leave a mark on my neck?" His smile falls quickly and a groan rumbles in his throat.
"Don't remind me about the gun," he whines.
"Just so you know, it's standard for him to clean his gun at the kitchen table whenever I bring a guy home," I add on, only partly joking. He's only done that once and he's already met Edward so I doubt he'll be cleaning his gun. Plus, Mom tends to rein him in a bit if she's around.
"You can't be serious," he frowns. I just smirk at him and walk up the stairs, heading to the room to change out of my work clothes. "Bella, you're not serious, right?" he tries to clarify, following a few paces behind me.
"I guess you'll just have to figure that out tonight," I tease. I walk into his closet where he insisted I store my clothes and gather a pair of jeans and one of his t-shirts. As I leave the closet, I see him sitting on the bed, pouting. Grinning, I walk over to him, straddling his lap.
"It's not funny," he frowns at me but his eyes show a playfulness.
"I think it's really funny," I disagree. "And he's only done that once when I was in high school. The poor guy came to pick me up for homecoming and nearly left without me," I laugh at the memory. "I made it up to him, though," I add on.
"Oh, did you?" he quirks an eyebrow, his tone letting me know he doesn't believe I'm being serious.
"Yeah, that was the first time I went to third base with a guy," I laugh and Edward opens his mouth to say something but stops, looking unsure of what to say but also amused.
"You've picked a really strange time to tell me this," he chuckles. "You're literally in my lap. You can feel what you're doing to me," he says, emphasizing his point by pressing his hips into me before continuing, "and you're telling me about giving your high school homecoming date a blow job?"
"And, yet, you haven't pushed me away," I grin, pressing myself down onto him. He groans and holds me still, my body still flush against his.
"If you keep doing that, we're going to be late," he says, his voice strained a bit.
"Not if we're quick," I grin, leaning in to kiss him. Groaning again, he wraps an arm around my waist and flips us so I'm laying with him flush on top of me and I'm loving the heavy pressure his weight puts on my body. "Speaking of quick, that date," I start but Edward cuts me off.
"Bella!" he cries out in a mixture of a surprised laugh and a groan and I can't stop the laughter erupting from me.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I gasp out as he stares down at me. "I couldn't help it."
"You're insane, you know that?" he laughs. "At the risk of sounding selfish, I want you to be thinking of just me at times like this," he adds on, smiling down at me humorously.
"Trust me, you're all I can ever think about," I admit, blushing a bit. With a quick shake of his head, he leans down and kisses me, smiling against my lips. "I love you," I mumble as he pulls away.
"For some strange reason, I love you too," he jokes.
"Now come on," I laugh as I push my hips up against his. Laughter shakes through his body before he kisses me again, the both of us quickly pulling our clothes off each other.
I'm so glad it doesn't take long to get anywhere in Forks. Beyond glad, actually. Our quickie turned into a quickie and some fooling around and by the time we finished, it was closing in on five o'clock. Mom is going to be upset that we're running behind, but she'll get over it.
Edward parks at the end of the driveway and I grab the pie, leaning over to kiss him quickly before getting out of the car. We make our way up to the porch before I let us inside, only to be immediately attacked by Rufus.
"Hey, Ru!" I grin as I hand the pie to Edward. I get down on Rufus' level and pet him as he wiggles in circles, pressing his body into mine as he does. Mom comes out to the front hallway, a stern expression on her face when she sees me.
"You're late," she points out, even though there's no actual set time to be here. She likes us here early but has never set an actual time for us to get here.
"Sorry, I had some work I had to finish up before we came over," I excuse effortlessly. Sighing, she looks up at Edward and her face breaks into a smile.
"Hello, Edward," she greets, her smile growing. "I can't be upset with you over Bella's faults. And you've brought dessert," she muses as I stand up, Rufus running off back to the living room.
"I'm not sure I can take credit for the pie," Edward chuckles. "It's good to see you again, Renee," he greets as he gives her a one-armed hug.
"He definitely can't take credit for the pie," I concur with him, taking the pie as Mom pulls away from him. She finally moves over, letting us further into the house. He follows me into the kitchen where Alice and Rose are sitting at the table.
"It's about time you two showed up," Rose smirks knowingly. Rolling my eyes, I smile back at her before placing the pie in the fridge and grabbing two beers.
"Hello again, Rose," I laugh. "Hey, Al," I grin.
"Hey," she grins. "What took you two so long?" she asks.
"Bella had some work to finish up," Edward answers, making it so we've both lied to our families in a matter of minutes. He kisses my cheek before heading to the living room where the guys were, undoubtedly, watching some game that's on.
"Bella, you didn't take any work home today," Rose grins wickedly, calling me out on my bullshit.
"How did you get any work done without taking any home?" Mom asks as she walks into the kitchen, picking up on our conversation.
"I already had some at home," I lie, shooting daggers out of my eyes at Rose.
"Since when do you keep work at home? Don't you need to have it at school at some point?"
"Rosalie," I warn and she grins at me again. Alice, who's been looking between us through this encounter, finally understands what's going on and verbally lets us know.
"Ew, Bella!" she groans and I scrunch my eyes shut, my nose scrunching as well, as I know Mom's about to catch on, too, after this exclamation.
"What's so gross about doing work at home?" Mom asks before gasping and adding, "Bella! Right before family dinner?"
"Oh, come on, Rose and Emmett did it before almost every family dinner when we all lived here," I point out. If I'm going down, I'm sure as hell bringing Rosalie down with me.
"We were horny teenagers," she admits with a somewhat proud smile. I take a long drink of my beer before sitting next to Alice at the table, hoping the conversation strays away from my sex life.
"Was it worth it, at least?" Rose laughs and I gape at her, my mouth hanging open.
"Rose!" I whine at the same time as Alice. Alice covers her ears, shaking her head and repeating that she did not want to hear this. My phone buzzes in my pocket as I watch Rose laugh at our expense and Alice continue to panic about hearing about her brother's sex life. Pulling my phone out, I see I have a text from Edward.
You're all being so loud that your brothers and FATHER know what happened before we came over. I swear to god, if he gets his gun, you're walking home – E
I shouldn't find it funny that my whole family now knows that sex is what actually made us late, but for some reason, Edward's text is hilarious to me. I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing but the smile on my face can't be helped. It also doesn't help that Edward said home and not my house. I know I'm only staying there temporarily but it makes my heart flutter that he's speaking about it like it's ours.
You're the one that started it as soon as we got home – B
I'm not taking the blame on this one. Nope – E
"Guys, dinner's ready!" Mom calls before I have time to send another text. The guys walk into the kitchen with Edward in tow, holding Riley, behind my brothers and dad. I glance back at Edward, mouthing a sorry with a sheepish smile and he rolls his eyes and winks at me in response.
"Smells good in here, Ma," Jasper comments as he sits to Alice at the table. With the added people, the table is definitely more cramped than normal, but no one seems to mind.
"Thank you, I figured I would try a new recipe," she grins as she places a casserole dish in front of us. Taking the lid off, the aroma circling through the kitchen intensifies, the smell of cumin and chili powder filling the room. "Enchiladas," she boasts. We dive into our food serving routine, swiftly adding Alice into the mix now, too.
"So, Rose, Alice, how is the wedding planning going?" Mom asks once everything settles down.
"This is my wedding too, Ma," Emmett almost whines.
"Do you have any idea what is going on in the planning process?" Mom challenges him.
"We're having a vanilla cake with a lemon custard thing," he announces proudly.
"A lemon compote," Rose rolls her eyes. "The planning is going really well. It's really stressful, but Alice is a huge help," she continues, smiling over at Alice, who beams back at her.
"The stress will all be worth it, I promise," Alice insists. "We're almost done planning anyways. I've found a florist for you to talk to that is able to make your arrangements on the time crunch. It's a little pricey, but they do great work and they're agreeing to work you in."
"That's perfectly fine, Al," Rose approves.
"I may have to start charging Eddie more per training session, though," Emmett jokes and Edward groans, rolling his eyes.
"You start charging me more and I'm going to find another trainer," Edward quips with a deadpan expression.
"You wouldn't dare," Emmett gasps in exaggerated offense, complete with his hand over his heart.
"Try me," Edward smirks.
"How did you get into wedding planning, Alice?" Dad asks and I look at Jasper, who looks just as confused as I do. Dad doesn't really do the whole getting to know people thing. He listens to conversations around him and responds idly but I've never heard him ask anyone a question directly about their life. This is the first time Alice is meeting Dad and it seems like she's winning him over quickly.
"I've actually always wanted to become an event planner," she smiles, correcting her job title gently. "It's always been a passion of mine. I used to help my mom plan all the parties she would throw and I just continued on with it professionally."
"Well, good for you," Dad responds with a fatherly smile before looking between Jasper and me. "It'll still be a couple of days on your house. We've decided to sweep the whole of the house, trying to find anything we can."
"So, you didn't find anything in my room, then."
"Not really, no," Dad frowns. "He took a lot of care when in your room." I nod, biting the inside of my cheek. Edward's hand rests on my leg under the table, his thumb running along the side of my knee. I look over at him and give him a small smile.
The rest of dinner is spent in comfortable conversation, everyone doing their best to avoid any heavy subjects. As Mom passes out slices of pie afterwards, she glances at Edward.
"How's the job going, Edward?" she asks offhandedly. "Save any lives lately?" she adds jokingly. I smile over at Edward and I see him looking at Dad almost nervously before looking back at Mom.
"No, I don't have many lifesaving opportunities as a pediatrician," he chuckles, although it's a bit off.
"Maybe you should reconsider being a pediatrician, then," Dad says in a tone that I can't quite figure out. It sounds a bit joking but a bit chastising as well.
"Dad," I frown, looking over at him. "And how many lives do you save at FPD?" I ask.
"Well, we got a call the other day about a drunken man walking at the edge of a pond. One of my officers took him home, which could have saved his life," he smirks.
"I guess I could save lives through preventative measures, too," Edward tells Dad, quirking an eyebrow as if to challenge him. They exchange a look with each other that I can't seem to figure out. It's frustrating, as if they're having a silent conversation. Looking over at Rose, I find she's already looking at me, picking up on the same thing I have. She mouths the word what? to me, asking the same thing I am. I shrug and look back at Edward. He looks over at me and gives me a small smile but it doesn't quite reach his eyes.
Looking back down at the pie, I find my appetite is completely gone. The interaction between Edward and Dad is confusing me and I don't understand what's going on. It's not like they've had the chance to do this before. I can count on one hand the number of times they've been anywhere near each other. Does Dad not like Edward? Is that what this is about? Did something happen in the living room? Edward's hand lightly squeezes my thigh and I realize I've been bouncing my leg. I place my hand on top of his, rubbing my thumb along the side of his hand.
Leaning over to my ear, he whispers, "Breathe, it's okay." I look at him and nod, taking a deep breath and holding it for a moment before releasing it. Turning my attention back to the dinner table conversation, Emmett and Jasper are in the middle of an argument about who has the superior couch. I'm so lost on how we got to this conversation, but I put in my two cents.
"Sorry, Jas, your couch is comfortable as hell, but if I could live on Emmett's couch, I would," I throw out, giggling a bit.
"I told you!" Emmett yells.
"Bella, did you have to feed his ego?" Jasper groans.
"If his ego is that fragile that having a better couch boosts it, he has worse problems than we thought," I grin and Emmett shoots me a playful glare.
"Is there a reason you're not eating the pie you brought?" Rose asks humorously. "Should we be worried that we ate it?"
"Oh, no," I laugh a bit, looking down at my untouched dessert. "I think I ate too many enchiladas. Edward ate his piece. If he had actually messed it up, he wouldn't be eating it."
"I wasn't going to mess up the pie," he groans a bit.
"You were until I stopped you," I correct, smirking at him.
"Bella said you almost switched two ingredients," Rose throws out.
"I guess Bella failed to mention that she handed me the wrong ingredient," he says, pulling me down with him in this dispute.
"Oh, that she did," Rose laughs, turning to me. "You handed him the wrong ingredient?"
"I handed him an ingredient he needed," I huff.
"You handed me the cornstarch while telling me about the cocoa powder amount."
"I had told you about the cornstarch amount, too! They're two completely different colors, too."
"Okay, okay, you're both at fault," Dad mutters. I glance over at him to see him giving Edward a hard stare.
"Alright, what's with that?" I ask, unable to stop myself. Dad looks at me questionably but doesn't say anything. "You and Edward have been looking at each other weirdly this whole time. Did something happen that I don't know about?" My eyes widen a bit before I turn to Edward. "He didn't actually get his gun out, did he?"
"Bella, of course I didn't!" Dad defends himself. I look back at him before looking at Edward again.
"Then what's going on? Because it feels like you two have some secret dispute that I'm unaware of." Edward looks at Dad and as I glance over, I see Dad nod at him. I hear Edward sigh, pulling my attention back to him.
"Let's go back to my place," he whispers to me. Confused, I feel my eyebrows scrunch together a bit. It doesn't miss my notice that he didn't refer to it as home. It's his place now. Nodding, I stand up.
"What's going on?" Mom asks, looking at Dad. Dad looks over at her, his stare seeming to tell her he'll let her know later.
"We'll see you guys later," I mutter nervously. "I'll see you in the morning, Rose," I say, looking at her. She nods, giving me a concerned look and I shrug at her. Edward takes my hand, squeezing it lightly before looking over at Mom.
"Dinner was amazing, Renee, thank you," he says, giving her a sincere smile. She smiles back at him but doesn't say anything. The vibes in the room are uneasy and confused but we don't stick around long enough for them to really get to me. Edward leads us out of the house and to his car. The feeling of not knowing is solid in my chest and stomach, leaving an uncomfortable feeling in my gut. Opening the door for me, he waits for me to get into the car before walking around to his side.
Glancing over at Edward, I feel a bit of anxiety bubbling in my belly, clawing its way up to my chest. This feeling is foreign and I'm not sure how to handle it. I don't get anxiety with him, this isn't normal, but something about his demeanor has shifted and I'm not sure what to expect from him. He glances in his rearview mirror before backing out of the driveway, starting the short trek back to his house.
"Hey," I say, my voice sounding small, almost fearful. With a shaky hand, I reach for his and he threads his fingers through the spaces between mine and brings my hand to his lips, his eyes never leaving the road. "Are you okay? Is this about how loud we were in the kitchen? Did Dad say something to you about it? I really am sorry about that," I ramble, my voice starting to shake.
"What? No, Bella, no," he shakes his head, finally looking over at me, although the glance is brief. "You did nothing wrong."
"You're just," I start, shaking my head as I try to figure out how to describe what I'm seeing. I finally settle on, "different." The anxiety settles in my chest and throat, making it difficult to swallow. Letting go of my hand, he settles his hand on top of my thigh, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on my exposed skin. "I don't want you shutting me out like you did a few weeks ago," I confess in a whisper. Frowning a bit, he glances over at me again.
"I'm not going to shut you out, I swear. I just," he starts, sighing unhappily. "I need to tell you something and I'm nervous about your reaction." There should be a handbook about dealing with people with anxiety because Edward just broke what would probably be one of the first five rules when talking to someone with anxiety. Don't tell them you have something to tell them and not immediately elaborate on what that is. Bonus points, too, for saying he's nervous about my reaction.
"Breathe, Bella," Edward coaches as he parks in the driveway. I know he can tell my anxiety is becoming overbearing and it doesn't help when he removes his hand. I turn my head to see him get out of the car. Not taking my eyes off him, I fumble with my seatbelt, trying to get it undone. He makes his way around the car, his pace quickened, before opening my door. I finally manage to get the seatbelt undone and he helps me out, pulling me into his arms. Closing my eyes, I press my forehead against his shoulder and I'm able to feel the Edward I've grown to love. I can feel how much he cares and the compassion he holds as he hugs me to him. This is the Edward that keeps my anxiety from getting too heavy. Like my own personal miracle drug, he, yet again, fights back the anxiety and I can feel it dwindling the longer he holds me. We stand there for a few minutes, his lips pressing softly against the side of my head.
"Are you okay?" he asks, his own voice sounding unsure and a little fearful. He pulls away and I'm met with a stare that matches his tone. The statement of him needing to tell me something comes back to the forefront of my mind and I shrug.
"You're scaring me a bit," I admit, blushing. "I just need you to tell me what you need to say. The anticipation is messing with my anxiety." He grabs my hand, squeezing it lightly.
"Come on, let's go inside and I'll tell you." Leading me into the house, he guides me to the living room and onto the couch. "Give me just a minute, okay?" he asks and I nod, looking up at him. His eyes bore into mine and there's a sort of sadness held there. Whatever he needs to tell me isn't going to be good, I can feel it. He hurries up the stairs and down the hall. Closing my eyes, I try to focus on the sounds around me in an effort to keep my anxiety low. I hear the single creaky floorboard in his bedroom protest under his footstep and the opening of his bedside table drawer. Then the floorboard again and, finally, the sound of his feet on the steps.
When I open my eyes, he's walking over to me with a manilla folder in his hand. He looks beyond nervous, a bit of fear shadowing his face, too. I've never seen him like this and it's unsettling. I want to hold him and tell him everything is going to be okay and that I love him but my body doesn't follow through with my thoughts because I don't know if everything is going to be okay. I don't know anything at this point so how can I tell him it's going to be alright if I can't even convince myself of that? Setting the file down in front of me on the coffee table, he walks around the table and sits next to me, leaving more space than normal.
"I want you to look at this. When you're done, I'll explain everything," he whispers. I look over at him nervously and he nods his head, urging me to do as he says. I scoot forward to the edge of the couch and take a closer look at the folder. In bold print below the symbol of a police badge reads POLICE DEPARTMENT CASE FILE. Breathing deep, I read my name—Swan, Isabella—in the chart below the bold print. A few columns over, the officer number 16852 is written.
"What the hell is this," I whisper, having yet to touch it, my fingers inches from the folder as if it would burn me if they made contact.
"Please, open the folder," he pleads quietly. Doing as he says, I open the folder and the breath is practically knocked out of me as I'm met with pictures from that last night with James; our anniversary. The pictures bring back the memories—the pain—from that night and I have to blink away the tears that form. I've never seen these pictures but I knew they were taken. Dad told me it was standard procedure and that they had to go in the case file against James. These pictures helped get me the restraining order but now they're coming back to haunt me. Thankfully, I'm not fully exposed in the pictures, my breasts and vagina covered, but these are still incredibly personal. Flipping the offensive pictures over, I see a profile written up about me including details about my daily life. It doesn't slip my notice that there's details on here I haven't even told Edward yet, such as my therapy sessions.
I can feel Edward watch me as I flip through the pages about my siblings until I finally get to the last page. James' picture stares up at me and I quickly close the folder, pushing it away from me.
"Why do you have this," I demand, my voice shaky as my jaw trembles. I already know the answer, I just need to hear it. I need to hear him expose the truth behind the lies he's fed me over the past month and a half.
"I'm not a doctor," he starts and I squeeze my eyes shut, knowing what's coming next. "I'm an officer at FPD." The confirmation of what I know makes tears spill from my eyes. "When your dad found out James was getting released from jail he came up with this case. He knew you wouldn't allow an officer to follow you around so he had me do it without you knowing," he admits, having the decency to sound shameful.
"You've been lying to me. Th-this whole time, you've been l-lying to me."
"I wanted to tell you. From that very first night I met you I wanted to tell you," he insists. "I even went into the station the next day and requested to give up the case. And I've requested countless times since." He reaches out towards my hand but I get up from the couch, putting some distance between us. Looking at him, I can see the hurt and shame on his face but I can't seem to find it in me to feel sorry for him. Everything about our relationship has been based around a lie.
"So, every d-day when you go to w-work," I trail off, knowing he'll understand what I'm looking for.
"While you're at work, I go to the station. I know the school is locked and that James can't get in. I also have it set up to where the school calls the station if he tries to come in. When you're home, I," he stops, cursing under his breath before continuing, "I stake out your house from down the street. When my shift ends, another officer takes over for the night." I bring my hand up to my mouth, the combination of my anxiety and the realization of what he's saying making me feel sick to my stomach. He's essentially stalking me as a job. He's being paid to follow me around without my knowledge.
"Your dad finally let me off the case on Sunday. I was going to tell you then but with everything that happened, it wasn't a good time," he explains.
"So, you waited for me to get back on my f-feet only to knock me down again," I spit, starting to gain control of my voice. The crying has nearly stopped, thankfully, but it's being replaced by an anger I didn't even know I had inside me. I want to hate him so fucking bad and I want to scream at him and tell him I wish I had never met him and I want him to tell me everything, I need him to tell me everything so I have fuel to hate him. The wanting and needing isn't enough, though. I can't bring myself to actually convince myself to hate him. He made me fucking love him and no matter how much I hate this and I hate what he's done I can't get past the fact that I still love him.
"No, Bella, that's not what I set out to do. I never wanted to hurt you," he sighs.
"What the fuck did you think would happen, Edward?" I yell, letting out the anger that's been bubbling. "You've been lying to me! Every fucking day from day one!" I scream. I could never act like this with James. I always had to reserve my anger until it diminished but Edward sits there and lets me and it just makes me angrier. I'm not used to this; I don't know how to handle this. I need him to react, to do something other than just sit there. "You forced your way into my life and you made me let my guard down and you made me trust you! You made me fucking love you, Edward! And this whole damn time you've been lying to my face! Say something!"
"What do you want me to say?" he asks, defeat in his voice. "I never meant for things to get this out of control. I only meant to be your friend but I fell for you and I couldn't stop myself."
"Bullshit. You could have stopped yourself at any fucking point. You didn't want to stop yourself."
"I tried stopping that night when I got that call. When you ate my lo mein. That call was your dad. The officer assigned to your case for the graveyard shift noticed you weren't home and your dad called me looking for you." This confession pushes me over the edge and I feel the bile rise in my throat. Hurrying to the kitchen, I lean over the sink as my dinner forces itself out of my body. I hear Edward walk in behind me and I put a hand out to stop him.
"Don't touch me," I cough out. Thankfully, he listens to me. I turn the sink on, washing my vomit down the drain before rinsing my mouth. Once the water is turned off, I turn to him.
"My feelings for you are truly genuine, Bella," he says softly. "I think I knew that night that I was in love with you because the moment you got out of my car, I knew I had fucked up this already fucked up situation. I didn't want to let you go and it was selfish and I've been selfish this whole time. You deserved better, you still deserve better, but I want you to know that everything I've said to you, I've meant."
"How can I even begin to believe you when you've lied to me this whole time," I whisper. "I told you about James' lies and, while you didn't physically hurt me, you're just as bad as he is." I watch Edward's face fall further, if that's even possible, at my words.
"I deserve that," he admits through a sigh.
"You brought my family into this. You brought your family into this," I spew, voicing my thoughts as they come to me, knowing that I'm not following one consistent train of thought. "There were things in that file that I'm not even ready for you to know yet. My weekly therapy sessions? That was something I was battling with myself to be ready to tell you about. This whole week with you driving me around made me nervous because I knew I would have to tell you by tomorrow. And you've known the whole fucking time?" He doesn't answer, which is fine because it was more rhetorical than anything, and his gaze drops to the floor.
The anger I've been unleashing dissipates as quickly as it came and I'm left feeling worn and exhausted and just done. My body feels heavy and my head is spinning and the only thing I can think is I need to get out of here. Walking past him, careful not to touch him, I head for the stairs. Calling my name, he follows me but keeps his distance. I make my way down the hall to his room and pile my belongings into my bag.
"I'm going to Rose's," I explain, my voice reflecting the tiredness I feel. I stop packing to pull my phone out of my pocket, intending on calling Rose.
"Let me drive you," he requests. "It's the least I can do." I bring my hardened gaze up to his vulnerable one and I want to tell him no. I want to tell him to go fuck himself but the part of me that can't hate him is telling me that once I'm gone this is over. Once I leave, there's no more Edward and Bella. It's telling me to take the added few minutes, despite the hurt and anger he's caused, take these last few minutes because once I'm gone, this is gone too. I nod before continuing to pack my belongings.
Once my clothes and shoes are packed, I go into the bathroom to pack my toiletries. My eyes focus on the two toothbrushes in the holder and another round of tears well up in my eyes. Grabbing the toothbrush Edward gave me, I toss it into the trash, the tears rolling down my cheeks as I do. It's a goddamn toothbrush, it shouldn't mean this much to me. Unfortunately, it does, though. Wiping my tears, I sniffle a bit before zipping up my bag and leaving the bathroom. Taking my other bags, I leave the room, heading back downstairs with Edward behind me. Without another word, I go out to his car and shove my stuff in the back before taking my place in the passenger seat. Edward doesn't say anything to me as he gets into the car, but I can feel him look at me. I don't pull my stare away from the window and he gets the hint before starting the car and pulling out of the driveway.
The silence between us is replaced by a Journey song, although I'm unsure of which one. It's one I've never heard before but, regardless, any music right now is unbearable. I reach over to turn it off the same time he does, our fingers touching, and that damn electric feeling travels its way up my arm. I pull my hand back quickly, heat filling my cheeks. He mumbles an apology but I choose to ignore it, fixating my gaze back out the window. The short, minutes-long drive feels like it takes an eternity and I find the feeling suffocating. All I can smell is him; his cologne, his soap, just him. Every breath in seems to bring in less oxygen and more him and I can't handle it. Tears come to my eyes again and I try my best to blink them away.
He finally parks in the driveway and I'm out of the car quickly. He moves to get out as I open the back door but I stop him, telling him I don't want him to get out. He listens to me, watching as I grab my bags. My eyes meet his before I straighten up, shutting the car door without another word to him. My feet carry me to the front porch as quick as possible without breaking into a jog. I knock on their door twice before letting myself in.
Rose comes out of the kitchen, a wine glass in her hand. Whatever my face looks like makes her expression fall.
"Shit," she mutters under her breath and that single word is my undoing. I drop my bags at my feet as tears fall down my cheeks and my sobs wrack through my body. Emmett comes out of the kitchen at the sound of my crying, his eyes widening at the sight. He glances outside before mumbling something to Rose and heading out the front door. Rose sets her glass down and quickly makes her way over to me, wrapping her arms around my neck. I hold her to me as I cry, unable to control it at this point. She rubs my back, softly shushing me, telling me it'll be okay. I shake my head against her shoulder. It's not going to be okay. None of this is okay and I'm not sure it ever will be.
"I-I know you don't have another r-room, but can I stay on your c-couch?" I manage out. Rose's house is a three-bedroom but one of the rooms is turned into a home office and the guest room is currently being occupied by Jasper.
"Of course you can, but wouldn't you be more comfortable at Mom and Dad's?"
No!" I yell, a little too loudly. "N-No, definitely not," I continue, lowering my voice. "I want n-nothing to do w-with Dad."
"What happened, Bella," Rose asks, pulling away, her lips pulled down into a frown.
"I need a drink," I whisper, wiping my tears. A sort of numbness is working its way through my body, calming my sobs, making my body feel almost heavy. Rose guides me into the kitchen and I sit at her island, resting my chin in my hands. She pours me a glass of wine and, after taking a large gulp, I start telling her everything.
EPOV
I knew I was working with borrowed time but I never would have imagined that Charlie would have acted the way he did at dinner. Granted, I did tell him almost four days ago that I was going to tell her the truth and I hadn't yet. His looks and comments made it clear he was saying my time is up.
I also knew that I wasn't going to be coming out of this with Bella by my side, either. She didn't quite explode like I thought she would but it definitely wasn't pretty, either. A part of me hoped that the knowledge of me asking to get off the case several times would soften the blow, but I knew it was too good to be true. Everything about this evening hurts but the thing that hurts the most is the look in her eyes before she walks away from my car. Her eyes still hold that broken aspect to them but there's also a sense of finality there, too. As if she's accepted that we're done. I don't want to accept it. I want to run after her and force her to listen to me, to see this from my perspective, but that's not going to be helpful at all. She needs her space, even if that means cutting me out of her life completely. I can blame Charlie all I want but I have the majority of the blame for letting this relationship spiral out of control.
I watch her walk into Rose and Emmett's house, staring at the front door for a few moments, hoping that she'll come back out, that she'll want to talk this out more. But that doesn't happen. I'm about to pull out of the driveway when Emmett comes outside, heading over to the car. I could still peel out of the driveway. I can avoid the wrath of Emmett if I just leave still, at least for a little while. But I can't run from this. I shouldn't run from this. He gets in the passenger side of my car, staring at me with a hardened expression.
"The hell happened?" he asks.
"We broke up," I say, staring at my steering wheel.
"No shit. I figured that one out on my own. Now tell me what happened." Looking over at Emmett, I try to figure out if he's going to punch me if I tell him. He probably will, but I figure he's going to find out one way or another.
"I'm an officer for FPD."
"What?" he asks, although I can tell he understood. I wait for him to process it a bit. "What the fuck?"
"Bella was part of a case I was assigned to. I was supposed to befriend her and keep her safe from James."
"Who the fuck would," he starts before muttering, "Dad." He's silent for a moment before socking me in my shoulder.
"Ow, Emmett!" I yell, rubbing my shoulder.
"You're a fucking idiot, you know that?" he yells back at me. "All she wanted was someone to be good to her and you fucked that up."
"You don't think I know that?" I defend. "I tried to get off the case after that first night I met her. Your dad wouldn't let me off the case until a few days ago. Trust me, I've tried. And I've wanted to tell her the truth but I couldn't until now. I was about to quit my job so I could tell her."
"You think that makes this better?" he scoffs.
"Nothing could make this better, I know that. I never set out to hurt her. I lost control of the situation."
"That's an understatement," he frowns, crossing his arms over his chest. "Fuck, Edward," he sighs. "The worst part is that I can't even fully be pissed at you because it's not totally your fault."
"It's more my fault than your dad's that she's this hurt."
"Yeah, but Dad's the one that started this," he grumbles before looking at me with a sigh. "Give her some space. Let her come to you," he advises.
"Emmett, thanks, but she's not going to want anything to do with me. I'm going to let her be and live her life. I've fucked it up enough."
"You may be surprised at how forgiving she is," he says before opening the door. "Look, I'm pissed as hell at you, but you are my friend. This situation is fucked but you're both hurt from this. If you need anything, let me know." I nod a silent thank you to him before he shuts the door, walking back to the house. Pulling my phone out, I send Alice a text, letting her know I told Bella the truth before heading back home.
I'm not even there yet and can feel the emptiness that awaits me. Bella really did turn my house into a home and knowing she's not going to be there, snuggled up in the bed with me, lounging on the couch, singing in the shower, is hard to stomach. I've grown dependent on her over the last month and a half and it feels impossible to even walk into my house at this point. I manage to do it, though, my feet carrying me on autopilot to my bed. Closing my eyes, I breathe in a deep sigh and can smell the scent of Bella's soap on my sheets. Groaning, I roll onto my back and stare at my ceiling until I eventually fall asleep.
Hello, lovelies!
Okay, so a lot happened in this chapter and I wasn't originally going to add this all into one chapter but it just played out that way and I can't find it in me to want to change it!
Let me know what you think about this one in the reviews!
As always, thanks for reading! Until next time,
Twilight What?
