Hesitation


Gosho happened upon San, sitting on a moss-covered rock in deep contemplation. He kept silent and sat beside her. Then he saw it.

"A 'thing' from the human, Ashitaka? I've never seen a thing like that."

She said nothing. Only silence answered Gosho. Then he understood, and anger flashed in his eyes.

"Tell me, what did the human do to you? Then I shall sink my teeth and kil-"

"Gosho! J-just...leave me alone."

He let a deep growl escape his mouth.

"I just...don't know what to say. Wait why am I saying that?! I am the Princess Mononoke! How am I s-so...aaargh!!"

"San! Calm down, or you will catch wolf's cold."

She rolled her eyes at that last word. Wolf's cold was a thing Moro had taught her to beware of, as it could hamper her sense of smell and taste. But she'd gradually lost faith in the existence of the "cold" because, obviously, it was only to keep her in check. Now she wasn't gonna buy it again.

"Leave me Gosho, to my thoughts, and don't come near until I say so."

She plunged her spear to nail home the point.

"This is my sacred spot. Stay far from it, unless I am needed in case that lady fires her strange weapons at us again."

No growl came out from Gosho, just an unseen nod to his sister's request, and then the sound of crunching leaves and fur indicated his departure from her "sacred spot."

She let it out. It was a little at first, but then another, and another, and another drop followed, till it became like a steady stream. Soon rain followed, not from the sky, but from her - her eyes - she cried. So vivid was his face, his eyes, the longing that they displayed. What is wrong with her?

Because of the humans?

Perhaps, if she had thought it out first, she wouldn't have rushed into love. But then, she really loved Ashitaka. Yes, Ashitaka. Even his name left a taste in her mouth that she could never identify. Is that what love probably tastes like?

She was afraid. Yes...yes afraid. Of what? Of him? Well, surely not.

Of his humanity?

Well, hadn't she come to terms with her humanity? Perhaps she could never wrap her head around the fact that she was human. Neither did she want to have anything to do with that human (lady).

Sigh...she lay on the ground, head laid against the rock. The leaves whispered to each other in the wind, and she eyed the occasional sparrow singing a lullaby to them. Autumn surely announced her coming, a soothing breeze dancing with swaying trees set against a sky of reddish gradient bleeding into a yellow and pink horizon - a scene readily befitting a classic Chinese painting probably found in the Emperor's court.

San closed her eyes and, in darkness of sight, danced along with the wind and trees in her dreams.