Growing Pains
03: See no evil
Auteur : Rain
Disclaimer : Shaman King…. Doesn't belong to me! How surprising! I am only playing with borrowed toys.
Notes :
To ask; to ask; to state.
Your encouragement got me off my lazy bum and back before the keyboard. Currently in the process of moving so updates might be a bit jumbled, but you do get one.^^
One of my good friend, a corporal queen of sorts, suggested to me that Tamao would be able to see the future and at least ask about her marks. And that was a great idea. So she did! Although it was not as comforting as she'd hoped.
It is chance that lets her see Meene's. She wanders up to the deck one day that she needs fresh air, trying to ignore the fact that she bled through another blouse and that it took much too long to stop it, and there Meene is, gliding like a dolphin in the pool. In her swimsuit there is no hiding the mark curved like a hand around her throat.
As she emerges near Jeanne she is for a moment confused, a monument of strength and life and gold, and then she drops back into the water like she was just hit. Jeanne definitely saw the mark. Though the words were unclear, it was flared.
It feels like she just saw her naked. Though curiosity burns through her chest Jeanne turns away, almost runs, doesn't. There is sound behind her, and she can imagine Meene rising out of the water, finding her towel, finding the scarf that usually covers her throat.
"My lady…"
She doesn't move. She doesn't want to know. No, she doesn't want to want to know, even if she does.
She swallows and it feels like hot coals inside her throat.
"I did not mean to intrude."
"You… You did not. I do not want to hide anything from you," Meene says, as she steps closer. "If you want to…"
It feels almost obscene. Far is the time when she looked at fake marks in shop windows. Here, to know, to want to know…
"Does it cause you pain," she asks, without looking.
"Every day," Meene says. "And I would not want it any other way."
ꙮ
Tamao takes a deep breath and places the kokkuri board in front of her.
For all the divinations she has successfully, or not so successfully, attempted throughout the years, she has never tried to garner any information about her marks. One or two, she has wondered, but never has she…. Tried to see. To know.
It isn't about cowardice, though her spirits tease her with it. Instead it feels more like… like the looking is the weakness. She should trust destiny, shouldn't she? Yoh isn't for her. That much is obvious. So, instead, she should have faith, and wait for love to come.
It is weakness when she asks.
A soft breeze comes from the open window to her room, and she closes her eyes so she doesn't look Ponchi and Conchi in the eye.
She still doesn't dare ask for a name (or two?). It would be too direct. It would be cheating.
Instead she thinks of little things. Answers that could plug the leaking well that is her heart. She is not asking for the whole story, just what will give her the confidence of living it.
She places the coin on the tori gate, empties her mind, and asks. "Do I get to meet them?"
Them feels safe. It could be singular or plural. It doesn't let her spirits trick her with roundabout answers. That is what she thought when she thought of the question, at least.
Under her finger the coin moves, and she opens her eyes to the ever-simple yes.
Flowers bloom in her throat and for a second she almost lets go of the coin. She may get her romance after all, like in the manga she reads. Before she can think it over, she asks another question: "Are they nice?"
This time she doesn't close her eyes, and time slows down until she can't tell anymore if she really said the words out loud. Are they teasing her? Is it still a yes?
But no, it isn't. The coin moves. And firmly wedges itself to the no.
Her throat closes up completely. For a moment her head turns, she wants to ask Ponchi and Conchi if they're honest, if they're teasing her, but her mouth refuses to move. All she can do is stare. It's dumb to make a mountain of this molehill, and no doubt her spirits are tricking her, but she cannot shake the feeling that they aren't.
In the end, she takes a deep breath and asks one last question. It's all she will allow herself to know.
"Do we get a happy ending?"
ꙮ
"What do you think they even mean?"
"They don't mean anything. It's all bullshit."
"No it's not," Mathilda insists.
She, herself, doesn't have any, but Marion does.
"Marion came out already flared. And when we touch, it feels…"
"I don't want to know," Ashil yelps. "Isn't that just proof it's bullshit! She got hers once she was already here with you."
"Boris and Yamada flared together."
"And they hate each other! You're so goddamn dumb."
"You're just jealous because Hao doesn't wear yours," Mathilda retorts, bitterly sharp. She knows it's an unfair blow, and almost apologizes when Ashil's face goes green. Almost.
"He certainly thinks it's bullshit. And if you don't, why stick around her so much? You're not hers."
"But she's mine," Mathilda counters. "That means something."
"It really doesn't," Hao weighs in, appearing as if from nowhere. Ashil jumps to attention, but Mathilda just pouts.
"You shouldn't fight about such human concerns," their master says sagely.
"You think it's a human thing?" Mathilda, as always, only hears what she wants to hear. "You think it has something to do with humanity?"
According to Ashil, Hao is being way too nice when he doesn't get cross. "The marks certainly don't seem to know the difference between humans and shamans. That should be enough to see how useless they are, doesn't it?"
"Yes," Ashil breathes fervently.
"I'm not sure I understand why," Mathilda grimaces.
"Let's take you as an example," Hao continues. "You chose to be Marion's companion though you don't have her marks. I find that much more admirable."
"How so? She has –"
"Yes, she does. But you don't. You made the choice to dedicate yourself to her anyways. And me, of course."
His grin is boyish and Ashil falls deeper, if that's even possible. Hao ruffles his glove as he scratches at his wrist.
"You chose this freely. And that makes you exactly the type of Shaman I want with me."
Mathilda flushes, and Hao smiles before moving on.
"It really doesn't suit you," Ashil bites when Hao is out of earshot. "You look like you've been hit."
He's not sure why he's so sharp with her. He won the argument. He should be happy. Didn't Hao tacitly condone his own choice? Indirectly say he wanted Ashil with him?
Yes.
But for the barest moment he saw the dark scrawl around his master's wrist, and it chokes him in his dreams.
