Anger and longing bubbles in his gut as he watches the happy couple. Misa and Kanon were laughing as they walked hand in hand.
'Not Kanon.' He reminded himself, 'Kanon is gone. That's Ray.'
'Aren't they the same person?' A voice in the back of his head asked, 'They have the same memories and personality.'
'The only difference between them is their looks. That, and that Ray has a girlfriend.' He thought bitterly.
He was jealous. The all-powerful demon king of tyranny was jealous.
He walked over to a nearby bench and sat down.
'Shouldn't I be happy for him? After everything he went through, he finally has somebody that loves him so much. He looks so happy with her. Isn't that good enough for me?'
'Of course!' Said his brain.
'Absolutely not!' Said his heart.
As selfless as he is, there was still a small part of him that wanted Kanon for himself.
'There is someone who loves him right here! There's no way that Misa girl can compete with you! You've loved him for more than 2000 years. You've waited for him for so long! Then a random girl comes from who knows where and steals his heart. That's not fair. After everything you've done! You deserve to have him for yourself!'
He tuned out the voice in his head.
'There's no way in hell I deserve someone like him. He's so brilliant and kind. I'm just destruction incarnate. Why would he ever like me? When he said that I was his hero, I thought it might have meant a little more. I probably expected too much.'
"Anos?"
He turned to see Ray looking at him in concern. His heart fluttered at the sight of it.
"Are you alright?"
The furrow in his brow is incredibly cute and he has to resist the urge to pull the other boy into his arms and give him a gentle kiss on the forehead.
His decision turns out to be correct when Misa runs over from behind. His heart twists when she gives Ray a kiss on the cheek and intertwines her fingers with his. Then Ray gives her an adoring smile and his heart melts at the sight of it.
'If only that smile was for me.' His heart whispered.
"Of course I'm alright. What makes you think something is wrong?"
Ray rolls his eyes, 'They're so beautiful.' letting out a cute snort, "I don't know, probably the fact that you have been glaring at that tree for 5 minutes. What did the poor thing ever do to you?"
Anos chuckles, 'As playful as ever.' "I'm fine. I was just thinking."
"Oh?" Ray looks at him curiously, eyes, 'Those adorable silvery eyes.' widening, "I'd like to know what the big scary demon king is thinking about that makes him seem so sad."
"I was thinking about before. You know, when everyone was trying to murder me." He drawls. The lie slips out smoothly.
"Ah." Says Ray, nodding in understanding. "Don't dwell on it too much." He adds, "It's a new era. No one is going to be trying to murder you anymore."
"Except maybe a few stubborn royals who refuse to believe I'm the demon king." He cracks a joke in an attempt to keep the mood light, "Don't worry Ray. I know that already. I was just thinking about a few good memories from back then."
Ray looks like he wants to ask a few more questions but Misa tugs on his uniform, "Come on Ray. We have a date to go on."
Ray blushes and smiles, "Let's go then."
He turns back towards Anos, "See you later."
And then they're gone. Leaving Anos alone to think.
The image of Misa and Ray smiling at each other lovingly pops up in his head. The memory of their whispered 'I love you's when they thought they were alone.
He has to hold back the tears that threaten to form in his eyes at the thought of it.
'I should stop thinking about this. I'm lucky enough to have him as a friend. There is no reason for me to be upset. I had a chance with Kanon 2000 years ago and I wasted it. Misa deserves him much more than I do. Besides, he loves her so much! Whenever he's with her, his smile is blinding. If I really love him, I'll accept that he'll never love me and move on.
Anos stares straight ahead for a moment before choking out a pained laugh.
'Who am I kidding? Moving on is basically impossible after more than 2000 years of waiting. Although I do make it my personal mission to destroy the boundaries of common sense and make the impossible possible.'
After thinking for a few minutes, Anos came to a conclusion.
'My only choice would be to forcibly remove any romantic feelings for him, but that would be like taking away a huge chunk of my identity. I think after loving him for 2000 years, it would feel incredibly wrong to not love him. Waking up and not thinking about him first thing in the morning, seeing him smile and not feeling my heart melt, just imagining a world like that makes me feel empty.'
He smiled bitterly, 'All I can do is wait and hope it'll be better in the next life.'
The shell necklace comes to mind.
'No, the next life won't be any better for me. Ray and Misa will be together forever and I'll be watching from afar. I never believed in fate but it seems some things cannot be changed. It's not that it's not possible. Just that I wouldn't have the heart to do anything. Love really is the strongest force. To be able to stop the fearsome demon king of tyranny from changing his fate. I'll just have to make peace with my regrets.'
Anos closed his eyes, pretending he was talking to his love. Letting his imagination say what he couldn't
'My beloved Kanon, I'd rather tear myself apart a billion times and watch you love someone else than give up my feelings for you. The happiness I feel when you smile that dazzling smile. You are the only warmth and joy in my life. The love of my life, my one and only, my light. Kanon, you are my hero.'
