Thank you everyone for all the amazing reviews, its definitely overwhelming and rewarding to read as well as to see how many people are into this story when it has only been a week. Just a friendly reminder that this story does have self harm so don't read if its a trigger :) Team Jasper forever :D
Jasper's PoV
Bella began to stir after an hour so I helped her to sit up and tried to hide my anger behind a warm smile. Her face was a mix of blues, reds, purples, dark greens and yellows where she had been slapped. It matched her wrist which had his hand print as a permanent reminder. She stretched, stood up and made her way to the bathroom to look in the mirror. I followed her with my eyes and could feel her emotions swirl from rage, sadness, pain and then nothing. It was like she had flipped a switch and turned her emotions off.
I got up and made my way into the bathroom to stand behind her in the mirror and laid my hands gently on her shoulders rubbing circles with my thumbs.
"It will heal Bella, I promise. Are you okay other than the marks? Just because things heal and nothing is broken, doesn't mean you have to be okay" I whispered softly into her ear so others wouldn't hear as easily. Bella didn't reply, instead she hit me at full blast with her emotions. She was in a lot of emotional pain at what was done to her and it was overwhelming. Just when I thought I couldn't take much more, she turned her emotions off again. It was beginning to scare me. I moved my hands from her shoulders to her waist and gently turned her so she was facing me and not staring at the bruises on her face in the mirror. Bella didn't want to meet my eyes and I could see tears threatening to fall. She had picked a spot on my collar bone to stare at.
"Bells" I whispered as I softly tilted her head to look up which allowed the tears to escape. I gently wiped them away with my thumbs while caressing both sides of her face in my hands. I didn't want the entire house to know every detail so I pulled her in for a hug while rubbing her back with one hand and holding her head with my other. After a few minutes I whispered softly into her ear while holding my hand to her ear to prevent the noise from going too far. Any one in the house could still hear except maybe Jacob but hopefully if there is enough background noise, they wouldn't be listening for a sound that is so quiet.
"How about I run you a bubble bath and you have a few human moments, I'll go fetch you something to eat when I hear the water been drained so take your time" She nodded her head so I tightened my grip around her for a moment, laid a soft kiss to her forehead then let go to start the bubble bath up. I then left her to her space, I didn't want to but I also couldn't stay as that would be inappropriate and a bath might help her relax more.
So I paced, did a few push ups, checked on Mia, paced some more, went for a run around the house, came back to the room and did some more pacing till eventually Rose yelled at me to sit down. I sighed and pulled out my guitar to strum while laying on the bed. It was hard to really play music with my mind concerned about Bella. Mia had walked in from the kitchen to nuzzle my face before settling down next to me. Eventually I heard the water drain so I made my way into the kitchen to find something suitable for Bella to eat. I knew Rose and Char had made brownies earlier so I plated a few of those on a plate then worked on making a ham, cheese and tomato toasted sandwich. Mia had followed me so Char took her back to her mother for feeding. I found a tray to put the two plates on with a glass of milk and made my way back to Bella having heard her climb into bed.
She was sitting up in bed wearing one of my long sleeve black hoodies with no zip and staring off to space. I placed the tray on her lap then climbed in under the blankets with her to turn the TV on while she ate. I found the remote on my bedside table and pressed a button that caused the TV to slide down from the roof compartment where it had been hidden.
"What do you want to watch Bells?" I asked. She just shrugged so I picked a random documentary while she ate. Once she was done, I placed her tray carefully on the ground and gave her the remote which she took then started flicking through channels.
"So couldn't find anything of yours that you liked?" I commented while pointing to my sweater. She just shrugged in response.
"That's fine, sometimes I like to steal Roses dresses to wear" I said with a smirk. She gave me a leveled look then went back to shuffling through channels. Well small victories I guess. I gave up on trying to get her to talk and leaned back to watch random cartoons that she had found.
"Hey Bella, are you okay? Can I come in please?" said Rose as she softly knocked on the door after an hour. Bella shook her head for no and hit me with a wave of stress.
"Sorry Rose, Bella said no" I said.
"That's okay" Rose said in an understanding tone before walking away.
"What about me, can I come in? Pretty please?" asked Jacob. Bella shook her head a little more frantically this time and increased her stress level.
"Sorry no guys, how about you all just give us space for the night, go camping or something" I mumbled.
"I want to see her, Jasper," Jacob commanded from outside the door. Bella's stress was now getting to me so I got up and went to the door to open it ajar and stare down Jacob.
"Look she said no, if you're going to ignore her request and her needs then you're not much better than Edward right now, have some respect. Captain!" I said.
"Yes sir?" Peter said as he zoomed to the door.
"Take everyone camping please, leave us alone for a few days, Bella wants space so let's give it to her" I commanded. He nodded his head and guided Jacob away. Jacob was furious but also felt bad for what he had just said. The kid had a good heart and didn't want to repeat what Edward had done to her but he also passionately cared about her and wanted to care for her.
About five minutes later I heard Peter's truck start up and finally could relax knowing they were all leaving. Bella also relaxed once she heard car doors slamming.
"Sorry Bella, it sounds like they are leaving now, we should have the house to ourselves for a few days. If you want I can leave also?" I said. I wouldn't actually go far as I didn't want her to be completely unprotected but I would bustle around the farm and give her all the space she wanted. She shook her head for no which was a relief so I came back to bed.
Her emotions had switched off again which scared me, I wish I knew how she did that, to not feel anything at all was crazy, the only thing I got from her were tiny sparks of discomfort from her bruises when she moved. Around eight at night she had fallen asleep only to start screaming again from a nightmare that was tormenting her after fifteen minutes. I tried to wake her but my voice was already cut off from lack of air, whatever was happening in this nightmare was bad, worse than the others so I shook her gently then a little harder before passing out from lack of air.
Bella's PoV
I was back in the forest again with Edward only this time it was different.
"Come for a walk with me" he demanded while squeezing my hand and crushing the bones despite me crying out in pain. "We got to leave Forks"
"Why?" I asked as I tried to pull my hand out of his death grasp.
"Carlisle's supposed to be ten years older than he looks. People are starting to notice"
"Okay, I...I gotta think of something to say to Charlie. When you say "we".."
"I mean to my family and myself"
"Edward, what happened with Jasper,...it's nothing" I tried.
"You just don't belong in my world, Bella"
"I belong with you" I said with tears streaming down my eyes knowing I would wake up any second now.
"Bella, you're just not pretty, you're not right for me, I thought I loved you but I was wrong, I could never love such a boring human. We just aren't compatible, we have nothing in common" he said. He had never said that before in my dreams.
"Edward, please don't!" I gasped.
"No, look in the mirror Bella, you wanted to be with a monster and now you are a monster. They will never heal, not truly. No one will ever love you again" he said as he faced me in front of a mirror. I looked at my bruised image only instead of half my face being bruised, my whole face was a mix of scars, burns and bruises. My hair had been burnt off in patches and my arms were bleeding from sores.
I woke up gasping for air, and needed to get outside. Jasper was just coming to so I made my way to the window door in his room and went outside to sit on the deck. It was currently raining down in the middle of summer so the air was filled with the smell of rain and grass. Once I was outside I could breathe again, I couldn't see much since it had to be around nine at night but it felt good to be outside for a moment. Eventually Jasper came out to join me after draping a light blanket around my shoulders.
"That has to be the worst nightmare you have ever had" he said softly after sitting down next to me and rubbing my back gently. I just nodded my head.
"Did you want to talk about it?" he asked.
I shook my head for no so we just sat there for a bit watching the rain fall and listening to the thunder rolling down from the mountains.
"I better go check on the animals, will you be okay?" he asked. I nodded my head for yes and he zoomed off. I decided to make my way inside to use the washroom.
I stopped to look in the mirror once I had finished washing my hands and couldn't shake the feeling of my nightmare. A part of me knew it was just a stupid nightmare but a part of me couldn't shake his words. Could it be true that I never would feel loved again? If that's true what really was the point in living? Jasper would eventually get bored of trying to fix me and move on with his life. I was broken, ugly and worthless so what was the point I asked myself. My eyes fell onto the razor that was sitting in my bag of bath stuff and without my permission my hand went to it. It felt familiar and comforting in my hand only this time I wasn't sure if I would be satisfied with the small cuts I had done in the past. The small endorphins that were released from cutting usually would satisfy my need. It gave me a sense of accomplishing something that was mine, something I had control over since I couldn't control anything else in my life. I also knew that Jasper hadn't fed for a few days, if luck was on my side, he would lose control and end my pathetic existence. So I pulled up my sleeve and let out a breath after pushing the razor hard across my arm relishing in the feel of the blade. It stung in the best way and instantly I felt the rush I was looking for. I sank to the floor with my back against the bathtub and just watched the blood flow. I hadn't cut any arteries, knowing the smell of the blood would end my life when Jasper came back so I continued making deeper ones up my arm and leaning my head back against the bathtub with my eyes closed. It was bliss, it felt like flying.
