Jasper's PoV

I had gathered up my clothes at lightning speed, ran to our room, dressed and chucked my wet trunks on the deck to dry then raced out into the forest area. Bella's emotions were a mix of confusion, disappointment and sadness as I heard her settle back into the hot tub. She probably saw the blur of me running into the forest but thankfully she didn't follow and stayed put.

I wanted to run south till I hit the ocean then swim to Antarctica to find a polar bear to wrestle with. I was mad, confused, frustrated and disappointed with myself. I shouldn't have left her like that, I shouldn't have touched her like that either. She probably doesn't even like me, she hadn't given me any sign that she did besides when I stripped down but that might have just been a normal reaction regardless of who it was. At least that's what one half of my heart was arguing. The other half was arguing the fact that she never told you to not touch her. She never recoiled from your touch, she smiled whenever you tugged at something, she enjoyed your company, that you could feel and she was comfortable sleeping in the same bed as me.

I found a sturdy cliff and smashed into it in anger causing an avalanche to happen which I ran into to punch my way through. I was nearly at the ocean's edge and was about to jump in when my chest began to burn. I ignored it though, I was the major, I had lived through hell and climbed out victorious. I jumped into the water and started swimming. I got maybe half way before the pain began to be crippling and I had to turn back. I crawled my way onto shore grasping at my chest, it hurt so much and all my instincts were screaming at me to run back. If I felt like this, how did Bella feel. I scolded myself for been so stupid, for been so selfish, and started running back. I wasn't sure if I could confront her but I could happily sit on the roof and contemplate how to confront her in the morning.

Before long I was back on the property and quietly jumped onto the roof and sat down to stare at the stars. Bella had taken herself inside and was now having a shower before presumably going to sleep. She still felt high, so did I when I stopped spiraling for a second to pay attention. How could she really be with me when I was such a monster? If I told her the truth, all of it, the gory and the horrible parts, she would be running for the hills. It was why I never told Alice, I finally had hope that life might be better, that I could find happiness and I didn't want to risk Alice running so I told her the less horrific parts.

Bella finished up with her shower and was getting dressed before sliding into bed to sleep turning out the lights. I sat there all night watching the moon set and the sun rise. I decided that the best course of action would be to come clean, tell her I liked her, but tell her my past first so she could make an educated decision whether to be with me or not. The best way to do that would be to write it all down. Bella liked reading and it would give her the space to sort through her emotions without me there, and It would allow her mind to work through everything and make the right choice for her. So at sunrise I sneaked into our room and started writing my soul down.

Bella's PoV

Jasper took off like a bat out of hell leaving me in the hot tub with a million questions. Was he about to kiss me? Why? Did he like me? After everything he had seen, was I really likable? Did I like him back? Was I ready to start a new relationship with all my scars, was he?

I had a million questions running through my mind and decided to get out of the hot tub to get moving to clear my head. I felt foggy from the edible so thinking coherently was difficult. My chest also hurt which was an odd feeling. I felt anxious which I hadn't felt in a long time so I started moving around to distract myself by tidying up, pulling the laundry out of the dryer to fold and put away.

I eventually found my way to our room and had a shower not bothering with doors since I had the house to myself. This seemed to ease my anxiety and I felt better as I washed my hair. I found myself in bed eventually, dressed in a tank top with shorts and debating whether or not to call his cell phone if he even had it on him. I knew he had his number written down on his desk, I had just never needed to look for it as he had always been at my side. I decided to leave it, he obviously had something on his mind so I laid down turning the light off to think things over before falling asleep. His intense stare made me feel as if he was going to kiss me but was held back by what? By his own past? By mine? I decided that when I saw him next, I would be patient despite my burning questions. Obviously whatever he is going through is hard right now and everyone deserves space and love. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep knowing for the first time in over four months, he wasn't nearby.

Was he going to kiss me? If so, was I ready for that? He was beautiful, he was gentle, kind, affectionate while still staying roughly within the boundaries of friendship. I could see myself easily spending forever with him but was I ready for love? The last time I opened my heart up, it nearly killed me. Jasper was nothing like Edward though. Edward had been controlling, up himself, if he didn't get his way he sulked for a day. Edward was also very controlling down to what clothes I should or shouldn't wear. Jasper was gentle, understanding, non judgmental. Hell he would have sat there and let me die if It was what I truly wanted. He respected what I wanted, he respected my choices and he let me make them, bad and good. If I wanted to get high, he let me, if I wanted to drink both wines when they were ordered rather than just sip at both so they looked as if they were touched, he let me. Even when he was trying to convince me to swim naked or semi dressed, it was my choice. I had already made up my mind that I wanted to, I was just feeling insecure when he had given me a bunch of courage. Ultimately over time of letting me make these choices I had realized I had changed, grown and became more or less a happier version of myself.

Jasper was also fun, Edward was so serious all the time that I was such a danger to their secret. That I was in constant danger by spending time with them. Jasper, the one vampire who was supposed to have control issues, made sure I had fun, found ways to make me smile or even roll my eyes. He was like the brother I never had, I thought as my mind drifted to this morning when he was waiting for me to wake up and tickled my sides before zooming off. It annoyed me at the time but thinking back on it, it was cute. I didn't personally think I was ready to open my heart and I didn't think Jasper was either. He just had years of experience of hiding things. But if he wanted to open his heart and tell me something, I would listen with an open mind and together we could figure out what we wanted to do. To live forever with him would be a fun adventure, as friends or as something more I thought as I finally let my mind turn itself off to fall asleep.