Bella's PoV

I woke up to Jasper kissing my forehead while gently shaking me. He then silently placed a tray of food in front of me with what looked to be a letter addressed to me sitting on the side.
"I'll be outside feeding the horses when you're done reading if you still want to talk to me, if not I'll let Jacob take you home" he said sadly before zooming outside.
He had given me a tray with oatmeal from the looks of it covered in dried fruits, pecans, walnuts with some banana mashed in according to a first bite next to a latte. I decided to open his letter while eating.

Dear Bella

I feel like it's no longer fair to keep my past from you when I know so much about you and you know nothing about me. I don't want to hold back certain parts like I did with Alice, I want you to make a choice knowing all the information and I will honor whatever choice you make.

I was born in 1844 in Houston, Texas. My mother and father, Ann and John Whitlock raised me on a farm, not much different to the farm we are staying at now. My mother would make me oatmeal every morning for breakfast at the crack of dawn over a fireplace inside. It was easy and I recall hating it but she would sometimes add a few nuts, fruits or honey to it to spice it up. Obviously bananas didn't arrive in America till 1870, long after I had been turned into a vampire.

I was one of the youngest majors in the confederate army. I had joined at seventeen, lying about my age then at the age of nineteen I was made a major. It was my job to evacuate the women and children one night from a town when I was stopped by a vampire. Her name was Maria. She saw something in me other than food and turned me, at the age of nineteen. All I remember of that time was the excruciating pain for three days straight and me wishing I would die already.

When I woke she instructed me, trained me, starved me, forced me to do her bidding. I never lost a fight though, despite all the pits I was chucked in, despite Maria starving me beforehand, I rose victorious every time. I learned quickly that I could control people's emotions and the first one I learnt was how to force fear into the hearts of my enemies, causing them to second guess, to hesitate and that would give me the upper edge to remove their heads. Maria would reward me with sex, telling me I was amazing and I licked it all up thinking I was in love that she was my mate.

Then after a few years Maria made me the head of her army, the right hand so to speak. I was now in charge of training newborns and once they had passed the second year mark where they would start to settle and lose their strength, I was to rip their heads off. This destroyed me mentally and I spiraled down a dark, dark path. I became addicted to killing humans just to find a break from the utter despair the vampires would leave me in. I wanted the hunt, the kill, to feed and feel the high from drinking fresh human blood. I had become a monster, I would make piles and piles of humans and leave them for Maria to dispose of. I had become everything she wanted me to and at times I think I scared her also. I learnt that if you control a human's emotions when you drain their life, that you wouldn't feel guilty about it if they felt happy. But with vampires, by the time it came to the day they had to die, they knew it was just my ability and would feel true fear of what I was about to do.

Eventually Peter slapped me out of my funk, I was about to kill his Char, his mate when he charged me despite me making him a captain, allowing him to live beyond the two year mark. He charged me, told me Char was his and that they were leaving. They wanted me to come with them to find peace but I wasn't ready. I didn't think I deserved peace. I raped so many people, tortured them, cut their arteries at just the right point to make a fountain of blood squirting right into my mouth. I was a monster. I told them to go and they left only to come back a few years later with the same offer and proof that peace existed. So I left in the night with them and they showed me a new life. It was peaceful but I still lived to torture humans before killing them. I was a monster for about a hundred years till Alice found me and showed me how to move past that even though she only knew half the truth. I could never tell her all of the truth as something always told me she would run for the hills and I would be alone again, a third wheel to Peter and Char's love life. I'm telling you the truth Bella because even if you do run for the hills, it is your choice and so many times your choice was taken from you, I don't want to be him, I will always give you a choice and listen to your thoughts.

I should be burned for the crimes I've committed to the human race and vampires but I don't want to hide anything from you Bella. You have always accepted our kind at face value so if you want to run for the hills I'll let you go with Jacob. If you don't want to stay in forks, I can help you move somewhere else. If you want me to check in every few years then I'll happily do that also. If you never want to see or hear about me again, I can make that happen too. It's your choice Bella, forever.

Jasper Whitlock

I had finished my oatmeal filling the bowl up with fresh tears by the time I finished his letter. It was a letter confessing his darkest secrets to me who he trusted but it also felt like a goodbye letter. Like he knew no matter what he said that I would run. I didn't want to leave though. I knew how hard it would be to tell me everything about his past. I already knew the gist of what Alice did, having finally left him probably from boredom of trying to fix Jasper. Jasper wasn't a toy to be fixed though, he had scars like me and we just wanted to be loved, accepted, not fixed.

I knew where he was so I quickly wiped my tears away and ran out in bare feet to give him a bear hug. He was feeding Daisy but had turned around to catch me.
"Please don't leave Jasper, I don't know what this is between us but I know that I don't want to be in a world without you" I said into his shoulder as I hugged him with all my strength. I felt his entire body relax under my arms as he hugged me back.

Just then Jasper's phone rang.