am i really going to walk in here, post this chapter, and pretend like nothing has happened and that i haven't been deceased?
yes.
yes i am.
Fleetpaw flopped against the side of the largest pine he could find, his sides heaving as he dropped his seventh piece of prey into the small pile he had begun to gather.
Maybe it was a bit overkill, but to go all out, but Vinedust's words still repeated in his mind.
To be held back from the mission. To be kept from saving those cats and protecting his Clanmates.
His heart thudded in his chest, and he didn't know if it was from fear or exhaustion.
Probably both.
Throwing the shrew onto the mini prey pile, he flopped down, praying that Vinedust would find this as an acceptable amount of prey.
He closed his eyes, his breath softening as he finally relaxed.
"Woah, kitten, you look really, really tired."
The sound of Junipersky's voice hardly got him to his paws, but it did make Fleetpaw jump, and he blinked up and looked at her. Her thick white fur clashed against the green leaves, but he knew that she could easily disappear if she wanted to.
He grunted softly, trying to scramble to his paws, only to feel her push him back down to the ground.
"No no," she shook her head. "I've seen you training by yourself. Get some rest before Vinedust gets back; maybe you need to get consequences in your skull, but we can't have you drop dead from exhaustion."
"It seems like that's what he wants," Fleetpaw mumbled, only to feel her curl up beside him.
"Pfft, no," she shook her head. "You dying would break Cindercall, Volenose, and Lighteye's hearts. As much as he throws shade at them for being either too guilty, too skittish, or too soft, he couldn't bear to hurt them like that. Not to mention it would hurt his brother too."
"Why does Pearlight care about me?" Fleetpaw snorted.
"Uh... Reasons that you wouldn't get," Junipersky snorted. "Vinedust is loyal and smart, but he's also harsh. I can't blame him, either. Seems like anytime someone lets their guard down or puts too much weight on themselves, stuff goes downhill." She glanced over his pelt. "Speaking of going downhill, I'm a little hurt kitten."
"What? What did I do now?" Fleetpaw groaned.
"You've been so busy dealing with Vinedust and your own thoughts that you forgot to, maybe, just maybe, ask the pro stalker for some tips on how to get good at stone-stalking?"
Fleetpaw paused, staring up at her.
"I..."
He paused, blinking.
"Don't worry," she purred. "I know you're a mousebrain already. Listen, whenever you go out to train; after you get rest of course, just let me know before you go. I'm stuck on guard duty for the week, but Whiskerdapple owes me some favors if you ever need my help." She sighed. "You have the abilities to do it, Fleetpaw, but... I mean, I can't really say anything; it's all been said already."
"You act like you've been watching me for the past few days."
"I have."
"WHAT?"
Junipersky burst out into purrs of laughter and amusement, and the vibrations of her pelt against his almost immediately calmed him down.
"I was watching you because I knew you were having trouble," she mewed. "Also, won't lie, I woke up in the middle of the night, stepped out for a breath of fresh air and walked around the camp only to hear you mumbling my name under your breath. Which, by the by, is the creepiest shit ever when no one else is awake."
Fleetpaw swallowed, blinking as embarrassment pooled in his stomach.
"I-I have?!"
"Yeah; it sounded like you were also repeating some stuff and were freaking out about something. Nightmare, I presume, about the fight. But that's just it, isn't it? You're putting so much faith and trust into this random dream that sure as fox-dung doesn't sound like a prophecy, instead of putting it in the cats around you. But you've already heard that from Lighteye and Vinedust, haven't you?"
"You're a total repeat, Junipersky."
"I know," she purred. "Anyway, I don't really care what you do with this information, I just wanna remind you that if you need help, to just... y'know... ask?" Fleetpaw let out a sigh, laying his head on the ground.
"Yeah, yeah, okay..."
"Anyway, I have to get going... Vinedust will get his fur all in a bunch if he thinks I'm being nice and not letting you experience those consequences. Also if he told you to hunt the whole forest, you need at least three more pieces of prey."
"You're kidding."
"Nope," Junipersky got to her feet almost immediately, flicking her tail in farewell before disappearing into the foliage.
He watched her go, her white tail vanishing into the green almost immediately.
He should ask her for help; maybe then he wouldn't get everyone killed.
Getting to his exhausted paws, he glanced at his pile, turning and setting off to get more prey to satisfy Vinedust's request.
Dusk had fallen over Fleetpaw's exhausting day, and Vinedust had finally allowed them to rest.
His paws, numb with exhaustion, were cracked and he was pretty sure they were bleeding after walking over the harsh stones all day, and he groaned as they headed towards camp.
Weedpaw glanced at him, worry coursing through his gaze, but said nothing.
"Weedpaw," Vinedust's voice was low as the older tom beckoned forth his apprentice.
"Yes?" The apprentice asked, bounding up.
"Go fetch Redear and bring him to the dead tree. I wish to speak to him of something."
"Alright," Weedpaw turned and trotted ahead, disappearing into the foliage as Vinedust turned to Fleetpaw.
"What have you learned today?" He asked.
Fleetpaw winced at his tone, fear fluttering in his chest at the mention of Redear. Was he going to remove him from the mission anyway?
"I've learned that I should be more aware of how much energy I have," Fleetpaw replied after a moment, still pondering his question. "And not to overexert myself."
Vinedust narrowed his eyes, staring at him with a strange look, before sitting down.
"Show me your paws," he mewed quietly.
Fleetpaw hesitated, worry pooling in his stomach. Was he going to get scolded for that, too?
Reluctantly, he overturned one of his front paws, revealing the cracked and bruised padding.
"Can you explain to me why your paws look the way they do?" Vinedust asked.
Fleetpaw stared at him blankly.
Was the tom that dumb?
But then Fleetpaw let the question sink in, and he swallowed, retracting his paw as he cast his gaze to the ground.
"My paw looks like that because I pushed myself too far," he mewed. "They wouldn't have been like that if I hadn't tried to do this on my own."
"Can you feel the pain of them?" Vinedust's question seemed off comparative to the questions he was asking, and Fleetpaw shook his head.
"Can't feel them. Too tired."
Vinedust's gaze no longer looked stern, but instead soft with concern.
"I may want you to learn consequences, but I'm not evil. Come, I'll get you to Mumblebee's den. You shouldn't walk on them much anymore, especially if you're attending the mission."
"Aren't you going to kick me out of it?" Fleetpaw muttered. "Leave me behind? I've done nothing good yet. I couldn't cloak myself yet again today."
"That means nothing to me," Vinedust shook his head. "I know you have the ability."
"But you called Redear," he retorted. "You can't lie to me; you think I shouldn't go."
Vinedust blinked, before sighing.
"No. That's not what I think. I only said you push yourself; you and Cindercall." His gaze only softened more, as his eyes flickered over the trees instead of meeting Fleetpaw's sight. "But even though I believe in the truth of consequences, I still have faith in you both. You are my Clanmates, and seeing you both work and develop yourselves tells me how much I can trust you."
"But you can't."
"Who says I can't?" Vinedust mewed, turning to him. "Are you trying to say you are not trustworthy?"
"That's not—"
"Who I trust, Fleetpaw," the tom interrupted. "Is my choice. And whether you believe you're trustworthy or not, I have chosen to trust you." His gaze narrowed, but not in a harsh way. "Now, as I stated before, you need to get your paws checked out. I knew I should've ended earlier, but you looked far too determined to end when I had wanted."
Fleetpaw swallowed, glancing at his paws and wincing as, for the first time in a few hours, he could feel the soreness of his paws.
"Alright... But... Promise you won't leave me behind?"
"I would give you warning if that was a choice in my mind," Vinedust mewed. "Come. We should go."
Fleetpaw nodded as they both got to their paws, limping after the tom.
His eyes studied Vinedust's gaze, and he could only wonder why Vinedust was the way he was.
It was a wonder how such a stoic cat could prove himself to be gentle, even after such a stern and harsh scolding about consequence.
As they entered the camp, Vinedust led the way to the medicine cat den, glancing back to Fleetpaw and opening his jaws to speak.
Only for him to bump into a soft, gentle-looking she-cat with grey fur.
It was Leila.
"Oh!" The gentle queen blinked, backing up slightly as she looked between the two of them. "Oh, dear... I'm so sorry..." Her voice, though a bit distant and light, was stronger than Fleetpaw remembered.
"What are you doing by Mumblebee's den?" The apprentice mewed, glancing at her.
"Oh. Eaglewhisker told me I could go to Mumblebee if I needed anything..." The gentle queen mewed, her eyes flickering to the apprentice with a warm expression. "I'm still getting settled in the nursery after all, and of course... I want to know the camp more."
"Wow, you seem to be settling into the Clan terminology just fine!" Fleetpaw mewed. "And you sound better too."
"Did I sound strange when I arrived...?" Leila mewed. "Apologies for that..."
"It's fine!" He purred. "Oh, have you met Vinedust yet?" He gestured towards the warrior, only to see the strangest look on the tom's face.
His green eyes were wide, staring at Leila in shock and awe, looking her up and down.
"No, I don't believe we've met," Leila mewed gently, turning to look at him. "Hello..! I don't remember seeing you too much... You're friend of Lighteye's, yes?"
"I-Uh..." Vinedust swallowed. "Er, well... I... Uh..." Fleetpaw jabbed him in the side, only to earn a small jump from the tom. "Y-yes. I am. L-Lighteye's friend. I... You were the kittypet... Your... Your name, it... It was what again?"
"I'm Leila," the she-cat purred, completely ignorant to Vinedust's stammered replied. "It's so nice to meet you... Did you need to speak to Mumblebee...?"
Vinedust seemed to stop completely, clearly too distracted by something to answer, his jaw hanging open as he goes to speak.
"He banged his head a little hard, Leila," Junipersky's voice made Fleetpaw turn slightly to study the she-cat as she approached. "Sorry about him; he gets awkward around new cats." She snickered.
"Oh that's quite alright," Leila cooed. "I sometimes get shy too..." Her gaze glowed with a light friendliness to Vinedust. "I ought to get going, but please; stop by the Nursery if you ever want to speak. I would love to meet every cat I can..."
Vinedust swallowed again, as though the words he wanted to say were caught in his throat.
"I'm sure he'd love to," Fleetpaw mewed in his place. "Once he gets over his lost voice."
"Why you're just having a rough day aren't you," Leila mewed. "A lost voice and a hit head? I do hope Mumblebee can help..." Junipersky snorted, trying to choke in her amusement, before shaking her head.
"Yes, yes, that's why Fleetpaw is here. Someone to help explain his problem to Mumblebee," she rolled her eyes, before gently herding Leila towards the nursery. "Hey, by the way, I think Honeyacorn was looking for you."
"Oh she was?" The two she-cats began to move along, chattering away, but not before Leila glanced once more over her shoulder to Vinedust, offering him a very gentle and sweet look.
Vinedust watched her go, and Fleetpaw stared at him in total confusion.
"Did you hit your head?"
"Huh?" Vinedust turned to look at him, blinking. "What?"
"You. Did you hit your head during training?" Fleetpaw mewed. "Did Weedpaw hit you too hard? Knock you into a rock?"
"What? No." Vinedust snorted, shaking his head. "She caught me off guard, that's all. Come, we need to get those paws treated."
"Yeah and your brain, apparently."
"Shut up."
Fleetpaw followed Vinedust in, seeing Mumblebee settled in the corner, setting up what looked to be travelling herb bundles.
With the end of the week drawing near, it reminded Fleetpaw that in just a few days, they would be breaking into MountainClan territory to save the cats.
"Mumblebee," Vinedust mewed, bringing the light-colored tom's head up towards them and away from his work.
"Yes? Is everything alright?" He mewed, getting to his paws.
"Fleetpaw's paws are injured," he mewed. "We need them to be treated."
Mumblebee's eyes narrowed, and he looked to Fleetpaw, gesturing for him to sit. The apprentice did so, turning over his paws and showing them to Mumblebee.
"Vinedust," the medicine cat groaned. "I know you want them prepared, but this is a little bit of vigorous training. You should've had him come and see me immediately!" He scolded, turning on the warrior as he, went to retrieve marigold.
"It wasn't his fault," Fleetpaw mewed. "I kept training at night when no one was around."
Mumblebee sighed, shaking his head as he returned.
"Whether or not that's true, Vinedust should've made sure you weren't overexerting yourself. Have you even thought about what you'll tell Eelstar, Vinedust? It would appear awfully strange to him if we're focused on rock-stealth, since he specifically asked for anything but."
"I already have plans for that," Vinedust mewed. "I was going to tell him that Fleetpaw got caught in a nettle patch." Mumblebee's whiskers twitched, and he shook his head.
"At least you're always prepared," he murmured. "Alright, then, I'll go take care of Fleetpaw. You go deal with everything else."
"Of course," Vinedust dipped his head, spinning on his heels and padding away. Mumblebee sighed, before gently chewing on the marigold and pressing the pulp into Fleetpaw's paws.
If it weren't for how numb he felt from exhaustion, he was sure it would sting way worse than it already did. He tried to keep his paws steady, but he winced as the juices seeped into the cracks of his pads.
"Will I be okay enough for the mission?" Fleetpaw asked nervously, staring at Mumblebee as he wrapped leaves and cobwebs around his paws.
"You will be, so long as you take care of your paws," he grunted gently. "Which means you won't be able to train for awhile, and I'll need you to rest. I won't be cruel enough to confine you to the medicine den, but no going outside of camp."
"What?!" Fleetpaw gaped at him in horror. "But I—"
"No buts," Mumblebee mewed. "If you want to go, you stay in camp for at least two days."
Fleetpaw's ears drooped, and he stared at the ground in dismay.
"Okay..." He muttered.
Mumblebee nudge his shoulder gently.
"Don't look so distraught. Use this time to develop your skills further."
"How can I when I need to rest my paws?" Fleetpaw shot back.
"Not all skills are physical, Fleetpaw," Mumblebee purred. "You'll understand soon enough."
"I swear, if I had a mouse for every time someone said something so mystical, I'd have enough to feed every cat in the Clans." Mumblebee broke out in laughter at Fleetpaw's dismayed words, and he rolled his eyes.
"We take heavily from our ancestors, little Fleetpaw," he purred. "Mysticism is just the way of the Clans."
"Mysticism is just a way to hide the fact that you're all confused just like me," Fleetpaw retorted. "I'm gonna go rest..."
Mumblebee watched the dejected apprentice rise to his bound paws, limping out of the den. He shook his head, turning back to the herb storage and the travelling herbs.
"It's not just confusion we're hiding, Fleetpaw," he mewed, as he stepped forward, his mind whirring with all of the twisted theories that have plagued his mind since the knowledge of MountainClan came to light. The death of Oddbird, in particular, cursed his nightmares the most. "No..." He shook his head. "No, what us warriors hide is fear..."
Fleetpaw watched as Weedpaw, Vinedust, and Junipersky drifted out of the camp, off to train without him for the second day in a row.
He had done as Mumblebee asked; remained in his nest, only rising to his sore paws to go and get his wrappings changed and to make dirt, but he hadn't yet been able to figure out what Mumblebee meant by 'honing his skills'.
He wished, for the first time in days, that Cindercall was here. She made things make sense in a way. Maybe it was because he was similar to her, like Vinedust said.
Or maybe if she were here, it would make things worse and he'd take more blame. He could also see that happening.
Redear and Vinedust had had their discussion, Honeyacorn and Owlpelt had gathered a meeting with Junipersky and Volenose, and of course Weedpaw was training hard while Mumblebee prepared.
All of them were working so hard, while Fleetpaw sat in his nest, doing nothing.
It made his paws itch to get outside and practice, to finally figure out why the rock-stealth won't work and fix it.
But he knew he couldn't.
Vinedust reminded him well of the consequences of his actions, and he knew that he wouldn't be allowed to go at all if he hurt himself anymore.
But it made him afraid.
Because if he did go with no proper training, he would get hurt... And so would everyone else.
He closed his eyes, tucking his paws under his chest, his mind whirring a mile a minute.
"Jaypaw, cut it out!" Kestrelpaw's shrill voice echoed in Fleetpaw's ears as the two apprentices came tumbling into the den.
"No," the tom growled. "I don't believe a damn word you're saying."
"I'm serious, Jaypaw!" The two were so caught up in their fight, they hadn't noticed Fleetpaw in the corner of the den. He probably looked like he was asleep, anyway, so he pricked his ears towards them.
"How can you be?" The tom turned on her. "That expedition changed you, I already knew that much, but to try and lie to me? After everything we've been through?"
"I'm not lying, Jaypaw," Kestrelpaw begged. "I promise you. You just have to talk to her when she comes home. You'll understand what I mean when you do."
"She wouldn't want to talk to me. She hasn't since we were kits, and she didn't want to talk to you either," he spat. "It's just lies. Lies to save face. Admit it, Kestrelpaw, just admit it!"
Silence filled the den, and Fleetpaw cracked an eye open to see a very wounded looking Jaypaw, and a sorrowful Kestrelpaw.
"Don't you remember what Redear told us?" Her voice when she spoke next reminded Fleetpaw of when they were kits. It was so soft, and tiny, and scared; just like when their first thunderstorm raged on, and she had looked at Jaypaw with fear as she hovered over Goosekit. "About how it wouldn't make sense for her to lie like that?"
"But she does it anyway," he growled. "Because she doesn't want to hurt any cat's feelings."
"But you're wrong," Kestrelpaw whimpered. "I know you're strong headed, Jaypaw... I know... But don't you trust me?"
Jaypaw swallowed, turning his head down to the ground.
Another pause, where Kestrelpaw stepped closer to her brother, only to flinch when he stepped back.
"I just... It's my fault, Kestrelpaw," he whimpered. "Maybe you're right, maybe she doesn't hate you, but... But I know she hates me. I've been a troublemaker since I was born, and Goosekit was way gentler than I was. If I had died, she wouldn't be acting this way."
"Just try," Kestrelpaw pleaded. "I know you trust me. I promise you, Jaypaw. I swear to you that I'm telling the truth... Please... When she gets home, just... Just talk to her."
Jaypaw closed his eyes, before Fleetpaw saw the most miserable, sorrowful look he had ever seen on the hotheaded tom.
"But what if you're wrong?" He hissed, his voice cracking.
"What if I'm right?" She returned. She crept forward, curling beside her brother as closely as possible. "Just... Just hear me out... Trust me..."
"I do... I trust you..." He closed his eyes. "I... Promise me you'll stay awake when I go to talk to her... I... I don't want to be alone."
"Of course."
"Thank you..."
The amount of trust and relief in Jaypaw's response echoed in Fleetpaw's ears, and he closed his eyes again.
He had almost forgotten.
Maybe, just maybe, in all of this, there was one cat that he trusted more than anything.
"Are we ready?" Redear mewed, looking to Vinedust. "I mean... Are the apprentices ready? It's in two days, and—"
"They're ready," Vinedust's eyes were flinty as he stared out into the training meadow, not looking at Redear. "Are you?"
"What sort of question is that?" Redear scoffed. "I am ready as I'll ever be. I'd love to do it right now, but I know I must make sure the apprentices won't be hurt. I saw Fleetpaw's injuries and—" He stopped when he saw the look the silver tom was giving him, and he narrowed his eyes. "I'm ready, Vinedust."
"I just want to make sure that if we're double crossed, you remember where your loyalties lie," mewed the tom.
"You really believe that Petalpelt would lie to us?" Redear snapped, his eyes wide as his fur bristled. "How dare you think such things of her? She's a warrior who's concerned about her family, and she begged her enemies to help! I have never seen such a cat grovel as she had, and no MountainClan cat could ever stoop to such a level to trick us. No, Petalpelt is telling the truth, and I know Cindercall would agree with me."
Vinedust said nothing, shaking his head.
"I can see you feel strongly about this. About Petalpelt, in particular."
Redear stepped back, his ears flattening against his head.
"What do you think you're insinuating?"
"I've seen you sneak off every night since you first met her, and I'm sorry Redear, but you've never had a reason to leave camp so frequently until she arrived. Sure, sometimes we ask you to speak to her, but to so callously visit her every night?" His gaze narrowed. "You do recall the Warrior Code... The one you swore your life to?"
Redear swallowed, his eyes sharpening with rage.
"How dare you speak to me like that?" He spat quietly. "I... I would never betray MoonClan."
"And yet here we are, betraying our leader right now," he replied. "And you would say you would never? Even if your heart guides you down such a path, and you can't break your own morals?" Vinedust got to his paws. "This mission was dangerous from the beginning, but seeing everything I have, I know that if we don't succeed, there's more than just a war we'll have to worry about." He turned to Redear. "Have you thought about what I mentioned, by the way?"
"About Oddbird?"
"Yes."
"Of course I have," he replied. "You really... You really think she did it?"
"I've seen how she's acted from the moment I was an apprentice. I have a deep, special hatred for her in my heart for how she treated Pearlight, but despite even that, I wouldn't make this accusation lightly."
"If you really believe that, then tell Eelstar."
"As if he'd listen to me," he snarled. "She's got him wrapped around her paw right now, thanks to that lie she told and MountainClan's war decree."
"Mumblebee agrees with you. So do I. Three cats are better than one."
"Three warriors do not equate the trust a leader has in his deputy," Vinedust replied. "Eelstar has lost too much already, and his anxieties have led him down a path that makes it hard for him to budge from his thoughts. It's a shock to see how similar he is to his sister, even though I figured that such a connection could be made considering they share blood."
Redear swallowed, before casting his gaze to the ground.
"Do... Do you think that if Ashwater were here..." The thought couldn't be finished. He didn't know how to phrase it, knowing how deeply Eelstar had loved the tom. He had hardly even met Ashwater, faint memories of him drifting in his mind from his kithood, but he knew Eelstar would mention him with such a sorrowful gaze, one that closely resembled his sister who mourned her mate just as harshly.
"If Ashwater here, Hollypetal would've been dead by now," Vinedust sniffed. "If Ashwater's blood had more hold of Cindercall, maybe she would've been able to sway Eelstar's mind as well, but I don't think even she can turn his thoughts towards the right path."
"Do you think Ashwater has spoken to him anyway?"
"Maybe," Vinedust closed his eyes. "But we don't know the whims of StarClan, so to say yes is to be far too cocky to be correct." He turned his gaze to Redear. "I may question your loyalty at times, Redear, but I need you to listen to me as closely as you can."
Redear nodded, his ears perking up.
"With how the times are beginning to change, I need you to promise me that you'll always think of MoonClan's needs." His eyes darkened, turning flinty as he spoke. "You were trained by Nettlepelt, which means you have the best head on your shoulders of most of the warriors here. I trust your judgement, and I know you'll do it anyway, but please... Make sure our Clan survives. Until everything finally ends, until this Prophecy finally leaves us in the dust, swear to me that you will do what you can to ensure MoonClan's survival."
Redear swallowed at the words that echoed in his ears, and he shuffled his paws.
Vinedust was a levelheaded warrior, who took precaution and thought out every step. Maybe he wasn't a strategist like Pearlight, or a vicious fighter like Sweethawk, but he never let things waver him in battle, whether it be physical or mental.
But to hear him sound so cold and even... fearful...
It shook Redear to the core.
"Can you promise me this, Redear?" Vinedust's words pulled him from his thoughts, and he swallowed.
His mind drifted as he thought, to the smell of pine trees and stone mingling together, and the sight of a red pelt in the sunlight.
After a moment, he nodded, his gaze darkening.
"Yes."
He rose to his paws.
"I can promise you that much at least."
