Jasper's PoV

I ran off to find a nearby animal and ran into an elk which was lucky. I quickly drained it before zooming off to make another kill then another replenishing my energy. A part of me wanted to keep killing, to keep drinking, to drown my sorrows, to disappear. I wasn't sure if I could head back to Bella despite the burn in my chest. I wasn't sure if I could face her. I knew I couldn't lie to her if she by some miracle didn't realize what had happened to her body while in transition. So I kept running, I kept killing. Eventually I heard my friends close on my tail so I slowed down to face what was going to happen.

"Killed enough animals, Major?" said Peter as he slid to a halt with Char and Emmett behind him.
"I'm not coming back, she deserves better. Tell her I died" I said before turning to zoom off.
"Oh no you don't" said Emmett as he charged me. I had predicted this so I flipped out of his way and continued running. Peter and Char tried flanking me on each side to take out my legs.
"Jasper you've been stupid, you know she will feel the pull towards you. She will follow you to the ends of the earth"
"That's why I'm running after Aro, to beg him to end my life. She deserves better" I said before punching him in the face and kicking Char out of the way at the same time. I taught them to fight but I was still better, I had never lost when the odds were even and after just having fed, they were even. Emmett tried charging me again but I quickly spun around kicking him in the gut sending him flying through the air. What I wasn't expecting was a blonde angel to drop from the sky, and dismantle my head in one fluid movement.

Bella's Pov

"Hey there darling, easy, take it slow" I heard a voice that sounded like Peter. I sat up slowly or I tried but was suddenly standing in a corner staring at Rose, Emmett, Char and Peter.
"Where's Jasper?" I said looking frantically for him.
"He's in time out," said Rose, stepping out from behind Emmett to come up to me.
"Why? Is he hurt? Is he okay?" I asked as my senses immediately honed in on his scent, locating him in the chicken coup.
"He just needs a timeout Bella, trust me, he's fine, he just needs time to pull his arrogant head out of his ass. Do you remember what he did to you?" she asked. Suddenly feelings, sounds, body touches came flooding back to my mind and I fell to my knees as I tried to breathe in air that I no longer needed.
"He raped me" I whispered. Rose sat down with me and pulled me into her arms while everyone else took their leave.
"Did he have a choice?" Rose asked as she pulled me tight into her arms.
"No" I mumbled into her shoulder.
"Then let me take you hunting and you can go see him if you're up for it afterwards" she said softly while stroking my hair.
"I don't know if I'm ready for that, I know he didn't have a choice but death would have been kinder than that I think"
"Shh, you need to feed to gain some clarity, death wouldn't have been kinder trust me. She would have tortured you for eternity if he hadn't done what he had. I have spent the morning speaking to him. I'm not proud of the decisions he's made of late but everything he let happen was for you, he has no concern for his health, only wants you to live a long happy life Bella" Rose said before planting a kiss on my forehead.
I nodded and followed her out the sliding door, leaving Jasper and my room to go hunting. It was so easy to run, I never tired and I was fast. I had to slow down for Rose to keep up but she smiled and urged me to go as fast as I liked. So I ran, as fast as I could, doing circles around Rose, jumping high into the sky to test my strength, my speed, my invincibility.

Eventually I heard a heartbeat and slowed for Rose.
"Damn, I thought you would have made the kill" she said catching up.
"Is it an animal?" I asked, holding onto a tree trying to refrain from breathing.
"Yeah it is, go for it, close your eyes, see it then go" she whispered into my ear before stepping back out of my way. I did as instructed and charged an unsuspecting cougar, landing on its back, snapping its neck with my hands before drinking out of his jugular. It wasn't the cleanest way to drink I'm sure as I got sprayed with blood but hell was it fun. Rose smiled and led me back to the house where I quickly showered, changed into jeans and a black hoodie of mine. I didn't bother with a t- shirt or bra, they were too fiddly and I ripped a few of them so I gave up. I chucked my bloody white dress into the bin also. Honestly why would you dress a vampire in a white dress for her fist kill Rose, I thought as I did so.

Emmett and Peter were outside tending to the horses with Jacob. I wasn't sure if I should be seeing Jacob since he was a human so I stayed inside watching through a window of the lounge with longing till Rose found me.
"You can go see him if you want, he smells so I don't think you will want to kill him let alone hug him but it's your call just don't hug me afterwards" she said with a soft smile. I zoomed outside and charged Jacob into the grass in a bear hug in a matter of seconds. He just had time to catch me.
"Damn you do smell Jacob" I said.
"Yeah so do you, it's good to see you Bells" he said before kissing my forehead.
"You too, I didn't think I was going to live to see you again" I said as I helped him stand up. There were a few other kids around the place from the reserve, some were sparing, some I didn't recognize were doing farm chores.
"A few of the younger ones wanted to stick around for a few weeks to soak up the sun and practice without worrying about showing their secret. The others including Carlisle and Emse wanted to give you space so they went back to Forks" he said, answering my unasked question. I nodded my head in response and looked in the direction of Jasper who was in the chicken coup.
"If you want you can go see him, I wouldn't though, he's not in a good head space" said Rose.
"What did you do to him?" I asked.
"He was acting like an idiot so I removed his head, dragged his body by his foot back here and dumped him in the chicken coup. He's allowed his body back when he gets over his arrogant self and realizes he's been selfish" snarled Rose.
"What was he trying to do?" I asked as I reigned in my anger that was flaring up at the thought of someone hurting Jasper and focusing on the facts that Rose wouldn't lightly do that to her brother without good reason.
"He wanted to leave you Bella, he wanted to kill himself. He wanted to drink away his sorrows in blood then ask Aro to kill him so that he could set you free. So you wouldn't feel the pull in your chest pulling you to him. He thinks he doesnt deserve you after what he did to you, he's not wrong but it's not right to take away your choice like that. To have you wake up and not have him the world" she said while crushing the fence that her hands were resting on.
"Mmmm" I hummed.

Some silence passed before I said goodbye to everyone explaining that I was going for a swim at a spot Jasper had shown me. I zoomed off before I could be told no and headed in the direction of the willows with the sparkling lake. I found a sturdy tree and sat down against it, closing my eyes, resting, thinking. Time passed by, night, day, night, day again. I wasn't sure how many days had passed till I felt the burn to feed again. I didn't want to move again though, I wasn't sure if I ever wanted to again.

Rose had to have said something to everyone as she was the only one who came out to occasionally sit with me in quiet contemplation. I was stuck in a rut. I wanted to see Jasper but I wanted our relationship to go slow, I wanted the time to hold his hand, to steal kisses in the sunlight, to go on dates. How did we start a relationship with him having just raped me and now wanting to end his life because he didn't feel worthy.

Eventually I heard the complaints of Jasper as he neared. I turned to see him being dragged by his ear by Rose as he stumbled on the ground to keep up.
"She doesn't want to talk to me, leave her be Rose" he pleaded.
"You're both moping around, you need to talk and figure it out, stop being an idiot Jasper" she snarled before shoving him in my direction and zooming off. He stood up and straightened his clothes before walking over to me and sitting down with his back against the same tree.
"We don't have to talk if you don't want Bella, we can sit in silence and she will eventually give up" he mumbled while shredding a blade of grass in his hands.
"I forgave you the day you raped me, I know you had no choice, none of us did. You made the choice to give me a chance to live, which I'm grateful for. I still remember your words you whispered before you started and when you left me, they are burned into my brain forever. I just haven't had the courage to see you yet since I don't know what to say Jas. I wanted to date you, I wanted to do all the small things like picking flowers, going horse riding, seeing movies, normal stuff. How do we do any of that now after what happened?" I asked, turning to face him.
"I am truly sorry Bella, I wish I could have found another way to save you, it was that or she was going to have you raped for eternity in front of me. I made a shitty choice with the two shitty options I had. If you still want to try I am here, if you want me to leave then just say the word. I will stay till the moment you realize I'm the reason for all your pain and tell me to leave. I won't touch you, If i'm too close tell me and i'll move. Just tell me what you want either with words or emotions. I would quite like to do all of those things with you if you want to with me. We have forever Bella. I never want to make you feel helpless again. I think it will take time for me to feel worthy to be your friend so let's just take it slow, one flower at a time" He said, staring intently into my eyes and passing me a daisy. I indicated that he should move over more and he did. He got up, dropped the daisy at my feet and moved a few meters away to another tree to lean against with remorse oozing from his eyes. As an empath he could feel everything I wanted, everything I needed and as always he was willing to drop to his knees to understand me. I didn't want him close to me, he was my mate for sure, but I didn't want to be touched by him.

We sat in silence for some time, both of us lost in our thoughts remembering the last time we were all here while I twirled the daisy that he gave me in my fingers carefully not wanting to crush the delicate flower. Jasper had expertly picked daisy's and made them into a crown for me which he laid half a meter from me before returning to his tree stump.
"How do you do that?" I asked as I picked it up carefully and placed it on my head somehow without breaking the precious chain.
"You just gotta breathe, in and out slowly and take your time, concentrate. Clear your mind of all distractions" he said softly as a yellow warbler came to sit near him among the dirt to have a dirt bath.
We watched it for some time before it flitted away.
"I'll move my stuff out of our bedroom, you can have it and I'll sleep in the chicken coop for now. There's a loft up there that I can furniture to" Jasper said as he stood. I nodded and waved him away. I wasn't ready to move, but it felt better having finally talked to him.

The sun was high in the sky and knowing that I should be left alone for at least the next ten minutes, after a quick scan of the area I started pulling off my clothes to have a dip. It felt weird, vulnerable having been out here in the open like this with no clothes and not a locked door between me and the world. I maybe lasted a few minutes before I zoomed back into my clothes out of frustration of feeling vulnerable when I was clearly alone and safe. I accidentally tore my hoodie's arm off in my haste but still managed to zip it up to cover everything else.