Jasper's PoV
I made my way back to my loft feeling better than I did yesterday and chucked my boots into a corner. Bella was relaxing a little and making fun with me like we used to, it was nice, it was ours. I laid down on the couch and contemplated what I could do next with her while listening to Rose paint Bella's nails a deep purple and talk about me.
I checked my inbox on my phone and found an email from Esme telling me I should take a vacation on the island, provided I didn't change a thing, not a single grain of sand. I had to laugh at that as it would be impossible to step foot on the island and not disturb a grain of sand here or there. I said thank you then started making preparations. The pups were going to head back in a few days, Jacob also as he should be around humans but I wondered if he would want to stay back to look after the animals with a friend while we were gone. I of course would pay him to do so, so I jumped down from the loft to track him down. He was busy racing a younger pup and an older pup to see who was fastest. I couldn't help but beat them all with a smirk and a shrug before indicating Jacob to step aside to talk. After Jacob said 'hell ye' and called his friend Embry over to tell him the news, I sped off to my laptop to start booking flights then started planning my next date with Bella. I was going to wait till later tonight when night fell.
Bella's PoV
"Seriously, you want me to do what?" I asked Jasper resting a hand on my hip with raised eyebrows while Rose lost it behind me in a fit of giggles.
"I want you to let Rose blind fold you and let her guide you somewhere or Emmett can just carry you if you want or Jacob'' Jasper mumbled while losing all his confidence and kicking at a patch of dirt with his boot. I felt bad, he was trying I just thought it was ridiculous to ask a vampire to be blind folded especially one that was a clumsy human only a few days ago.
"Fine, you can blind fold me and carry me, but run. Fast" I glared before taking a deep breath and walking towards him.
"Are you sure?" he whispered looking at me with his famous intense stare.
"While we are young" I said before turning around and pushing a cocktail of confidence at him with my nerves and anxiety.
"Okay" he mumbled as he took a step closer to me and wrapped the silk blind fold around my eyes, tying it gently.
"Alright climb on" he said as I assumed he moved to stand in front of me. I reached out and found his back and neck before boosting myself up onto his back and feeling him stumble a second.
"If you drop me, you're losing a hand for a week Jasper Whitlock" I snarled in his ear as my anxiety rose.
"Wouldn't dream of it, you're just super strong is all, okay i'm running, hold on tightly" he said before taking off once I tightened my grip.
"Are you okay, your emotions are making it hard to run Bella" Jasper said with concern after a few minutes.
"Run faster" I breathed as I tried to reign in my anxiety.
"We are here" Jasper said as he skidded to a stop after eighty nine more seconds. He gently helped me dismount before taking several steps backwards from what I could hear.
"Sorry, your smell is a trigger" I mumbled.
"You don't have to ever apologize Bella for that, ever, I know I'll never forgive myself for it, turn around then take off your blind fold" he said softly. I followed his instructions and was blown away. Somehow he had made a theater in the woods where no one but us could watch. He had set up two massive couches a few meters apart with a bonfire that he was just setting up and a projector on a desk connected to a battery in the back. There were throw blankets and pillows even with the screen being several massive sheets sewed together.
"I thought maybe it would be nice to just watch a movie and hang without the others?" He asked while rubbing his hand nervously through his locks.
"This is perfect Jasper" I said, smiling softly as I made my way past him to claim a couch and pull a blanket up, mostly out of habit.
"My scent triggers your anxiety?" he asked as he turned the projector on and let it warm up before placing in the movie.
"Your scent, your voice, your touch, I don't think you really want me to go on. I know you had no choice, I know you made the right one, I just haven't figured out how to be a normal vampire yet. It's like all my anxiety I had before just got tripled when I became a vampire Jas. I do have one question though" I said.
"I'm sorry, I can roll around in mud if it would help or horse poop? What's your question?" he said as he sat on his couch and stretched out his limbs with the remote in his hand.
"No, gross! I'll just figure out how to get over it and be a normal vampire somehow. Maybe i'll ask the Volturi if they have any classes on broken vampires and how to fix them. When you were with Maria, you blasted me with your feelings but I couldn't deny what I saw. You looked happy, you looked like you were enjoying it Jas" I asked nervously.
"You're not broken Bella, never, you just have scars is all, that's fine. I was with Maria for nearly a hundred years, I learnt quickly that if I faked anything with her, she would cause me pain. She would make me loosing all my limbs look like a reward compared to what she would do when I would lie to her in bed. She once had pierced all through my body with metal needles that electrified my body with the power to run a city. I didn't care what she did to me but I didn't want to give her the opportunity to take vengeance out on you. So I lied as best as I could and gave her everything she wanted in hopes she would forget about you. I hated every moment though, I still do and I wish there had been another way, I wish Peter had gotten here sooner" he said staring darkly into the bonfire he had built.
"What movie did you bring?" I asked trying to lighten the conversation realizing Jasper was as tortured as I was, he just hid his scars better than me.
"I bought the movie Grease, I thought it would be hilarious to laugh at?" he said, smirking and pressing play. About half way through, I wanted to try something. I knew my emotions betrayed my thoughts but I took a deep breath anyway and made myself follow through. I got up, and sat on the end of Jasper's couch. He quickly retracted his feet and sat perfectly still which helped while I focused on easing my breathing. I just had to focus on the fact that Jasper was a good person, he was a good guy, he meant no harm, it was just in my head. I lasted maybe five minutes before I dashed back to my couch moving it further away.
"Sorry" I mumbled.
"Like I said, you don't have to apologize, ever Bella. However long it takes, I'll be here waiting" he said while giving me a soft smile.
"What if I'm broken forever?" I asked softly.
"You're not broken, but if you're like this forever then I have forever to show you the world of movies outside of Grease" he said.
"We should watch Phantom of the Opera tomorrow night? It's actually one of my favorite musicals and they have the movie for it that came out four years ago" I said feeling a little excited.
"I'll track it down then, Consider it done" he smiled softly.
Jasper's PoV
It killed me to know my smell, my voice, my touch triggered her anxiety. I wanted to hold her but I couldn't. I watched the rest of the movie in quiet contemplation while keeping a lid on my feelings that desperately wanted to bubble over telling the world around us how I truly felt. I felt distraught that I had failed her, I wanted to turn back time to the day Edward had left her, to have knocked on her door that night, asked to have come in to comfort her through her nightmares. I couldn't get the image out of my head of her helpless body, laying there, unable to fight, unable to move, paralyzed in agonizing pain while the monster that I was raped her while keeping a lid on her pain. I wanted to spiral and let her in on how I felt but that wasn't fair on her when she had her own demons to deal with. I contemplated what would happen if I rolled around in Jacob's bed if It would change my scent enough but then there was still my touch and voice. My own voice triggered her anxiety in small bubbles, not as bad as my touch but it was still there despite the sweet words I had whispered to her in an attempt to comfort her.
I reminded myself that I was here in the now and that I should spiral later when I was alone. But I couldn't forget what Bella had reminded me of, a memory that I had buried deep within my pain. Bella had stirred a memory that I had long suppressed of what Maria had done to me. Not even Peter knew that story. She had pushed about five needles into my penis and walked away leaving the device on high for a few days. There were needles all along my body sure but that was the only spot that hurt the most. I had never screamed so much in my life. It made the burn of turning into a vampire a walk in the park. 'Come on Jasper, pay attention, pretty sure the movie is nearly finished', I scolded myself.
I was proud of Bella for trying to sit with me but I wasn't going to ask her for anything she didn't want to do. If we spent the next thousand years doing things like this, watching movies on separate couches, I would still consider myself the luckiest vampire alive. The movie eventually finished so I walked Bella home after packing up the projector and leaving the sheet and couches out for tomorrow. We mostly walked in silence with the road between us but it was a comfortable silence. At the sliding door to our room I said goodnight and she waved goodnight to me before opening the door. I made my way to the chicken coop to find Rose waiting for me on the couch.
I laid down on the couch resting my head in her lap.
"She doesn't hate me, just that my voice, smell, and touch trigger anxiety attacks. No big deal" I sighed before rubbing my eyes.
"You didn't know me when I was turned, I mostly went straight into vengeance mode and once I got that, I was left with nothing else but to face the music. I wasn't much different to Bella, for the longest time I was repulsed by Edward's attempt at courtship. When I found Emmett, I was in a better head space but I still was honest with him and like you, he took his time. You can't win her over in a night Jasper" she said as she stroked my hair.
"Yeah but I bet you weren't triggered by Emmett's smell, voice and touch" I mumbled.
"You know you're such a child when you want to be" she mothered.
"You know you're a lousy sister when you want to be" I retorted.
"We are going to Esme's island in a few days" I said after some time of silence.
"We are? All of us?" Rose asked.
"Yeah, you me, Char, Peter, Emmett and Bella, surprise" I said in a lousy tone. Rose swatted my arm in annoyance at my depressive tone so I tried a smile which quickly turned back into a frown.
"Well that should be interesting, you do know Bella can't dress herself in delicate things?" Rose asked.
"I don't want to see her in anything she doesn't want to wear, if I was going for a romantic vacation, you guys would be left behind. I'm just wanting a vacation, some sand, sunshine and heat away from everything. I thought Bella might enjoy it also. She wants to watch another movie with me tomorrow night, Phantom of the Opera" I said.
"Guess I'll go find that for you tomorrow morning when the shops open. Slow and steady Jasper, she will fall for you again I promise" Rose mothered while brushing my hair back from my face.
Rose eventually left me to spend the night with Emmett allowing me to let go of my emotions after I took off into the forest where the only species alive to feel my projection were animals who found new ways to cry or scream in agony.
