Brace yourselves - Bruce is going to be a complete jerk (on purpose of course). Plenty of drama to go around in this chapter. Hope you like it. Thanks again everyone for reading, reviewing, favoring etc. :)
"May I say that I think this is a horrible idea, sir." Alfred said, looking at him concerned.
"You said that already. Twice."
"I thought by saying it again it might bring some sense into you."
"I need to protect her. Nothing can happen to her because of me."
"Tell her the truth Master Wayne and together you can figure out a way to..."
"Enough Alfred!" His voice rang with anger.
Alfred just looked at him in silence.
"I can't Alfred." He continued in a softer voice. He braced his hands against the table, his head bowed. "I can't lose her too. I just...I just can't." The pain rippled through his body again like dominos slowly biting through his flesh stone by stone. "I need you to understand." He said his eyes still closed in pain. "I can't risk her life. It would ruin me." He slowly opened his eyes again, seeing the compassionate expression in his butler's eyes.
Alfred slowly nodded. "Alright Master Wayne."
"Thank you." He exhaled in relief.
Alfred smirked at him. "I do think this is a horrible idea though."
"I know."
"Good. Don't want to be blamed later on. Alfred why didn't you stop me. Well I did bloody tell you."
In all this Alfred always knew how to lighten his mood. He smiled at the old butler. "The way I see it - I'll blame you for everything in the end anyway."
Alfred laughed. "Very well sir. More coffee sir?"
He shook his head. "Whiskey."
"Sir..."
"I need it tonight, Alfred." He said in a serious voice.
Alfred nodded and left.
He sat down, pulling Cat's phone from his pocket. He had taken it out of her bag when they got back to Gotham. It wouldn't be long now before she noticed and would come to his penthouse to look for it.
Alfred returned with a glass of whiskey.
He slammed it at once. The liquor burning in his throat, promising to dull the pain in his heart and mind soon.
"Why not just tell her you don't want to see her anymore? Why this elaborate scheme?" Alfred asked.
"Because I know her too well, Alfred. She would not buy it, trying to figure out why I really did it, probably figuring out that the Joker threatened my life... Plus I don't trust myself around her. In the past I was not able to stay away from her. That's why I need her to hate me."
Alfred looked at him concerned, not saying anything.
"Is everything in place?" He asked Alfred looking at the empty glass in his hand.
"Sir...may I..."
"Yes or no Alfred."
Alfred sighed and then reluctantly nodded.
"Good." He nodded. "I need another one of those." He said, handing the glass back to the butler. "Make it a double."
I was back at my apartment and felt like I had just woken up from a fantastic dream. Everything just seemed exactly right. I fell on my bed with a huge smile on my face, this had been an amazing day. Just as I thought that, the uneasy feeling I had in the plane returned. My gut told me something bad was about to happen. I shook my head at myself. Just enjoy the moment and stop overthinking it! I clearly wasn't good at it.
I went to my bag to get my phone to see if work had called or texted me, but I couldn't find it. I dumped the whole bag, frantically searching for it. Great! I must have left it with Bruce. Hopefully I didn't leave it on the island. I needed that phone for work and really everything else. I was too much of a news junkie not to have my phone blow up with breaking news alerts every few seconds.
I headed out the door, grabbing a cab to his place, still not able to shake that awful feeling in my mind.
I got to his apartment, entering the back door as usual with the key he had given me. Soon I won't have to do that anymore - our relationship will be public and we won't need to hide anymore. The elevator slowly moved up the floors, blinking and beeping at every floor. The steel doors finally opened to his apartment. The lights were on but I couldn't see Bruce or Alfred.
"Bruce?" I asked slowly walking into his penthouse, looking at Gotham's impressive skyline, twinkling with thousands of lights.
In that moment I heard laughing - female laughing. I felt my blood freeze. There is probably a good explanation for this, it could be a friend, work partner... Granted it was late, but there was probably a good explanation for this. I followed the noise to his bedroom, the door was not shut entirely, light shining into the dark hallway. I was standing there in fear of what I might find on the other side.
"Oh God, don't stop." The female voice moaned.
I felt my heart beating, my hands shaking. There must be a good explanation for this. Maybe it's not Bruce? Maybe he let his friends use the place for the night? I don't want to storm into his friends having sex. Then they're embarrassed and I'm the crazy jealous girlfriend. As those thoughts were rushing through my mind, I heard his voice.
"Take off your skirt." He demanded.
His voice tore right through me. This wasn't happening. Was this a bad dream?
There was no going back now. I had to open the door to make sure what I was thinking was happening, was actually happening. I didn't want to freak out over nothing. A part of me was still hoping there was an incredibly good explanation for this.
I pushed the door open and my heart froze.
Bruce was half naked, only wearing pants, kissing a blonde woman. She was in lacy, black lingerie and drop dead gorgeous. Her long, blonde hair perfectly curled hanging down on her immaculate body.
The second they noticed me in the doorway they stopped, Bruce letting go of her looking at me.
I couldn't tell if I was still breathing. My eyes just staring at him, waiting for an explanation. As if there could be one.
Everything felt like it was in slow motion. I could hear my breathing in my own ears.
"Cat." - was all he said looking at me in a way I had never seen before - looking fake and distant.
The woman hardly moved, not looking too concerned with the fact that she was almost naked.
"Who is this?" She asked him casually.
In situations like these I never got emotional - I just turned ice cold and stone hard. Internally, I was an emotional mess but to the outside it looked like I had perfect composure. My stomach was in knots but I felt in full control of my facial expressions. I wasn't crying. Not even close to tears.
"I'm nobody." I answered her question with a smile. "Just looking for my phone which I seemed to have left here earlier."
I looked him straight into the eyes, hoping I could read what in the world was going on. I couldn't. He was a stone wall himself.
He grabbed his shirt.
"Don't go anywhere," he said, pulling her towards him, kissing her again as he left the bedroom. "I think your phone is on the kitchen counter." He said walking past me and towards the kitchen.
Was this happening? Is this a nightmare? Am I on drugs?
The short distance to the kitchen felt like a lifetime. A million thoughts were rushing through my head and I was processing what just happened and what this meant. This was it. This was the end of whatever we had together.
He handed me my phone, throwing on his shirt, buttoning it up.
"Do I get an explanation? Or is this just it?" I managed to say in a steady voice.
"Look, this was fun and all... It's really a shame you finally found out." An arrogant smile on his lips. "You were such a good screw."
I felt like someone punched me in the gut, the pain vibrating through my entire body.
"So, all that talk about going public...?" I asked, remaining cool. I didn't yell at him - I didn't want to give him that satisfaction.
He snorted with laughter. "I actually can't believe you bought that. I made you believe I wanted to have you as my girlfriend and that worked out really well...until you wanted to go public. I mean of all my conquests, I have to say, you're the most gullible."
"You don't mean that."
"You still believe it! It's impressive. I mean Gabriela figured it out after two dates... You... All I needed to tell you was that I had some big loss in my past and you spread your legs faster for me than I could count to ten."
BAM - it felt like he had landed another punch. Right about now, I wished he really punched me instead of saying these words to me.
While I was more and more vulnerable emotionally, I felt my posture change. I stood a little taller my lips smiling at him ever so slightly, my eyes coldly staring at him. It was like a shield was growing around me, protecting me from any more harm.
His face looked like that of someone else. It looked like a deformed version of what he was - what I thought he was. My head was spinning. Why was he intentionally hurtful?
"And my late night business deals... I can't believe you bought that as well."
"I'm not buying whatever this is." I said with way more confidence in my voice than I felt was left in my entire body.
He laughed and shook his head. "They should give me a fucking Oscar for my performance."
"Why go through such an elaborate scheme? Why not say you only wanted to have sex?"
"If I had said that - would you have let me fuck you? I doubt it."
His language was way more crass than usual. I didn't recognize the person in front of me.
"Plus, it's the thrill of the chase. How long can I make you think you really mean something to me while also screwing multiple other women? Like I said, normally they figure it out after a few dates. Not you." He shook his head again laughing.
I was hurt, angry and in shock. Nothing made sense.
"I made you think it was your idea to keep this a secret." He continued.
"This isn't you." I said, my voice continued steady while my head was spinning.
He laughed again, shaking his head. "I'm whatever you need me to be baby." He said while pulling me towards him. "Hell, I'll keep fucking you."
I pushed him away from me. "Stop it. Are you drunk?" I said, recognizing the thick smell of booze on his breath.
"Ah! I forgot! You think I don't drink..." He was laughing again. "Anyway - lets cut this short. We had fun together bla bla. We can continue to fuck as long as you don't need me to be your boyfriend. So are we done here or do you want to join me and my girl in the bedroom?"
I still couldn't understand what was happening. Did he pretend to be an asshole? Or was this really him? Either way, the bottom line was that he had just ended things between us - no matter what the real reason behind it was.
"Though I have to say, now that you know, the thrill is kinda out of it for me at this point."
His words hurt but my brain was analyzing them more objectively - it was too much - too much hateful things. It seemed purposeful, like he wanted to hurt me, wanted to push me away. Whatever this was - however fake it might have been - he really did kiss that woman in his bedroom, though.
"Don't worry Mr Wayne," an icy smile on my lips. "I won't be in your way." I said in a cold voice heading to the elevator door, pushing the button to open the door.
Everything felt like it took forever. I just needed to get out of this place. Was I holding my breath? I couldn't tell. He hadn't moved and I could feel his gaze on me. Please leave - go in the bedroom to your blonde supermodel. I couldn't be in his presence for any longer. Not one second.
A vision of our first encounters rushed through my head. How he had looked at me the first time we met. How our hands touched when we both reached for my pen on the floor. Our first kiss. Everything rushed through my brain. Was I still not breathing? Where was this stupid elevator?
After what felt like forever, the doors finally opened. I stepped inside, fully aware that this was the last time I would be in his apartment and the last time I was going to see him in this setting - outside of work related encounters.
His eyes met mine - for the first time looking more like himself again. He just stared at me, his hands in his pockets, as the doors to the elevator slowly closed.
As the doors finally closed all the way, I took a deep breath, almost gasping for air. And in that moment I felt my facade crumble. My knees were shaking, I braced my hands against the elevator wall. Don't cry. A big lump forming in my throat. Think about something else. Work. Think about work... I couldn't cry - not yet. If I started to cry, I wouldn't be able to stop and I really didn't want to cry in public.
I stormed out the door into the crisp fall night of Gotham city. The air hit me like a punch, pushing me into reality. Maybe I was really that gullible? Maybe my initial feeling about him had been correct all along and I just projected my own fantasies onto him?
I hailed a cab, speeding home, trying to keep my mind occupied, trying to watch the news on the TV screen in the cab - to little effect. I wasn't able to concentrate on what they were saying.
The cab stopped, I paid and got out, making my way to my apartment. I closed the door. All the pain was unloading at once, suffocating me. I felt like I was hyper ventilating, hot tears streaming down my face. I sunk to the floor, my body embracing the feeling of loss in every corner. It seemed like I was falling, nothing underneath me but a dark hole, swallowing me.
The elevator doors closed and he quickly walked into the bedroom, trying to pull himself together for a few more seconds, swallowing back tears.
Helena was already dressed, sitting on a chair, doing something on her phone.
"Am I done?" She asked absently when she noticed him walk inside.
"Yes." He responded. "Here is your compensation for your trouble."
He handed her the envelope with money.
"10 grant?" She asked, grabbing the envelope from him.
"Yes, you're welcome to count it."
"I have to say, in all my years as an escort I have come across some messed up shit...but paying me to pretend we are about to have sex so you can get your girlfriend jealous...that's a first."
"She is not my girlfriend." He said vehemently.
She rolled her eyes at him. "Yeah I saw that. Anyway, not my deal. Whatever floats your boat." She got up, grabbing her purse. "Give me a call if you need me for another theatrical event." She grinned at him, standing way closer to him than he wanted her to.
He took a step back. "Good night."
When he heard her finally leave, he felt his body give in. Saying all these horrible things to Cat had made him sick to his stomach. Literally. He ran to the bathroom, vomiting, until there was no contents in his stomach left, his entire body shaking violently.
"Are you alright, sir?" Alfred asked outside the bathroom door.
"Yeah." He responded in between dry heaves, slowly getting up, washing his face. He needed to clear his mind to find the Joker. He looked at himself in the mirror, hating his reflection.
He was surprised by her reaction. He didn't know how she would react - but this was not how he had pictured it. She had been incredibly calm in this. She didn't yell, she didn't cry. It was like she was emotionless. Meanwhile he felt like an emotional fruit basket, barley holding it together while he said all those revolting things. Maybe his feelings for her were much stronger than hers for him? Good. Hopefully that meant she didn't feel as awful as he did right now.
He had wished she would have left immediately but she kept seeing through his game, so he needed to say even more horrible things.
An image of her, lying in his arms just this morning shot through his mind. Her smile. Her body perfectly fitting into his arms. Tears started to pour down his cheeks. He was disgusted with himself. All he wanted was to be with her. The pain rippled through his body. It was worse than any physical pain he had ever experienced and he had experienced a lot of that. His hands were gripping onto the sink as the feeling of loss spread slowly through every fiber of his body. Aside from the impossible pain, he felt numb and empty.
He couldn't look at his own face staring back at him anymore. With a guttural scream he punched the mirror with full force, his mirror image bursting into a thousand shards - very much like his heart.
The door opened.
"Master Wayne." Alfred walked in.
"What?" He asked annoyed.
"Pull yourself together." The old butler said. "I told you this was a horrible plan but you wanted to go ahead with it. You wanted to bring this pain on yourself. Now that you've done it, you have to be able to bare the consequences. So take a cold shower because you still need to catch the Joker. That's why you did all of this in the first place."
He took a deep breath, pushing all emotions to the side. "You're right Alfred."
The butler nodded at him. "I'll make you some coffee. Let's get that clown behind bars, shall we?"
Bruce nodded stumbling out of the bathroom. His hand was covered in tiny shards of glass and bleeding. He welcomed the physical pain as a distraction from his emotional pain.
He had stayed up all night to prepare the plan how to catch the Joker. It was a good distraction from all the events of last night, keeping his mind occupied. He didn't know when or where the clown would strike.
And of course he couldn't fight against him at full capacity, because otherwise the Joker would know who he really was.
"I feel your plans are getting worse by the minute Master Wayne." Alfred said concerned.
"It'll work. That's all that matters."
"I take it you're not worried about risking my life?"
"I'm not risking your life Alfred." He smiled at the butler, who looked concerned.
When he woke up after only a few hours of sleep, he was ready to finally put the Joker behind bars for good.
"Master Wayne?" Alfred walked into his bedroom that unfortunately still smelled of the flowery-sweet perfume Helena had used. "Lieutenant Gordon is here to see you."
Gordon was going to tell him his life was in danger - he had expected him.
"Alfred can we do something about this smell?"
"What smell, sir?"
"The sweet perfume."
"Well, you could try opening the windows again."
"I did that last night. This smell is giving me a headache." He said opening the windows again.
"Perhaps you should stop bringing escorts here to intentionally hurt someone you like?"
Why was Alfred not letting this go?
He sighed as he leaned against the wall. "Tell Gordon I'll be out in a minute."
He quickly got dressed.
"How can I help you officer?" He asked walking towards Gordon.
"Mr Wayne. Sorry to barge in unscheduled like this. The Joker has made a threat against your life."
"Against me?" He asked in fake bewilderment.
"Yes, now I know how shocking this must be to you. We have our best men on the case and we have several officers watching your back."
"That's not necessary. I have my own security."
"I understand. I just feel better knowing we have some men watching out for you as well."
Bruce just nodded at him. "So, why did the Joker threaten me?"
"We believe he is targeting the most powerful in the city and that includes you."
"Has he named me specifically?"
"Yes, yes he has."
"Well, let me know how I can be of any help to your office."
"I will be in touch."
He went to work as he would normally, checking numbers with Fox and attending meetings. Whenever his mind was thinking about her, he tried immediately to change his train of thought. He didn't have time to feel sorry for himself. However painful this might have been for her - although it didn't look like it had much of an impact on her at all - it was the best thing for her.
"Everything alright Bruce?" Fox asked him.
"Yeah." He snapped out of it. "I actually have a question for you."
"What is it?"
"I need something, a drug of some sort, that will knock someone unconscious immediately."
"Are you talking about a short-distance or long-distance approach?"
"Whichever is more effective."
"The army developed some gas agents that can take out a combat enemy."
"But?"
"It's messy. You need to make sure it's just you and that person in the room otherwise everyone will be effected. If you're outside, it might not work depending on how far away your enemy is. It might be too diluted."
"What's the alternative."
"Using a syringe. Rohypnol or Ketamine are very reliable."
"Roh...what?"
"They're commonly known as date rape drugs. You can put them in drinks, but I'm guessing you're not going to have a drink with this person. So your best bet would be to inject it. The drug is absorbed immediately into the blood stream. The person is out in less than a minute."
"For how long?"
"Depends on the strength. Minutes, hours..."
"Chance of death?"
"Minimal if we calculate the dosage correctly. Do you have the persons weight?"
"I could estimate it."
"That works. Male or female."
Bruce raised his eyebrows at Lucius' question.
"Male I take it then." Fox continued. "I'll have it ready in less than an hour."
"You look nervous, Alfred." Bruce smiled at his old butler.
"I am. I don't have a death wish like you sir, so yes, I am nervous."
He chuckled at the butler again, checking his watch. The 48 hour warning was almost over. Where was the maniac?
"How much longer?" Alfred asked.
"5 hours before the time is up."
"Maybe he is not going to do it today?"
He shook his head. "Wouldn't be like him. He would see that as not keeping his promise in a weird way."
"Fascinating. Maybe you two should exchange notes?"
He laughed at Alfred's nervous energy. Situations like these did not make him nervous - it was emotions that he feared far more than this. This - he was good at.
He looked at the outside cameras he had installed and suddenly they showed two officers on the ground, lying in a puddle of blood.
"Showtime." He said getting up.
Alfred sighed and walked into his hiding position.
Bruce readied himself for what was to come. He doubted the Joker would just walk into the door.
In that moment three masked men came crashing through the window, punching him. He could have easily beat them all but that would have made it too obvious, so he threw punches, some successful, some less so.
Two men grabbed him, holding him by his arms. They were strong and well-trained but he could fight them off in no time. Instead he let them hold him while the third punched him in the stomach, landing a strong hit to his kidney. He leaned over in pain, embracing the ringing pain as a punishment for how he had treated Cat.
"Mr Wayne." The high-pitched voice said out of the darkness.
The men stopped beating him and turned towards the voice, still holding him.
"Who is this?" He demanded in an angry voice, well aware who was hiding in the shadows.
"I'm your worst nightmare, Mr Wayne."
"What do you want? Money? I can give you money."
"Hahahahahaah! Money! Money makes the world go 'round... Not for me... Money is so trivial. Does all that money make you happy?"
"What do you want from me then?"
"Oh no, I don't want anything from you. I'm here to give you things."
"Give me things?"
Suddenly one of the clowns punched him again, he winced in pain.
"You see, I live for pain. That's why I don't believe in guns. They're too quick."
Bruce was trying to see his face but the Joker was still hiding.
"Physical torture is fun but with guys like you... Look at you, my guys are punching you and it doesn't seem to bother you too much. Sure you're in pain but that's not the amount of pain I'm looking for."
"So. you're here to torture me? Get it on then."
"See! That's what I thought you might say. You're taking pain in stride. That's no fun."
What in the world was he planning?
Suddenly the Joker appeared from the darkness. This was not at all what he had expected. He was wearing a Santa costume. It looked old and worn way too many times.
"Ta-da! Or should I say - ho-ho-ho! Hahahahahahah!"
"You're the ugliest Santa I've ever seen, I'll give you that."
One clown punched him in the face, his nose started bleeding.
"No, no... Not the face. I need his face for the finale. Carving a smile on the face of Gotham's prince."
Bruce spit some of the blood on the floor.
"Alright freak, let's cut this short."
The work freak unnerved the Joker.
His mouth was twitching. "I'm not a freak..." His long tongue licking his scars frantically. "But glad you want to get the show on the road. For every question you get right I have a present for you in my bag."
He was holding a black trash bag over his shoulder.
"What if I don't want your presents."
"You'll get them anyway. Let's play! First question..."
"I'm not going to be part of your game. Do you want to kill and torture me - be a man and do it already, freak."
The clown's eyes flickered with anger.
"I didn't want to do this already, but you don't give me another choice." He came towards him and pulled a knife.
"What's your final answer?" The Joker asked.
"Go fuck yourself." Bruce responded.
The blade slipped between his rips, ripping through his flesh. He welcomed the pain, knowing the Joker wasn't going to kill him yet. He had other plans and he wanted to learn more about the crazy clown before taking control.
"See. I get nothing. I stab you and it seems like you're enjoying it."
"Sorry I can't satisfy your sick fantasies." He said breathing in sharply under the pain.
"Oh don't worry. You will in a minute." He walked back to the plastic bag laughing hysterically.
He grabbed something out of the bag.
"Catch." He said while he threw the thing at Bruce, who obviously couldn't catch it since two men were restraining his hands.
Whatever it was, hit his face before falling to the ground.
"She had no idea visiting you would be the death of her." He laughed again.
Bruce stared on the ground, a female hand lying in front of him. His head was spinning. Don't let it be Cat's! He tried to focus his eyes but he felt he was close to losing consciousness. Focus! Do her hands look like that? His eyes were finally able to focus. That wasn't her hand. Was it? It was hard to tell from this angle. Had he been too late? Did he fail to protect her?
"Ah! There it is!" The Joker said gleefully, taking in a deep breath as if he was trying to suck in all the pain. "This is the stuff." He came up to him again, grabbing Bruce's face in his hand, his fingers holding tightly onto his face, his eyes opened wide.
"Tell me about her. Was she your girlfriend? Huh? Were you two in love?"
Bruce spat in his face. The Joker wiped it off, letting go of his face walking back to his bag.
"Seems to me you were a good boy all year. You deserve more presents."
Under hysterical laughter he rolled a head towards Bruce, like a bowling ball.
Bruce's stomach was in knots - but he was relieved at the same time. It wasn't Cat. It was Helena.
Remorse rippled through his body - he hadn't been able to protect her. Her head coming to a rest in front of his feet, her pretty face pale and lifeless, her blonde hair soaked in blood.
He closed his eyes in pain.
"Why don't you pick on someone your strength?" Batman asked appearing out of the darkness.
"You came!" The Joker said in joy.
Bruce felt the clowns around him nervously shifting by the sight of Batman. The plan was working. In one quick movement he freed himself from their grip, knocking all three to the ground while the Joker was focused on Batman.
"Let's play." He said while he was running towards Batman with a knife.
Bruce jumped at him, tripping him. They struggled for a second, Bruce trying to seem less powerful than he really was. Batman walked up, taking out a syringe. Bruce held the Joker's neck to the side and Batman administered the drug.
The Joker immediately started to slowly nod off until he was unconscious. Bruce exhaled and let go off him.
Alfred removed the mask.
"There is no way to breath through this bloody mask."
Bruce laughed. "You make a pathetic Batman, I have to say."
"Well, you make horrible plans. Thank you for waiting until the crazy clown was running towards me with a knife. Much appreciated sir." Alfred said sarcastically.
He laughed. "You're welcome."
Alfred's expression changed into a serious, concerned look. "Why did you wait so long before you gave me the go-ahead?"
"I wanted more information on him. See how he ticks."
"It seemed to me, sir, you wanted to get tortured."
Bruce hated how well his butler knew him.
"That's ridiculous Alfred."
"You wanted to experience the physical pain to make the emotional subside for a moment."
Bruce bit his lips together, looking down on his white shirt, soaked in blood.
"I'm worried about you, Master Wayne. Not having anyone you care for in your life, it's not natural."
"Imagine this was her!" He pointed at the body pieces on his floor. "What then? Huh? I might feel less sorry for myself but I risk someone else's life in the process? I couldn't live with myself."
He grabbed a blanket, slowly putting it over her head, anguish on his face.
"I've cost the lives of too many innocent already." He said silently, wondering who would miss Helena. He imagined her parents finding out, crying in each other's arms. All because of him.
"We should call the police, Master Wayne."
"Yah." He said taking a deep breath and standing up. "Before we can do that, you should change out of that though. You look ridiculous."
Alfred looked down on himself in the Batman suit. "I never wanted to put the damn thing on in the first place."
Now came the second act of his plan. Bruce Wayne survives attack from Joker. He could already see the headline. He had made Gordon promise he wouldn't tell the press about the threat from the Joker, making it rather look like a freak attack. By 'the press', he had of course meant her. If she knew that the Joker threatened his life she would be able to put two and two together.
I woke up after a restless night. It took a second for the pain to hit me again as if my body wanted to remind me of the loss. I closed my eyes, hoping this was a nightmare I was about to wake up from.
I spent most of the day in bed, trying to watch TV to distract my brain from the feelings and my eyes from crying.
At some point during the day I managed to stop crying but there was no relief. The pain had made room for numbness. Nothing felt important. Nothing felt worth getting out of bed for. It was like a huge part of my body had been ripped out and I would never be whole again.
Granted the feeling wasn't entirely new. I had break-ups before. The pain was never getting any easier to deal with. Luckily, I knew I would indeed survive it though. I had been through this before. Yet, this time around it seemed even more heart wrenching. Maybe it was the fact that he had cheated on me? I had never been cheated on before. That wasn't it though. I had never felt this way for someone before. Could I have really been this wrong about him?
Around 9pm I drug my body into the shower. Tomorrow was coming, whether I was ready for it or not.
When I got out of the shower, my phone rang.
"Where are you?" Peter asked frantically.
"Home. Why?"
"We need you ASAP."
"Why, what happened?"
"Bruce Wayne was attacked by the Joker."
I had no idea I could feel more pain than I was already experiencing, but for some reason it was possible. I felt silent tears running down my face.
"Is he..." I swallowed hard. "Is he ok?"
His answer seemed to take forever. My knees shaking.
"I'm not sure. We just heard a bunch of units being dispatched to his apartment. Can you go? I know you two are close so let me know if this hits too close to home."
I sunk to the floor, holding part of my towel in front of my face so Peter wouldn't hear me crying.
"Cat?" He asked after a few seconds.
I took a deep breath. "I'm on my way."
"Ok. Bill is already en-route."
It was the longest cab-ride of my life - even longer than the one the night before. He couldn't die. That was not an option. I was shaking with panic. I had texted Bruce but got no response.
His apartment building was surrounded by police, bystanders and press. I tried to find Gordon but couldn't spot him. I ran to the next best cop.
"Hi I'm with WCX 8, can you tell me Mr Wayne's condition?" Just asking that question brought me close to tears.
"Sorry ma'am. We're not allowed to give that information out."
My heart was beating out of my chest. I ran to Bill.
"Do we have any update?" I asked him breathlessly.
He shook his head. "You alright?" He asked me.
"Of course I am."
"Just checking since you two are "friends" and all." He said making air quotes.
I ignored his comment. "We need to get closer to the entrance."
I pushed through the crowds, wishing I could just run up those stupid stairs. I couldn't handle the suspension any more, I was worried sick.
I saw police officers walking down the stairs.
"Get ready." I said to Bill my eyes glued to what I would see. If it's a body bag, I might faint. The SWAT team was slowly making it out of the building. My breath was shallow, my veins pumping with adrenaline.
"A stretcher!" someone yelled.
Stretcher was good, right? I watched through the windows as the officers carried the stretcher down, still not able to see who was on the stretcher - if anyone.
Then I saw it. A body bag.
My heart sunk, I stared at the stretcher in disbelief. The crowd went silent. My knees gave in as I sunk to the ground. I had no tears left to cry. I felt empty. Over my IFB I could hear the live news coverage back at the station.
"We are seeing a body bag being carried out of Wayne's apartment but at this point we don't want to jump to any conclusions. We do not know if Mr Wayne lost his life tonight."
"Cat?" Bill asked quietly since we were live on the air, checking on me with one eye.
I held up my hand signaling him not to worry about me. I was so angry, I wanted to find the clown myself and kill him or maybe he would kill me instead, taking this pain away from me.
"Cat." He said a little louder. "Dude can you hold this for a second?" He passed the camera to a guy next to him. "Yeah just hold it like that."
He picked me up under my arms. "It's not him." He said looking straight into my eyes.
I looked at him confused, way too exhausted to understand what he was saying.
"Look, that's not a grown person. Do you see how...it's just one little bulge under the bag? That's not the size of a whole man. I've watched enough CSI to know what body bags look like."
I looked at the bag and saw what he meant. That was definitely not his whole body. What if the Joker had cut him up? My stomach twisted and turned at the thought.
"Ok? Stay with me." Bill looked at me concerned.
I nodded. He grabbed the camera again.
"Cat?" Peter asked over the IFB.
"Yeah?" I answered over the microphone into the studio's control room.
"You ready to go live soon?"
I was a million years away from going live.
"I have no idea what we're dealing with here. I think you'll benefit more from the images than from me speculating what is happening."
I was praying he would agree with it.
"Fair enough. Be ready though."
"I am." I lied, my eyes still glued to the entrance.
Suddenly, I saw Gordon. Finally! Behind him was a man in a suit with expensive looking shoes. I immediately recognized the way he walked, tears of relief rolling down my face.
"Is it him?" Bill asked, noticing my tears and my smile.
"Yes." I nodded, not caring anymore about what I looked like right now. "Peter, it's Wayne he's alive. We can go live asap."
"Ok - Dan we're cutting into programming, Wayne's alive." I heard him over my IFB.
Finally I could see more of Bruce's body, his white shirt was soaked in blood. It was unbuttoned and his body was bandaged. It looked like he had a stab wound - one section of the bandage also soaked in blood. He was escorted by police to the ambulance.
"It's Wayne!" Someone in the crowd yelled and many started to clap.
I grabbed my microphone and pushed closer towards the entrance.
He looked like he had suffered through a lot, his immaculate body looked even more beaten-up than normal, a bruise on his face, dried-up blood on his nose. It wasn't the physical injuries I noted, it was his pain-ridden eyes. What had the Joker done to him?
He walked out the door, police officers holding the door open for him, walking with him towards the ambulance, shielding him from the crowd.
When he walked closer, the journalists next to me started yelling questions. I didn't manage to ask him anything, just standing there holding my microphone.
He walked towards us,his eyes searching the crowd until they came to a hold on me.
"All I'm going to say is that I'm lucky to be alive and grateful for the hard work of our men and women in uniform."
He just looked at me.
"Was the Batman involved today?" I asked him.
"You can say that but I think the whole operation would have gone a lot smoother if that guy in the bat costume would have just let these fine men and women do their job instead of making a side show of himself."
He nodded at me and left, the other reporters yelling questions at him. He got into the ambulance, sitting down. His eyes met mine again before the doors shut.
"10 back." Peter said in my ear.
"We're now going live to Catherine Hunter who has been on the scene. Catherine what do we know so far?"
"Well Dan, not much. We still haven't heard from police. But as you just saw, Mr Wayne is doing fine. He seemed to have sustained non-life threatening injuries. As far as I could tell from here, it looked like mostly bruises and one stab wound. But the fact that he was not on a stretcher but walking on his own is an indicator that medical personnel felt his injuries are not life-threatening."
"We did see a body bag earlier. What can we make of that?"
"I would be speculating at this point, Dan. The only thing we know for sure right now is that Bruce Wayne survived a brutal attack by the man known as the Joker. As you heard Mr Wayne explain a second ago, the Batman was present. We also saw SWAT team members. But we don't know if the Joker has been captured or not. We're waiting for more information from police who are clearing the scene before they address the press. Dan?"
"Catherine thank you. We will of course keep checking in on this ongoing story. If you're just tuning in, Bruce Wayne has survived an attack from the Joker..."
I turned down my IFB, watching the lights of the ambulance slowly disappear in the distance.
"Could you lie down, sir?" The man in the ambulance asked him, pointing on the stretcher.
"Sure."
Under normal circumstances he wouldn't even have gone to the hospital for this, but the media circus was part of this, so he obliged.
As the ambulance was speeding through Gotham, her face haunted him. Her eyes were glued to his, looking at him with relief. How he had wished to be able to walk up to her, kiss her and hold her close in his arms. The image of the Joker throwing Helena's hand at him flickered through his mind. For a moment, he thought it was Cat's. This is why I am doing all of this - he reminded himself. If the Joker found out he had feelings for her, she would be the one in a plastic bag, cut up in tiny pieces. He winced in pain at the thought, swallowing hard.
"We're almost there Mr Wayne," the guy in the ambulance said, noticing his pain-ridden facial expression.
If only the reason for the pain was his stab wound.
Police brought out the Joker on a stretcher, since he was unconscious. Gordon gave a short press conference.
"A young woman named Helena Stevens was found dead at the scene. We believe the Joker had killed her earlier and brought her to Mr Wayne's penthouse. The investigation is ongoing." Gordon said.
I immediately googled her name and when the image popped up, I gasped. It was the blonde woman from the night before. The Joker must have seen her leave his apartment. I clicked on a couple of other links and found an entry from a high-end escort agency. He had booked her?
Was this an elaborate scheme? If so - why not simply break up with me? Why did he have to be so brutally hurtful? None of it mattered - whatever had been between us was over. He was alive - that was more important than any of this. Although it felt like he had died to me - he had disappeared from my life. After being such an important part in it for the last weeks and months, he had just vanished.
