The muse and the time. So why not have another update this weekend? Lord knows I will be insanely busy again very soon.

I hope you all like this. I realize reading about the kids isn't everyone's cup of tea. I guess it's my age - I think the family stories are highly interesting. I love the action and adult stuff too and have that planned for later this spring and over the summer.

I really do read each review and it makes my day to see if you like it or have new ideas for me. I have decided this will have a few chapters. Enjoy ch 2. With the stars aligned ch 3 will be up next weekend.

Bren

...

By the time Elizabeth had made up her mind to leave work early and spend time with her daughter - Allison had already arrived home from school and shed her school uniform. She debated putting on ripped jeans and a funky sweater but tonight - she was just tired and confused. She grabbed a pair of plain black leggings and an oversized burgundy sweatshirt. Comfort clothes. She lost the bra. Fuck it was her thought. She grabbed the micellar water and cleansed her face and then she curled up on her bed and began to think.

It had been a tiring, weird day. She felt confused about her fight with her mother. Normally she wanted the spend time with Elizabeth,but lately Elizabeth was all about being the Secretary of State and when she was home it was Jason and football and how was he doing in public school. Her older sister Stevie used to be cool but the last couple of years Stevie had become this flake. Dropping out of college, wracking up debt, Nude pictures, dating Harrison Dalton - who was cute but going nowhere and he had a major addiction problem

Her dad was busier too- teaching at the war college and whatever else he was busy with for the government. All the McCord kids suspected that Mom had somehow Mom had involved Dad in the spy game and that it was more secret that what her Mom had done.

Meanwhile she was was not a disaster of a human so everyone thought she was fine. She made good grades. She put up with Dean Ward's judgy looks. Dean Ward had been a pain from day one- but now she disliked the whole family except for Allie and possibly Stevie, simply because she didn't know her. Of course Stevie was probably major news after some of her stunts and no doubt the Dean and faculty gossiped behind Allie's back.

She knew some of the kids at school did. She wasn't the total newbie anymore but these kids were all ultra wealthy or connected and anyone who was a bit imperfect was judged. Allison McCord hadn't gone to the prep schools these girls had. She had shown up for sophomore year with no elitist cred. Just decent grades, some fashion sense and good soccer skills. She didn't know people except the Dalton's and some CIA and religious folks her parents had worked with. She wasn't jetting to NYC or Paris or Ibiza every few months.

She was just a regular Virginia girl whose Mom was shaking things up in DC and making enemies of the tired old politicians who were corrupt and riding their laurels.

It was what had driven Jason to strive to be expelled last spring and there were days Allison wondered if she should have done something to get expelled.

She held off because she did like the classes and she had found a group of friends that seemed to be genuine. She also knew that most high schools had a clique of popular girls and that was everywhere. Charlottesville high or Westmore. At least here she had a shot of top level classes that didn't involve a long waitlist. She was privileged to be going here and she knew it.

The awkwardness came from her parents not doing their mandatory volunteering. She brought home the notices of all the events her parents could sign up for - but so far this term her mom and dad had been absent.

There were some mean girls and they didn't like that Allison had scored a primo spot on the soccer team. - Allison had endured a little hazing and teasing from the more toxic team members so after one season she decided to retire from soccer. to quit after last season. Her parents bought the "I have new interests now " and let her hang up her cleats.

Allie wished they had pushed harder but they had been busy and of course no red flags from the "no crisis" kid, team McCord moved on.

She had been talking about fashion and blogging and sketching for a while. Even as a younger kid she had always been interested in trends and cool clothes and brands. Her Mom wasn't like that - wanting clothing to be durable and practical and age appropriate. "Allie this shirt costs 50 dollars. I can get you three amazing shirts at target for the cost of this one."

Her mom had been a teenager in another life. Things were different now and Alison just wanted to be more hip. She wanted dip nails, she wanted to balayage her hair and wear sexy clothing. There would be plenty of time for all of that "when you have senior prom, and when you go to college Noodle."

Her parents weren't fans of Instagram influencers or following fashion trends.

That's why mom tuned me out. She thinks the Gap is high fashion. She doesn't like my art, or my sense of style. She didn't understand the talking stick at first. I don't look like her. I don't love math and religion.

Thinking these thoughts actually made Allie feel a little bitchy, well as anxious and depressed but she didn't know what she should do.

I deserve to go have a crisis. Make them pay attention to me.

But most of the time Allison was a level headed person. She had anxiety and wanted to fit in but to just go and make a mess to upset her mother wasn't her style

And now anything I do that makes a mess is liable to end up on TV. So it will follow me forever and look how awesome that is for Stevie.

She remembered that her mother had actually grounded her sister for underage drinking and was making Stevie pay back the crazy charges on her emergency credit card. Allie really didn't feel like being punished. What she wanted was positive attention. For her mother to enjoy her company again.

She had fought off the tears long enough. She wept into her pillow and eventually fell asleep.

...

"Ma'am I don't feel safe letting you shop here without me next to you. " Matt the DS appreciated that this woman wanted to do normal mom things but she made life difficult. If she was kidnapped or injured or killed it would be a disaster and he would be in so much trouble.

She seemed to read his mind and she sighed. "Ok. Come with me. I took this job and I guess I have been enough of a brat the last year and a half. Maybe you can help me choose the right things. You have kids. I really let my middle daughter down this week and I want to fix it."

He was impressed. Here she was earnestly trying to fix a situation. Many other diplomats wouldn't care or they would have had their assistants pick something up. The McCord family seemed to be different. No matter how awkward or difficult the situation they never covered up or asked for preferential treatment.

What he said was "what do we need Ma'am?"

Thirty minutes and a couple of hundred dollars later they left the store. Sketch books with assorted styles of paper weights. Nice charcoal pencils and coloured ones, a set of authentic pastels. Some beautiful fabric swatches. A ring light for making videos and a green screen for backgrounds. And a couple of books on sketching clothing, drawing human forms and promoting your work on social media.

Elizabeth had it all wrapped and bagged and she ensured that everything could be exchanged or returned in case she had purchased the wrong things. The cashier didn't seem excited that the Secretary of State was in the store and that was how Elizabeth liked it. She missed running errands like a normal person, and she missed driving.

It occurred to her in the car ride home that Henry might think she had gone overboard with mom guilt; and that her other two kids might feel a bit put out. She felt the stress bubble up in her chest and it was too hot in the car. It was ironic that she had to play dress up for this job with designer clothes and have a stylist - when Allison would likely kill for this job. Of course this week it would be the perfect revenge to dress her mom in the wrong colours and fashions and Elizabeth wouldn't know she had been played until Daisy showed up with the tablet of doom.

Elizabeth decided to let her daughter have more of a say in what she needed to buy for work or choose to wear to events. If it became too crazy she would deal with it when it happened. Allie knew her mom loved more modest and quirky looks. Sensible styles. Briefly Elizabeth wondered if it was because of how much time she spent in school uniforms and camp uniforms and sports uniforms. She was not one to experiment with a lot of different looks. She liked blue, she liked block heels, she liked comfort first and she was more modest- except for when she wore black bras under cream blouses. She loved bracelets and her idea of pajamas was a Peter Frampton concert shirt and some random lounge pants. She liked sweaters and robes.

. The few times she had tried some wild looks as a younger teen - her own parents had insisted she add more clothes or change the look. That mini skirt for the grade 7 dance. Dad said it was too short and would give boys ideas. The day I came home from getting my make up done when I was 13. Shelly's sister was home from college and she did our hair and makeup and loaned us jewellery. I came home from that sleepover looking like I was about 25. So much hairspray it took three days to wash it all out. My mom didn't love that. Told me she would teach me how to look more natural. Oof. Patriarchy and the early 80's.

The reminiscing helped Elizabeth calm down and she felt like she had overspent. She wasn't meaning to bribe the girl. That would actually insult Allie. It wasn't a ton of stuff that was needed. It was time and caring. Half of this stuff could be saved for Christmas and another few items until her daughter's birthday. Because there was no way she could make up for nearly getting herself shot and blown up in Iran instead of being home for a sweet 16.

She decided that she would let Henry know what she had done with a text, and that she would soon have a Stevie day and a Jason day where she could hang out with and enjoy her other two children. Alone and as a family. They needed more of that.

It had been a rough year for Stevie. Perhaps now that she was 21 they could go for dinner and show at someplace that was considered more adult. Stevie enjoyed that sort of thing. For Jason - she could get more things for that video game Xbox whatever the hell it was that kept him close to home and she could get a Monroe Panthers hoodie and wear it. Learn a little more about football. Not cringe when he came home sweaty and exhausted from practice. He was going to be fine. She needed to stop obsessing about concussions.

This situation with Allie could be the wake up call she needed. She couldn't be home as much as she liked and she would miss a lot but she could be very present when she was home and much more intentional about parenting the three ages they were .

It dawned on her that perhaps she felt unsure about parenting the kids because she had been orphaned at this age. What she had been through had hurt and she hadn't had a new parental situation to model her ideas on. A few books, a prayer and talking things out with Henry and to be honest - many mistakes and a lot of good luck.

Since it was getting closer to Thanksgiving and the holidays Henry suggested she not bombard Allison with a retail bribe - but rather the sketchbooks and pencils as an apology and spend time taking their daughter to the mall. Elizabeth agreed, and hoped Russia and Ukraine would co operate this weekend. She didn't want to be that mom who cluelessly became detached from her kids.

She also made a note to smack Henry for not telling her that Allie was an artist. He said he knew she sketched. They were supposed to tell each other these things. However Henry was busier with his assorted responsibilities and was distracted lately. He was upset that his student had killed himself. Elizabeth wasn't supposed to ask questions. She wondered if maybe she should. Then she pictured herself and her husband locked up for violating the espionage act again and she shuddered.

Maybe I should quit. This job has changed our family and I will not choose me over my husband and children. I vowed not to let our family fall apart.

TBC