Shinji stared at the letter in his hands, cold despair filling his heart with every word he read over and over again.
Make sure everything is ready by dawn. Do not alert anyone.
The familiar handwriting made him shakily sigh, running a hand through his hair. His missing eye itched, and he ached to scratch it.
The moonlight was his only lamp in the dark room, the steady breathing and snoring of the men in the room its only ambience in the cool night.
He swallowed. The paper seemed to weigh heavy in his hand, and he quickly crumpled it into a ball before he got to his feet. Silently, he crossed the room to the door, where he put on his sandals and headed out with the intent to burn it.
As he stepped outside, his attention was directed to where Aika was standing beside the firepit, staring off into space. His guilt grew even worse when she looked over and her face brightened, and she beckoned for him to sit with her.
He hesitated, but at her imploring look, he relented and trudged over. As soon as he stood beside her, her arms slowly encircling his own, his cheeks were dusted with pink as she leaned in. He could feel her smile against his side.
Aika was a good companion. Due to her wounds, she was a quiet fixture in camp, but always busy helping with something. She was demure and polite, and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't attracted to her. In another life, perhaps… perhaps they could be…
"No, stop thinking of that," he scolded himself, shaking his head. "Focus. You mustn't get attached."
Still, his mind wandered. He was still in turmoil over the news and try as he might, he couldn't get his thoughts away from a more domestic part of what had been his life with the camp.
He glanced towards Aika, who was snuggled up to his side, his eye softening when she glanced up with a sweet smile. "I could… I could stay," he reasoned.
She'd been a good companion, he repeated to himself. Of everyone in camp, he was arguably closest to her given her own status as a traitor to the capital. While he knew some of her history with Rokuda, he didn't know all of it, and that was never more apparent than when they were together like this. Aika was more expressive around him when they were alone and her adoration had a way of calming his stress. It felt kinda nice to have someone doting over you, even when she had no idea who you truly were.
"Perhaps we could have been something," he mused solemnly. "Perhaps I could have had a family again."
Ah, and speaking of family, the boy. His heart clenched when he thought of Hideki and his starry-eyed countenance, his soft ginger hair and freckle-speckled cheeks. He was still inexperienced in hiding his inner emotions, and every time he saw him the sheer amount of awe that the kid felt jumped out at him. Every thought, every emotion - he could feel it. His innocence hurt on a visceral level, and it panged even more when he was forced to recall what he was about to do.
"I don't want to hurt them," he thought desperately as one of Aika's hands shyly slipped down to grasp his. Indigo met green, and his gut twisted as her face lit up in a pretty pink blush. "I... "
She frowned when she noticed his eye searched her face. Letting go, she signed, "(Are you alright?)"
Swallowing, he nodded, trying to smile. "Yeah, just- stomach hurts."
She nodded sympathetically. "(I think the fish was ill-prepared at dinner. I don't blame you for having gotten mild poisoning.)"
He said nothing to this, turning to look at the crackling flames. The crumpled little ball of paper seemed to weigh heavier in his sweaty palm now as he remembered its presence.
She tapped his arm, her frown deepening. "(What's on your mind, Shinji? You seem distressed.)"
At the familiar name, he winced.
After a moment's hesitation, he spoke quietly, "...Have you ever had an impending decision to make, one that could destroy everything you've ever cared for?"
Aika's eyes widened, but she nodded, a serious look on her face. "(On the night I decided to betray the queen, I was discovered, as you might recall. Instead of killing me, she instead slit my throat enough to permanently destroy my vocal chords - but thanks to Ayame-sama, I survived.)"
Guilt panged in his heart as her fingertips came up to gingerly brush against the long horizontal scar across her neck. It was still white, but any tenderness had long since faded with time. "I hadn't known that. When had she…?"
"(Please, if I might implore you, tell me. What's gotten you so troubled?)" She pleaded.
Shinji hesitated. There really was no easy way to word it without giving much of it away. "I… I was…"
"Rokuda… what would you do?" He thought bitterly. "For once I hate that I would appreciate your advice. This would have been your life, after all."
Instead of dwelling on his envy, he brushed it aside and took a breath. "When I was a child, I was the subject of harassment from my peers."
Raising an eyebrow, she gestured for him to continue. "I've heard this story before… does it relate to the decision he's talking about? Shinji, what's in your mind?"
"My parents were always gone and I had no siblings," he continued with a heavy gaze towards the flickering tongues of fire rising to the sky, orange glowing debris like little fireflies eventually burning out. "They were soldiers, and because of that I wanted to be one too. If it would make them pay attention to me, I'd do it."
"I was enrolled into the academy when I turned eight, and due to my abilities I managed to graduate the spring after my tenth birthday. The king saw my skills and decided to put me to work immediately, but not under my parents' guidance. Instead I was in a different troop of mostly teenagers aged thirteen to fifteen, and even there I couldn't seem to fit in."
Aika frowned, squeezing his hand in sympathy.
"A little after I graduated, though, my parents died." His fists clenched and he squeezed his eye shut. "The first battle of Honsen Pass took their lives, back when Prince Sasuke was a young boy. Since I was an orphaned child at the time, I should have been put into foster care - but because I was a soldier, I was given lodging in the castle and a sympathy bonus."
She squeezed his hand again, and when he looked down at her she gently swiped her thumb across his bottom lid, catching a tear he hadn't realized was there. Her eyes were so full of sympathy that it made his breath catch in his throat.
"And as you know, I grew up in the army," he continued shakily. "I never quite fit into wherever I was placed due to my youth. I was isolated from the others and I had few friends."
"Isolated… that checks out, but why does it sound different?" She wondered, gazing up into his face.
"And then…" he sighed, looking her way. "And then I met you."
Her heart skipped a beat as he raised his hand to cup her cheek. The warmth from his palm juxtaposed with the dampness of it made her place her hand over it.
"And then I met the kid," he continued, lowering his sight to the ground. "And everyone else. And then I realized… I realized that I wasn't as isolated as I thought."
Aika blushed, her eyelids fluttering as his thumb drew circles across her cheek.
"I realized that I had a family," his voice cracked and he paused. After a moment, he began again. "And now that brings me back to that question: have you ever had an impending decision to make, one that could destroy everything you've ever cared for?"
"(You aren't planning to kill us, are you?)" She signed fearfully.
"No, no, I would never!" He exclaimed, eye flying wide. "No. I swear to you, Aika, I would never lay a hand on you."
"(What other choice could you have that could destroy the people you care for, if not killing us or betraying us?)" Aika's face morphed into one of desperate frustration. "(Shinji, what's happened to you?)"
At this, he was forced to stop. Her words burned into his mind and he turned away to avoid her stare welling up the guilt in his heart again. She was right; what other choice would he have to worry about if not for those two?
Finally, he quietly sighed, turning back to her. "Sorry, Aika. I was… just thinking hypothetically. The events of the past week have caused me to reflect on a lot of my past decisions and I don't want any of you to get hurt again."
Aika was silent for a moment, her hands stilling at her side. Her concerned eyes scanned across his face for a tense few seconds, her lips parted.
Finally, she closed her eyes. She shook her head and looked up at him, her lips pressed into a thin line.
With shaking hands, she signed, "(I would protect my precious ones at all cost, even if it costed me my own life.)"
The way she was looking at him, he felt her words resonating deep within his heart. She was speaking directly at him, and he felt his stomach clench again.
He mulled over her words for several seconds. Finally, he nodded, leaning down to gently press his mouth to her forehead in a kiss.
Aika's eyes widened as he straightened up again, her hand reaching up to cup the place he kissed. Her cheeks flushed as she gazed up at him in surprise.
The green-haired man gave her a smile, although it didn't reach his grieving eye. "Thank you for the answer, Aika," he said. "I'm feeling sleepier now… I bid you goodnight."
Shikamaru lay awake in his bed, his face contorted into an exhausted frown.
As much as he should have been happy he was out of Konoha, one question still nagged at him.
The body found hastily buried in the training grounds all that time ago had correctly been identified as a guard, as Lee had whispered to him before he left Konoha that morning. As far as they'd known, they hadn't yet identified him - but with his remarkable jade-green hair, they had a basis (even if his eyes were gone by then and couldn't be identified).
He stared at the ceiling, trying to think it through. "I wonder if Lee's gone through the records by now. Whoever killed that guard must have realized that he was false-flagging for the capital… but who? Who could have taken his place so convincingly? Not even the royal guard reported a name to match the death."
Closing his eyes, he pictured the corpse in his mind. Shoulder-length jade hair, what seemed to be tanned skin, a softer jawline, and medium-fullness lips - not even mentioning the gaping sockets where his eyeballs used to be. His badge had been ripped from his uniform, leaving a tear in the chest. Upon searching the body more, a badge was found clutched tightly in his hand - one belonging to a Igarashi Aoi, who bore a curious resemblance to the corpse upon prodding further into his regiment. But it couldn't be him; for one thing, their face structures were just a little different.
No uniforms had been found near or inside of the capital to suggest another soldier had killed him, but who else could it have been? Nobody else would have known to bury him in that exact spot, completely hidden to civilians and only to be discovered by shinobi with ninken. And if their theory was true that this indeed was a member of the rebellion, and if it was true that someone took his place...
Suddenly his eyes snapped open, and he abruptly sat up in bed. Turning his head, he turned to stare at an empty bed by the wall.
"Of course," he realized. "There's only one person I've seen who could play the part so convincingly, especially since nobody else here spent much time with him to notice any differences."
Slipping out of his blanket, he grabbed his shoes and marched to the door. "I need to warn Ayame-sama."
A/N: Please tell me what you thought!
