A/N: Time to talk about love! You finally get more of Aika's backstory.
Note: Koi no Yokan is a phrase that roughly means "the feeling upon first meeting someone that you will inevitably fall in love with them" in Japanese, or so I was able to glean. Please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong!
Another day of training, another afternoon where Boruda sat down to lunch with Hideki.
As they sipped their water, the boy turned to him with an embarrassed flush of his cheeks. "Um, Boruda-san? Can I admit something to you?"
The older man paused in biting into his rice, setting the chopsticks down with a nod. "What's up?"
"I… well, this is really embarrassing," he muttered, looking away as the blush grew worse. "I… um, I think I may… um… uh…"
Boruda sat patiently, raising a brow as the boy struggled with his words, tapping his fingers against his water bottle.
"I… I think I really, um," he stammered, casting a shy glance at the older man, "I… like Daitan. Like, um, a lot."
"Okay." He nodded encouragingly.
"And… and I don't know what's wrong with me, but… but every time I'm around her I feel kind of sick. Like, I feel like I'm gonna lose my lunch, and I feel all shaky and nervous…"
Boruda chuckled good-naturedly. "Sounds like you're in love, kid."
"That's what it feels like?" He looked scandalized as he stared up at the older man. "Dad never made it sound like that! He always said it was pleasant! Does it stop?"
"When you get comfortable enough around someone, the negative feelings start slowly fading," he explained with an amused smile. "For some people, they completely go back to normal. For others, they're still nervous around their partners even after five, ten, fifteen years of bein' together. It depends on you two."
"So what do I do?" He wrung his hands together. "Do I just wait for it to stop?"
"You're both young still," the man replied. "You've hopefully got your whole lives ahead of ya. There's no need to rush it; you can decide what to do at your own leisure. First thing to do is to fully realize and accept what you're feeling. What're ya feeling?"
"Okay." Hideki took a deep breath and tried to relax his body. "Whenever I see her, my stomach gets really twisted and I feel like my body is really light but at the same time I'm super heavy, y'know? And like, I get nervous and kinda sick - but not to the point where I really fear throwing up, but it's like… in the back of my mind, I guess. And I always want to talk to her and be around her, because she's… I mean she's just amazing. Like, she's just a really cool person and I always find myself messing up when I speak now and I can't stop thinking about how stupid I sounded for a while afterwards."
He paused to take a breath and his face started going red. "I've… I grew up with just my parents, and I didn't have very many friends as a kid. Especially not girls. I usually just stayed home and helped my parents with the work. When I met Daitan… she's…" he sighed and covered his face in his hands, muttering for a moment, "Ugh, I'm so lame," before continuing in an embarrassed voice, "she's… she's the prettiest girl I've ever seen. Ever since I met her I've had this lingering thought in my mind of how pretty and smart she is. She's way out of my league, I know, but she's really just… I know I always say it, but she's just amazing. I can't think of any other adjective that could describe her in just one word that wouldn't be underselling it. I think she's so brave for going through what she went through, with her parents and her friends, and… every time we babysit together, I just find myself thinking about how much stronger she is than me. But like, in a way that I can't be jealous of."
After his rambling, he finished with a quiet, "So, um, yeah. That's… that's most of it, I guess."
Boruda looked at him for a moment in quiet amazement. "You… you're really smitten, eh? Smitten as a kitten, as my mom would say."
His blush grew worse and he shyly looked away.
He leaned back and folded his arms. "Well. You're sure about how you feel?"
A nod.
"And do you suppose you could muster up the courage to tell her?"
Hesitance, but after a second, a slow nod again.
"If and when you feel ready, you can tell her." Stroking his chin, he gestured to several feet away. "I'm a little uncertain about sending you her way, but Aika is the one you can really trust with romantic matters around here. But after what happened…" he winced. "... you'll have to be a little delicate with it."
"Okay," he said with a nod, "okay.
Standing up, he gave a grateful smile to the older man. "Thanks for listening to me ramble. I know it's lame to just… word-vomit about a girl like that, but…"
"My sister was the same way when she was young," Boruda recalled fondly. "Before she was imprisoned, anyway. She had the biggest crush on this boy in our circle, and man she could talk for hours just like you." He hesitated before reaching out and patting the boy's shoulder. "Good luck, man. From what I've seen of her, I can tell that she's a keeper."
Hideki blushed and nodded, glancing over at where Aika sat underneath a tree. "Okay, I'll just, um… see you later."
Boruda watched as the teenager made his way to the older woman and sat next to her with a bashful greeting. Her eyes softened and she patted his cheek, and from then on they spoke in sign.
"That boy," he sighed to himself with a smile, going back to his lunch.
Meanwhile, over with Aika, he was actually carrying on a nice conversation with the woman.
"(I have a crush on Daitan,)" he blurted out. "(And… and I don't know what I should do. You've been in love before, right?)"
At this, her smile faded, but she still gave him a nod. "(Yes. I've been in love a couple of times. My first boyfriend… I was about thirteen and he was fifteen. He was quite handsome among the other girls, and he was very educated and witty. I remember asking myself all the time, 'why did he choose me?' I was so plain at that age; my parents didn't have a lot of money for the nicer things. He would bring me gifts often: a dress, or maybe a sweet-smelling perfume, or maybe some hair ribbons. At the time I really cared about my hair,)" she fingered a few navy strands with a wistful smile for a moment, "(and my favorite pastime was sitting with him in my family's yard and letting him comb my hair.)"
"Wow," he breathed aloud before signing, "(You said your first boyfriend… is it okay to ask what happened?)"
Then her smile dropped again. " (When I turned fourteen, he asked for permission from my parents to marry me once I was of age. Not too long after our engagement formally begun, he was caught badmouthing some of the king's policies with a couple of his friends.)"
Hideki's eyes widened. "No."
"(Yes,)" she nodded gravely. "(That same night, some shinobi dragged him from his home and imprisoned him for what he'd said. When he refused to take it back, they executed him in front of the whole village.)"
The boy's stomach did a nauseated flip-flop.
"(Our engagement was quickly broken, of course, although I was so upset at the time. I didn't fully understand why it was so wrong; my parents had kept me fairly innocent to things like that, but when it was explained to me, I still thought it was an awful reason to kill him.)" She continued with a mute sigh. "(I remember our family was kept under close watch for quite a while until I had the opportunity to go to the capital to ask to work in the palace for penance.)"
"(And… that's how you met the others? Karin?)"
"(Yes. I met Karin not too long after she came to work for the royal family, and by that time I had already met Tsunade-sama. It was a bit difficult to get her to agree to work with us, but when she did, she was a great help.)"
Hideki nodded empathetically. "(That's really something.)"
A smile quirked one side of her mouth. "(It is, isn't it? And when I was at the palace, it was there that I met my second love: a shy soldier called Rokuda Shinji.)"
"(Wait a minute, isn't that that guy who was here a while ago?)"
Aika's face darkened some, and she slowly shook her head. "(That was an impostor. I'm still ashamed that it took me so long to realize, but they likely chose him because of how similar they appeared. Shinji had the same hair color, but he has beautiful blue eyes. In the beginning, I thought he'd chosen colored contact lenses instead of the glasses he used to wear when we were younger, but…)" Her shoulders slumped. "(Now I can see that I was a fool for ever believing that.)"
Hideki frowned, softly placing a hand on her arm. "Don't feel bad about it," he tried to console. "None of the others seem to have noticed the difference either."
She just shrugged. "(With Shinji, I suppose he fell for me first. He was always much more shy around me than the other ladies, and he always tried to bring me something nice, whether it was flowers that complimented my eyes or whatever sweet he had for lunch that day.)" She glanced up wistfully. "(One of my fondest memories before we officially started courting was the day we shared yōkan underneath the sakura trees in the courtyard. That was the day he confessed that he loved me.)"
"Aww," the boy crooned.
"(At first, I was surprised, but when I thought about it, I realized that I'd felt the same way for quite a while. I'd just never thought to tell him because of the difference in our ranks. He was a soldier and I was the queen's lady-in-waiting; if anything, there would be a bit of a power imbalance between us.)"
"(But… but you did end up together, right?)"
She nodded. "(Yes. It took a bit, but eventually I realized that we would both be happier of we started courting. I even asked the queen if it would be alright, and she heartily agreed.)" She smiled, raising a hand to her mouth as if she might giggle. "(Deep in her heart, Mikoto-sama is quite the matchmaker.)"
"(So what happened?)"
Then her face fell once more. "(When I was found out… I was immediately imprisoned. To this day, I know exactly who it was… but he ordered them to kill me to preserve the secret. Mikoto-sama was merciful and instead cut my throat.)"
Her lips trembled, and she brushed her fingers across her neck. The feeling of the raised scar made her swallow. "(Had Shinji and Hinoki not been near… I would have died that night. Shinji was somehow able to sneak into where I was held and he got me out of there, bringing me to where Hinoki was stationed nearby. She in turn brought me to Tsunade-sama, where she was able to save my life… at the cost of my voice.)"
Hideki's mouth parted and he let out a soft breath of disbelief.
"(Ever since, I had to work to earn back some of their trust. Shinji was a great help in clearing my name, and although the man who caught and punished me clearly wanted me dead, the king kept me alive. To serve penance, I was to serve the Konoha branch of the shinobi. Well, I did until last month, when we fled the capital.)"
"(On the night before the invasion, I met with Shinji. That was the last night I saw him alive.)" Her fingers trembled slightly, but still she signed. "(At the risk of imparting too much information for such young eyes, he… he kissed me that night. He wished for my safety and he said that he would meet with me during the invasion. His task was to lead our men through the castle where they would pick up the lady Hinata, and then we would leave. We parted ways for bed, and the next night the invasion happened.)"
"(And… and you left together.)"
"(With… Igurashi, as I believe the shinobi called him.)" Her expression darkened into something stormy, bitter, yet conflicted. "(I'm still… I'm still so angry. At him, at myself for not realizing in time… for cultivating what I thought was the next step of our relationship…)"
Hideki frowned, patting her arm again. She took his hand in hers and patted his cheek with the other, a soft expression on her face not unlike the way his mother used to look at him. The thought made something in his chest tighten with sadness.
She let go to sign, "(You're still so young. You're a sweet boy. I have no doubt that Daitan would be happy if you said something. But… please be careful. A love like yours, a love like mine, cannot last long in a world like ours. If you do find yourselves together, take your time, but don't drag it out. Spend every moment together like it's your last day alive together. You never know when something will happen. Don't do like what I did, and take it for granted.)"
She frowned solemnly. "(I was a bit naïve, I have to admit. I thought that we would get out together and have the rest of our lives to figure ourselves out. I never thought that he would be stuck behind. I still don't know if he's even still alive, or if he's just imprisoned. I never thought that… that my love would be used against me.)"
"Don't worry," his voice cracked somewhat, but he shook it off and continued earnestly, "I… I won't. Ever. I know that something could happen. I know that someday I may wake up and she'll just be gone. Sometimes I wonder what she would do if I died suddenly."
"(Know it, but don't dwell upon it,)" she encouraged. "(Use it as motivation. I've come to know both of you as good kids. I know that whatever you decide to do, it will be for the benefit of both. Let her know how you feel. If she agrees, you can take it from there. If she doesn't… well, you can still be good friends. Just don't let your feelings cloud your judgement.)"
He nodded, a resolute look coming across his eyes. "Okay. Okay, I can do that. Thanks for the advice."
Aika just smiled, that fondness appearing in her eyes again as she patted his cheek a second time.
"He reminds me so much of you," she thought to herself as he got up and excused himself. "Wherever you are, my love, I hope that we can one day be reunited. I hope that you can meet him. The two of you would be wonderful friends."
A/N: Please tell me what you thought!
