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I do not own anything by Gaston Leroux, Susan Kay or Andrew Lloyd Webber, everything else is my own work.

That Third Trombone is really going this time!

The rehearsals for Faust were not the only rehearsals going on at the opera house and this week bought the start of the rehearsals for the smaller production of 'Orpheus in the Underworld'. Christine was spending the day with Meg and the Corps de Ballet in the ballet school, rehearsing the dance required for the finale and in the main auditorium the orchestra was getting to grips with the music for the production, watched in box five by an irritated Erik and a pensive Nadir.

"Ugh!" Erik groaned, as for the fourth time in less than twenty minutes Monsieur Reyer had to stop the rehearsal because someone in the brass section was playing flat. "Does anyone down there realise that it is that flaming third trombonist again!"

"You mean that poor fellow you tried to get rid of the year before last?" Nadir questioned.

"Yes, he no longer cares for the music and is out of his depth in a livery yard puddle!" Erik muttered, before adding, "it appears he went on a sabbatical rather than leaving after Don Juan Triumphant, and I realised he had come back as we started the rehearsals for Don Juan earlier this year."

"He did not seem to have any problems with your opera this time!" Nadir declared.

"That is because he was not playing during the entire run, I made sure of that!" Erik replied.

"More threats?" Nadir harshly questioned.

"No," Erik replied sweetly, "finely crushed Egyptian Senna slipped in his morning cocoa. Every day during the run, ensured that he was only fit each evening to play in the water closet!"

"Erik!" Nadir nearly yelled, "That was mean, you gave that poor musician a rotten tummy to prevent him from doing his job."

"Yes, but as I promised, I did not threaten him!" Erik replied innocently, "and there were no flat notes!"

"So, if the entire orchestra played flat?" an unimpressed Nadir enquired.

Erik rubbed his chin thoughtfully, "I would have to locate a very large supply of Egyptian Senna!" came the reply.

Nadir placed his head in his hands, "Give me strength!" he sighed, as down in the auditorium Reyer called for the orchestra to run through the galop infernal.

Another series of flat notes arose to box five and as Monsieur Reyer called a halt to the rehearsal again, Nadir had to make a frantic grab for Erik to stop him, before the masked maestro leaned over the balcony and started yelling.

"No! sit down!" Nadir hissed, as he forced a now peeved Erik back into his chair.

"This time that third trombone has to go!" Erik growled, before shaking Nadirs hands off his arm, getting up and leaving box five, in a mood.

"Here we go again!" Nadir groaned as he made to follow his friend.

ooo

During the musical mayhem at the opera house, a carriage was leaving the de Chagny estate, wending its way to Angel Architecture containing a very sleep deprived Vicomte cradling a book, and a very annoyed Vicomtess.

"Seriously what made you think it was a good idea to read that book late at night?" Meredith grumbled.

"I could not sleep and thought it would be interesting!" Raoul remarked stifling a yawn.

"Oh yes very interesting to be woken up at two in the morning by my maid to be told that the master of the house has gone quite mad, since he is going around turning on every lamp in the entire chateau and knocking on the walls to see if there is anyone hidden behind them!" Meredith grumbled.

"Look I said I was sorry!" Raoul all but whined, "It is not my fault the book gave me nightmares!" he added as Meredith huffed and turned to stare out of the window.

"Just hand that wretched book back to its owner and stick to reading shipping forecasts when you cannot sleep!" she ordered as Raoul wisely slunk down in his seat and said no more.

ooo

Nadir finally caught up with Erik at the front door of Angel Architecture. "Erik!" Nadir called out as his moody masked friend strode into his private office, "You promised no more threats!"

Erik spun around in the doorway, "Fine! So, I will not threaten to insert his trombone where it would be hard to play!" Erik retorted back, before heading into his office and slamming the door shut.

"Ugh!" Nadir exclaimed as he sat down at his desk, "He is the most infuriating man!"

Gilen brought over a cup of coffee to Nadir, before nervously knocking on Erik's office door entering with the masked man's morning coffee and leaving rapidly followed quickly by Erik growling and the sound of something thrown hitting the door frame.

"Monsieur Nadir, I would like to request a raise payable on certain days only!" Gilen stated as he shut Erik's door.

"Sorry but even I do not get danger money for when Erik is in a mood!" Nadir replied as he looked at the mornings post on his desk.

Gilen merely sighed and went back to his paperwork.

ooo

The rest of the morning passed by pleasantly, since Erik remained holed up in his office, appearing only to order further cups of coffee. That was until just before twelve o'clock when the front door opened to admit a sheepish Raoul and an annoyed Meredith.

"Hello Nadir," Raoul mumbled as husband and wife entered the office.

"Good Morning Raoul, how can I help?" Nadir enquired, as Erik's innate sense of hearing and curiosity lead him to opening his office door.

"Thank you Nadir, but it is Erik I need to speak to," Raoul replied.

Erik then swept out of his office, "What do you require?" he asked, "I am currently tied up with several designs, but I could try to fit you in. he added.

Meredith elbowed Raoul, "Well?" she demanded.

"I… I…" Raoul started nervously.

Meredith huffed irritably gave up and took over, "He wishes to return the book you left behind when you cured his chill!" she informed Erik as Raoul blushed and produced a book from the inside pocket of his coat.

Erik was puzzled, he did not remember leaving anything that could cause embarrassment behind when he left so why was the Vicomte blushing furiously. Curiosity finally got the better of him, "You mean my collection of stories by Edgar Allen Poe?" Erik asked.

"It caused considerable trouble!" Meredith responded glaring at her husband, as Raoul seemed to try and shrink.

"I do not understand?" Erik responded, taking the book from Raoul.

"Someone," Meredith started still glaring at her husband, "Decided to read your book late at night, then spent the rest of that same night illuminating the entire chateau and knocking on the walls in case we were haunted!" she informed a now grinning Erik.

"Seriously?" Erik questioned starting to chuckle.

"Very!" Meredith replied mirthlessly, before adding "The family Mausoleum is not even in the cellars of the house it is located three miles away from the chateau on a hill, so why my husband thought we were haunted is beyond me!" she added as Erik started to laugh, and Raoul cringed.

Nadir had been listening to this exchange and was completely confused, "I seem to have gotten lost in this story, why has Raoul been thinking the Chateau is haunted and why is Erik laughing? He asked Meredith.

"Some silly story in that book about usher houses!" Meredith grumbled, pointing at the book in Erik's hand.

With this Erik roared with laughter, "She means the story 'The fall of the House of Usher!" he clarified still laughing, whilst Raoul blushed further and Nadir merely looked even more confused, Meredith gave Erik a sour look.

Erik sobered in Meredith's withering glance, "My dear Meredith there is no need to look like you have eaten a lem…" Erik started before falling silent mid word, his eyes lighting up with a sudden revelation. "Genius…! My dear Vicomtess you… Are a Genius!" Erik suddenly yelped before kissing Meredith's cheek grabbing his fedora and cloak and running out of the office at high speed.

Meredith's anger faded with the kiss on the cheek and she looked at Raoul quite shocked, "Well I do declare!" she said breathlessly placing her hand on her chest with a smile and a blush.

It was Raoul's turn to look sour, "I do not seem to recall giving him permission to kiss my wife!" he complained, crossing his arms in annoyance.

Nadir gave up trying to understand what had just happened and decided to focus on figuring out what plans Erik had just concocted for the third Trombone player. "I am more concerned about what Erik is planning to do to a trombone player that now involves lemons!" he stated, placing his astrakhan cap on his head and dashing out the front door after Erik.

Raoul and Meredith looked at each other and then at Gilen who remained at his desk sniggering, before stepping outside to see Nadir standing on the pavement taking a deep breath.

"ERIK! DO NOT DARE SHOVE A LEMON UP THAT MAN'S TROMBONE… OR ANYWHERE ELSE DO YOU HEAR!" Nadir shouted loudly down the rue at the top of Erik's fedora as it rapidly disappeared down an alley, in the direction of the opera house.

"Ugh, I am not chasing after him on foot," Nadir sighed as he went to locate a carriage.

Raoul stepped up beside the beleaguered Persian, "Allow me to avail my carriage for your use!" Raoul offered, "On the condition that you tell me the tale behind trombones and lemons," He added as the three made their way to the Vicomte's awaiting carriage and got in.

"Thank you for the use of your carriage," Nadir said as they made their way towards the Opera house, "I will happily tell you about the trombone, but would you be so kind as to assuage my curiosity first? He asked.

"Ask away Nadir we are friends after all!" Raoul happily replied.

"What was Erik finding so funny about 'The fall of the House of Usher' and you thinking the chateau was haunted?" Nadir asked as Raoul looked embarrassed and Meredith grinned.

ooo

The intrepid trio arrived at the opera house and quickly made their way to the auditorium where the orchestra were just finishing yet another run through of the galop infernal, there was no sign of Erik anywhere.

Raoul listened carefully, "I cannot hear anything wrong with that!" he declared as Meredith cringed.

"I can see what Erik meant," she declared, "I cannot place it like he can but there is someone playing flat and it is horribly discordant," she added.

"Where are you Erik? I know you are in here somewhere!" Nadir muttered under his breath.

Finding themselves seats near the middle of the auditorium Nadir and Raoul assisted Meredith into her seat and then sat down themselves, as in the Orchestra Pit Monsieur Reyer brought the latest run through to a close.

"Thank you and take a fifteen minute break!" Reyer announced to the orchestra, as everyone downed their instruments and rapidly exited, leaving Reyer to mop his brow and follow them.

"There he is!" Raoul announced in a stage whisper, pointing to Erik exiting one of his hidden doors and entering the auditorium close to the orchestra pit.

Nadir, Meredith and Raoul watched as Erik reached back into the doorway and produced in his hand…

"A bowl of lemons?" Raoul questioned, "Why has Erik got a bowl containing lemons?"

"I have a horrible feeling I have just realised the answer!" Nadir declared as Erik and his lemons made their way to the front row of seating.

Looking up at his three friends Erik waved and grinned before placing the bowl on a theatre seat and started pacing carefully crouching down every so often as if lining something up. Seemingly happy with whatever he was looking for Erik collected his lemons and took a seat that he had obviously carefully selected for some reason.

Three sets of eyes carefully watched as the orchestra returned and took their seats, waiting as Monsieur Reyer took his place on the podium and instructed the musicians under his command to turn to the start of the overture for a complete run through no stopping until the music was complete, then he would critique.

ooo

From his seat in the orchestra pit Jacques Fournier wet his lips ready to play and looked up from his trombone, to his conductor and following his line of sight into the mask of the temporary Musical Director Erik Jardinier, who was calmly sitting in the front row seemingly waiting for something… Despite the fact that Jacques had long ago gotten fed up with his job in the orchestra. When his brother in law, Giles Andre became the manager here, Jacques had promised Andre that he would stay, however that whole Phantom episode had quite shaken him up; Andre had begged that instead of quitting, Jacques took a one year's sabbatical; on his return he was still the third trombonist for as long as he wanted the job, and Jacques did not have the heart to say no. However, during his sabbatical Jacques had discovered his true passion; and playing the trombone was not it, so on his first day back he had warned Andre that one more upset and another third trombonist would be required.

ooo

Meanwhile in the auditorium, as the music started Erik was ready for activating the last part of his plan he had aptly titled, 'getting rid of the third trombone, without annoying my angel' and despite the concerns of his three witnesses, Erik during his journey back to the opera house had put a bit more thought into this than Nadir, Raoul and Meredith realised; Erik just needed to wait patiently for the right moment.

Suddenly the right moment appeared; Nadir shuddered as Erik lifted the first lemon to his lips and as the brass section started playing, he took a bite.

"Ugh!" shuddered Raoul, "Erik is eating a whole lemon, peel and all!" he declared as Meredith watched Erik taking second bite.

"I was right!" Nadir responded with a grimace, "he did something similar in Persia!" he grumbled without thinking.

"Erik really went to Persia?" Raoul asked as he watched Erik taking his third bite.

"Yes! And he hated out of tune musicians even then." Nadir added drawing the conversation that he accidently started to a rapid close, before Raoul asked too many questions.

ooo

In the orchestra pit, Jacques was finding it difficult to watch Monsieur Reyer's instructions because his eyes had been drawn to Erik's actions.

In fact, most of the brass section had been distracted by Erik's mid-day snack.

ooo

To the casual observer, the current situation was farcical, the orchestra were valiantly attempting to play the overture to Orpheus in the Underworld whilst the brass section had tears in their eyes as they tried and failed to stop watching the temporary Music Director eating raw whole lemons seated in the front row of the auditorium almost directly in their line of sight. At the same time, they were also trying to keep up with the music and play the correct notes even though their lips wanted to seal themselves shut at the thought of the bitter and sour flavours of the citrus fruit they saw being consumed.

Erik seemed to the same observer to be innocently eating a healthy although odd snack of fresh fruit whilst listening to the music.

ooo

Monsieur Reyer was oblivious to the cause of the discordant expressions in some of his musicians; since Erik was sitting behind him. So, he was trying to ignore the occasional peculiar notes coming from the brass section.

Erik was on his second lemon and the battle was on, the brass section determined to keep playing despite the fact they all felt their lips puckering tighter and tighter every time Erik took a bite.

ooo

Erik finished his fourth lemon as the orchestra started the segue into the galop infernal, there was one more fruit in the bowl and keeping his eyes locked on the orchestra, Erik grabbed it and started to take a massive bite just as the brass section joined in and…

Instead of the finale of the overture, the most corpulent and violent sound erupted drowning out all the other instruments, almost like the entire brass section had suffered terminal flatulence. The music then came to an abrupt halt before Erik's voice rang out above the chaos.

"Ugh I hate limes!" Erik complained bitterly holding the remaining piece of the offending fruit, as even with his mask in place his eyes and the grimace upon his lips spoke volumes.

ooo

Nadir felt his jaw bounce off the floor, he could not believe what he had just witnessed. This time without threats, without violence and without shouting and cursing, Erik had yet again managed to create mayhem in the opera house.

Raoul was on the floor between the seats, not in embarrassment but clutching his stomach in hysterics, "I do not think I have ever seen anything so funny!" he gasped out between laughs.

"Well that was definitely different!" Meredith commented lightly, "I have to admit I thought the orchestra was going to succeed until Erik bit into that lime," she added with a giggle.

ooo

At the same time, in the orchestra pit with shuddering musicians. Monsieur Reyer had carefully placed his baton on his lectern and turned quickly to see Erik still grimacing and holding the remains of a half-eaten lime in one hand. "If the playing was that abysmal you only had to catch my attention!" Reyer grumbled at Erik, "There was no need to decimate my brass section!" he added glowering at Erik.

ooo

Jacques surveyed the current debacle; this was what he had been praying for… A reason to quit. And like a man finally shown the way to freedom he took it.

"That does it!" Jacques yelled, as he all but threw his trombone on the floor and stood up. "Lemons and Phantoms!" he bitterly complained "I quit, I am going to become a painter!" he then stormed out of the pit and into the room where the musicians stored their belongings during the performances.

Locating the case, he carried his trombone in Jacques realised he had left his trombone in the pit. Then he spied the fat and full envelope sitting on top of the case, his name written on the paper container in blue ink. Opening the envelope Jacques could not believe his eyes. Sitting there before him was fifteen thousand francs and a letter. 'Thank you from Sweet Music's throne. Here is a little something to assist you to become an artist.' There was no signature.

Jacques counted the money, then counted it again, there was enough there, that even after buying more oils and canvas and a new set of brushes, if he put the rest into an account, he could draw from it the same wages he got from the opera house and never have to work again, therefore his wife would be happy and he could stop playing that flaming trombone and he could be happy.

With a loud whoop of joy and an equally loud thank you to which ever deity provided this largess, Jacques rapidly placed the envelope in his money belt, adjusted his clothing and exited the opera house a happier man than when he arrived.

ooo

The corps de Ballet had been practising one of the dances for the operetta as the sour flatulent notes of the brass section echoed within the studio. The corps came to a grinding halt and Meg pulled off a spectacular high kick and Pirouette to avoid kicking Christine who suddenly stopped mid dance listening to the furore in the main auditorium, "Erik!" she hissed to herself, before noting the grim façade of Madame Giry nodding at her. With that Christine took off towards the main stage area, Meg keeping up with her rapid pace.

ooo

Erik had disposed of the accursed partially devoured lime and was standing talking happily to Monsieur Reyer by the time Christine strode on to the main stage.

"Erik!" Christine projected from centre stage where she now stood, "What did you do this time?" she demanded, as Nadir Meredith and Raoul held their breath for the reply, Meg shut her eyes and they all waited.

"I was sorting out an ongoing concern with the orchestra!" Erik replied smoothly, not daring to look up at his wife, certain she had a very annoyed expression on her face. It was Monsieur Reyer that gave the explanation.

"Madame Jardinier, your husband has just enacted an ideal solution to an ongoing issue in the orchestra!" Reyer started, as Christine glowered in the direction of her husband.

"Has he now?" Christine asked as she left the stage and descended the steps to the auditorium and stalked towards her now nervous husband.

Her Phantomesque predatory approach towards a nervous Erik was halted as from the orchestra's room a joyous yelp arose.

"Whoopee! No more playing that flaming trombone… Free! Free I tell you! Praise St Cecilia!" an ecstatic voice hollered from off stage, before a door opened then slammed shut. Christine's expression went from annoyance to puzzlement as Erik looked up at her and grinned.

"Well that is the third trombone gone at last!" Erik reported happily, as their friends breathed a sigh of relief. Then he truly looked at his wife in her rehearsal attire.

Erik coughed as he took in the sight of Christine, wearing her old Corps de Ballet rehearsal attire, with Knee high purple satin boots, beneath her dance attire a pair of knee length drawers covering in lacy frills peeking out from under her crinoline skirt. "What on earth are you wearing?" he sputtered, as his eyes nearly fell out of his head.