hey yall! i have great news! Apple isnt dead! which means they could see this story,,,which is scary to think about. anyway if gram updates ill probably go into the cardiac arrest ngl BUT to tide you all over ive got another chappie for ya! just a few cursory updates though:
Mexico is NOT Aztec in this story it doesnt make sense and thats one of my biggest gripes with kith and kin tbh, oh and Andres is Colombia. i was gonna use him for the second part of the story but Peru ended up butting in sooooo. anyway i hope you all enjoy lol also please leave a review if you feel so inclined they make my day :)
Please Read and Review. Enjoy!
Mejico didn't remember her mother.
No, that wasn't true. She did remember her, but she tried not to. Ignored her in tribal meetings, and kept her at arms length whenever she was caught in a conversation with her. It wasn't out of cruelty, at least, Mejico thought she wasn't being cruel, but out of an intense discomfort that arose whenever she looked into the heartbroken eyes of the woman who had loved and raised her from infancy. And of the mortification that she could never truly reconnect with her, or say what her mother wanted to hear. An apology, a thank you, a heartfelt 'I love you, and missed you. I never wanted to leave you and tried to get back to you, always!'
That wasn't the case though, because no matter how hard Mejico tried. Tried to remind herself of all the things he had done, of all the atrocities and horrors inflicted on not only her, but her people and brothers, and brother's peoples, she still preferred the man who had takenkidnapped adopted her.
She would always prefer Spain, even if it hurt.
Her mother knew it too; they both knew it. So why, why, did that woman keep trying? It was embarrassing for both of them, and even the other tribal nations that used to find the once mighty empire begging to be acknowledged by her own child, had begun to grow tired of their song and dance. Mejico could feel their heavy glares aimed at her back, as she walked out of the conference room, and silently begged the Lord to distract Nahua, and save her from her mother's clutches.
"Ahuiliztli!"
Ahuiliztli was a little girl in a big world. It was massive and exciting, scary and filled with wonder. She was a child, but she was also different. DIfferent like her mother and no one else. She was a cihuatlamacazqui. Or she would be, when she was older. Though even among other young women training to be priestesses, she was different, special. Ahulliztli was unaging, gifted by the gods above with long life, and tasked with watching over the Nahua people for eternity.
It was a lonely task, though she knew she could take comfort in the constant presence of her mother.
"Wait!" She cried out, stumbling over rocks and twigs, while trying desperately to keep up with her mother. Her huipil caught under her foot and Ahuiliztli's world turned upside down. The corn she was carrying flew up in the air before pelting down on her. Tears gathered in her eyes, more from the scare of falling than from any pain, but before she could let out wail, she felt soft warm arms gather her up. Ahuiliztli let out a sob and buried her head in her mother's shoulder, gripping at her long soft hair and using it to hide her from the world.
"Now, now Ahuiliztli, calm down." Her mother whispered, rocking her back and forth. She hummed out the first verse of a lullaby, before leaning in for an exaggerated kiss, earning a squeal from Ahuilizitl. Mama laughed, rich and filled with adoration, "Is it all better now? Or do you need another kiss, my love?" She whispered.
Ahuiliztli let out a hum, pretending to ponder the idea, before she shyly held out her cheek. Her mother gasped, before peppering five or six more kisses on her. The little girl laughed, returning the affection before wiggling to be let down. Her mother gestured to the corn she had left scattered on the ground, before turning back down the path. Ahuiliztli quickly grabbed up all the ears before sprinting off towards where her mother waited.
The rest of the priestesses had paused their procession, and most of the women were chatting happily, soaking in some of the sun's golden rays. Her mother was also in a conversation, though she didn't have a smile on her face like the other ladies. Ahuiliztli made her way over to her mother, dodging the hands that tried to thread through her hair, but as her mother came into sight her mood soured.
Her mama was talking to Coaxoch.
Ahuiliztli wrinkled her nose; Coaxoch was mean. Always scolding her for little mistakes she made, and always tattled on her when the other ladies gave her some of the xocolatl, or when Ahuilizitl sneaked some for herself. She looked around for a moment before deciding that she should let her mother know she was ready to keep going. Ahuiliztli let out a loud sigh before bravely making her way over to, ugh, Coaxoch and her mama.
As she approached, Ahuiliztli caught the tail end of their conversation, "You can't always go running to her, Tlalli! Ahuiliztli needs to come into her own strength. And she never will if you always come running whenever she so much as stumbles." Coaxoch said, her voice hard.
Her mother's face was set in a frown, something Ahuiliztli rarely saw, and her black eyes were glaring, "My daughter can grow up when she feels like it!" She snapped, causing the ladies around them to lean in, "Need I remind you, both Ahuiliztl and I are older than you and your mother and your grandmother. There is no time limit on her childhood. We are unending, mouthpieces for the gods, and if Ahuiliztli wants to stay six for another hundred years she can!"
Coaxoch took a step back, and Ahuiliztli realized her mama did that Thing again. The one that makes mortals scared and little animals skitterer away like leaves in the wind. But, to Ahuiliztli's surprise Coaxoch stood her ground, setting her jaw and leaning forward to look her mother in the eyes, "Tlalli, you and I both know something is coming. I get sick just thinking of it, but I want what's best for Ahuiliztli! She needs to have the strength to stand on her own, to weather the storm on the horizon, to survive whatever is coming!" She shouted, and a hush had fallen over the women. "You can't bring her with you should a war break out! You can't always protect her!"
"But I will!" Her mother screamed, fists clenched and chest heaving, "I am Nahua! An empire of my own, a speaker of the gods and an avatar of power! I'm stronger than any man! Can go weeks without food or drink! And if I wanted, I could fight an entire army with Ahuiliztli in my arms!" The earth herself seemed to shake under the weight of her mother's rage, "She will not grow up alone and confused like I did! Scared of making connections, and unaware of time's cruelty." Her mother quieted down, looking away from Coaxoch, "I will be there. I will. To lift her into my arms when she is sad, to soothe her nightmares, and love her when everyone else leaves."
Coaxoch was too stunned to speak, and Ahuiliztli took the tense silence as an opportunity to show her mother she had finished gathering her share of the corn. She padded over, knocking her head gently to her mother's hip before staring up expectantly at her. Her mama let out a shaky breath before reaching down and gathering her up in her arms again. "We're going to go on ahead. I will see you all tomorrow." Ahuiliztli waved goodbye over her mother's shoulder, and tried to ignore the stricken looks on all of their faces, or the tears running down Coaxoch's cheeks.
A few months later, barely a blink to her, men in shiny armor would walk down the streets of their capital. The sun glinting off the swords at their sides, and Ahuiliztli would make eye contact with the man who would become the most important person in her life. For better or for worse. Her mother would eventually take up arms in retaliation against the Conquistador's and would leave her with a parting kiss, aching and bleeding on the floor of their house. She wouldn't know it then, but those were Ahuiliztli's last moments, the last time she would see her mother, and the last time she would speak Nahuatl freely.
The door creaked open.
Mejico's stomach dropped. She hated that name, hated how alien it sounded, hated how her mother still called her it, like she hadn't Azura for the better part of her life. Ahuiliztl died the moment that creepy conquistador set his venomous eyes on her, the moment he leaned over her with a wide smile and introduced himself in a language she couldn't understand and held out his big, pale hand to her. Acting like she had any choice in the matter, like there wasn't a bloody sword in his hand, and like the sounds of her mother's peoples' screams couldn't be heard behind him.
Pretending like their dying pleas didn't make his smile widen.
A hand latched onto her shoulder, hooking her backwards and forcing her to turn and face the shorter woman. Azura took a steadying breath, before looking down at her mother, trying to ignore the small pang in her chest when she noticed just how old she looked now. "I told you not to call me that name!" she hissed out, pulling the woman into an empty room and away from the not-so-subtle lingering stares of the humans surrounding them.
Her mother let out a harsh breath, "Ahuiliztli is your name. The one I gave you when you were gifted to me by Xochiquetzal, and the one you answered to until that thing hiding behind the face of a man stole you away from me!" Her mother shouted, old hurt welling up behind her eyes.
Stole.
Spain had taken her as prisoner, held her captive, and forced his ways on her. On what would become the Mejicano people. It must have been terrible. To be a little girl, ripped from the loving arms of her mother, and brought into a new culture with only an evil man who cared for nothing but the greed in his heart as a caretaker. She must have spent years weeping, crying out for her mother, her people, anyone to save her.
Right?
A spark of anger lit in her chest at the way Nahua had spoken about Spain, and she let it overtake her, "Don't talk about him like that!" She said, looming over her mother in a very familiar way, "He gave me a better life than you ever could have! We were," Mejico stumbled over her words, and threw her hands in the air, "we were backwards! Worshiping hundreds of gods, sacrificing people to appease them!" She let out a wordless yell, "We thought our shadows had a power of their own and if an adult looked at a kid too long they'd get sick!" Mejico ran a hand through her hair, ignoring the pieces falling out of the tight bun she'd tied it in, "Papi did a lot of bad things, terrible things," She whispered, "but it wasn't just him. I know you know that. People like us don't get to decide everything we do."
Nahua, Tlalli, her mother, looked at her with wide, sad eyes. Her face was set in the ever-present frown Mejico had come to know her for. She wished, sometimes, when she was alone at night and missed the security of her mother sleeping beside her, snuggled into her back, that her mother's face would light up the way it used to when she caught sight of her daughter. Missed the way she would joke and play with Ahuiliztli, missed the easy affection her past life would receive, but Azura knew those were just memories now. Tlalli didn't like the nation she had become, hated her European curls and rolled r's, disapproved of the rest of her family and the fact that Azura loved Spain in spite of it all.
"Ahuiliztli, you don't understand." Tlalli said, her voice hard, "I can never forgive him. You don't remember it the way I do, don't know the pain I was in, or the fear I felt when I came home and you were gone."
Mejico forced herself not to roll her eyes. They had had this conversation hundreds of times, and it always ended the same way, with her mother begging her to disown her father and siblings and come home with her, be her little girl again, be Tenochtitlan again. "You always do this…" She mumbled, feeling like a child again, "I keep telling you. I felt it too! It happened in my city, to my residents, and even if you felt it the most or the worst, that doesn't mean the pain I went through was less than yours. Besides," She said, deciding to end this conversation like she always did, "it's not his fault you were too late." With that Mejico turned away.
As she walked away, Azura could hear her mother shouting for her to stay, to come back, about how she just doesn't understand what it's like to be a mother. Mejico bit back a snide comment at that, of course she knew what it was like to be a mother. She'd practically raised half of her siblings, hell, she did raise Tejas. Older nations never seemed to understand what it was like to be a girl during the colonial era, or what a man like Spain expected from her; once she'd gotten a grasp on the language he'd shoved the little snot in her arms without a second glance. The weight of a child in her arms was one of the many reasons Azura could never go back to her mother, she'd been grown far too long.
Azura's first taste of motherhood was at eight years old.
Boss had returned to check up on her and with him came a baby. He was a chubby little thing that sat and stared and didn't do much else. He made grabby hands at Boss whenever he walked by and, somehow, would always be picked up and cradled to Spain's chest. It was confusing because Azura had never seen her Boss act like that, he was never so gentle with Andres or Rico, never stooped low to reach them or whispered hushed lullabies as they fell asleep.
He never did any of that with Azura either, but that was because she was a big kid, and big kids didn't cry over scraped knees or miss their mantli so much it hurt to even think of her.
Azura shook her head, pushing back the rush of tears welling behind her eyes. The last time Boss caught her crying he'd yelled at her in that big voice of his, screaming Spanish words she didn't know, before catching her by the arm and tossing her into her room for the rest of the day and into the night. The impact shook her bones, and that was when Azura had really started crying, big heaving sobs ripping from her throat before Spain began pounding on her door, shouting at her to, "Cállate la boca, o te daré algo para que llorar!"
She had quieted down after that, afraid of what he might do, and aware of what he had already done.
Tejas though, which was the baby's name the same way Nueva España was hers, didn't seem to understand how much Spain enjoyed peace and quiet. Toñito, as she had taken to calling little Antonio, cried and screeched when he was left alone too long, and for such a little thing he sure knew how to make his displeasure known. Azura always ran straight to him when he started wailing, copying the way Boss or the slave ladies would soothe him. It worked for the most part, and once, when Toño hadn't calmed fast enough and Spain had caught her rocking him back and forth, Boss had even patted her head before taking the baby out of her hands.
That was the day Azura decided to be the best hermana she could be. If only to make Spain smile at her like that more. When Boss looked like that he wasn't so scary, and if she could just keep him happy then she'd never have to deal with an angry Spain again. Angry Spain was much worse than any other Spain, even one that called her names when she messed up one too many times during her lessons or in front of guests. Upset Spain drank and drunk Spain threw stuff.
She hoped she wouldn't upset him during his visit. Toñito was too small to run away and Azura wasn't sure she'd be able to help him hide. All her best hiding spots were too tight to fit them both. Azura grimaced, turning to look at the baby currently gurgling at the ceiling, maybe Spain only threw things at big kids? For Toño's sake she hoped that was the case.
"Azura!" Boss' voice sounded from down the hall.
Azura jumped to attention, tripping over her skirt in her haste to get up and out of the room. Spain didn't sound upset, in fact he sounded happy! Happy Spain was the best Spain because when Boss was in a good mood he would pick Azura up and swing her around or dance with her in his room. Sometimes he'd even sneak her a sweet before dinner! Oh, she really hoped she'd get an extra treat today, though she hoped Toñito wouldn't be too jealous…
Oh well, babies can't have extra dessert anyway.
She came to a halt just outside of Boss' room, careful not to cross the threshold before he called her in, "Yes, Boss?" She said, just a little out of breath from her mad dash to him.
Spain turned to her, a big smile on his face, and Azura could almost taste the charamusca, "Azura, you're a big girl now," He said in a voice almost as sweet as the one he shushed Tejas with, "so I'm going to ask you to be a big girl and take care of Toño for me while I'm away."
"Away?"
Spain's brow furrowed, and Azura was suddenly very aware that she had questioned him, before he let out a little ah, "I'm going out for some drinks with my men! To celebrate another successful journey," He stood up and walked over to her as he said that, "as well as my flourishing colony." He bent down and squished her cheeks together, nuzzling their noses against each other and Azura felt herself nearly melt at the affection. As Spain's warm hands retreated, she found herself nodding along to whatever he was saying, and before long she was standing at the doorway waving goodbye to him with Tejas in her arms.
The next few hours were spent with Azura and Toño simply playing in her room, away from the prying eyes of the rest of the household. Well, it was more Azura playing and Tejas watching happily from his position on the floor. Though, he didn't seem to mind being left out, as long as she picked him up and swung him around every once in a while. His happy screams had called more than one slave into the room, worried she had dropped him and each time Azura sent them away with less and less kindness. If Boss found out she wasn't the one looking after Toño he might box her ears for not listening, and that would put Spain in a bad mood for the rest of his visit. After the third time she had been checked up on, Azura had screamed for them to leave her alone and not come near this wing of the house for the rest of the night before slamming the door in the woman's face and locking the door behind her.
A flash guilt settled in her stomach almost immediately after that. Azura knew that the women were only trying to help, and now she'd gone and yelled at them the same way Boss yelled at her. With a huff she dropped to the ground, ignoring the sad coos Toño was making at her or the fact that her hair had fallen out of its intricate high bun. Everything was going wrong and now her pretty comb that Boss had gifted her was sliding down the back of her head and she didn't know how to fix it!
Tears gathered in her eyes, and Azura felt a whine welling up in her throat. This wasn't fair! This wasn't going the way she wanted it too! She furiously scrubbed at her eyes, before frantically pulling at her hair, grabbing the comb and setting it far away where she wouldn't see it before laying down and letting it all out. She didn't know how long she lay there, her head pillowed by her arms and body shaking with quiet sobs, but she did notice when a pair of tiny hands started petting her.
Azura looked up, realizing the room had been cast in long shadows, and saw Toño staring down at her. He must have crawled over to her while she was crying, and Azura felt bad all over again for forgetting about the baby she was supposed to take care of. His eyebrows were pinched together and quiet babbles were coming out of his frowning mouth; she opened her mouth to say something, before remembering Tejas didn't have the best understanding of Spanish, or any language. She sat up all the way, pulling her legs under her and wiping away the last of her tears. Tejas crawled into her lap, and Azura cringed at the way he fisted at her skirt, but the reprimand died on her lips as Toño threw his arms up and around her shoulders. He squeezed with all the strength he had, and Azura felt…something build in her chest before she was hugging back, nearing folding in on herself in an effort to be closer to her…to her brother. Her little brother, her hermanito, who was leaving sloppy kisses on her cheeks and cooing what he must have thought were comforting words.
Azura sniffled, holding her little brother at arms length so she could look him in the eyes, "Gracias, Toñito." She patted his cheek, and felt a smile tug at her lips when his big brown eyes lit up at the contact, "I really needed that."
Mejico shook away the memory from behind her eyes. Tejas had been a cute baby, but the minute he could walk and talk he'd been a constant pain in her side. He'd been a pain in everyone's side, really, always tripping over nothing and crying at the drop of a hat. It made her sick just to think of all the messes she'd been blamed for just because Tejas couldn't tell the difference between a vase and a doorway.
Azura sat down heavily, resting her forehead on the steering wheel of her car, trying to compose herself. She really shouldn't get so riled up, especially after all these years of dealing with her obnoxious family drama…and her mother. She sighed, scrubbing at her tired eyes. Mejico would never be the daughter her parents wanted. The lives they laid out for her were too different, their expectations too high and ideals too strict to allow compromise for the other.
Though, compromise was never either of their strong suits.
Luckily right as she began to spiral into a pit of self doubt, her phone rang. Azura quickly pulled out her compact mirror, wiping away any sweat or flyaway hairs that flew loose in her very dignified mad dash to the safety of her car, before flipping open her phone.
"Bueno."
"Hey, 'Zura, you finally answered!" A loud voice said over the line.
Azura flinched away, wishing she had checked her caller ID before answering, "Ay, Dios Mío! Do you always have to be so loud, Marcos?" She hissed, "And what do you mean I finally answered?" She asked, "You're the one who's been ignoring my calls and emails!"
"Woah, woah! I sent you a text and you didn't respond for like three hours!" Marcos whined, and Azura could just imagine the stupid face he was making. His eyes wide, and brows pinched; betrayed to all the world that anyone would dare suggest he was late for something, let alone knew and didn't do anything about it. Mejico knew her brother though, and even a deaf man would know not to trust Marcos when his voice hit a certain pitch.
"Oh, one text! I've been trying to get you to talk to me about that Special Summit and whether you wanted to meet up with the rest of the familia before or after the meetings for a week!" She yelled, wishing that she could hit him upside the head like she used to when he was being especially stupid.
"Geez, 'Zura, who got your panties in a twist today?" The phone gave a pitiful creak under the pressure of her clenched fist. Marocs obviously didn't value his life, and Azura was going to use him as a practice dummy for all the new luchador moves she wanted to learn.
Azura took a deep breath, "Peru?" She said sweetly, imagine all the ways his body was going to be contorting under her in a few weeks. "I want you to think very carefully about your next words, and I know thinking is quite difficult for you, but remember, your life depends on it." Marcos gave a squeak, "Now, what was it you just said?" She whispered.
"I said, 'Oh my dear sister, most beautiful and smartest of all women, you seem to be troubled. Is there any way I could help?" Marcos whimpered out, and at Azura's silence he continued on frantically, "And I am so sorry! I meant to return your calls and emails, but it just slipped my mind because I'm an idiot? And, uh, I love you?"
"I'll allow it." Mejico said, "But don't think you're off the hook for a second! This meeting is happening in my country, and if you can't get your act together soon, it's going to make me look bad!"
Marcos sighed, "Yeah, yeah, lo siento. But me being late wouldn't make you blow up like that. So what's really wrong?"
Azura sat back, debating on if she really wanted to unload on Peru. It was tempting, sure, but Mejico hated talking about her feelings. If she didn't though, he might sic Venezuela or, God forbid, Papi himself on her. Over the line she could hear Marcos nagging at her, his annoying voice going a mile a minute, "Ay, fine! Fine! But only to get you to shut up!"
Marcos cheered, and Azura felt a smile twitch at her mouth, "Alright, lay it on me sis!"
Azura sighed, "It's just…I had a meeting today and," She bit her lip, suddenly embarrassed about how worked up she was over something that shouldn't be a problem at all, "my mother was there." She admitted. Really it was a good thing Peru was the one who called her. He was one of her only siblings who could relate to her…special mother-daughter dynamic. "And she just…did what she always does." She continued, "Which I should be used to by now, but…I don't know."
"Yeah, I feel you. Whenever I have to interact with…him. It feels like I'm a little kid again, but instead of trying to understand Spain, I'm trying to understand–you know." Marcos said choppily.
Azura's shoulders began to relax at that. There was a reason she and Marcos had always got along, well other than being the eldest Carriedo children. "Right?! I just, I can't be what–who she wants me to be! And then she started yelling about Spain again and…what else is there to say? She's right about him, but I hate when she says all those things at the same time!" She yelled, ignoring the looks she was getting from the people parked next to her, "Ugh! And then she pulled the mother card!" Azura pinched her voice in imitation of the Tlalli, "'Ahuiliztli, you don't know what it's like to be a mother!' blah, blah, blah." She blew out her cheeks, "It's just infuriating."
Marcos let out a hum, letting her continue her rant, "And it was in front of everybody! I swear she does it on purpose! And then–," Azura cut herself off, unsure if she wanted to admit to her own reminiscing. No one ever brought up their lost brother, not unless it was DIa de los Muertos or if they were all especially drunk. But Azura had been having a bad day, and if bringing up Tejas brought down Peru's mood, well, they could drink their woes away on Skype later tonight. "I started thinking about–about Toño." She whispered, trying to ignore Marcos' sharp breath.
"Wow, Aztec really got you good, huh? For you to bring him up." Marcos said, shuffling around if the crackling over the phone was any indication. "Do you…want to talk about Toño?" He asked hesitantly.
Azura stopped at that. DId she want to talk about him? Talk about the little boy who used to follow her around like she was the key to the universe? Talk about the traitor who stabbed her in the back before swanning off to heaven or wherever people like them went? "No. I'm way too sober for that." She decided, "But thank you, Marcos. I have to go now; this 'feelings' stuff is making me break out in hives."
Marcos barked out a laugh, "Okay, 'Zura. I'll see you in a couple weeks. Adios."
"Adios." The line clicked off, and Azura let out a heavy sigh. Hopefully the next meeting she had with a relative wouldn't end like this one. Though, with her track record Toño would rise from the dead and ask to perform Jarabe Tapatío with her before she had a day without one of her little siblings running begging her to fix their messes, or mediate some argument that wouldn't matter in a week.
Her phone buzzed in her hand, Marcos texted her a single word answer to her multitext question. It was misspelled. Azura let out a huff of laughter, before turning the key in the ignition. She really couldn't stand her family; they had their moments though.
