I DID IT! here it is on last day of pride for you lovelies *heart emoji* i had so much fun writing this chapter once i got into the grove of it! i guess al's POV is just easier for me to write than anyone elses lol! anyway i feel like i really hit that slice of life feeling ive been aiming for recently even though this one does have some action near then end. i hope you all enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing and please leave me a little comment if you did it would really make my day (also it was my bday on the 20th so hbd from me to you) ALSO some negative talk about Native Americans in this chapter, just the typical 'they lost so they deserve to sit on barren land and didn't know how to use the land' talk. obvs i dont agree as i am indigenous but just an fyi!
Please Read&Review :]
"Wait. I still don't get it. You two aren't Human, right?" Tony asked from his position behind the driver's seat.
Alfred glanced over at Tex in the passenger seat. He was starting out into the open road, Al's aviators sitting across the bridge of his nose and his hand drumming out a beat on the window pane. Tex met his gaze for a brief second, an exasperated smile on his face before he turned his head to look at the alien in the backseat, "No, we are. Physically at least. Been looked over by plenty a doctors, and they ain't never found nothing different 'bout our biology."
Tony groaned, flipping through the notebooks they had bought him at the last 5nDime shop they stopped at for a supply run. That run mostly being for more Sky Bars and Colas, but no one had ever accused Al and his brother of being especially frugal when it came to road trip snacks.
"Aha!" The flipping stopped as Tony held up a page triumphantly. What it said was beyond the two Humans in the car, and a second later Tony awkwardly pulled the notebook back towards him and began to read aloud, "You said, and I quote, 'I reckon we're not Human when it matters.', and then started talking about the, uh…Industrial Revolution." Tony pronounced the word 'revolution' a bit like 'reevoh-luhshun', but neither Tex nor Al bothered to correct him. Not like he'd be talking to anyone other than them, anyway.
"Well, cause we're not. We're Personifications." Texas said in between sips of his Cola. The aviators had been pushed back to his forehead now, and his hat was laying on top of the bag of Cheetos Al was saving for after his turn driving.
"But what does that mean!?"
"It means that we're the land and the people and the culture!" Texas yelled back, smiling at Tony's growing anger. Alfred almost felt bad for him, he knew that most humans who were aware of them had a bit of an adjustment period, taking a week long vacation so that they could wrap their heads around the idea of semi-immortal beings running around representing the increasingly vague idea of what a Nation is.
"Yeah!" Alfred chimed in, "But we also represent how the rest of the world sees us!" Was it a little mean to add in that specific part of their existence? Yes, yes it was. But Tony had run a full-body scan on the both of them while they were sleeping a few nights ago, so running him around in circles was justified.
"ARGH! Whatever!" Tony screeched, throwing the notebook down, and crossing his arms over his chest.
Texas let out a cut-off snort, before glancing down at the map again. They were nearing the end of Route 66, and once they got off the highway Tex was taking over. Apparently he didn't trust Alfred enough to let him off-road the DeLuxe, said Al was only good for navigation when his feet were on the ground. And, well, Al couldn't exactly argue that point.
He did somehow drive on the wrong side of the Lincoln Highway back in the 30s.
"Says there's another gas station in about ten miles. We should stop there." Tex said, his finger ghosting along the yellow of the roadmap, "Last one 'fore we head into the sticks."
Alfred nodded, eyeing the gas fuel gauge. It was nearly a quarter-full but they were about to drive through like three Indian Reserves. And if there was one thing Tex and Al avoided at all costs, it was stopping inside a Reservation. The land absolutely despised them there, always prickling at the soles of Alfred's feet and blinding Texas with biting winds or puffs of sand. Plus they always, always managed to run into a Personification too, and there was nothing more awkward than holding a conversation with a pissed off former-Nation.
The Indians, and their Representatives, were technically under his jurisdiction now, seeing as they were all granted citizenship about two decades back, but they seriously knew how to hold a grudge. Honestly, it wasn't up to him! He would've given them the right to vote the minute they admitted defeat, but they were just stubborn like that. And while Alfred could respect stubbornness, sometimes it bit you in the ass. And boy, did they get bit in the ass.
Alfred shook his head; not his people, not his problem.
Beside him Tex gestured for him to get over, a big sign advertising a convenience store and a diner if they decided to drop into town. Alfred's stomach grumbled at the thought of a homemade pie and a nice burger, but with Tony in the car neither Tex's nor Al's good manners would let them run off to eat and leave him to boil alive in the car. It was a shame though, Alfred had wanted to bake Tony a few desserts before they got on the road, but he could tell that the little alien was starting to get a little antsy about his ship. And he couldn't blame him, really, Al would get upset if the government had stolen something from him.
The gas station was just up ahead, the sign reading in big letters: LEADED GASOLINE: 23¢. Texas hissed at the sight, "Twenty-three cents!? These people are crazy! Do they think we're made of money?" Alfred couldn't blame him, gas prices kept rising every year and it was starting to look like the norm. They'd just have to get used to it, but they didn't have to like it.
"Tony, you know the rules. Stay down and out of sight, while me and Tex fill up the car." Alfred said, glancing back at Tony who had already slumped down onto the floor of the car, an old blanket covering his head.
"Yeah, yeah, I heard you the first time."
Alfred huffed, "Well, I live with Texas and you know how he is. Stubborn as a mule and smells like one too." He said after making sure Tex was out of earshot, "Don't tell him I said that."
Tony glanced up at him, amusement sparkling in his big eyes, "Don't tell him you think he smells bad and doesn't know how to listen?" Tony tapped the region of his face where his mouth would be, "Hm, I don't know. Texas and I are pretty close, and I'm not sure I can let you insult him like that."
Wow, a week and he was already extorting people, "Alright, get on with it. What do you want?"
"I want another Cola and more Mars Bars!" Tony shouted.
Alfred shushed him, glancing frantically around to make sure no one would wander over to see what all the commotion was. Luckily it was the middle of the day on a Tuesday so not many people were out and about. The pump clicked on, and Alfred shifted his weight to one leg while the tank began to fill, "Fine, you win. I'll have to run in after Tex comes back, so you gotta distract him."
Tony snorted, "Like that's gonna be hard. Me 'n him can just start swapping swear words."
That was true. Texas and Tony were two of a kind when it came to colorful language. Alfred had woken up in the dead of night a few days ago, and went to grab some water from the tap, only to come face to face to his brother and their new friend conversing rapidly in Spanish, English, and whatever language Tony spoke on his home planet. Which should have been a funny sight, but they were sitting in near pitch darkness and speaking in really freaky monotone voices. It scared the heebie-jeebies outta him, if he was being honest. So he just ended up sneaking back upstairs to avoid the entirety of that…situation.
Texas wandered out of the gas station, shoving his wallet in his pocket with one hand and working a cigarette out of a new carton of Marlboro Menthol Kools in the other. Alfred waved Texas over before he could light one, and begged off filling the tank so he could stretch his legs. Luckily Texas agreed quickly enough, but Alfred suspected it was more about getting to his smoke than any actual goodwill he may have. Alfred thanked him, as Texas waved him off, his lighter already lifting towards the cig in his mouth, and he steadfastly ignored the thumbs up Tony sent him out of the corner of his eye.
The inside of the store was a bit run down, the clerk dozing softly at the counter, and one other man was wandering the aisles. Alfred pulled out his wallet, checking to see how much cash he had on him, and winced at it. Gah, he didn't like carrying around a lot of money but he hated credit cards even more. It didn't matter which way he carried his money, he always felt like he was going to get robbed.
He browsed the candy aisle for more space themed candy, stopping to grab Tony's requested snack as well as a Milky Way and a few packs of Bazooka Bubble Gum for he and Tex to share. The Colas were easy to find, but as Alfred tallied up the price in his head he cringed. Geez, 8¢ for a candy bar, that was more than the drink and they lasted way longer! He reasoned that Tony was only going to be on Earth for a little while and longer and he could afford a little luxury towards an intergalactic guest.
Alfred paid for the items and left, waving at the couple walking in as he passed them. Texas was leaning against the trunk of the car, puffs of smoke curling around his hat, and Alfred quickly slid into the passenger seat. Tony made grabby hands the second he sat down, and he begrudgingly slapped the candy bar in his waiting hands, "No more blackmail. I can't afford it." He said, with a smile, popping in a hunk of bubblegum.
"Not my fault, you're broke." Tony snickered, melted chocolate smeared over the lower half of his face. Alfred swatted at him from behind, before settling into a more comfortable position. This was going to be a long and uncomfortable drive.
Texas stamped out his cigarette, before climbing into the driver's seat, "Y'all ready?"
"Yep!" Both America and Tony shouted.
"Let's get this over with then."
He pulled out of the gas station and back onto the highway. With the windows rolled down and Texas singing an old song under his breath Alfred could almost pretend they were back in their cowboy days. Endless sun and endless sky with the land stretching as far as the eye could see. He missed those days desperately sometimes, when it was just them, before the World Wars and before the Industrial Revolution. Back when he and Texas could simply be.
A shudder ran down Alfred's spine.
Yep, they were in Indian Territory now. His stomach swirled with an annoying sense of anxiety, and he could see Texas gripping the wheel in a white-knuckled grip. Alfred forced himself to unclench his jaw, and take a steadying breath. This was their land, this was their home, it just had a different, angry, people on it. He's had tons of people angry with him for tons of different reasons, so what if the wind was picking up and the amount of bugs hitting their windshield was way out of proportion. This was completely fine.
"You two do not look okay. What's wrong?" Tony piped up from where he was sprawled out in the backseat.
"We're driving through an Indian Reservation." Alfred said, and he could feel the earth beneath their tires roiling through his body in hatred.
"Don't know what that means."
Texas glanced at him through the rear-view mirror, "Indians live here cause they lost the war."
"The big War that just happened? Or the one before that?"
Alfred turned his head, even though everything in his being begged him not to take his eyes off enemy territory, "Neither, the Indians were moved to these Reservations so our people could have better opportunity."
Tony squinted at that, his head tilting just so as he mulled over that thought. Then he pounded his fist on his palm, "Oh! You two are larboks!
"Larboks?" Texas muttered.
"What does that mean?"
Tony looked up for a moment, clearly trying to translate the word into English. It was a strikingly familiar face to the one Tex used to make every second sentence. Tony tapped the are under his eyes, before speaking in a slow tone, "I think…the closest translation would be 'one who takes with violence'."
Texas took in a sharp breath, "Hey, they were violent too. In fact they were way worse. Just so happens the winner takes it all." He made a quick gesture towards the land, "We gave 'em a consolation prize too."
"They didn't know what they were doing with this land, anyway. We're the greatest country on Earth, a real World Power now. They never would have achieved that the way they ran things." Alfred chimed in.
Tony hummed at that, his comm and notebook out, "If you say so."
"We do."
The rest of the drive passed without any more fanfare. Tony was quiet for a while before he tried his Milky Way and started gushing about Earth cuisine and how he was going to need the recipe for this when he gets home. Texas then started talking about some candy he had before he and Alfred met and how he could never find someone to make it like his nanny did when he was little. That started a debate on whether having a nanny made Texas a spoiled rich boy, or if Alfred's proper British mannerism was worse.
Eventually Tex slowed down as they passed a labor camp, and pulled over just out of view, "Alright boys, we're here." He said, as he got out of the car and grabbed a small bag of clothes from beside Tony. He threw them on, as well as his worn out pair of steel-toed boots, "Well," He asked, taking a step back and single spin, "how do I look?"
"Just like you did everyday when you were working on the Empire State Building."
"Perfect, but I am missing something." He winked, pulling off his hat and setting it on Tony's head. It dwarfed him almost comically, but Alfred still obliged when Tony asked for picture between snorts after he caught his reflection in the side mirror. Texas slammed the trunk shut with an 'aha!' before walking back around where Tony was posing in front of the car. He shoved Tony out of frame with boot, before slapping his ancient newsboy cap on top of his curls and posing with the walkie-talkie.
Alfred laughed out loud at that; he snapped the picture the moment Tex's boot made contact and the fact that Tony's eyes could somehow get any larger was making him lose it. The few pictures he did snap of Texas before Tony leapt on him were out of focus and blurry. He took a few more of Tony of Tex's shoulders and of them tussling on the ground before accidentally hitting a button that made the camera show him. He blinked in surprise, a dual angle camera was genius! He glanced back at his brother and their friend, before deciding he deserved to be documented as well, after all, many people said he had a Hollywood worthy smile.
A few more minutes passed before Tony, Tex and Al were all prone on the floor from laughing, of course the moment they all finally calmed down a bell sounded signaling the work day was about to begin. Texas looked over to the gathering procession of men, before heaving himself up with a heavy sigh and dusting off his pants. His hat had fallen off sometime between him putting it on and him hitting the ground with forty-eight pounds of alien on top of him. Miraculously, Tony still had the cowboy hat on.
Texas crouched down to look for it under the car after a second of looking around, and cursed as he lowered himself to the ground and snatched it up. He slapped it on his pants once, twice, before slamming it on his head. The walkie-talkie was safely on the hood, which was just incredibly lucky, since Al could've sworn Tex had been holding it when he went down. Texas pocketed the walkie-talkie, glancing backwards at the line of construction workers filing into the sight, "Alright, see you fellas on the other side." With that he flicked the brim of his old newsie cap and sauntered off.
Alfred watched him go for a moment, watched as Texas slipped into character and let that easy-going nature and inherent trust their citizens had in them glaze over their eyes and make them forget that they didn't know him from Adam, before he put the car in reverse and drove off. The agreed spot to hide the car was about two miles from the actual site, far enough away that no government official would come across them but close enough that he and Tex could book it there on foot for a quick getaway should things go sideways.
As they rolled to stop off the road and behind a rock outcropping and a few cacti, Tony finally pushed himself up from his place on the backseat floor board, "And you're sure no one is going to question a random Human showing up to work on a half built site?"
Alfred turned his head to watch Tony climb into the passenger seat, "Yeah, don't worry about it, ace. Texas is really good at blending in with our citizens, and 'sides, most construction sites this far out are always begging for more manual labor." He checked his watch for the time, grimacing at the blinking 9:45am. They couldn't start the heist until well after dark, so he and Tony were stuck sitting here for a good 12 hours or until Texas found a good time to sneak away.
Beside him Tony was fiddling with his comm, muttering in his funny little language. Alfred knocked his hand against the alien's arm, "Hey, you wanna learn more about American culture right?" He asked as he rummaged around the console.
Tony glanced up at him, his comm dimming, "Preferably, I'd want to learn about Earthling culture, but seeing as your…what you are, I don't think that's going to be possible for a long time."
Alfred rolled his eyes, "Whatever, you don't know how lucky you are. If you'd landed in Europe they'd've already dissected you." His hand finally landed on the deck of cards he knew Tex had stashed in here, "Anyway, I'm gonna teach you how to play the best card game ever, after Old Maid o'course."
The hours passed slowly, with Alfred teaching Tony every card game he knew and then Tony teaching him a few of his own. He was especially fond of the one that involved a bit of ESP and slight-of-hand tricks to win. At noon Texas radio'd them that he'd found a route to a classified area none of the workers were allowed by, and gave them an ETA for when the mission would really begin. Alfred and Tony both agreed on the time (he was right, they'd be here until about 10pm and that wasn't counting the time it would take to haul the ship back) before Texas ended the conversation because one of the workers just about dragged him over to eat with them.
Alfred suppressed a smile at that, while Tony started frantically writing in his little notebook. Though Al was beginning to suspect that it was mostly doodles in there rather than actual research. He got out of the car at that, went around the back and pulled the melted ice bucket he'd filled up with a few now soggy snacks and some more Coke-Colas. He handed out a sandwich to Tony when he got back in the driver's seat, before devouring the four he'd made for himself and the last of the Cheetos.
After lunch Alfred rummaged around for something else to entertain him and Tony for the next few hours, and was not surprised to find that Texas had thought to bring his ratty old banjo. Tony was properly entranced by the instrument, and Alfred got a bit of an ego boost at being able to wow him with his mediocre rendition of Buffalo Gals and Home on the Range. When they got home he and Tex could break out they're old vaudeville act for a private showing.
Of course, Tony wouldn't be staying very long. In fact he had said that his ship had probably nearly fixed itself by now, and then he'd be off to his own planet. Alfred looked over at Tony, sitting on the hood of their car, his tiny hands straining to reach all the chords while he slowly plucked out some tune he'd never heard. Alfred would really miss him, he was such a neat little guy, and he took Alfred seriously in everything. Never looked at him like he was stupid or obnoxious even when Texas corrected parts of the Index he'd written, or gave a better explanation for some cultural thing that Alfred got wrong. And he liked having a cool alien friend, and wanted to brag about how smart and advanced Tony was to the rest of the Allies. Wanted to show them that he could have secret cultural connections that only appeared in the US, and prove that they were really there unlike England's little fairy friends.
A gray hand waved in front of his face, Alfred cringed away from it before realizing it was just Tony. He repeated his question about the chord he was trying to play, and Alfred quickly blinked away the fuzzy feeling he always got when a mortal friend of his was on their way out of his life. He smiled and leaned over, grabbing Tony's hand and spreading the fingers out just so, and told him to strum.
It was perfect.
Night finally fell. The cold desert air turning harsh and cold, its winds picking up and battering against the car windows. An alarm buzzed frantically startling Alfred out of the peaceful nap both he and Tony must have succumbed to about an hour before sundown. Slowly sitting up, Alfred pushed his glasses upright on his face from where they had been crushed against his right temple. He gently smacked Tony's arm, shoving Tex's hat away from his face, "Hey, ace, it's time." He said quietly, peering out the car window and into the night.
Tony pushed himself into a sitting position, popping the bones in his shoulders and neck, "Did he call yet?"
Alfred shook his head as he stepped out of the car, "Not yet, but I set that alarm for ten minutes 'fore our rendezvous, so we could get a head start." He opened the backseat and stuck his hand underneath the middle section of the seat and pulled out his trusty six shooter and pair of dirty knucklebusters.
Tony glanced up at him when he walked around the car, doing a double take at the weapons he was shoving onto his person, "Are sure we're going to need those, Al?"
"Nah, I just like to be prepared. A good intimidation is almost as important as the actual mission."
Tony stared at him for a moment, and Alfred got the feeling if he had a more human face he'd be making a pretty dumbfounded expression, before shrugging and pulling out a wicked looking weapon, all blinking lights and smooth edges. Alfred leaned closer to it, reaching out to touch before Tony yanked it away from him, "Where you been hiding this beauty, Tones?"
"You're not ready for that answer."
Alfred blinked at that, before deciding if Tony thought he wasn't ready, he probably wasn't. He jerked his head in the direction of the airbase, and started walking. He could hear Tony shuffle behind him before he ran back to the car for something. Alfred shook his head, for all the time they spent in that hunk of metal, Tony sure was unwilling to leave it. The alien eventually caught back up to him, huffing out of his nostrils and cursing up a storm. In his own language, of course, but there were a few minor English ones in there! Now he really wanted to take him to a UN meeting; he'd fit right in.
"Here."
Cool glass touched his exposed forearm, and Alfred turned to see an unopened Coke-Cola bottle being handed to him. Tony was still breathing hard, his little gray feet leaving little stubby footprints behind him, "Gods, just take it, Al! I nearly gave myself a hernia trying to catch up with you!" He huffed out, shaking the bottle lightly.
Alfred let out a little laugh, before grabbing it and popping off the cap. He took a long swig, savoring the almost lukewarm soda before handing it over to Tony. The alien looked up at the glass, probably looking at Alfred with some expression he wouldn't be able to decipher, before taking a sip himself, and passing it back.
The rest of the walk over was quiet, with both of them taking turns drinking up the last of the soda in the dark of night. A quarter-mile away from the rendezvous point, the walkie-talkie crackled to life, "Allie, we got a major problem!"
Tony snatched the device from Alfred's hands, "What is it!? Is it my ship?" He yelled, his voice pitching somehow higher.
Some more crackling sounded from the radio, and the sound of some men yelling. Alfred wrestled the walkie-talkie from Tony's grip, "Hello? Texas, respond!"
"Can't–you–Harry's he–dammit!"
The radio cut out entirely, which made both Alfred and Tony tense up. A commotion could be heard in the distance, making both of them glance at each other before they began to run towards the facility. Taking pains to go around the multiple vehicles still parked outside the entrance doors, and entering through the side door Texas had left ajar with a small rock, they silently entered the half done building.
It was dark inside, which was to be expected, except Tony's eyes apparently glinted in the dark like a cat's which was not what they needed at the moment. He and Alfred ducked into an empty storage closet, wanting to try Texas one last time before entering the rest of the mission blind, "Lone Star, are you there?" He whispered.
Thirty seconds of tense silence passed, before the walkie-talkie clicked, "Yeah, yeah, I'm here." Texas sounded out of breath, but Alfred could hear the grin on his face, "I gave 'em the ol' run around. I think they're heading in the opposite direction to you."
"Where are you right now?"
"Up in the rafters." Alfred rolled his eyes, somehow Texas always managed to end up at the highest vantage point without being in the sky itself, "Actually I'm overlooking a certain aircraft right now."
Tony lunged forward, pulling the hand Alfred was holding closer to his face, "You see it!? Is it okay? Please tell me there isn't anything that'll make my 'rents insurance go up!"
"Ehhh, s'hole in the side…but it's pretty small."
"A hole!?" Tony whined, "Are you fucking serious!?" Alfred glanced at Tony in surprise at the profanity. For all he and Tex's 'swear swapping' Tony hadn't used any in conversation yet. He'd almost forgotten entirely that his brother had probably made it his mission to impart as many cuss words as possible to Tony.
"Yeah," Tex held out the last syllable, and some rustling was heard over the line, "Everythin' else looks good though. Looks like even your bumper stickers are intact."
"Oh great, it's good to know my tahnra's Honor Society sticker made it through your death planet's atmosphere and not the entire hull!"
Alfred shushed him, shoving a hand over where Tony's mouth would be, though he wasn't entirely sure that would stop noise from escaping. He yanked the walkie-talkie away from his frantic friend, turning away so he could speak to Texas, "Alright, Lone Star, gimme the specs and we'll be there."
Texas rattled off some directions through what he called 'a goddamn labyrinth of hallways, I swear people ain't got no sense–' and how long he thought the guards and officials would be distracted. After that Alfred signed off and he and Tony began to creep through what he had to assume was going to be the office part of the building. Exposed wires hung over their heads and their footsteps echoed in the empty hallways. About ten minutes into their trek, Alfred had to admit that Texas was right about this place being built to confuse people. Probably built to confuse them specifically, since he had a feeling this…whatever it was going to be was going to stay off limits for he and Tex for a long time.
Luckily, Alfred's feet had never led him astray and they eventually found a pair of wide double doors with what looked like the beginnings of a set of hazard stripes stenciled right before the entrance. He snuck a glance behind him, before grabbing the heavy doors and shoving them aside. Tony just about ran inside, nearly setting off an old fashioned tripwire, before Alfred snatched him off the ground and over his head. Alfred glared up at Tony, setting him gently on his shoulder, before angrily pointing where a sliver of moonlight glinted off it.
"A tripwire, are you for real?" Tony whispered, leaning over his head to see it better, "You guys live in the damn Stone Age."
Alfred just shook his head as he stepped over the wire and into the room entirely. It was the size of the warehouse he used to work at when he was in the iron industry. Of course, this facility had a fire escape near the back and looked like it was concerned about airflow. He began to walk slowly through the open space, keeping an out for any late night workers taking a break in what was probably a good spot to get away from their coworkers. There was a lot of strange stuff in here, big switch boards with blinking technicolor screens and pieces of floating black goo behind bullet proof glass. The goo made him a little nervous to be honest, so he sped past it even as Tony yanked his hair to stop. He was whispering something about meteorite matter and Galaxy System: 4523-001.
"You find it yet, Star n Stripes?"
Alfred jumped at the sudden noise. His walkie-talkie at its quietest was still incredibly loud in the vastness of this room. Above him Tony flinched as well, but covered it up sliding down and off his shoulder. Once Tony was back on the ground, they began moving again, and Alfred raised the radio to his lips, "Negative. You back at the car?"
"'Bout half a mile out. Figured I should walk around the perimeter to make sure they hadn't called backup."
Alfred passed an old tablet slab with some gibberish that even his hindbrain couldn't place geographically, "Should I be worried about the feds showing up while I'm here with a literal alien?"
"Nah, all they saw was a construction worker that got lost looking for his hat." The wind picked up over the line, blowing out what Texas said next.
"What was that last part?"
"Huh? Oh, uh, just that you should know that said construction worker has an irrational fear of the President…heh."
"Harry's here!? Texas!" Alfred whisper-yelled. He reached out for Tony's hand and began to pull him forward.
"Don't worry! I threw him off our trail!" Texas said breezily. "I started yellin' in Italian. They'll never know it was us 'long as you don't get caught that is."
"Italian? Texas, that is like the same thing as Spanish!" He said as they sped walked through the rows and rows of increasingly uncomfortable objects, ignoring the ones that made noise when they passed.
"I guarantee you it is not."
Tony suddenly slapped his arm, "There it is!" He said, before taking off towards a surprisingly small and very circular vehicle. Alfred looked back at the door they came from, listening as hard as he could for any signs of movement. When he was sure he could hear nothing but his own pulse, he ran to catch up. Tony was already in the ship when he got there, fiddling with the controls and checking for stolen goods. He looked up when Al tapped gently on the window. It opened up vertically, causing him to take a step back in surprise. That was cool as hell. "Bastards took my learner's permit and the license plate, can you believe that?"
Alfred hesitated before nodding, "They do that."
Then, Alfred felt a chill go down his spine. His head snapped back to the entrance, and saw light dancing underneath what was left of the half-installed door. Voices could be heard approaching, and Alfred was suddenly very aware that their good luck had run out, and they needed a large escape route ASAP. He glanced around frantically, trying to find a way out without having to bust one open himself. That would definitely give him away.
Beside him Tony was pulling levers and pushing buttons, looking like he was trying to get the things to start up, but it was stalling, "Al, do you still have that little piece of metal you ripped from my ship back on the ranch?"
Alfred blinked, so he was being watched that night, "Uh–yeah, I think so!" He shoved around his pockets until he found that perfect little circle of metal, "Here!" He tossed it into Tony's waiting hands. Immediately the metal jumped from his palm and into the little hole that was apparently holding up the entire engine system.
The sound of footsteps were getting louder by the second, and Alfred was beginning to think that he was going to have to break out Tex's brass knuckles on some poor schmuck. Until he saw what looked like a camouflage roll up door on the opposite side of the building. It was a straight shot from where the ship was painstakingly booting up, but it ran the risk of the men, who were now heaving the overturned door out of the way.
"Leave the hatch open." He said, getting in position to run, "And when the door opens go up and to the left." Tony glanced at him, then their escape, and finally to the first suit that had made it into the room, before nodding.
With that Alfred was off like a shot. The men saw him shooting across the widest row, their flashlights hitting his back and the heel of his shoes. They all started shouting at him to stop and put his hands up, and he could hear them clicking off the safety of their fancy government issued guns. He jumped over the final artifact, a set of buzzing fish circling each other in a tank of fucshia water, as the first bullet whizzed by him.
"Shit." He hissed, trying to gently grab the handles of the roll up door so as to not leave finger indents, "Uh! Vino! Carbonara! Adoro gli abiti eleganti e i sigari! Mi arrendo! Mi arrendo!" He screamed, trying to imitate Romano but in a scary and non-pitiful way.
The door gave under his strength, thankfully without leaving any evidence of a World Power's strength, and rattled up just as Tony barreled towards him. He tilted the saucer on its side, the glass compartment open and a hand out for him. Alfred took one last look at the suits running at him, before leaping into the ship and slamming the glass down. Tony jerked the ship up right the moment they cleared the door. The sounds of bullets being absorbed by the hull and pinging off the glass made Alfred cackle in awe. This was the coolest thing he's ever done!
Eventually they were too far up for the guns to reach them and they began their slow flight ten miles in the opposite direction before circling back to where Texas was no doubt pulling out a few celebratory bottles of Jack Daniels. At the thought of Tex, Alfred pulled out the walkie-talkie, still somehow functional, "Tex! Mission accomplished!"
The radio crackled to life, distorted from the increased distance, "Hell yeah, brothers!" A car door opened, "You in the stars yet, Allie? I'm jealous!"
Alfred laughed, bragging about their daring escape, Tony's intense evasive maneuvers and how beautiful the night was from where they were. Omitting that they were about as high as a commercial flight was. The talk continued for around fifteen minutes before Tex came into view. He was sitting on the hood of their car, a bottle in his hand and his hat sitting next to him. When he caught sight of the saucer, he could almost hear Texas' shout of excitement before he started waving his hat around and making that funny little chirruping sound he did when they were alone.
Of course, that was the moment headlights came into view. Texas' waving became much more frantic as around a dozen black cars came down the winding road. He ducked back into the car, and Alfred hoped the feds didn't notice their day old tire tracks. Their luck had really turned though, because the second he thought that the first car turned towards where Texas was hiding, flashing their lights in his direction and catching a flare off of the DeLuxe.
Tony glanced down then, swore, then grabbed Alfred's walkie-talkie, "I got this, but you're gonna have to trust me. Also I hope your brother has a high tolerance for radiation poisoning." Putting the radio near his face he spoke quietly, "Texas, stay in the car."
"Wha–"
The alien then slammed on a green button near the windshield.
A bright green light began to descend from the bottom of the ship. It slowly stretched out to Tex and the DeLuxe, its pale green waves encircling it and then lifting it off the ground. Alfred swore, Texas swore, and Al was pretty sure the suits in their cars swore. Tony just cackled, high pitched and confident.
"Uhm–I'm not hallucinating, right!?" Tex shouted into the walkie-talkie, the car tilting to the side as he stuck his head out of the driver's window, "Like you're both seeing this!?"
"Uh-huh." Alfred said blankly as the black cars became smaller and smaller until they were nothing but specks.
Texas let out a hysterical laugh, "This is the best day of my life!" His head smacked the back of the seat, "I'm in a bonafide flying car!" More laughter crackled over the line, "And you're in a spaceship!"
Alfred let out a startled laugh of his own, "I am! I really am!" He rubbed a hand over his face, catching a glimpse of Tony at the wheel, "And we have an alien best friend!"
"I know!"
Tony let out a snort at that, "Best friend, huh?"
"Hell yeah, brother! We robbed the government together, you're stuck with us!" Texas yelled over the line.
Tony glanced over at him for a second, questioning. As if Alfred ever felt any different than Tex did when it came to relationships. He nodded anyway, throwing his arm around Tony's thin shoulders, "Yeah, ace. You ain't gettin' away that easy!"
Tony looked down at his hands gripping the control, and Alfred got the sense that if Tony could he'd be smiling, "Well, if that's the case. I bet you two wouldn't mind if I stuck around? Just until the end of the school year?" He asked quietly.
A smile overtook Alfred's face, and he knew he looked like an imbecile. As he looked out into the desert sky, though, he couldn't bring himself to care.
