A/N: Aoi confronts Aika, perhaps a touch too early, but is able to get something off their chest.
No matter how long Aoi was willing to wait, their heart still ached for a confrontation.
Call it selfish, but they had been craving for the day they saw her again, face-to-face, for weeks now. Something unsettled in their heart ever since the day they set foot back in Konoha.
Now that they knew what that feeling was, they were determined to extinguish it. Loneliness was hell, much more than anything they'd felt before. The kindness in Boruda's face, the silent affection the bluenette had shown them, the admiration of the children… for once, they truly felt like they belonged. For once, they felt like they were making a difference.
Aoi scanned the camp. It was just after dinner now, and they'd been looking for a certain young woman all day. Every time they thought they saw her, however, she would slink away without even acknowledging their presence. It stung for sure, but honestly, they were just relieved she wasn't glaring at them like the rest of the village.
They may not be saying anything about it, but Aoi could feel their scorn. Their hateful eyes and loud whispers followed them wherever they went, and even though the Mimei group kept any actual violence at bay, they could tell that they were only reluctantly protecting them.
More than ever, the loneliness was stifling. Suffocating. Not even Akiyama's neutral politeness could assuage the pangs in their chest. If it was forced, she mercifully didn't show it.
They glanced around once more, before they finally caught sight of the woman walking away from the general populace. Pausing to look over at the others, they quietly followed.
When they were both far enough away from camp, they called out, "Abe-san."
Aika froze.
"Please, I…" they trailed off for a moment. "I need to speak with you."
She didn't turn around.
"I know you're still… processing everything, and I know my being here is a bit of a shock, but…" they licked their dry lips, taking a tentative step forward. "I've been anticipating the day I can explain everything. Please, I can't wait anymore. Please speak to me."
A little too late, they remembered she was mute, right at the same time she did turn around and gave them a deadpan look.
They winced. "Ah... sorry."
The two adults stared at each other for several moments. When she looked at their visible eye, something in her expression seemed to wince, contorting into something almost pitying and sad.
Aoi decided they hated the sight of her pity more than her hatred.
Her eyes quickly schooled themselves into something more unreadable and her lips pressed into a line.
"(Fine,)" she signed. "(But we will be chaperoned at all times by an officer I trust.)"
They chose to look past the intensity in her stare and the rigidness in her hands.
"Of course," they nodded.
She let out a tiny, soundless sigh, before beckoning to someone behind them. Aoi turned to see Boruda stalking closer to them both, his face twisted sourly.
"Igurashi," he greeted stiffly.
"Boruda-san."
"Call me Hirano."
"R… right," Aoi nodded tentatively. "Hirano-san."
"Let's go." The ginger-haired man grunted, roughly patting their back.
Aoi startled at the touch, but obediently followed Aika as she turned and silently walked away from the village and into the forest. The foliage was a welcome reprieve from the harsh sun, and the sweat on their brow cooled quickly in the shadows.
It only took about a minute, but when she stopped, she was standing in front of a small clearing, in which a quiet pond was in the middle. She arched an eyebrow at them, waiting for them to speak.
Aoi looked around, only to find Boruda leaning against a tree several feet away, arms folded across his broad chest and staring their way.
They turned back to her and sighed, wringing their hands together. "So. Um."
Aika didn't move. Her expression didn't change.
"I know you're, uh, probably wondering why I came back here." They cleared their throat awkwardly, gesturing vaguely. "Y'know. After, um… that."
She nodded slightly to their relief, a small gesture to encourage them to continue.
"I… I never got the chance to properly apologize for my role in the raid." They ran their hand through their hair, briefly exposing their wrappings before the fringe fell across their cheek again. "Nor have I had the chance to apologize for… for him."
To the naked eye, the woman's face remained passive - but they could see the way her eyes minutely tightened, the way her mouth made a slight turn.
"Before I tell you about… him, I need to confess something." They took a chance and clasped their hands together. "I've come to feel deeply for you, Abe-san. Things that have scared me. Things that I don't quite understand."
Aika blinked, her face flushing a petal pink.
"It's the main reason I betrayed the capital just to come back." They sighed, shaking their head. "I had to see you again. I had to repent for what I've done. I had to give you - and Mimei - at least some kind of recompense."
"I don't want to deflect blame, because in the end…" they hesitated, before looking up and into her face. "I was jealous. Of him."
"I remember seeing you two when I visited the palace as a guard. I… I remember always looking and envying what I saw." Their eyes were downcast again, their hands gripping their shirt. "I hated that he had what I never got the chance for. Even though he was a coward, too softhearted to even kill a snake… he got you. He got the chance for a normal life. A partner. A family. And I… admittedly, I hated him for it."
They heard Aika's sharp intake of breath. Her unasked question hovered over them like a thick cloud. Did you?
Aoi closed their eye in shame. "And… and when I had the chance… when my superior told me to sniff out the double-agent in our ranks… I saw my chance and I took it."
"I did… unspeakable things that night." Their voice wavered. "Things I never, ever want to think about again, yet they're things I have to face the consequences for. Both to you… and to the gods."
They didn't dare look up, even as they heard rustling clothing and saw Aika's shoes coming closer.
"Nothing can ever compare to the shame I feel for having…" the words clogged their throat, and they had to swallow before continuing. "I… I can't…"
The woman's gentle hand on their cheek, cupping the flesh so softly, that they startled and looked up with dewy tears on their lashes.
Aika's countenance was solemn, her eyes full of pity and sadness. Her lips were curved into a mirthless, wry smile, and though her hand was gentle upon their cheek, her nails were curved to dimple the skin. An effective, silent warning of what she could inflict, the thrum of her chakra pulsing in time with her heartbeat, slow and deliberate.
She gingerly brushed her thumb across their bottom lid and their lashes fluttered, before she let go and signing.
"(I'm not ready to forgive your crimes,)" she explained. "(But I can grant you a truce. Just…)" she hesitated, taking a shuddery breath before signing, her fingers trembling, "(Please let me have some time to myself. I need to… process things.)"
"I can give you all the time you need," they replied, some weight lifting from their shoulders. "I'm glad you let me speak to you. Thank you, Abe-san."
She tried to smile.
"Alright, playtime's over," Boruda interrupted. "C'mon, hotshot. Back to camp. Don't make me carry you like a sack."
A/N: Please tell me what you thought.
